


Love Game

by Noworneverlife4



Category: A Star is Born (2018)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2019-10-04 16:44:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 104,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17308169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noworneverlife4/pseuds/Noworneverlife4
Summary: How things could have gone.





	1. Heavy metal lover

This was her answer clear as day staring right up at her from the shiny hotel bathroom countertops. They rarely got the chance to stay in a place long enough to unpack so to feel the luxurious bedsheets and fall into a soft mattress at night, actually early morning, with her husband was an absolute delight. The fact that she hasn’t been able to fully enjoy their week long stay in Arizona was now making sense. The headaches, the dizzy spells, the sudden nausea throughout the day. She was pregnant, and Ally didn’t have a clue how this could have happened. She’d been overly cautious. Overly paranoid. Never missed a pill. Not in the 10 plus years since she started birth control.  
Ally breathed out a shaky “How?” As her eyes welled with tears. Sitting herself down on the cold tile she was scared to move. Scared to let a single tear fall, scared to even breath another ounce of air. Then it happened when she blinked a thick tear away and couldn’t stop the rest from following. A baby. Jackson’s baby.  
She looked at her phone and picked herself up off the floor. 11:55. Jack was probably wrapping up his night and will have known by now she bailed early. He’d told her not to push herself if she wasn’t feeling well but she insisted she couldn’t miss a show, couldn’t let down Jacks fans, who were quickly becoming her fans. Their Arizonian fans. This week was huge for them, it was supposed to go off with no incident. She would definitely call this an incident. She knew she had an hour tops until he walked through the door and she needed to know how she was going to present herself. She knew he would be able to see right through her. He could could read her like a book. She grabbed the tests and boxes and shoved them in an empty suitcase. As if that would solve it all. Shower. She needed a shower.  
Ally dozed off once she laid down on the giant fluffy couch waiting for Jack. A kiss to the forehead and a murmured “Want to move to the bed?” Woke her. She opened her eyes as he knelt into a crouch and smiled.  
“I’m sorry your feeling so terrible, what can I do?” He whispered.  
“Nothing. I’m fine. I just got so sick right before my last song I couldn’t do it.” She said as she sat up holding a hand over her mouth.  
“Bobby told me you had Ramon bring you back. You know I want you to use a driver. It’s safer for you. But It’s fine, sometimes we get sick, sometimes we have to take care of ourselves, as performers ya know? Listen I’m gonna grab a shower, you should get in bed. I’ll be quick.” he was gone and Ally decided she couldn’t hold off on telling him. He was her best friend, her secret keeper, her biggest fan and the most loyal husband. She almost burst into tears right then and there thinking about him as a father. Getting up and following him into the bathroom, she scooped up his clothes, put them in the dirty, and sat on the toilet. No wonder she was peeing so much. How was her body changing so fast? A baby. Her mind was racing. All while Flushing the toilet and washing her hands she watched jack stand under the shower stream. He caught her eyes in the mirror, “Like what you see?” He winked.  
“You know I do.” She murmured quietly and smiled back. She went to the closet and stuck one of the tests into her bra strap under her shirt and went to get into bed. Turning all the lights off except the bedside lamps and deadbolting the door she went and sat Indian style on top of the covers. Little did Jack know She had Ramon take her because he was the only one she trusted to buy a pregnancy test for her.  
Just when she thought she was going to back out the man himself walked in brushing his fingers through his wet hair. Shirtless non the less.  
“Anything you need before bed? Feeling okay?” He says with a concerned look.  
“Jack...” she starts, and goes to say more but no words come. Just a shuddering breath.  
“Al, baby why are you crying?” He slides into bed and try’s to wrap his arms around her. She flinches slightly and stands up starting to pace as she fails to control herself. A full minute passes and she knows he’s waiting for her to continue. He’s always been that way. Constantly listening and trying to do his best by her. Always patient letting her vent about anything or anyone. Always there to turn her mood around. They both could sense this was different and he couldn’t take it anymore.  
“I feel like there’s been something going on with you. I’ve tried to let you come to me, but, Ally you have never since I’ve known you shied away from my touch. Your worrying me.” His gravely voice had a hint of emotion and she knew how much pushing away from him hurt him.  
Ally stopped and looked right into his face dreading the sudden change that would immediately follow her next sentence. Good or bad. She didn’t want to be different to him. They had a beautiful life together and she wasn’t ready for that to change. God she was selfish.  
“Jackson...I’m pregnant...” she chokes out.  
He stares at her unblinking and then leans his back into the headboard and looks at the ceiling.  
“Your pregnant.” He deadpans. Ally couldn’t tell what emotion was behind those blue eyes she finds herself swimming in.  
She takes the pregnancy test out of her bra and tosses it on the bed. He stares at it and picks it up gently, holding it like it could explode any second.  
“I don’t know how or when but I peed on a stick a couple of hours ago and it’s positive.” She says slightly louder now, annoyed that she can’t get a gauge on him. He’s silent and is still looking down with his eyebrows furrowed. “Jack look at me.” Ally demands gently. The second their eyes meet she regrets asking because the hysteria she has been feeling all day threatens to break through.  
“I know I’ve had a little bit longer to process this but I need you to say something, Jack. Anything. I’m sorry, I-I-I have no idea how or-or when, but I’m pregnant and I can’t change that.” She stammers on and then adds quietly, “and I’m so fucking terrified...”  
Jack clears his throat and moves over so he’s sitting facing her. “Darlin’ be quiet and come over here. I’m about to fall to pieces and I want to do it while my wife is holding me in her arms.” She walks over slowly, sits in his lap and he lays his head on her chest while he presses her into him. She feels hot wet tears through her shirt and she lets her restrained sobs finally free. 

Jack watches his beautiful wife stand there in his T-shirt, looking utterly small and hopeless, her long legs so perfect he’d give anything for them to be wrapped around his waist. She whispers the words “I’m so fucking terrified” and he could have kicked his own ass for being so insensitive to her in this moment. Of course shes fucking terrified. She’s 32 years old starting her career, with a lot of people dependent and demanding of her time and he, the royal fuck up he is just added the biggest of all. A baby. Ally’s baby. The second she sits on his lap, feels her touch, her magic touch he full on believes he gets a high from, he crumbles. He cannot and will not hold the tears in any longer. He breathes in her hair, her skin, squeezes her body and tells her he loves her. Her sobs are tearing his guts out. He had visualized their life with kids sure. Watched his band mates kids run with Charlie on the beach, watched Ally roast marshmallows with them around their firepit, watched her clean their little faces and kiss their chubby cheeks. But a baby? He saw her hold noodles sleeping baby once and as she stared at his small sleeping face and traced the outline of his features with her fingers Jacks heart, swear to god, fell into his stomach. He loved it. But his baby? He thought he was lucky to have Ally, to feel the type of love she freely and genuinely wanted to give him. He hadn’t lived his life well enough to have a cherry on top of the sundae. Now, as he held his wife, he saw it all. Her stomach growing round and full. His baby moving for him as he palms her belly at night. Driving her to the hospital when she goes into labor. Holding her hand as she brings their child into the world. Although he now remembers one of the guys saying it’s the leg you hold. Whatever that means. He’ll know soon enough he supposes. Seeing her become a mother. Now that was a prospect he was scared as fuck was going to get ripped away from him. Jack was a man of few words, unless it was in a song of course. He realized she was probably scared shitless of his reaction, and even now probably wondered what his tears meant. He pulled away and grabbed both sides of her face. Looking into those fathomless green eyes he is finally able to say “I want it all with you Al. I want it all.” He barely recognizes his own voice. She wipes his tears away and that smile he gets butterflies over has returned. “I love you Jackson Maine.” she says oh so softly against his lips. “Hold that thought, I think I’m going to be sick” and with that she scampers To the bathroom. He follows her just in time to see her fall onto her knees and bend over the toilet. He fills up a glass of water and sits down behind her and rubs his hand along her back. He notices how huge it looks on her. She’s so fucking small and he swears she’s lost weight. All week she has refused to let him in while she was sick. Now it’s different. Now it’s the both of them.


	2. Angel down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing can ever stay the same, and Ally is realizing that their life is on the path she never thought they’d take.

As soon as the nurse shut the door to go let the doctor know they were ready, Jack was kissing Ally’s lips softly. After a few seconds he pulled back to look in her face.  
“I can feel the waves of nerves coming off you darlin’, take a deep breath. You okay?” She nodded her head and pulled him back to her.  
“Im just worried. What if something’s wrong? I won’t be able to live with myself because I’ve been so upset about this whole thing to begin with.”  
“First of all, If something was wrong it would never be your fault. Secondly, everything looks great so far. I’m right here, okay? You and me?” He smiles and moves her hair off her shoulder.  
“You and me.” She replies sighing into his embrace. 

The loud quick rapt of the door knocking and suddenly opening put a sudden knot in her chest.  
“Alright let’s have you lay down and unbutton your top button if you don’t mind.”  
Dr. Matthews is not a stranger and Ally has always felt at ease and completely trusted this man.  
“Baby is pretty low with how early you are.” He explains. He lays a clean towel over her lap and squirts some cold liquid gel on her lower abdomen. Her shirt is tucked up and she can’t help but notice how flat and toned her stomach is. She can’t imagine it changing.  
He flips the machine on and puts the probe on her skin. She looks at Jack and he grabs her hand with both of his, and has her other arm behind her head. She can’t bring herself to look at the screen. Instead focusing solely on Jackson’s expression. Their eyes are locked until a loud whoosh fills the room and his eyes shift slightly to the left.  
She can feel the probe moving, pushing harder than she thought he would. She wondered if he was looking for something they weren’t going to find. Her husbands mouth opens and his eyebrows raise. She’s never seen that look on his face before. The whooshing sound changes into a faster thumping and Dr Matthews says proudly,  
“There we go. That’s your baby.”  
Ally is still staring at Jacks face when he looks to her and says, “Al...look.”  
She finally turns her head and sees what’s made her life turn upside down and inside out. A black circle with a smaller white thing inside of it. Inside of the white was a smaller dark circle which was flashing away. Pointing to the smallest dark spot the doctor says,  
“Thats your baby’s heartbeat. Sounds perfect.”  
He goes on to explain a few other things she knew were important, but she had a hard time understanding anything else. Her silent tears streamed down her cheeks and dripped down her neck. She was squeezing Jacks hand tightly and she could feel his eyes on her, but she suddenly couldn’t look away from that little blob on the screen.  
“Oh my god...” she says in a whisper. She felt Jacks lips on her fingers and looked over at him. He leaned in and pecked her once, twice, three times on the mouth.  
“Looks like your measuring eight weeks and five days, which puts your due date as...” he is waiting for the measurements to come back.  
“September tenth.” He smiles and pushes another button which send some images to printing.  
“Oh my god...” she says again. It seems to be the only words she can remember. 

 

Ally had been home alone for the last three and a half weeks. She had strict orders to take it easy and let her body rest, which she accepted happily, although not entirely guilt free. She had taken time off from the tour due to ‘health concerns’ and she hoped that nobody caught on as to what that health concern was. She wasn’t ready to share their secret with the world. Not yet. 

She had started lightly bleeding soon after her first doctors appointment and she knew she needed some time to wind down. They made the joint decision that she should go home. She didn’t want to leave and the thought of being away from Jack had sent her into a frenzy. He was worried about her and the well being of the baby so much he wanted to up and cancel the rest of the dates. She wouldn’t hear of it and convinced him they would be in constant contact and if anything happened he was just a couple hours away. To her that felt like he was across the world. 

The weeks felt long but so relaxed and exactly what she needed. Of course she missed her husband, but being here, in their home with Charlie, her dad visiting every couple of days. It was perfection. Taking Jacks old truck on drives through their little mountain town, stopping at the smaller market to get groceries, people were so respectful of her and Jack just smiling and waving if they even cared. Driving herself to her appointments was a breath of fresh air. She felt normal for the first time in months. 

She hadn’t bled or had any sort of spotting for two weeks. Her doctor assured her it was somewhat normal and she was doing everything she could do on her end. She was planning on staying home for another two, but was anxious to get back out there. She loved her time alone but her life was music, Jack, her fans, she missed it all. She was planning on talking to Jack and Bobby about what she thought she could handle, and Rez, well she couldn’t even think about him just yet. 

Jack was heading home tonight for a long weekend, she had walked Charlie along his favorite trail and finished picking up the house. She had steak fajitas ready to warm as soon as her man walked in the door. She couldn’t wait to sit down to a meal at home all alone. She lit her favorite scented candle in the kitchen and looked around. Everything was clean and cozy.  
With nothing else to do she picked up her phone and headed to the bedroom to put fresh sheets on and fluff all the pillows that she yearned for when she was on the road. She had a feeling that would get worse over the next few months. 

“Hi sweetie, just checking in. Your probably getting ready to go just wanted to hear your voice one more time. God I can’t wait to see you...” She tossed her phone on the bed and stripped down for a shower. He was going to be home in three hours tops. She didn’t know why she was so disappointed when he didn’t answer or call her right back. 

Once she was in the shower with the water pounding her back she knew she wasn’t going to be able to get out any time soon. Hot, long showers were her vice if you could call it one. She washed her hair thoroughly and shaved and scrubbed every last bit of her body.  
The doorbell must have rang because Charlie was out there loosing his shit. That dog. She called for him a few times and told him to be quiet, he usually calmed down the second someone left the driveway but this was ongoing.  
Just as she was about to turn the water off the shower curtain slid open slightly and she let out a screech she had never heard herself make before. There, staring at her through the crack was her drop dead gorgeous husband with a shit eating grin plastered on his face. He was patient enough to get his shoes, socks, and jeans off and then he was in the shower with his arms around her smooth, slick body.

“For fucks sake Jackson you scared the hell out of me!” She yelled slapping at his rock solid chest. Then she started laughing and crying at the same time.

“I’m sorry darlin’,” he said kissing her mouth fervently. “We had the chance to take off a few hours early I didn’t even have time to call you and then,” he continued kissing her neck and shoulders. “I just didn’t want to tell you, and oh my god...,” he pulled away grinning, as she peeled his shirt off of him. “This was definitely the best case scenario.” 

They didn’t talk. They didn’t kiss. They just stood there under the water. Jack had her pinned against the cold tile with their foreheads pressed together until the water ran chilly. 

“I missed you,” she whispered with her eyes closed.  
“I won’t ever fuckin do that again Ally.” He said seriously. “I can’t.”  
Breaking the spell he reached over and turned the water all the way off, grabbed a towel and helped Ally dry her hair slightly. Stepping out of the tub he picked her up by the waist while she wrapped her arms and legs around him. He carried her through the bathroom, into their bedroom and laid her on the bed without breaking eye contact. She was lying there completely bare before him and neither of them felt compelled to move. 

Reaching up she scrapped her nails along his jawline, not used to him without facial hair. He certainly had plenty of scruff but the beard was gone. His eyes closed on their own accord and when they opened again they roved her features. He bent down and kissed her nose and smiled down at her. He looked at her lips down her long neck, and focused on her breasts for so long she almost felt an actual giggle erupt.  
His eyes darted up to her eyes then down again, drinking in the sight of her. He ran his fingertips along her thighs over her knees and down her shins. He then scooted her body up the bed until her head was on a pillow. 

Jack stood up and Ally watched him finally peel his soaking wet boxer briefs down his legs. He chucked them towards the closet and completely missed. They hit the wall with a loud thud, slipping down the wall to the floor. She put a hand over her mouth when the earlier giggle decided to make its presence fully known. 

“You think that’s funny do you?” He teased as he crawled up the bed towards her.  
She couldn’t stop smiling at him. The sun was just deciding to set out the window and he was cast in the most delicious light she’d ever seen. He was staring at her face again and she realized he was seeing the same thing she was. 

“You look like you could catch on fire right now baby...” he whispered as he played with a strand of her dyed red hair.  
His hands went on roaming her body. Feeling the length of her arms and lifting them above her head, down her sides along her torso. Never touching where they both knew they both wanted him to actually touch.  
Staring at her breasts and stomach she suddenly was hit with the knowledge that he was seeing her for the first time in almost a month. Naked, in the light of day. She also knew that her body didn’t look the same. She was fourteen weeks along now with a small, but obvious swell to her lower abdomen when she was laying flat. It felt as if he was seeing her for the first time.

“Don’t look at me like that...” she whispers.  
“Like what?” He looks into her face with clear and utter adoration.  
“Like I’m different now...” she barely can get the words out with the lump in her throat.  
“Oh Al, you are different,” he tells her, and then continues, “your tits are fuckin huge!” 

She laughs and grabs his face to kiss his lips.  
“There’s my husband the sweet talker.”  
She pushes his shoulders to make him roll over and straddles his lap. She begins to take his length inside of her because she just can’t take him not being any closer, but it’s been a few weeks and even when it hasn’t been long it’s not something that just happens quickly for them. Nothing is small about this man of hers. Not his life, his reputation, his voice, or his body. 

“Jackson, help me.” She murmurs.  
He sits up to meet her lips, kissing and biting softly, lingering for a long while, forcing her body to relax into his. He brings her arms around his neck and grabs hold of her backside. He’s kissing down her throat and works his way down, bringing a nipple into his mouth sucking hard. Ally jumps slightly and grabs onto his hair. 

“Ahhh they’re sore, that feels good but just ... they’re sore. I’m sorry.”  
He immediately takes his mouth off of her breast and is breathing heavy.  
“I’m sorry baby. I’m sorry, don’t you say sorry.” He laughs. “Tell me if it’s too much for you. If I don’t know then you tell me, promise?”  
“It’s not too much, it’s not.” She’s devouring his mouth now and he rolls her onto her back and finishes pushing into her as gently as he ever has. 

He is scared to move. Scared to breath. Reading his thoughts Ally brings his face down to hers and nibbles at his chin and neck.  
“Touch me. Kiss me.”  
She brings his hand up to one of her breasts and pushes his head down to the other. He’s barely touching her, barely moving his lips against her soft skin. She’s sensitive as hell. All he can focus on is the noises she making. He doesn’t understand how he is capable of pleasing this perfect creature but it’s always been this way for them and he’ll forever be indebted to whatever deity there ends up being. From the very beginning he knew she was never forcing it, never putting on a show. She once told him it had never been like that for her before and he laughed out loud because he couldnt imagine her any other way than the way she was with him. He worshiped her body. He didn’t even have to try. He wasn’t just taking pleasure from it, that was a bonus. 

Ally starts lightly stroking her fingertips over his shoulders and down his back.  
“Move...oh God I need you to move...” she begs.  
He pushes himself up onto his hands and starts to move. She’s staring at his face and he couldn’t look away from hers to save his own life. 

“You feel so damn good darlin’.” He rasps out. He can sense her body is needing more and so he starts moving a little faster, a little harder. After a few thrusts She moans incoherently and he knows he’s hit the right spot. 

“Don’t stop Jack. Don’t you fucking stop.” She pleads with him.  
“You tell me anything I’ll do it, you know that.” He reminds her.  
Not even ten seconds later she had come with a loud and literal cry. Watching her tears beginning to escape her closed eyes, he had held off as long as he could and collapsed on top of her biting the side of her neck, letting her tears fall onto his own cheeks. 

Ally’s body feels almost numb. She is completely sated and drifting off into oblivion in her own bed with her husband by her side, and Charlie at their feet. She startles when she feels Jack run his finger down the brim of her nose. 

“Sorry,” He says quietly, “I just love that nose of yours. Calls to me.” 

She turns her face towards his and sees him laying on his side, propping his head up with his arm. He is devastatingly handsome. He had trimmed his hair, his face shaved, it made him look younger. Sobriety, made him look younger. 

“You look so damn good honey,” she smiled as she pinched his chin between her thumb and forefinger. “Why do you look so damn good huh? It’s not just the haircut and shave I’ll tell you that.” 

“I dunno maybe it’s the green smoothie shit you make me drink for breakfast,” he smiles back. She laughs grabbing his free hand and kisses his fingers. He moves them over her lips and down her neck, taking the covers back exposing her body to him.  
“You really are so fucking beautiful Ally. Your body...,” he tries and fails to describe how he’s feeling, trailing his fingertips over her chest and towards her stomach. She saw his Adam’s apple bobbing, as if he wanted to say more but wasn’t. 

“Does it look different?” She asks, trying to keep him talking. She loved it when he communicated with her like this. 

“Different? Not really. Changed is a better word I’d say. God, your boobs,” He grunts as he gently squeezes one. She rolls her eyes but has to agree that they do look pretty awesome. He brings his hand down to her stomach, she catches his in hers and flattens his palm against the small hardened bump. 

“Does that feel changed?” She looks at him and he is staring at their joined hands with an expression she can’t read. He presses his hand harder into her skin and he nods his head yes. He finally meets her eyes and when he does she whispers, “that’s your baby.” 

Jacks face falls into the crook of his wife’s shoulder and he inhales the moment. “Thank you...” He whispers in her ear.


	3. The Fame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ally is back on tour with Jack, loving their life on the road. Jack watches his wife succeed and couldn’t be happier for her.

Ally left with Jackson on that Tuesday morning in March. Knowing they wouldn’t be back for good until June had her all sorts of emotional, but she refused to be left behind and Jack put up a pretty feeble fight over it. She got the complete okay from her doctor, and she knew the monthly appointments wouldn’t be hard to get back for.  
She was so grateful to her dad for taking Charlie, and she knew he was spoiled rotten by Lorenzo and the guys.  
“Don’t feed him too much table scraps dad, it’s not good for him!” Ally lectures her father as they are trying to leave.  
“Sweetheart don’t worry so much! You turned out fine didn’t you?” He says trying to shoo her out the door.  
“She turned out more than okay, that’s for sure.” Jack says and starts pulling Ally towards the door. “We gotta go, baby, they really don’t want to get a late start.” Jack gives Charlie a final pat down and strands back up. Ally sits in the floor and Charlie immediately lays in her lap.  
“You be a good boy,” She says kissing his head. She feels so guilty leaving him. “Next time we’re back it will be for a long while okay?” Her voice cracks and she starts to stand up. She wraps her arms around him and lets a few tears fall, she genuinely misses him when they’re gone.  
“You take care of yourself Ally,” her dad tells her sternly taking her into his arms. She just nods her head and hugs him back. “Jackson, you watch out for my little girl, and that grandchild of mine, you understand?”  
“Yes, sir.” He says slapping Lorenzo on the shoulder.  
“I’m proud of you both...” he says looking between their faces, “you’ll be back before you know it.”  
“Thank you dad. I love you. You’ll be at our last show in June...”  
“I wouldn’t miss it, and I’m gunna need extra tickets! I wanna show you off!” He shouts as they walk down the porch.  
“Yeah yeah yeah!” Ally laughs waving at him. 

Once they were in the air they briefly went over their schedule for the next couple of months. They had about twenty seven shows they were down for and that didn’t include the appearances, interviews, and events, Rez was hounding her about. She didn’t want to complain and she was perfectly capable and absolutely ecstatic that this is what she was doing.  
“You know I hate this event crap but I’m excited to do it with you.” Jack told her. “Takes some pressure off of me and like your dad said, I like to show you off...” 

Getting through the airport in New York and making their way to the hotel was utter chaos. She should be used to the chaos by now and she thought she was. This felt different, and once they were on the freeway, out of the demanding crowd Jack brought to her attention the reason why.  
“Damn Ally, did you notice what I did?” He smiles at her like she was God’s gift.  
“What do you mean?” She asks  
“It was all about you darlin’, every shout, every question, everything. That was all you.” He is looking like at her like he was so proud and she couldn’t help but laugh.  
“No it wasn’t Jack!” She exclaims, “I mean I’ve been off the grid, they are excited I’m back, but holy shit if you weren’t walking with me nobody would realize who I was.”  
It was his turn to laugh but he didn’t bother telling her she was wrong.  
Walking into the lobby she spotted Ramón and Bobby immediately and she started running to them. Ramón let out a holler and picked her up spinning her around. She was so glad he found a job on the tour. She loved him being here with her.  
“Oh baby girl it’s so good to see you!” He pulls back and grabs her by the shoulders. “Are you ready for this shit Ally? Because now that your back it’s about to go down!”  
“Oh my god! I’m so ready!” She says and pulls Bobby into a tight embrace.  
“Thank you for taking care of him...” she whispers into his chest and he pats her back saying, “he’s doing so well, Ally, and I couldn’t be happier for him.”  
Jack appears holding a couple of her bags and her jacket she had dropped.  
“Don’t worry, I got it all.” He teases.  
“God it’s good to be back...” she links her arm with Ramón and starts walking away.  
“Hey where you goin’” Jack asks behind them.  
“Feed me! I’m starving.” She meets her husbands eyes and in that moment she is fully content. 

Jack watches his wife sit down with the same woman he’s had to put up with for the last ten years. She’d made more passes at him than he could count, not that he’d tell Ally that, and this particular interviewer was full of loaded questions and bad intentions. They haven’t told anybody except for their managers and family that Ally was pregnant, but the world could sense something was going on.  
Thirty minutes ago Ally was hurling into a bag that their driver had tossed back just in time. The apparent morning sickness wasn’t just in the morning. Why the fuck is it called that then?  
Yet here she is, meeting with a long string of magazines and entertainment shows, handling herself like she’s been in the business for years, not the actual year it was. They’ve started to ask Jack less and less and Ally more and more. He’s thrilled by it and knows the direction her career is headed. He wants Ally to take off, and can’t wait to hold her hand along the way. 

“Ally, your back in the tour planning to finish up with your husband, is that correct?”  
“Absolutely! So thrilled to back!”  
“Well to be honest nobody understands why you left in the first place. Seems pretty crucial to be doing everything you can to promote your career right now, wouldn’t you agree?”  
“I completely agree, and I’m doing the very best I can managing my career, my marriage, and my health.” She answers without missing a beat.  
“Speaking of your health, there’s been speculations of pregnancy. Would you like to touch on that?”  
“That’s something I haven’t even heard,” she laughed, “but being in the industry I suddenly am aware of all the headlines that I’ve probably believed without thinking about them.” Damn she was good he grinned.  
“And your marriage? Did you really fall in love and marry Jackson Maine, troubled country rock star, with no strings attached? It seems a little convenient that he launched your career.”  
“Wow. Well yes. I very much married my husband with no strings attached. I know what I signed up for. Yes he absolutely launched my career. Very unplanned I might add. I met Jack in parking lot, and to be completely honest, tried pretty damn hard to keep my distance afterwards. Not because he is this ‘troubled country rockstar’ you mentioned, but because I knew I would fall absolutely and irrevocably in love with him. I begged him not to bring me on stage that first time, but after that I was hooked. I’ve been so lucky to have found success with him in more ways than one.”  
Snooty lady’s time was up and Rez has Ally standing and unhooking her mic immediately. Moving onto the next room. Ally thanked her and headed for the door. Jack grabbed his wifes ass on the way out. He felt bad leaving without giving her something to write about. 

Ally always loved the tour bus. Squeezing into a bunk with Jack and waking up somewhere new was one of her favorite things. Especially now that they were on their own bus, it was a dream. Sure people were always on and off with them but at the end of the day this was her safe place.  
It was the middle of the night somewhere between north and South Carolina when Ally wakes with a jolt. She slips out of the bunk and makes her way to the bathroom. She heaves and heaves and heaves until her body is sore. Jack is knocking and she can’t even tell him to leave her alone.  
“I’m comin’ in Al.” He states and then opens the door to the tiny room. He finds her head in the toilet, body shaking, and her shirt looks like she’s sweat through it. He kneels down and notices there isn’t even all that much she’s thrown up, but her body isn’t taking no for an answer. He knows that this probably won’t pass quickly. He goes and gets a pillow, new pajamas for her and sits on the tile floor. She’s sitting up with her eyes closed and so he puts the pillow in his lap and pulls her down to lay on it. He tries telling her to change but she doesn’t look like she wants to move. She falls asleep quickly and so Jack leans his head back against the wall and closes his eyes as well.  
They next day they’re still driving, they’re alone, and the days he gets to see her do nothing are gratifying to him, knowing she never feels the best. He decides to broach a sensitive topic.  
“Your four months pregnant Ally, you know we need to say something soon.” He looks at her with his eyebrows raised.  
She rolls onto her back and lifts up her shirt. “Oh come on there’s nothing to see here.” She raises her eyebrows right back. He leans over and palms her stomach. You definitely wouldn’t look at her and know, but he has noticed she’s been trying to hide it more, and when your looking at her bare stomach there is no concealing it. He doesn’t get why she wants to, it’s beautiful. Not to mention her breasts. God they were perfect, and more than the handful she was when they first met. He leans over and kisses her belly button, she pushes his head farther south and he’s only too happy to oblige.  
“A couple weeks. Just a couple more weeks...” she whispers into the air.  
There were definitely other reasons he loved driving days. 

The next month flew by. They were so busy that days blended together. Jack didn’t have time to think about the drugs and alcohol. Okay, maybe he thought about it, but he truly didn’t feel the pull he did before. He had thoughts of wanting a couple beers, and regrets that he had ruined himself to the point of not being able to have a normal relationship with alcohol. He also didn’t have the access quite like he did before. They had picked up a slightly different fan base, and some people had called him a sell out. He really didn’t give a damn. He was happy. He was addicted to Ally. He knew that wasn’t healthy, but fuck at least he was sober, and he felt like he was finally living. Not just surviving. 

They were laying in bed in a swanky hotel room in Nashville. It was one of their longer stays on the tour so they got off the bus for a few days. Jack had just drifted off to sleep when he heard his wife’s abrupt whisper, “Jack! Jack give me your hand,” she didn’t wait but grabbed it and placed it on her hard bump. “Wake up...can you feel that?” She shakes his arm, so he rolls over and slides up to her side. He presses his hand a little bit harder and she puts hers over his. “There...” she said, “did you feel that?”  
“I don’t think so...” he says and then right after changes his mind, “oh my god,” he hums into her ear. “I feel it...”  
“I think I’m ready to say something...” she muses.  
“I think that’s a good idea.” He says sleepily into her hair. 

Jack loved witnessing his wife excel. She was born to be watched, and he loved that he had a front tow seat. His shows were more powerful, more lively, and staright up more fun when she was with him. Rez had set up private, more intimate shows for just Ally along the way. He loved the nights he got to watch her stand alone. She was really building steam with the original songs she’s been working on, her image was all her, and more genuine than it had ever been. She had a way of making her go to look of tight ripped up jeans and cropped shirts sexy as hell, yet screamed ‘don’t fuck with me’ and she had an attitude to match. She was as sweet and she was wild and he absolutely adored her for it. Her performances were magic, and to top it off she’s being approached by so many labels and writers he can’t keep track. People were going crazy for her, and for them as a couple. When the news came out about her pregnancy she was nervous, but it only built momentum.  
They had about a month left til the went home and they were trying to soak up every moment. It was grueling and hard as hell on Ally. She never complained, never said no. She would fall into bed at night and try to close her eyes throughout the day constantly. She fell asleep in the car, in the makeup chair, always leaning against him when they were between interviews. He hated how tired and sick she felt, and he tried damn hard to make her life as easy as he could. Watching her grow into her pregnancy was amazing him. He loved feeling their baby move and Ally looked so healthy. She was fuckin gorgeous. They both knew it would never be this way again for them. Alone.

Ally didn’t think she could go out there. It was the end of the night and they only had two more songs but as she watched Jack finish and start to cue her in she instantly got nauseous. She waited a few seconds and started pacing. Jack met her eyes and he signaled for the guys to go into another round. She walked off side stage and hit the nearest bathroom. Good think Jackson Maine was known for his long musical intros. She could here ‘out of time’ being played repeatedly. How fitting she thought as she flushed the toilet and washed her mouth out.  
Ramón peeked in and asked, “you good mama?”  
“I’m coming, yes!” She shouted.  
She jogged on stage with a smile on her face. She didn’t even have to force it. She was so happy, no matter how bad she felt. Jack mouthed an ‘okay?’ And she nodded her head yes. They sang digging my grave, her favorite song to perform with Jack, and finished the night with shallow.  
This was a typical show, she was so tired, physically drained every night but she had never been so happy. She was doing what she loved, with a man who was passionate about her voice and their relationship. She knew they were in for a big change once this baby came, and she knew Jack was struggling with his addictions. She felt they had a long road, but she knew they were in it together. She never imagined a man she could be so unapologetically herself with. She made it clear to him she wanted him to feel the same. He always told her he never had a home until her. That’s what she wanted for him.

She couldn’t believe they had done it. Over two months, and they were finished tonight.  
“You okay baby?” Jack stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.  
“I’m sad, I’m happy, I’m confused...” she said turning her face into him.  
“Me too.” He mused. “I’ve never not traveled, not really. Now we’re home with a break ahead of us, and I feel those things too.”  
“Are you okay with everything Jackson? I mean, I feel like your life is just going the direction of mine, and I just don’t ever want you to feel that I dragged you into this-this life that you didn’t picture for yourself...”  
Jack sets his chin on her shoulder and speaks into her ear. “This life, Ally. With you, I never in a million years imagined myself with a knocked up wife,” he puts his hands on her belly and continues while she laughs, “it’s exactly what I want. You saved me. I’m so fuckin proud of you, how you’ve managed yourself the last couple months.” He kisses her cheek.  
“I couldn’t have done it without you. You take care of me Jack, you know that right?” She whispers.  
“It’s all I ever wanna do. Anything you want darlin’ I wanna help you get it. I’ve loved my career, and I’m grateful, but it’s your time now.”  
She shakes her head refusing to acknowledge what he is really saying. He turns her in his arms and puts her hair behind her ears.  
“Let’s go out with a bang huh?”

Ally felt uneasy. She couldn’t pin point any reason why. Jack has seemed solemn and on edge the last few days and she has chalked it up to the tour ending, but deep down she feels something is coming. Wether it’s with Jack, or the baby, or her career. Everything has been perfect and she knows perfect never lasts.  
The show was incredible. The energy at home was unlike anything she felt before. When Ally takes her place on the stool Jack insists she uses she knows what she was feeling. That charged air when Jack wasn’t Jack. It wasn’t a bad feeling but it was definitely different, yet all too familiar. The music starts and he has his hat low over his face. No matter how drunk or high he was he still played like nothing was wrong. She never understood how he could do that. They get to the chorus and he walks towards her. He meets her eyes and she sees how red and glossed over they are. She stands up and kicks her chair over. It may look like she’s putting on a show but anyone who knows her will see that she’s pissed. Yeah, let’s go out with a bang.


	4. Bad romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ally wonders if Jack knows how much she loves him, meanwhile Jack is wondering if Ally will ever realize she could do so much better than him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never felt like Ally’s and Bobby’s relationship got the credit it deserved. I felt like the potential there was so great! He is definitely a favorite of mine. I’m also really loving Jacks inner monologue, and can’t decide who’s POV I like writing from better! Feedback is so appreciated!

Ally felt it coming and so she doesn’t know why she’s so surprised and hurt when she realized what had happened. She is laying on the couch backstage trying to stay off of her feet when he stumbles in. He sits in the chair across from her and asks if she’s ready to go. Being six months pregnant, traveling non stop and performing almost every night was bringing out the worst in her right now. 

“Are you fucked up right now?” She asks sitting up to meet his eyes.  
“Don’t start with me, Ally.” He mumbles.  
“Don’t start with you Jack? Don’t fucking start with you?” She gets up off the couch and starts collecting her jacket and bag. “Five months of being sober? Of being totally fucking clean and you get fucked up the last night of the fucking tour?” Her voice is rising and she is well aware everyone can hear her. She just doesn’t given a damn. 

She’s never rode his ass about anything, it wasn’t even her idea he went to impatient rehab, wasn’t her idea he made such a big deal of refusing every ounce of alcohol, or made such a big deal of cutting off all his medications. She was constantly rooting him on and telling him how proud she was. She has never been anything but understanding when he had slip ups in the past because she knew how hard he worked at it. 

Ally can’t even explain why she’s so mad this time. She knew from the very beginning what she was signing up for. She hates that she’s being a bitch to him about it. Maybe it’s that she has never yelled at him over it. Maybe it’s because there is another tiny person ruling her life from here on out and she would never do anything to danger said tiny human. She takes some deep breaths and starts pacing. 

“Your so damn perfect, darlin’” He drawls out. “Come over here and let me feel my baby.”  
This would normally be the point that she’d cool off, go to him, and take him home to bed. Keep him safe. She just couldn’t do it this time. She turns away and finishes gathering her things.  
“For fucks sake Ally!” He slurs loudly from behind her.  
“No Jack!” She screams towards him feeling like if she didn’t result to anger she would find herself in a puddle of tears. She was tired of tears. Ramón comes over and steps in front of her.  
“Hey hey hey ally girl, let’s take a break huh?” He is trying to calm her down. She side steps him and approaches her loaded husband.  
“You want your baby Jack? Huh?” She shoves his foot off of the coffee table as hard as she can. He takes his hat off tossing it on the floor. Ramón is still there trying to get her to leave the room.  
“Let her beat the shit out of him Ramón,” Bobby’s thick voice is a shadow in the room and Ally feels empowered by his words, no matter how wrong or how much she’ll regret it later. “Maybe if she does it this time, he’ll listen.” 

“You wanna hit me Ally?” Jack smiles up at her, “go ahead, hit me.” He spreads his arms wide.  
Ally reaches her hand out and grabs him by the roots of his hair. The same hold she takes when she’s riding him into oblivion.  
“You think your a hard ass Jackson Maine?” She whispers as she bring her other hand to his face and she shakes his head slightly. She’s squeezing as hard as she can and she hopes she is causing at least a little discomfort. She knows he’ll remember all of this afterwards. He always does.  
“I’ve got news for you. Real men take care of their wives and babies. Real men give a shit. So fuck your pills,” she is getting louder with every word she speaks, “fuck your attitude, and fuck you. You know what else Jackson?” Her voice cracks and tears spill over when she continues, “Right now in this moment, your making me hate you.” She let’s go of him, grabs her things and is out the door before anyone can say another word. 

The second the door slammed Jackson knew he had done permanent damage. He couldn’t go after her. Not in his state. He watched as Bobby walked to the door and before he shut it he gave Jack a long look. It was different than the past looks his sorry ass has seen from him over the years, this was such a look of disappointment he knew he’d never forget it. Just like he’ll never forget the exchange that just went down with his wife. Shame burned through his veins. He watched his brother leave after Ally and he knew she was taken care of. Big brother saving the day once again. Fuck it. Fuck it all. 

She knew Jack wasn’t home before she even opened her eyes. If he was, Charlie wouldn’t be bugging her to let him out. She sat up and looked around the room. Everything was the same as it was when she laid down last night. He never came in. She felt like she was going to throw up, which wasn’t rare for her these days, but this feeling she had was completely unrelated to her morning sickness that’s never gone away.  
She walked Charlie to the back door and watched him run around for a few minutes. She was trying to think logically but it was proving pretty damn difficult. How dare he disappear on her. Yes, she shouldn’t have thrown the tantrum she did, Jack obviously was struggling and she turned him away from her, but damnit she was not going to be walked all over. She wasn’t his rockstar girlfriend anymore, she was his pregnant wife, and she didn’t want to be a quick fuck while he was high. 

It was early and she was emotionally exhausted so she tried to go back to sleep, but the bed felt empty without him. Ally laid staring at the ceiling feeling her baby waking up. She laid both of her hands on her stomach and cried. She knew Jack was going to be an amazing dad, he was an amazing husband. Drunk Jack, high Jack. He was sweet and calm. That’s what scares her. He can’t do any wrong in her eyes and she is absolutely helplessly, unconditionally in love with him.

Her tears wore her out and when she woke again it was almost noon. She was starving, angry, had to pee, and worried sick. After finishing in the bathroom she grabbed her phone and headed to the kitchen. She was going to call Jacks phone when she noticed her missed calls. Ramón, Bobby, Rez, her dad, and some numbers she doesn’t recognize. No Jack. She decided she needed a voice of reason before facing her husband. 

“Hey there girl,” Bobby’s deep voice filled her with hope. She loves this man, and their shared loved for Jackson. She has always felt like Bobby was a teammate of theirs. Always there to help and cheering her on.  
“Hey...” she begins, “any word?”  
“He showed up here about three in the morning,” He lets out a heavy sigh. “He wasn’t here when I woke up.”  
“How did he look?” She tries not to show any emotion.  
“Fucked up.” He answers her brutally honest.  
“Ally, listen,” He continues, “I think it’s best if you let him come home on his own. I don’t feel good about you trying to chase him down.”  
“Bobby,” She says through tears, “I was so mean. I pushed him away. He’s been so stressed and he’s been doing so well, and-and, this baby situation...”  
“Listen to me right now,” Bobby says harshly, “this is not on you, or on that baby. Jacks sick and he always will be. It’s going to be a constant battle for all of us. You hear me?”  
“Yes...” She chokes out. 

Ally decided Bobby was right. She took a bath, made herself some lunch and sat out back in the sun with Charlie. She sent Jack a text telling him she loved him. That’s all he needed to know. She didn’t answer any calls and tried her best to just have a lazy day around the house she missed so much. Dusk was appearing on the horizon and she had to physically put her phone in the other room so she wouldn’t blow up Jacks cell. If he was loaded, laying in a ditch, sleeping it off, or drinking in a bar, it just wouldn’t do any good.  
She went to bed that night alone and cried herself to sleep. 

When she woke up the next morning she was scared. There was no signs of Jackson being home at all. She started thinking the worst. She got herself ready, made Charlie stay out back for the day, and left through the garage. She decided to take Jacks newer big truck, and the second she got in and started the engine her senses were assaulted. His smell, his music, the way she had to move the seat so far forward to meet the pedals.  
“Please be okay.” She cries as she backs out of the driveway and onto the dirt road. “We need you to be okay...” 

She sent Ramón and her dad texts saying she was fine and trying to relax at home. She didn’t want to get into anything and she tried her best to appease everyone.  
She decided to call Jacks cell and it went straight to voicemail. She didn’t leave a message.  
“Charge your fucking phone!” She screamed as she threw hers on the dash.  
She drove to a few spots she could think of, the beach, the liquor store, and a couple bars. Nothing. She decided to go to Bobby’s. Maybe he was taking refuge there and Bobby didn’t want her storming in like a bat out of hell if she knew, because by god she would and they all knew it. 

It was one o’clock in the afternoon by the time she pulled in his driveway and Bobby was walking outside as she pulled up. She jumped out of the truck and slammed the door.  
“Anything?” She called over to him.  
He shook his head as he took her in arms. She let herself fall apart because she didn’t know what else to do.  
Bobby took control and made Ally get in the passenger side.  
“He disappeared in Memphis and I told him I was never chasing him down again!” She is losing control at this point. She knows she is lashing out in anger because she is so scared. “It’s not just him anymore Bobby, it’s me and he has a child!”  
“Ally...” he puts his hand on her shoulder, “what do you want me to do? Do we call the police? Do I take you home? Do we drive around the whole fuckin’ state? Tell me and I’ll do it.”  
“Drive...” She says flatly. “He’s Jackson fucking Maine, if he was dead or passed out somewhere the whole world would know.” 

They drove around til it started getting dark and then Bobby insisted they stop for dinner. She relented, she was hungry, and actually really happy she felt like eating. They found a small little dive of a Mexican place and asked for a back corner. Bobby watched her devour a bowl of chips and salsa before she dove into her enchiladas and he couldn’t do anything except smile.  
“Why are you staring at me like that?” She laughed self consciously.  
He laughed and shook his head, “I never thought I’d see the day that you polished off your entire meal plus an appetizer. You didn’t even let me have any.”  
“Hey you didn’t ask...” she said licking some sauce off of her finer.  
“Food looks good on you, you were getting too thin.”  
“Well I couldn’t really do anything about it, but gee thanks. I guess.”  
“You know I mean it as a compliment,” he takes a bite of his food and continues, “your going to be a good little mama you know that?”  
“I’m scared, Bobby.”  
“Life’s scary sweetie. You might as well have as many people in your corner as you can.” 

She drove Bobby home and promised him she was heading there herself.  
“You better call me when you get home or else I’ll come up there Ally. I don’t want you out there alone. Too many people know you, and your not so free anymore you understand?” 

“I know. I promise. I don’t have anywhere else to go.” She said as he started getting out of the car. She grabbed him and hugged him. “I love you Bobby. Thanks for everything.” He hugs her back tightly and awkwardly responds, “I love you too sweetie, and you know how much I care about the two of you.” She wipes her eyes and nods. 

Once she’s home and the house is settled she sits on the couch and tries Jacks number again. It rings a few times and she decides to leave a message. 

“Jack,” She starts and immediately begins to cry, “please call me baby. If you need some time I understand.” She’s a blubbering mess and she wonders if he’d even be able to understand her words, “but please just let me know your safe. I’m worried, and I’m sorry, and I need you here with me. We all you need you home.” She takes a deep breath and hangs up. 

Ally decided to camp out in the living room because she couldn’t take another night alone in bed. She brought out her giant duvet, her most comfortable pillow and laid on the big leather couch with the fire on. She had scrubbed her face and brushed her teeth and put on one of Jacks old t shirts. Rolling herself up in her blanket she laid down on her side and caressed her growing belly. She loved the early mornings and late evening with her baby wiggling around. She thought she was cried out but her body proved her wrong. She was absolutely furious with herself and with her husband. She was terrified of waking up in the morning and having him not be there, and she was dreading the call she would have to make to find him. She could feel how puffy her eyes were, and her head was pounding.  
“Please be okay...” she said out loud. 

Jack was twenty minutes away from home when he finally turned his phone on. He saw Ally’s ‘I love you’ text and felt a pit in his stomach. He didn’t even want to move onto the voice mail she had left a couple hours ago. He was a piece of shit and didn’t know how he was going to handle her. She deserved so much better than him. He put his cell to his ear and heard her crying, “I love you baby... let me know your safe...I need you here... we need you home...” all between sobs. She’d never been anything besides exactly what he needed, and he felt like all he ever did was let her down. 

He thought about calling but looked at the time and saw it was after two in the morning. He wanted to go home and crawl in bed with his wife, but it wasnt that easy. He’s wanted to for the last three days, he just couldn’t because he didn’t even deserve to be in her presence. He stayed away because he couldn’t face her, and staying away made it a million times worse. 

His wife, from the very beginning he knew had abandonment issues. He could see that the first night he met her. He felt it from her often still. That’s why she was so hesitant to start anything with him. Why she is so scared to become a mother, and here he is, crawling home to her, and asking her to forgive the unforgivable.

His driver pulled into the gravel driveway and he got out of the black Yukon with a quick thank you. Jack stuck his key in the lock as slowly and quietly as he could. He gently pushed the door open and closed it behind him. Charlie came walking over to him tiredly and plopped onto his feet. He bent down and rubbed his dogs ears kissing his head. “Did you take care of mama? Huh?” He patted his back and stood up. 

He walked through the entry way taking his shoes and jacket off. He walked into the living room and stopped dead in his tracks. She was lying on the couch by the fire, her hair sticking out of the blanket they usually kept on the bed. One foot sticking out of the bottom and her arm draped across her face. This. This was home. She was his home. His chest felt so tight and so hot with feeling it almost brought him to his knees. He sat himself down in the chair in the corner. He didn’t dare disturb her. He couldn’t think of anything to even say, so he just stared. The only noise breaking the silence was the sound of her soft snores. Something she picked up during pregnancy and he couldn’t believe how fucking cute he thought it was. 

After a while Charlie got sick of him and jumped up to lay beside her. Her arm came down around his neck and she turned to her side. That dog was in high heaven. Lucky bastard. 

Her eyes were still closed but he watched how  
She stroked his fur and buried her face in him for a few seconds. She sat up slowly, pushing the plush covers aside and rubbed her hand across her stomach subconsciously. She stood up and went to the bedroom with Charlie looking after her like she was crazy for leaving their cozy spot. He heard the toilet flush and water run. She walked back out and went into the kitchen. He heard the fridge open and a few things riffled through. She made her way to the edge of the island and he saw her sit in a barstool and put her head in her hands. God she had no idea he was here, and he’s witnessing her heartbreak without a filter. She was always so open and raw with him, but this, seeing his broken down pregnant wife in nothing but his t shirt ripped him to shreds. 

“Darlin’...” his voice is as deep as it’s ever been from him trying to push the emotion back down his throat. She looks over and blinks a few times.  
“Jesus Christ Jack...” she breathes out and stands up. “I don’t know if should kiss you or beat your ass...” she says through tears.  
“I’d like the first, but deserve the later.” He stands up and walks towards her. 

She can’t even believe what she’s hearing. Her husbands gruff, deep, clear voice from across the room. He’s clean shaven and wearing fresh clothes. He obviously was detoxing. She meets him halfway and falls into him, holding him tighter and longer than she ever has. She doesn’t have to tell him all the horrible things she assumed that happened to him, he knows. He knows what he’s made her think. 

“I’m so fuckin sorry Al, I just-just, at the show, ya know, someone handed me a handful of pills and I just did it...” he stumbles over his words, and she lets him figure out what to say. She usually tells him it’s okay and she understands, but she needs an explanation. 

“I washed them down with some shots and then some beers, and then all I wanted was to go home and forget and try again the next day,” he had sat in the couch with his head down and she sits by him but doesn’t touch him. 

“When I saw you laying there all I wanted to do was take it back...” he looks at her. She has tears in her eyes and can’t bring herself to say a word. 

“When you lost your shit on me Ally I was glad,” He clears his throat. “but please darlin’,” he starts to cry softly, “I know I don’t deserve you, but please don’t go, and god don’t take the baby from me...I know I have problems, and I know you shouldn’t trust me-“ 

She put her hands on his chest and started talking over him, “Jack, no, no, stop.” she says her heart breaking. He stops and grabs her hands, kissing her knuckles. 

“Do remember when I came to Memphis? What I said?” She is trying be thoughtful about this, trying to explain how she feels exactly. He nods his yes. “I told you I wouldn’t come after you again...but that was a lie. I’ll come after you every single time.” He lets his head fall, overcome with emotion and in awe of this woman he gets to claim as his. “You know why Jack?” She continues. “Because I’m your wife,” she moves his hand to her stomach and he can’t even see her through his tears. “and we’re a family, and families don’t pack up. They pick up the pieces...” 

The sun was creeping in through the curtains and Ally was watching her husband sleep. It was rare she was up before him. She leaned forward and kissed his lips because she just couldn’t resist. He opened his eyes and grabbed her wrist pulling her into him. 

“I’m so sorry Jack.” She whispers looking into his eyes.  
“Why would you be sorry Ally? I put you through hell.” He grumbles  
“I could tell you were stressed the last couple weeks. I could feel something coming, and I pushed you away from me.” She tells him.  
“You could never push me away, even if you tried.” He sighed deeply.  
“I was so mean to you the other night,” she sits up and he could sense she was going to put this all back on herself, “I told you some horrible things, and I could feel myself getting physical with you Jack. When you mentioned the baby in that slurred voice I just snapped.” She turns to him and runs her hand down his bare stomach.  
“I don’t ever want to feel out of control with you again, and I think I just got so protective, like I don’t want our child witnessing that in their father, but that was no excuse for me to hurt you.” 

He sits up and runs his hands through his hair looking at her head on.  
“Ally, listen to me. I never want my kid to see me like that, and I don’t want our kid to see you like that. We can agree.” He hesitates and then says, “Can I ask you somethin?”  
“Anything.”  
“What made you snap? I mean I know what, but why?”  
She’s been thinking about the why for the last three days. She hated how she treated her husband, and she knew she had to just be honest no matter how vulnerable it made her feel.  
“My Mom never chose me, Jack.” She says her voice strong and steady. “I will make a different choice til the day I die.”  
“That’s what I was hoping to hear.” He grabs her hand and adds, “promise me something here and now. Don’t you ever fuckin’ apologize for protecting our child.”


	6. You & I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A normal life is something Jackson Maine has never lived. A normal life is something he has always been scared to live. With Ally it’s anything but scary.

It’s been two weeks since they returned home and they were quickly falling into a new normal. It was the first time in Jacks life that he was eating three meals a day, at the appropriate times, and going to bed before the sun was rising. He had to accept that his relapse was part of recovery and try to move on. His therapist says if he continues to beat himself up about it, it will happen again. So instead he focuses on his other addiction. His wife. He tries to keep a routine, which really helps him to focus, and he tries to think about situations before they happen. Any social event they attend or meeting he has to be in. He thinks about what and who will be there. Preparation is key for him. He needs to feel like he has control over his life.  
He feels his wife’s small hands run up his bare back and circle around to his chest. She lays her head on his back and he can feel her bulging stomach against him. He’s let Charlie out and is making breakfast.  
“You should be in bed, it’s early.” He says to her.  
“I had a wake up call from my body’s current resident and when your side is empty I can’t get warm again.” She kisses his skin and let’s out soft tired noises.  
He chuckles and turns around in her arms. “I can take you back to bed, but it won’t be to sleep...”  
She pulls his head down to her open mouth and kisses him, showing him exactly what she wants, she takes hold of his hair and gently tugs.  
“That’s what I was hoping you’d say.”  
Jack turns the stove off, picks her up, and gives her exactly what’s she’s asking for. 

*****

“Who will be there?” Jack asks again as his wife pulls pulls her long hair up into something he has learned is called a ‘messy bun.’ She has just enough make up on to look like she doesn’t have any on at all. He doesn’t know how she does that, and her jeans are hugging her in all the right places. The fact that she has to leave the top buttons undone has him hot and bothered. She had no idea what she does to him, and probably most males with eyes. She just has no fucking clue. So he felt the need to remind her. A lot. 

“It’s just us, and the guys and their families. Bobby will probably stop by.” She looks at him and asks, “Is that okay?”  
“It’s fine, I just like to know what to expect.” He says feeling self conscious. “We’ve been with them for the last seven months. Why we getting together?” He genuinely is perplexed by the thought. Ally laughs and starts walking to the kitchen, to gather some things she was bringing.  
“Jack...” she calls over her shoulder, while he follows her, “they are your friends, and MY friends, and I haven’t seen any of the wives for a long time, and I need that, ya know?”  
“Yeah yeah I know, it’s fine, I wanna go. I just get worried.”  
She stops and faces him, pulling him towards her by his belt loops. “I know honey, and I think that it’s good you feel that way.” She pecks his lips. “It’s just a casual dinner, at Dave’s house, with everyone’s wives and kids. I’m sure there will be beer there, but It’s early, and I’ve never seen those guys over do it in a family setting. Have you?”  
He shakes his head no.  
“Plus!” She says excitedly, “Dave and Sophie’s baby is only two weeks old and I’m dying dying DYING to see her. These guys are your friends, they love you. They wouldn’t do anything to stop your progress.”  
“I know, I do,” he says, “I just hate that I have to be scared to go places.”  
“It’s okay to be scared. Life’s scary, Jack. I’m scared all the damn time. I’m proud of you, and god I know you can do this. I KNOW you can.” 

The evening was actually pretty damn great Jack thought to himself. It was a beautiful summer day, he was with his favorite people, and watching them be with their favorite people really inspired Jack. He suddenly realized what these guys sacrificed for him. For the band. They miss birthdays and holidays and big shit with their kids. He loves seeing them outside of their usual element and is really thrilled to see their lives working out so well.  
Ally walks out the back door and he slides over in the oversized chair to make room for her.  
“Who do you have there?” He says as she sits down with a tiny bundle in her arms.  
“This is Abigail,” she whispers conspiringly. He can’t help but grin as he puts his arm around her and leans in to get a better look.  
“Good lord she’s tiny.” He doesn’t touch her, doesn’t dare.  
“She actually was nine pounds, and is probably ten now, according to Sophie. Says she was her biggest baby. Do you want to hold her?” She asks him staring down at the tiny face.  
“No. God no.”  
“Is Jackson Maine scared of a baby?” She looks at him.  
“Yes. God yes.” She laughs but he knows her question was half hearted anyway, bless the poor soul who tries to take that kid from her. 

“Jack Jack!” A little voice at his knee calls up to him.  
“What what?” He responds.  
The little boy with blonde curls points to him. “What?” He asks again in an abrupt voice. Fully expecting the kid to answer.  
“Jack!” Ally elbows his side. “He wants you to pick him up. Just pick him up.”  
“You want me to hold you kid?” Jacks holds his arms out, and the little boy starts climbing into his lap. Why can’t he remember this kids name? He really needs to pay more attention to these things.  
“Hey Griff,” Ally smiles and moves the baby closer to him. Yeah he wouldn’t have guessed Griff. The kids cute. Chubby cheeks and blonde long curls. He thinks he’s probably two. Jack doesn’t want to look like an idiot and ask.  
“Is this your baby sister?” Ally looks at him and he nods his head yes sticking a finger in his mouth and smiling.  
“I can tell!” She says to him playfully, “she has a nose just like yours!” She puts a finger on the little boys nose and he laughs. The little boy leans over and puts his dirty little hands all over the small baby before he kisses her right on the mouth. The baby lets out a small cry and drifts back off to sleep. He pats Jacks cheeks with his ketchup hands, jumps down and runs onto the lawn.  
“God they have cute kids...” Ally leans into Jacks side and props the baby onto her shoulder. She looks so good with a baby in her arms, and looking down to her belly he suddenly can’t wait to see what she’ll look like with his baby sleeping on her.  
“Ally, promise me something.” He says seriously.  
“What?” She wrinkles her eyebrows expecting something heavy.  
“Promise me our kids won’t run around with ketchup all over them touching everybody in sight.” She busts up laughing but never fully committed. 

“Thank you so much for everything! It was so good to get out and I’m so glad your doing well.” Ally hugs Sophie, Dave’s wife. They are the last to leave and Jack is seeing Dave’s situation in a new light.  
“You call me anytime, and when that baby comes I’m here. I mean it. Let’s do lunch next week.” Sophie says to her.  
“I would love that. I need it. Even if you need me to come here if you don’t want to take the kids out.” Jack is seeing his wife’s need for a female friend, a female influence. He’s grateful she is forming bonds with some of these women who can somewhat relate to her.  
“No way!” Sophie responds, “now that Dave is back he is on dad duty at my beckon call, aren’t you babe?”  
“Yes ma’am,” he says smiling and holding his sleeping toddler that jack had played with earlier. He looks at his tatted up drummer and realizes he’s doing it. If he’s doing it Jack can do it. This was real life. Real life didn’t look so scary.  
“Hey, listen,” Jack begins, “Sophie, thanks for holding things down here while Dave is away. I just, I just am sorry if I’ve not been as understanding or nice, I kinda feel like a dick.” Sophie starts shaking her head, “No! Jack, no. You’ve been great to Dave and we feel lucky he has a job he loves that pays pretty damn great, and sure you haven’t known what a wife and kids include but you’ve never done anything but take care of us. I mean it.”  
“Well thanks I just, seeing you guys and your kids I feel like a piece of shit for keeping you away so long man.” He looks at Dave.  
“Like Soph said, I feel lucky. You have treated us well and I’ve been home a few times the last few months. You know that. I’m just glad I made it home before the baby came. I’m excited to see you do this thing man.” Dave is smiling like a goon and Jack shakes his head and laughs.  
“Yeah...” Jack says dryly. “Me too.” 

*****

Jack came in through the garage and was surprised when his wife wasn’t home. He threw his helmet and jacket in the mud room and laid on the couch to close his eyes. He rolled over and noticed a new book on their side table. Curious he picked it up and read the title.  
“Guide to childbirth, huh?” He flipped through the pages and read a few chapter headings  
“Cesarean prevention...what the fuck is that?”  
“Birth without fear...yeah good luck...”  
“The Bradley method...”  
“The epidural process...son of a bitch...”  
He found himself getting sucked in. All sorts of diagrams and sketches. Thank God they weren’t real pictures, he didn’t think he could take it. An hour must have passed, because he had skimmed about half the book, was scared shitless, and had almost convinced himself that Ally wasn’t actually pregnant. He was so enthralled he didn’t hear the garage, or the door opening, and when Ally very calmly, very casually said, “hey honey, whatcha doin’?” He jumped a mile high.  
“Jesus Ally you scared me...” he grumbled at her as she came to sit by him.  
“Are you reading my book?” She asked surprised.  
“Was I not supposed to read it? I feel like I shouldn’t have. I’m traumatized. Are you sure that’s what your gunna do?” He was only half kidding.  
“Your think your traumatized? I’m the one who has to do it!”

*****

When Jack came in from his session with the guys it was well into the morning. He had texted his wife telling her it would be late and not to worry. He hopes she is sleeping, because she is giving him whiplash with the moods she is throwing his way. The entire house is dark and he prays Charlie doesn’t create a commotion. He literally tip toes, what the fuck? This was his house too, over to the bathroom to grab a quick shower. He can tell whenever Ally is awake, it just feels different, but he looks over and sees her cocooned inside their plush covers. He almost forgoes the shower all together but the chances of her turning to him in the night are pretty high, him being the lucky son of a bitch he was, and he didn’t want to smell like he had bathed in smoke.  
He had a few drags tonight, noticing that the cigarette on his lips made him feel busy. In control of the fact that he wasn’t drinking like most of the others. He knows Ally wouldn’t fault him for that, but be glad he noticed something positive. If you can call smoking positive. Which it absolutely isn’t.  
Feeling clean and refreshed and completely in control after a night with the guys is an utterly new experience. He slides into bed slowly and brings Ally into his chest, reaching his hand around to rest on her bare belly. She shifts slightly and let’s out the most content sigh he’s ever heard.  
“Hmmmm...how was tonight?” Her thick sleep covered voices whispers.  
“I’m fuckin’ tired, it’s way past my bedtime, how was your night?”  
She makes a noise in the back of her throat that makes him know she thinks he’s funny.  
“I’m fucking hungry...” she responds. He laughs and starts to get up.  
“No no no, don’t get up I’m fine! Just hold me,” she pulls him back down and puts his hand back under her shirt. “Hold us.”  
He feels the rolling inside of his wife that he can’t get enough of. God he may have a thing for pregnant women after this. He’ll figure that out later.  
“I still can’t believe there’s a baby inside of you.” He murmurs quietly into the darkness. “Well if your still not convinced you can see it come OUT of me in a matter of weeks, my love.”  
He hesitates to continue, its late and they are both tired but he does anyway.  
“Are you scared?” He says kissing her shoulder.  
“Scared of what? To have a baby come out of me or just to have a baby around in general?” She says sleepily.  
“Either...”  
She thinks for a little while and brings her hand back to caress his face.  
“I’m not scared of labor. I’m sure I will be eating those words, but that’s temporary.” She takes a deep breath. “I’m scared to be someone’s mom, I’m scared that everything this tiny thing will need I’ll have to give him, and if I don’t....”  
He finishes for her. “Ally, I’m not scared. With you, I’m not scared. Your already a mama bear, can’t you see that?”  
She turns in his arms and falls asleep crying into his chest. 

*****

It’s two o’clock in the afternoon on a hot as hades summer day. Jack opens the door and takes his shoes off, and before he can turn around he hears Ally’s loud shout from across the house.  
“Shut the damn door Jack! It’s hot as hell!”  
Reading his mind is she? He almost turns around and leaves hearing the tone in her voice, but instead he braves walking into the kitchen. She’s scrubbing the floor on her hands and knees.  
“What the fuck are you doin’?” He asked quizzically.  
“What does it look like I’m doing? This house is a disaster and your not going to clean it!” She snaps.  
“You bet I’m not, that’s why maria comes in once a week. You shouldn’t be doing it either.” “Just because your richer than God doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ever do this shit. Plus you know I’ve taken care of a house basically my whole life I won’t just be stopping.”  
“Look Al, I know. Just get up. Your back is already bothering you and this isn’t gunna help. You shouldn’t be on your hands and knees...in the kitchen anyway.” He couldn’t help it. It was too good of an opportunity to tease her.  
“You did not just say that...” her head whips around so fast it was comical. She stands up and the fire in her eyes makes him smile.  
“Go ahead and finish the floor then....” she seethes at him and storms out.  
“God your sexy when your mad!” He shouts after her. 

*****

“Listen Rez I just need some space okay?” Jack can hear Ally on the back deck, she’d been out there for the last hour trying to hammer down some details for the next few months. He steps out and brings her a drink and throws the ball for Charlie. He actually just wants to eves drop.  
“Well to be exact I would love to not be contacted unless it’s by email for all of August, September, and October.”  
Damn he loves that she’s just putting it out there, getting exactly what she wants.  
“Look I want to enjoy the rest of my summer with my husband and family, I’m giving birth, which it sounds to me like you don’t know at all what that consists of, and I want time with my baby, and I want it to be stress free.”  
She’s quiet for a couple minutes, listening to what the prick had to say. Can’t be anything except a guilt trip.  
“Yeah, okay, lets meet next week, we will finish everything up...”  
She tosses her phone on one of the outside chairs, puts her hands in her hair and let’s out a loud, “FUUUCK!”  
He can’t help but start laughing. Seeing her lose her shit was one of his favorite things. He’s laughing so hard, he can’t stop.  
“Jack you better shut up!” Ally threatens. But it’s too late. He’s sat himself on the grass with his head in his hands giggling like a kid. He feels her arms wrap around him and her body is wracked with silent laughter. They laugh until she’s crying and saying she might pee her pants. God how old were they? 

*****

“Hey sweetie sorry I’m late!” Ally called into the house as she opened the door. “You know how those damn meetings get. I’m so fucking ready for a break.”  
The house was silent and dark. It wasn’t late enough for jack to be in bed, and his motorcycle and trucks were here. She suddenly felt scared, she felt like she was going back in time, back to a time she hoped they had left, but knew they were never too far from returning.  
She turned the lamps on in the front room  
and found Jack at the kitchen table with his head laying on the hard surface.  
“Jack...” her voice shook.  
He looked at her slowly and she felt relieved.  
Relieved that it was him looking back at her. His eyes looked haunted, they looks distant, but they were still Jacks.  
“You okay?” She asks cautiously.  
“Fuck if I know...” he says gruffly. “God I wish I could have a drink.” He slams his hand on the table and she closes her eyes briefly. How does she navigate this? This is huge. He is actually in complete control and she wishes  
she could point that out to him.  
“Yeah me too...” she jokes and raises her eyebrows at him. He looks at her lovingly and pulls her into his lap.  
“Want to talk about it?” She ventures. He shrugs and blows out a breath.  
“I feel better with you here, but, god damn, Ally, why are you with me? You are so good, and so fuckin pure. I’m ruining you.”  
“Ruining me?” She didn’t want to get into it so she is going to try to be short and to the point. “When you met me I was singing in a drag bar, waitressing, living with my dad and three other men in their sixties.” She turns his head and makes him look at her. “I was insecure, depressed, lost, and the only thing that made me happy was music.”  
He shakes his head slightly and she continues, “You gave me my happy, Jack. You gave me my home,” she kisses his lips softly, “if you want to argue about it we can, or...” she runs her hands through his hair and unbuttons the first two buttons on his shirt.  
“We can just skip the entire pity party, I can tell you how fucking much I love you,” She tears up and kisses his chin. “and we can go to bed and kiss, and touch, and make love all night long.” She winks at him and he stares at her. “But,” She says getting off his lap and taking a drink of water, “I’ll need a couple snack breaks just so you know...” and then his smile cracks and he let’s out a laugh. 

***** 

Ally couldn’t hold still, and it was driving Jack bonkers. He was trying so hard not to say anything. So damn hard. He knew she was uncomfortable and he knew sleep was becoming less and less, but he was losing his mind over here.  
“What can I do for you?” He asks her again. “Nothing, Jack. You can do nothing.” She snaps at him.  
“Can you do something for me then?” He’s on rocky ground and he damn well knows it.  
“What?” She asks like she hadn’t heard him, not what, as in, what can I do for you.  
“Can you try to at least hold still long enough for ME to fall asleep?”  
“Oh my fucking hell Jackson! Go to the couch then!”  
He half laughs half groans and leans into her. He starts rubbing her shoulder blades, and he can feel that she is so tense.  
“Relax your body, your so wound up.” He thought he was being nice but she doesn’t see it that way.  
“If you had a baby inside of you, pushing all your organs into your throat, and making you pee every ten minutes minutes, god damnit Jack stop giving me shit.”  
“I’m sorry. That was mean. I was teasing.” He starts rubbing her lower back, and butt and legs. He knows how bad her body hurts.  
“I love you...” he whispers.  
“I love you...” she whispers back, “I’m sorry I’ve been a bitch.”  
“Hey, your making a baby in there. That can’t be easy.”  
She moans in pleasure as he hits all the spots she needs.  
“Thank you honey.” She says sweetly.  
He really wishes she just would have asked for the back rub to begin with. 

*****

Ally was starting to feel a small amount of panic. July was passing too quickly and every night when she went to bed she knew it was one day closer to this baby make himself or herself known. She loved being pregnant, sure  
she was starting to feel almost done, but being done meant she had to start something new. Nothing scared her more like change.  
“Your belly has really popped the last couple weeks...” Jackson’s sitting on the floor while Ally is sitting on the couch rubbing his neck. He lays his head back on her tummy and she kisses his lips.  
“I know,” she agrees, “I actually was just thinking that we could have a baby next month.”  
“September...” he says with his eyebrows scrunched up.  
“Well September technically. Some babies come early, some babies come late...” she says casually.  
He turns around and looks at her confused. “Why would they tell us September tenth then!”  
“Well honey, it’s just and estimated date...”  
“Then why do they call it a due date? Why don’t they call it an estimated time of arrival?” His voice is getting higher and she senses she’s caused her panic to spread.  
“I don’t know?” She shrugs.  
He stands up and walks to the kitchen. She watches him walk around the table, and come back to the living room. His hands are in his pockets and he looks so damn adorable she doesnt even want to say anything to make him feel any better, but who knows how long this could go on.  
“Jackson...” He looks at her and she continues, “get over here...” he kneels in front of her and he kisses her neck, her chest, and down to her stomach. He looks back up at her and she can tell his mind is racing.  
“Honey,” her voice is thick with emotion, “I want you to know that this time I’ve had with you, this beautiful life that’s been just you and me?” He grabs both sides of her face while she finishes, “I will treasure it, forever.” He leans his forehead into hers and nods his head. “God, me too darlin’.”


	7. The Cure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More real life scenes for Jack and Ally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve got too many stories swimming around in my brain! Can’t stop! Any feedback or what you want to see let me know!

Sitting in a bar and watching her husband and the band play, once had been basically a daily occurrence. The last few months have changed, with Ally being pregnant and Jack not drinking, performing non stop since they met, they’ve had a lifestyle change to say the least.  
Oh how she loves seeing him like this. In a dark smoky bar singing his old songs. They had a big booth in the back and she was sitting with Bobby, his new head over heels in love with him girlfriend, Sophie, a couple other wives, and some friends. They weren’t the only ones who were taking a break. All the other guys already had kids, and had traveled so much during their career they just wanted to be home. She once again felt such gratitude that Jack had these people. This support system for these years. They were family.   
After the set Jack came and found Ally and asked if she was ready to bail.   
“Your ready to leave? You don’t want to hang out?” She yells loudly into his ear.  
“I can’t hear a fuckin’ thing, and I feel weird being here. I just wanna go.”   
She starts getting up but Jack tells her to hang on for another minute, that he was going to pick up the tab for the group. She watched him walk over and wait for the bartender. She loved that about Jack. He could demand special treatment, he could cut in line, but he never even entertained the thought.   
She noticed a man clap Jack on the back and he turned around and smiled. As quickly as it appeared it was gone. He shook his head, and tried to get the bartenders attention once again. The man didn’t leave and Jack leaned into the bar. Ally could tell he didn’t want to engage in conversation, his body language was speaking volumes. Just as she was about to get up and make her way over Jack spun on his heels and grabbed the man by his collar.   
“Jack!” She yelled out.  
She knew he wouldn’t hear her and even if he did she didn’t think he would stop. She grabbed at Bobby, and he was already up and heading over. The guy was almost as tall as Jack, which wasn’t typical. If they got into it, damage would be done. She is rushing forward when the jerk throws a punch and Jack doesn’t dodge it fast enough. Jack came right back and hit the guy in the stomach with his left hand and his face with his right.   
“Jackson! Stop!”  
She is screaming and shoving her way past people rudely. She breaks through the crowd just as Jack gets a blow to the side of his head. She sees his eyebrow split open immediately and he has blood pouring down his face. Bobby has his arms around his back and jerk faces friends are trying to get him to leave. Ally grabs him around the waist and sits him on a barstool.   
“Give me some ice! Please!” She yells at the waitress nearest to them.   
“Jack, baby, look at me...” she is holding his face, but he is beyond seeing her. He reaches blindly to the side and grabs someone else’s shot and drains it in half a second.   
“That’s right, keep em’ coming. Let’s see what happens this time.” The man behind Ally spits out menacingly, “Jackson Maine, needing his hot as fuck wife to rescue him, just like I knew she would, because he can’t control his own life.”  
Jack spits out some blood in the empty shot glass and she can see his teeth are covered with it. He is staring the other man down, and looks scarier than she’s ever seen him. Angry drunk Jack has nothing on angry sober Jack. ‘Please don’t ask for more alcohol, please don’t ask for more alcohol.’ The mantra is repeating itself over and over in her mind. She shakes her thoughts and tries again, “Jackson, LETS GO!” She says loudly in his face.   
“You heard your ball and chain. Funs over buddy.” He laughs.   
Ally can’t help herself, she spins around and shouts at him, “Where is your hot as fuck wife? Huh? Or even girlfriend for that matter?” It’s all she can do not to shove him, but she’s pregnant for gods sake, she has to have some sense of self control. The man stares her down and smiles.  
“Don’t look at me like that, mother fucker.” She fumes out. Jack grabs at her arm and she jerks it away.  
“Come on darlin’ this jealous fuck ain’t worth your second glance.”  
Jack hands the man who has come to the scene, which she assumes to be the manager, a few hundred dollar bills.  
“That should cover it Joey.” 

They make their way to the truck and Jack starts to get in the drivers side.   
“If you think your driving your crazy!” Ally barks at him.  
He leaves the door open and storms around to the the passenger side. Ally slams the door as hard as she can and steps up to Jacks seat.  
“Turn your head.” She says gently, yet exasperated.  
He does, and she wipes the blood with the towel she grabbed. She presses as hard as she can hoping the bleeding will ease up.   
“You’ve got blood all over you...” She looks at his eyes but they won’t meet hers.   
“This needs a few stitches, honey.”   
“I’m fine.” He says through tight lips.   
“You might want to go get checked out...” Bobby says quietly from beside the trucks open door.   
“It’s not my first rodeo, I’ll put some bandaids on it. Maybe have a scar what’s the big fuckin deal?” Jack takes the ice off of his head and tells Ally he’s ready to go.   
“You could have a concussion Jack.” She tells him.   
“I don’t have a concussion and if I do we’ll go in, now let’s fuckin go.”  
He is angry and hurting and Ally nods her head, saying, “okay, okay...”  
Bobby leaves with a hollered, “call me later Ally...”  
She takes the ice back and places it on his head firmly. He finally makes eye contact and whispers, “I’m sorry...”   
She smiles and says, “We needed some excitement didn’t we?”  
He shakes his head slightly but responds, “The dick wouldn’t shut up about you. How fucking hot you are. Said some crude as fuck things about your body, told me that your way too good for me. Like I don’t already know all that?”  
She checks the cut and it’s stopped bleeding but it’s gaping open.   
“I love you baby.” She whispers, “Keep that ice on okay?”  
She steps down from his seat and walks around to the drivers side. They didn’t really talk on the drive home. She just held his hand and sang along to the radio. 

Jack had never been taken care of in his whole life. Didn’t have a mother, his so called father didn’t count. Any girl he had ever had any sort of relationship with, which he now  
knows it wasn’t even close to a real one, they wanted his money, his face, and he’ll admit he’s above average in the sack, but they never gave anything to him. Bobby was the only constant in his life, but never nurtured him. He loves the way Ally fusses over him. He’d never admit it, but she knows. She’s made him softer, and he likes that. If he thinks about not having her in his life, thinks about never having stepped foot in that drag bar, he panics. She had put ice on his head, kissed him and reclined his fucking seat before she got herself situated to drive. She’s holding his hand, singing in his truck, and it brings tears to his eyes. He feels like the little boy who longed for someone in the middle of the night when he was scared. He’s so damn tired of putting on a show and he’s so damn grateful he doesn’t have to with her. He thinks about their baby and how they get to have this incredibly soft yet strong, woman as their mother, and she is worried that she can’t do it? He looks at her large round stomach and his tears slip.   
“Ally...” He says, his voice heavy with emotion.   
She looks over at him taken aback.  
“Hey...” She says touching his face, “it’s okay.”  
He smiles and whispers, “your going to be such an amazing mother.” 

*****

The sun had slowly shifted and invaded their shady place under their big trees in the backyard and Charlie kept circling them with a ball in his mouth, but there was no way they were moving.   
“Now that I’m in this hammock I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get out.” Ally observes quietly.  
Jack lifts his head up and notices now tangled their bodies have become. He loves the feel of her completely relaxed into him, the heaviness of her stomach pushed into his side.   
“Not mad about it...” He responds shifting slightly so they continue to sway.   
Ally skims her fingers over his jean clad thighs and up under his faded navy shirt. Jack kisses her closed eyelids and moves some hair off of her face.   
They lay there in peaceful silence for a long time. Both feeling satisfied to their core. These moments are what Jack lives for. He loves how their life has slowed the past months. He knows it’s only a matter of time until it’s not just the two of them, and then after that there   
will be more touring, which is what he wants for Ally. There is no way they aren’t doing it. They were going to figure out how to live at home for half of the year, and how to tour for the other half with all of them going. She refused to even think about the three of them being separated for any length of time. She insisted they could make it a lifestyle and he wholeheartedly agreed. They may be starting a family, but they had careers to manage, and he knew they would find a way. He brings his big hand down and feels Ally’s stomach. She pulls her head back and kisses the hollow part of his throat when he softly whispers, “Ally...”  
“Hmmmm...” she breathes out.   
Maybe it wasn’t a good time to disturb the peace but it’s been on his mind and he never knows how to bring it up.  
“I’m nervous for you, for when you have the baby, I mean, actually deliver the baby, I don’t want to worry you, but I, God, I’m really scared about it all.” He stutters over his words.   
She pulls back and looks into his face.   
“What are you worried about sweetie?” When he doesn’t answer right away she continues, “I’m scared too, but what exactly do you mean? I want to understand so I can say the right thing.”   
“I don’t think you can say anything to help.” He says directly.   
She touches his scabbed over eyebrow and slides her finger down the side of his face.   
“Well,” She begins anyway, “can I tell you what makes me nervous?”   
He nods his head and she clears her throat.   
“I’m anxious about the pain, that I won’t be able to do it exactly how I want to do it. Natural, unmedicated. Worried I’ll have to have surgery or get knocked out or something. Petrified something could go wrong with the baby.” She finishes as he leans over kissing her lips, and looks behind her into the distance.   
“Your turn.” A long few minutes pass, she knows confessions of this sort are hard for him so she waits patiently.   
“I’m terrified that what happened to my mom will happen to you.” He says flatly, still looking in a different direction.   
She gazes at his face and watches as he swallows a few times, obviously having a hard time voicing his feelings. How had she not realized what he meant? She felt so insensitive for not thinking of it sooner.   
“Baby,” She begins slowly, “I don’t know what happened to your mom exactly. She died in childbirth. At home I assume from where you grew up, almost forty years ago.”   
He nodded.   
“I’m not going to die Jackson.” She states matter of fact.  
He finally looks over at her and she feels his fear like it was her own.  
“I’ll be in a hospital with the most amazing doctors, and they will be monitoring everything. My pregnancy has been perfect. I’m not going to die, do you understand?”   
“Yeah...” He says quietly looking into her eyes.   
“I want you to be able to be excited about meeting your child. Not have this-this sense of dread.” She says tearing up.   
“Hey,” he shushes her soothingly. “I am excited, and I can’t wait to see our baby. I just don’t know how I’ll handle it. Seeing you in pain, and not being what you need.”   
“You, Jackson Maine, are exactly what I need, and you’ve been exactly what I’ve needed, and you KNOW,” she puts her hand over his beating heart, “right here, in your heart, you’ve always known what to do for me.” She kisses him long and hard pulling back breathless.  
“I trust you Jack. I trust you with my life. I trust you with our baby’s life.”   
He let a few tears fall out of his eyes because what’s the point in holding back with her. She has no idea what those words mean. Nobody has ever trusted him before, not really.   
“Jack...” she says with her voice cracking, “your mom loved you.” She brought her hand down and met his, feeling their baby. “Believe me... I know.”  
God, how many times is this woman going to rip his heart open, he wonders. 

*****

Ally heard the back sliding door open and close a few minutes ago. Jack is gone so she figures Charlie needed to go out. It’s almost embarrassing to admit how much she turns to him in the night, for physical contact. She’s always needed it from him, and him from her, but these last few weeks have been excessive. Maybe they are less busy, maybe it’s being home, she has no idea, but she doesn’t hear her husband complaining. Where the hell was he anyway? She gets up and walks down the hallway to the kitchen. Empty. Charlie is on the couch fast asleep. What the fuck? She slides the back door open and Jack startles.   
“You little shit!” She exclaims.   
“Fuck...” he takes one more long drag of the cigarette and puts it out on the side of the house.  
“Sorry baby...shit.” He doesn’t know what else to say. She is standing there gawking at him with a bewildered look on her face. Suddenly she walks out the door, grabs him by his T-shirt and kisses him senseless. She is so invasive he feels like she’s looking for something. Was she mad? Because he was getting really turned on here. She pulls back winded and sighs, “Oh my god, that tastes so damn good....” and with that she turns around, and goes back inside shutting the door after her.   
“If your trying to tell me not to smoke that ain’t the way to do it!” He clamors out belatedly. 

*****

It was the first week in August and they were meeting Bobby and his girlfriend, Ramon, Lorenzo, and Dave and Sophie for dinner. Usually Ally is the one pushing for these things but tonight Jack felt like he was dragging her out of the house.   
“Jackson, I hate even saying this, but, I’m fucking huge. My back is killing me, and I have a headache.” She looks at him with a pout. “Oh,” she adds, “and my feet hurt.”   
“Your not fucking huge.” He points his finger at her while he opens the fridge to get a drink. “Your fucking pregnant, and you’ve never been more beautiful.”   
Ally knew he meant it. She saw it all over his face.  
“I’ll give you a rub down tonight,” He wiggles his eyebrows, “anywhere you want...”   
She knew he was trying to lighten the mood but she physically can’t be light hearted in this moment. She just watches him across the kitchen, guzzling his stupid water, and wearing that stupid leather jacket she loves on him so damn much, and she bursts into tears.   
“Ally, hey, if you don’t want to go, then we won’t go...”   
He walks towards her and she can tell he doesn’t have a clue what he’s supposed to do with her. Hell, she didn’t even know what she was supossed to do with herself.   
“No Jack, we’re going, it’s fine.” She cries harder as she leans into him.   
“Well shit.”  
He clearly has run out of things to say.   
“I’m sorry,” she continues. “It’s just I feel pretty miserable, and I just don’t know how I’m going to do this for six more weeks. My body feels maxed out, and we have that big event for you soon and I’m dreading it. I don’t know what I’m going to wear, or what I’ll look like then...” she rants on and on.   
“I know. I’m sorry.”  
He holds her until she’s done, because he has realized, that she doesn’t want him to try to fix her problems. She just wants him to let her cry. 

*****

“Listen I’ve been meaning to talk to you about the event next week.”   
Jack says casually as he’s tinkering around on the piano.   
“What about it?”   
She puts her arms around his neck and kisses his earlobe, biting it a little harder than she normally would. He spins around on the bench and meets her eyes, he grabs the back of her thighs while he stands up and takes her to the living room.   
“You teasing me darlin‘?”   
He whispers into her mouth as he lays her down with a knee between her legs and the other still standing.   
“Never...”   
She replies smiling.   
He starts kissing her neck, scratching her skin with his scruff, as he slowly moves his hand under her shirt.   
“I love it when you don’t wear a bra.” He starts kissing her mouth, and feeling her body, forgetting all sense of time. He realizes they’ve never had sex on this couch and he is now fully committed to completing the task. He loses his shirt and her eyes linger on his body, while she slides her hands over his biceps.  
“Your beautiful.” She tells him. He laughs quietly and shakes his head.  
“You are...” She insists, moving her hands down, unbuttoning his jeans.   
“Now,” She whispers, “fuck me on your favorite couch and don’t be soft about it, you understand?”   
About thirty minutes and three positions later they accomplished the venture at hand. He guesses it counts as couch sex even if he ended up having to kneel on the floor next to it.   
“That was way more complicated than I imagined it would be.” Ally deadpans as she is pulling her underwear back on.  
“You are quite the undertaking.” Jack jokes as he slaps her ass.   
“Ouch! Jack!” She squeals out swiping his hand away.   
“You know your sexy as hell right? I gave it to you just like you asked, and you didn’t sound like you minded it being a little complicated five minutes ago.” He smiles up at her, his hair messy and eyes tired.   
“You,” She says pointedly, “make me feel sexy as hell.” She bends over kissing his lips lingering.   
“Good.” He gruffs out.   
“Now what about next week? You distracted me.”   
She is putting her shirt back on and Jackson sits up, gathering his clothes. He gets his jeans on and sits back on the soft leather.   
“They asked us, me and you,” He points to himself and then to her, “to perform.”   
“Really?” She asks, “why am I surprised?”   
Jack shrugs and responds.  
“I dunno, why are you?”   
“What do they want us to do?”   
“Anything we want.”   
“Okay, I mean I’m excited to sing with you, it will be so fun, but I’m nervous, I just feel different being this pregnant.”   
Jack pulls her hand and makes her sit by him.  
“Different how?”  
He kisses her knuckles and continues, “I mean I know I’m just a guy, but I don’t get it Al, your gorgeous, everyone loves you, and I’m not lying when I say that your more attractive than ever.” He lets out a laugh and keeps going, “I mean that pregnancy glow they talk about? I get it now! You got it!”   
“Jack, I hate that I’m acting insecure. I’m sorry, and god I love you. I love how much I can see that you love me.”   
She leans into him and sighs heavily. “I think it’s because I just didn’t plan for this so soon and I’m still getting used to the fact that a baby is coming, let alone all those reporters and people asking me about it. I just don’t know what to say. Like, yeah, Jack knocked me up...”   
He starts to laugh in earnest and she pulls away from him and walks over to the piano.   
“Ally, we’re married!” He begins. “It happened fast, by accident, but who the fuck cares?”   
He leans on the piano and watches her strum her fingers along the keys. He didn’t think she was going to answer but she finally did.   
“Everyone fucking cares, Jackson. That’s the point. You’ve been famous half your life, you have dealt with this, me and you, and all your shit being public. I just am not there yet. Your over the top with your fans. Me? I punch them in the face.”   
“Hey!” He says defensively, “I punch people too!”   
She laughs and puts her head on the keys.   
“We should probably stop doing that huh?”   
“Probably.” He says sitting next to her putting a hand on her back.   
“Jack, I love you, and I love this baby, and maybe I’m just already being protective of him. Just like I feel with you.”  
“Her.” He corrects and smiles. “Your fresh into this Ally, I know. It’s hard, and we are pretty damn private people, but I won’t let you fall off the radar.”  
“I don’t want too, you know that.”  
He stands up and let’s Charlie back inside. “So, start thinking about what you want to do, we should get it planned and get everyone together. I want to practice everyday. Starting today if we can.”

Jack could hear his wife wandering the house. He hates when she isn’t in bed with him but knew she probably had good reason to be up so he left her alone. Was that the washer? It’s two in the morning. If she cleaned the kitchen again he might just lose his shit. A few minutes pass and Jack was almost asleep again when he hears a familiar melody he had almost forgotten about. He sits up and makes his way to the door. He cracks it open and listens. He can hear the lyrics and they flood him. 

‘I’ll undress you cause your tired, cover you as you desire when you fall asleep inside my arms’

Jack steps into the hallway to hear better. 

‘May not have the fancy things but I’ll give you everything, you could ever want it’s in my arms’ 

God he wants to give her space but he’s like a moth to a flame. He can’t help but be near her. 

‘So baby tell me yes, and I will give you everything’

Jack couldn’t stop himself. He ended up standing in the middle of the living room, staring at her sing his song. The song she wrote for him that first month they met. He was thrown back in time, back to when Ally was just his, being on the bus, writing music and watching her strum his guitar, the guitar he never let anyone touch, ever. He would pretend to be asleep just so she wouldn’t stop. 

‘So baby tell me yes and I will be all yours tonight’

She sees him and a smile lights up her face. She doesn’t stop, but continues with more effort than she had before. 

‘If I cant find a cure I’ll, I’ll fix you with my love, and if you say your okay I’m gunna heal you anyway, promise I’ll always be there, promise I’ll be there for you’ 

“Jesus Ally, I haven’t heard you sing that in so long...took me back in time.” He tells her.   
“I just have been thinking about you. How far you’ve come, and it still applies ya know.” She wraps her arms around him.   
“I think you should play that at the event.” He says seriously.   
“Really?”   
“Yeah. You can play the piano and maybe I can come up with a little something on the acoustic, then we can go into shallow.”   
“It’s just a personal song, Jack, and I never planned on doing anything with it.” She kisses his chest and looks up at him.   
“That song is too damn powerful to be left inside your head. Plus it fits perfectly for that night. Addiction recovery?”   
“Maybe...” she smiles. “Let me sleep on it.”   
Ally walks back to the bedroom and Jack looks around.   
“Alison Campana Maine, did you clean the kitchen?”   
“Started the baby laundry too...” she calls out.   
Baby laundry. The thought made him smile. 

*****

Ally was gone for the day in meetings, finishing up her obligations and appeasing Rez. Jack had taken Charlie on a long walk, met Bobby for lunch, came home, vacuumed and started laundry, fuck, sometimes he blew his own damn mind.  
More than anything he just didn’t like seeing Ally doing it. She was always trying to clean or carry something and it drove him crazy. She said it was called ‘nesting’ and he said it was the dumbest thing he’d ever heard of.  
He almost didn’t recognize himself. He was still a smart ass, still a pain in his wife’s ass, and music still ran through his veins, but he found himself discovering the man he actually wanted to be, not who he was told he was since he was a kid. That’s something he decided he was going to do for his children. Really see who they were, let them decide who they were.  
He found himself standing in the doorway of his old music room, which was now a fucking shrine in the basement to Ally’s insistence. In the place of all his old stuff there was currently a black iron crib against the far wall and a giant white dresser on the other. A plush gray chair with an ottoman was by the window. He demanded they put one in here because he knew how badly Ally wanted to nurse. He thought that having a space would be good for her, and for the baby. It surprised him how much has come natural to him, and how much he was genuinely looking forward to having another person in the house.  
He ran his hand over a soft downy blanket, and picked up an outfit with feet and a zipper down the front. It was so damn small and it smelt so damn good. Sitting himself down in the chair he took a minute to just feel. He felt happy, he felt grateful, and he felt so content. He thanked God for letting him have a second chance and promised he wouldn’t screw it up. He couldn’t. 

*****

“Hey man.” Jack greets as he gets in his brothers truck. Bobby hasn’t seen him grin like that since he was a little boy.   
“How the hell are ya little brother?” He asks him.  
“Good.” He buckles his seatbelt and continues, “So uh, Ally wants you and Faye to come over Sunday. Just before the baby comes, she wants to talk to you guys. You know how she is. Always wanting to get people together.”   
“We’ll be there. How is she anyway?”   
“Moody.” He laughs.  
“How does it feel Jack?” Bobby simply asks.   
“Real life man. Feels pretty fuckin great.” 

*****

“I can’t eat anything else, honey.”  
Ally shakes her head as Jack tries to slide a plate in front of her. They met at their typical breakfast spot and ordered their usual omelets and waffles.   
“You gotta do more than drink your coffee Ally.” He says through a mouthful of food.   
“I have, and please just drop it.”  
She is starting to feel fuller than ever and eating, unfortunately has become a chore like it was in the beginning.   
“How was this morning?”  
She asks trying to change the subject. He had come from his weekly therapy session and she was on her way to a doctors appointment.   
“It was great. It’s been nice to talk to him when things are going well, not bad ya know?”   
She nods her head encouragingly hoping he will keep talking about it.   
“Jack, you’re doing so great, and I’m so proud of you.”  
She takes a bite of eggs thinking that would boost his mood even more. She has to physically restrain her gag reflex.  
“Do you feel different? Being clean this long? I mean it’s been almost what, eight months of consistency? Do you feel the urges lessening? Is there anything more I need to be doing for you?”  
He takes a drink of his coffee and smiles at her.  
“Sorry,” she laughs. “That’s a lot of questions.”   
“Don’t be sorry.”  
He holds her gaze. “I feel amazing baby. I feel new. I think my body is like, I don’t know regenerating or some shit.”  
He moves his plate aside and keeps talking.  
“I think I’ll have my downfalls, not gunna lie. That scares me, but just know I’m aware, and I don’t want that.”  
She reaches across the table and grabs his hand.  
“I know honey, thank you for trying so damn hard. I know this isn’t easy.”   
“So...” He says steering the conversation in a different direction. “how many weeks is this?”   
“Thirty five...”  
She tells him even though he knows damn well how many weeks. He’s the one with the countdown.   
“Fuck, only five more to go!” He rubs his hands together looking like a little boy on Christmas morning.   
“Just so you know, I think Dr. Matthews will check me today.”   
“Check?” He clearly has no idea what that means.   
“Check me, as in check my cervix to see if I’ve dilated at all...”   
“Does that entail what I think it does?” He asks.   
“It absolutely does, and I’m not doing it alone, so don’t even think about telling me your busy.”  
She smiles at him as she gets up and goes to pay for their meal. God she loves watching him squirm. 

*****

“Jackson...Jack...are you sleeping?”  
His wife is nibbling his ear and lifting his shirt up. He lays back and enjoys her friendly ministrations. She continues to kiss his ear and neck all the while those perfect little hands are finding places to wander. Smack dab in the middle of the night and she’s waking him up for sex. Life could not get any better.  
“Hello to you too...” He grumbles out and puts his hands behind his head.   
“Don’t pretend, I can feel the lie.” She bites his pec and knees his crotch gently while continuing her trail of assault.   
“Oh sweetheart I got nothin’ to hide. Continue.”  
Continue she did. In his opinion she straight up had her way with him, although he was a very eager participant. She was needy and desperate, grinding on him, sucking on his neck so hard he almost told her he didn’t want a hicky. Then his rational brain kicked in. Shut up, lay back, enjoy. You have a hicky? Fuck yeah you have one.  
She had him completely undressed and was now working on her own clothes when he sat up and started helping her. He took her shirt by the hem and pulled it over her head. He cupped both of her breasts while she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his lips. He pulls back trying to roll her over, not being able to hold back anymore, but she stopped him.   
“I don’t think I can lay on my back.” She huffs out.  
“Okay...okay,” Jack breaths heavily, “where do you want me?” He smooths her hair back and grins at her.  
His back is against the headboard and she has her hands on his shoulders.  
“Just be still baby,” he says into her ear, “let me do the work huh?”  
She did. She lets go of control and melts into him. She is all smooth skin and soft hair, and he feels like he might die he loves her so much. He kisses anywhere he can reach and he has his hands pushing her hips down to take him.   
“Relax darlin’,” He looks into her eyes and what he’s seeing in them is something different. He can’t place it, and it takes his breath away.  
“I have you...relax.” She closes her eyes, and it makes him lean forward and take her breasts in his mouth. Her body was incredible. He loves how it has filled out with her pregnancy. Her boobs were phenomenal. She caught him staring at them regularly and he was coping a fill constantly. He would feel like a complete pig if he wasn’t so unashamedly in love with her.  
When he reaches her lips she whimpers into his mouth and he knows she’s ready to let herself go. She grabs the nape of his neck and starts riding him just the way she wants. She is completely zoned out and he can tell his pleasure is of no concern to her. This is all for her, and good hell if she doesn’t hurry up about it she’s going to be sorely disappointed in him.  
He feels like time has slowed, and he’s taking in the sight of this woman. Every curve, every noise she makes has him almost begging her to finish just so he can see her fall to pieces. He’s watching her, realizing she’s been so many versions of herself to him. He’s looking at his dark haired hotter than fuck new girlfriend, his drop dead gorgeous wife who pulled off orange, yes orange hair like it was second nature, and now this woman, this beautiful blonde haired storm who he gets to witness become a mother. Oh my god he might cry during sex.  
She grabs his hands to hold onto, needing him to balance her as she lets out a hoarse scream that held no words in particular except for a weak ‘Oh god, Jackson’ towards the end.  
The second the words leave her mouth he is done for. She sinks into his chest and that’s when the tears come. Yep those are his.   
They lay limbs intertwined falling back to sleep when Jack whispers, “You made a man cry during sex, how do you feel about yourself?”   
Ally pushes her faces into his shoulder, breathing in.  
“I guess your feeling like I’m feeling...”   
“Yeah? What would that be?” He plays with her hair.   
“Like were running out of time.”   
“Nah. We got forever...” Jack kisses her temple and closes his eyes feeling more satisfied than he has in his entire life. 

He realizes he has shed more tears the last two years knowing her than he has in his entire life. Tears of frustration, tears of sadness, tears of guilt, tears of happiness. You name it, he’s felt it. He feels cleansed. He’s waited his whole adult life to find a cure. Maybe it makes him weak that he found it in a woman, but he just doesn’t think so.


	8. So happy I could die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Ally are loving their downtime, but this baby might have other plans.

After they were finished with the exam Jack takes Ally’s hands and helps her sit up on the table. Dr Matthews asks, “Do you guys have any questions?”  
They were here for their weekly appointment, everything looked great, and to Ally’s excitement he had just told them she was dilated to a three. Jack knew she was physically exhausted from this pregnancy and knowing her body was making progress thrilled her. Jack however, was internally freaking out. He was scared shitless. Not so much of having a baby, but seeing what his wife is having to do to get there.   
They look at eachother quietly.   
“I’m good I think. Jackson?”   
He hasn’t said more than two words so she wanted to make sure he was given the opportunity.   
“So, Ally wants to have an unmedicated birth, which I fully support,” He begins, “but at what point does intervention come in? I just want us all on the same page.”  
He looks at his wife, worried she’ll be upset but she just takes his hand and gives it a squeeze.   
“Great question.” Dr Matthews was a nice looking guy, couldn’t be much older than himself, and was always showing his confidence in Ally. He really gave a shit, and not because of their names. “I don’t see why Ally won’t be able to have as natural of a birth as she wants. Everything has been great, but yes there will be conditions. Baby’s vitals, as well as Ally’s will be monitored very close and If we see anything we are uncomfortable with, depending where in delivery we’re at, we take action. Wether it’s just an assisted delivery or an emergency c section.” The doctor looks directly at Ally and continues. “Which I know is what you don’t want. With a passion. So, do you want to tell Jack what you and I talked about last time? The end goal?”  
She looks over at Jack with a soft expression on her face. “Healthy baby, healthy mom, however it happens.”  
Jacks blows out a sigh of relief and nods his head.   
“Mr. Maine,” Jack lifts his head and meets his eyes, “that is my goal everyday with every woman, and I’ll tell you what, I’m damn good at my job.”  
Jack reaches over and shakes his outstretched hand. He knew he liked this guy. 

 

On the drive home Ally answers some emails and makes a couple quick calls. Jack had been turning his phone off more and more, but people weren’t surprised when he was hard to get a hold of.   
Ally kept saying she was going to cut back soon, and she actually had, but he hoped that she could have some time to herself, without all these outside influences in her ear. Jack of all people understands how demanding her job is. He gets it, so he doesn’t say too much.  
He sees her slip her phone into her bag and rest her head back on the seat shutting her eyes. They have almost an hour drive home and he hopes she can fall asleep. He leans slightly over and puts his hand on her stomach. After a few minutes the baby moves to other side and he moves his hand to follow. He glances over and Ally has her eyes on him.   
He smiles and murmurs, “You happy? You were hoping for a change from last week. I’d say nothing to three is something.”   
“I’m happy...you happy?” She asks him rubbing his arm up to his shoulder.   
“You know how happy I am. Don’t you?” He takes his hand from her stomach and touches her face.   
She scoots over enough to lay her head on his arm and curl her hands around his bicep.  
“I know you are.” She says and then continues on, “I think that this baby wants to come earlier rather than later.”  
She decides to address the elephant in the room, because she knows he’s terrified. She’s terrified. He puts his hand on her leg and let’s out a deep breath.   
“I think your right.”  
“Are we ready?”  
“Hell yeah we’re ready!” He says kissing her forehead.   
“Jack?”   
“What?”  
“I want a cheeseburger.” She complains.   
“You want a cheeseburger? Let’s get you a fuckin’ cheeseburger.” He turns his blinker on, deliberately taking the nearest exit.  
This man. He knows exactly how to please her.

 

Before making his way to bed Jack makes the rounds of locking doors, windows, and setting the alarm with Charlie on his heels. He never gave a shit about this type of stuff before Ally, and she isn’t even the one who does give a shit. There was just something about her, and now a kid, he had people, and they were his. Something primitive was taking root in him.   
Peeking his head into the bedroom he sees his wife sitting on top of the covers in her small pajama shorts, hair a mess, reading a book.   
“Need anything?” He asks her from the doorway.  
“I think I’m good.” She mumbles without looking up.   
He takes his shirt and joggers off, lays down, and rolls onto his side so his face is aligned with Ally’s body. He reaches over and lifts her shirt up over her stomach and watches. Usually there is something going on in there before bed.   
“She sleepin’?” He asks after a couple minutes.   
“Probably.” She breathes out as she sets her book on the nightstand and moves the covers around.   
“Get under here with me honey.” She lifts them up and he settles in next to her.   
“You feel ready for tomorrow?” He yawns out.   
“I’m ready. I’m excited.”  
She brings his hand down and tells him, “There you go. Hiccups, I think.”   
He smiles and closes his eyes. “God I love this. I’m going to miss this...have you been feeling anything different?”   
“Not really. I’m just feeling done. I don’t know how else to explain it. After tomorrow we have nothing on our schedule...we’ve never been able to say that.”   
“Yeah, nothing except have a baby.”   
“Yeah. Except that, but we’ve got a a few weeks.”   
They both know that’s probably not true but neither of them voice it.  
“Well...” Jack groans into her ear, “I better go to sleep because I think I’ll have a booty call within the hour.”   
She pulls back, offended by his words. They are totally true, but she’s annoyed non the less.   
“I don’t have to wake you up you know.” She says sarcastically, “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”   
Jack pulls her back down to him.   
“Ohhhh ouch baby.” He says faking hurt feelings. “Don’t be breaking my heart like that.” 

 

Ally woke to the sounds of breakfast and music from the kitchen. Their bedroom door was shut, she figured Jack wanted her to sleep in. Maybe he felt her getting up and down last night more than she realized. That booty call he had hoped for didn’t happen. She blames him for jinxing it.  
She couldn’t get comfortable and she thought that she could possibly be having contractions. She couldn’t tell Jack. He would freak the fuck out. Especially today. They had their event and they were performing. Jack had made a huge donation to this foundation. This was a big deal for them. She didn’t want him to be distracted. After tonight she knew she would feel better.   
She went to the bathroom and washed her hands and face, gurgling some mouth wash, because if she was going to get through this day she needed to get laid. She wanted her husbands hands holding her while his freshly shaven face explores her body. Even if they didn’t have a lot of time this morning, she knew all she would have to do is make eye contact with him. He’d just know.  
She slipped off her underwear and put on one of Jacks soft flannel shirts and made her way out.  
She found her husband doing his daily regimen while he had breakfast on the stove. He was shirtless and doing push-ups on the tile. His back muscles caught her eye and she stopped to appreciate the view. God he looked good. Healthy and clean. He was taking care of himself like never before. Probably taken a solid five years off of his age this last year with the changes he’s made.  
Catching a strong smell of bacon cooking brings her back down to earth and she steps over him to gag into the sink. She turns the faucet on to drown out the noises she’s making. Not that Jack cares. He’s seen it all at this point.   
“Fuck baby I’m sorry.”  
Jack stands up and turns the stove off. He takes the pan of bacon to the garage. She assumes he’s tossed it. He opens the back door and comes back over to her.   
“I thought bacon wasn’t bad anymore.” He rubs her shoulder softly.   
“I thought it wasn’t either.” As soon as she stands up she feels a tightening in her stomach. It wasn’t painful. Just prevented her from moving and made her stop in her tracks.   
“Ally?”  
“I’m fine sweetie, I just don’t want breakfast. I’m sorry.”  
She takes a smoothie from the fridge and makes her way back to the bedroom.  
“Listen we have a big day and I’m meeting everyone in a couple hours. So I’m going to get in the shower and get going alright?” She calls loudly as she walks away. Forget the quickie in the kitchen she thinks to herself begrudgingly. 

 

Watching other people dress your wife is strange. It’s something he’s seen a hundred times before, but tonight is different. Watching her stand there in her strapless black bra, boobs spilling out, and thong underwear, she was absolutely flawless. Eight fucking months pregnant.   
“Fuck me...” Jack says to himself as he watches from a chair in the corner.   
“Your a lucky bastard you know that Papo?” Ramón sneaks up behind him and Jack laughs. He gives him a squeeze on his shoulder as Ramón goes to chat with his best friend, giving her a final run down for the night. Ramón jokes that if he had eyes for women Jack wouldn’t have a chance. He’s grateful to Ramón, he’s had Ally’s back for ten years. He’s the truest of friends and he loves the guy.   
They start to slide her into her black dress that hugs her curves and Jack walks towards her. He makes eye contact with her in the mirror and kisses her shoulder.   
“May I?” He asks, referring to lacing up the back of her dress.   
She smiles and asks him, “you have your hat right?”   
“I do have my hat.” He tells her as he meticulously buttons the sheer lace back.   
Jack wore what she told their crew he was going to wear. Which ended up being a light gray suit that was a little too tight for his liking, hugging his junk in all the wrong places, a white dress shirt and a vest.   
She turned around and kissed his lips feather light. She always did that when she had had her make up done. She pulled back and rubbed his lips with her thumb.   
“Damn lipstick.” She smiles up at him.   
“Your blowing my mind baby.” He whispers to her grinning like an idiot. They have an audience, which isn’t new, someone is under his wife’s dress as they speak, but he wants his words to be meant for just her.   
“Thank you honey,” She whispers right back, “I love the suit. Do you love the suit?”   
“I love the suit.” He lies through his teeth.  
“Let’s fucking go people!” Bobby shouts. “They want Jack to hit the carpet, pretty lady in tow, in less than five minutes!”  
Bobby approaches them and kisses Ally’s cheek. “You look stunning sweetie.”  
She gives him a loving look and hugs him. Bobby pats Jack on the back and says, “See ya in there buddy.”

There was a car waiting to take them to the front of the venue and Jack notices Ally has an unusually tight grip on the door handle. He grabs her other hand and she gives him a fake ass smile. He doesn’t have the guts to say anything, afraid she’ll bite his head off, until they are about to get out of the car and it happens again.   
“Al, is there something wrong?” He asks softly. She shakes her head no and tells him she just needs a minute.   
“You don’t have to do this. You can go sit down and wait for me.” He tells her again.   
“Let’s go, I’m fine. I’m totally fine.” She insists harshly. He gives her a stern look. He knows she not fine. He’s sensed she was off since she lost it in the sink this morning.   
Their driver comes around and opens the door. Jack gets out, and the screams are explosive. He doesn’t pay one ounce of attention to the outside but rather reaches his hand inside the car. Once she’s out he helps her get her dress situated and puts her arm in his.  
It’s absolute madness. Question after question and picture after picture. They weren’t the only people here with a face that the public wanted to see but they hadn’t made any appearances for the last two months and everyone was going crazy for Ally. They stopped and signed for as many fans as they could, and jumped from reporter to reporter.   
She looked gorgeous. He didn’t know how she pulled of looking like a natural blonde, but she did. She refused to go platinum and he thanked her for it, but god damnit she could pull of anything. She had loose waves pulled over one shoulder and her make up had her glowing more than she already was. He was completely giddy with her obvious belly, watching her answer questions about their family life, and how passionate she was about this topic and event gave him strength for what he was doing. He couldn’t keep his hands of off her, and when the questions turned on him she was right there with her hand in his, or on his back, or hanging onto his arm.   
“Jackson, it sure seems like your a changed man. What are your thoughts on the so called transformation we’re witnessing?”  
The mic is shoved in his face and he answers immediately, “I wouldn’t call myself a changed man. I’d call myself a sober man. As for this transformation I think that it’s me just becoming a husband, finding a partner, who makes life worth living, and wanting to be better, also ya know with knowing your becoming a father, those things just make you do things differently. I’ve got other people to think about besides my dumb ass. Plus I shaved, so that could be it too.” He teases.   
They meet Bobby and his girlfriend, and run into some of the other guys. Ally hugs Sophie and dramatically Greets Ramón like usual. They pose for about a million more pictures, and he can tell his wife is in pain. She’d never show it, but he can feel it in her stance and the way she is holding his hand.   
“Jack...” She leans in to talk to him.   
“You done, darlin‘?” He beats her to it.   
“I need to sit down, I’m sorry.” She looks at him with her big green eyes and he shakes his head fervently.   
“Don’t apologize, were both done, let’s go...”  
They walked the rest of the carpet hand in hand waving and smiling.  
They almost made it inside but Ally stopped to talk to a friend with her hometown news channel and Jack got pulled down a ways for another interview. He noticed that Rez had butted into her conversation and he wanted to deck the little guy.  
He watched as Ally put her hand on her lower back multiple times in a matter of just a few moments. He walked over and swooped her up playfully.   
“Jackson!” She shrieks, “What are you doing?”   
“Excuse us,” he says with a nod to the woman she was having a conversation with.  
“You know they all love it.” He says into her ear. “We can give em’ a show...”  
He kisses her lips and walks effortlessly into the building wit his pregnant wife in his arms. 

Ally is getting hooked up to her mic and she has Ramon’s voice in her ear.   
“You okay mamacita?” His hand is shoved down her dress trying to hide her wires.   
“I’m fine...” She says quietly.   
“You don’t seem fine tonight, Ally. You put on one hell of a show but your not fooling me.”  
He tilts his head to the right and goes on, “That ones watching you like a hawk.”  
She looks over and Jack is sizing up his guitar, his pick in his teeth and staring at her. She notices his hat low over his face and she smiles at him. A real, genuine, I love my rockstar husband grin. He touches the brim of his hat and gives her a wink. She suddenly feels the nerves and stress drain away. It was just him and her, singing their songs, and she wouldn’t want to be doing anything else.   
“Thank you Ramón. For being the one here helping me.” She says sincerely. 

“I’m fine honey I swear.” Ally tells Jack after he asks for what feels like the millionth time.  
“I’m just so damn tired and my back is aching pretty bad.” Jack moves her in front of him and starts rubbing her shoulders and neck. “Maybe you take off?” He asks.   
“No Jackson! Your presenting and giving that speech I know you’ve been working on, although you’d never admit it.”  
She leans her head back and goes on, “I’m eight months pregnant cut me some slack.”  
He leans down to whisper in her ear, “And I’m just a husband watching his wife’s face scrunch up in pain about every ten minutes. Cut me some fucking slack huh?”   
They were interrupted by so many people and jumped from conversation to conversation that they didn’t have any other time to acknowledge the fact that he was absolutely right. She was extremely uncomfortable, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it besides sit herself in a corner. Her doctor said the last two months were the hardest. That was proving to be true.  
They sat for dinner and she couldn’t eat a single thing. Jack kept grabbing her hand and whispering to her that she needed some food. The way he hovers shows her how much he cares, but it’s starting to drive her bat shit crazy. He has no idea what it feels like to be hungry and not be able to shove even a crumb down your throat because you already feel full enough to explode. She’s told him as much with a few curse words thrown in for good measure.   
Sophie and Dave were at their table and not helping matters. Sophie bless her soul, was sitting next to her telling her she needs to get the epidural the second she gets to the hospital, and that Dave didn’t have a clue what to do with a screaming wife. She glanced at Jack and he looked so uncomfortable she actually laughed. Then Dave went on a tangent about being a waiting room husband. What the fuck? It’s 2018. Ramón of all people pipes in with a, “no no no Papo! That’s our girl we’re talking about. Whatever she wants she gets. Plus! It’s Ally. She’s a mother fucking goddess. She can do it all.”  
She could have kissed him and probably would have if standing up and sitting down wasn’t so damn draining. Jack put his arm around her and took her hand.  
“Ramon’s right.” He kissed her fingertips and set her hand back down in his lap. “Ally’s getting our baby here, and it’s my job to do whatever I can to help her.”  
She did kiss her husband.  
“Well don’t I just have the best boyfriend and husband a girl could ask for?” She winked at Ramon saying thank you.   
“Excuse me,” she stands up and he starts to follow, “Jack, sit. I’m going to the ladies room. Grab me another water when it comes around okay?” She kisses his cheek and let’s out a short breath as she walks away. Once she finds her way back she’s able to force down a couple forkfuls of salad. Jack visibly relaxes and she puts her hand on his leg under the table.   
“Hey there sweetie.” The familiar voice has her feeling like she is saved.   
“Bobby! Please sit by me. Save me from your brother, he’s making me eat.”  
She pulls at his hand and he sits down and puts one arm around her and one hand on her stomach. He makes eye contact with Jack and says, “She can’t get anything more in this thing brother, leave her alone.” Her husband rolls his eyes and Bobby continues, “How much longer you have to cook?”   
“A few weeks or so.” She answers.   
“I’m leaving town next week I hope I don’t miss the action.”  
She grabs his hand on her shoulder and says, “I’ll try to hold him in...I want you there Bobby. Jack and I both do, you know that.”   
“I wouldn’t miss it for anything...hey, Jack...”  
Jacks leans in closer straining to hear his brothers quiet voice with all the other noise around.  
“I’m damn proud of you, you know that? You’ve done it, boy. Your one hell of a husband and going to be a down right good daddy.” Jack stares at his brother, who is old enough to be his father, in turn making him his baby’s grandfather in a sense. The two are uncomfortable with the exchange but it’s clear as day the compliment means the world to Jack.   
“Thank you, Bobby...thank you.”  
Bobby made his way back to his seats and Jack took Ally’s hand in his. Obviously touched by his brothers words. She leans her head on his shoulder and the rest of the night passes beautifully. She couldn’t be more proud to have Jackson Maine as her husband and she was the first one standing when he finished his speech. 

Once they walk through the door Ally is dropping articles of clothing and heading to the bedroom.  
“I’m running a bath and then I’ll be in bed.” She calls over her shoulder. Jack sits down on the edge of the fireplace and loosens his tie. Charlie is hungry for attention so he spends the next while giving him a good scratch and refreshing his food and water. He can’t shake that his wife isn’t okay. He doesn’t think she’s lying to him, but wonders if she doesn’t even know it. Being uncomfortable and in pain is a part of pregnancy sure, but the look she’s had all day isn’t sitting right with him. He makes his way to get ready for bed and finds her soaking in a bubble bath with her eyes closed. He stops, kneeling next to the tub and stares. She peeks one eye open, reaches up, grabs him by the tie and brings him to her mouth.  
“I love you honey. I’m proud of you.”  
He moves his hand down under the water and plants his hand on her stomach.   
“I wouldn’t be here without you. How’s your back?”   
“It’s hurting. I feel off.”   
“Do you think you should call the office? God, Ally, your stomach is rock hard.” He says surprised.   
“I think I’m having some Braxton Hicks contractions.” She says opening her eyes and meeting his.   
“What?” He asks with the most bemused look on his face.  
She laughs and explains, “Braxton Hicks. They are like practice. A lot of women get them throughout their pregnancy.”  
That made him feel better. She was probably right, she needed a good nights sleep and to lay low.  
He was waiting in bed for her when she walked out of the bathroom pulling her hair up, her make up free face shining from being scrubbed clean. She was wearing a sports bra and tight spandex shorts. God this woman was making him go hard and she very clearly wasn’t trying. She was tired, in pain, carrying his child for fucks sake and he could barely control himself.  
He pulled the blanket back and she scooted in with her back towards him, her ass in his groin. He was staring down when he heard her repeat something he very clearly missed the first time or two.   
“What? Sorry darlin’ I was starin’ at your ass.”   
“At least your honest,” she yawns. “Will you get the extra pillows on the floor on your side?”   
Jack rolls away from her and circles the bed.  
“Where do you want them?”   
“A couple under my head,” she sits up slightly while he positions them to how she wants, “and one between my legs...thank you honey.”   
She looks so physically depleted he feels his heart sinking. He turns off all the lights and crawls in behind her. He starts with digging his thumbs into her lower back. He is surprised with how hard she likes him to push but she says it releases pressure on her hips. He knew pregnancy would take a toll on her small body, but he wasn’t prepared to see her so sick, so uncomfortable, and as emotional as she’s been. He didn’t know how her body could allow growth for another month, but in the same thought she’d never been more beautiful as she was right this second. Honest to god sexy, and she had no clue.  
“Your so fucking gorgeous.” He kisses her neck, continuing to push on her back. He hears her quiet sniffling and it kills him.   
“Don’t cry baby. You need to sleep, your exhausted.”   
“I know.” She whispers barely audible. “I love you Jack.” 

Not but two hours later Ally was wide awake. She had turned on her side facing her husband watching him sleep. He was snoring slightly and she was glad he wasn’t awake to watch her time her contractions. She sat up slowly and went to the bathroom. It had been seven minutes since she felt the last one and they said to come to the hospital when they were five minutes apart consistently.  
She knew this was it. She had been feeling too weird for too long. She was three weeks early. That wasn’t anything to be worried about, but she was. She tries to push her thoughts aside and focus on what she needs to focus on. As soon as she sat back on the bed another one appeared and she reaches out looking at the time on her phone.   
“You good?” Her husbands deep voice husks out behind her. She just nodded her head because she knew if she spoke it would give her away. Then she realized it was pitch black and he couldn’t see her.   
“Ally?” He reaches out and touches her arm.   
“I’m good.” She whispers.   
A few seconds pass and he tells her to come back to bed.   
“Listen, honey, I’m uncomfortable, I might go and eat something, lay on the couch, I don’t know. You get some sleep okay?”  
“Sure your alright?” He asks before she closes the door behind her.   
“Yep.” She whispers. “Love you.”   
She realizes that walking around is making things more manageable. Better than lying there in bed. She doesn’t know how much time has passed, but she knows things aren’t letting up.  
She is leaning on the back of a dining room chair, breathing through a contraction when she feels Jacks big hands on her shoulders. She stands up and he leans into her, murmuring, “What can I do?”   
She puts her head back into his rock solid chest smiling because he already knows exactly what to do.   
“This. Just this.” She says softly.   
He wraps his strong arms around her from behind and caresses her belly, barely touching. He knows when she is having a contraction because her stomach hardens like he’s never felt it harden before. Her breathing slightly hitches in the beginning but he’s been watching the clock and after about forty minutes, he can tell she is starting to struggle, trying to hold in any type of sound.  
The house is dark and peaceful and Ally’s tight grip on Jacks hands is the only sign of a disturbance.   
“Ally, Honey. You don’t have to hold back here. It’s okay to make noise.” He whispers ever so lightly into the side of her neck.  
“I know, I know.” She whimpers out, thinking how lucky she is that they are so in tune with one another.  
His touch is gentle but firm and it is giving her all the courage in the world. She can feel his heart pounding in his chest, but she isn’t scared. This brute of a man behind her soothes all her senses. They stand there swaying in the kitchen for almost an hour, when Ally speaks the inevitable.   
“We should probably start thinking about going to the hospital.”   
Jack moves his hands up her arms and replies, “You mean these aren’t practice contractions?”  
He laughs into her ear and she laughs along with him until another pain comes, which has her crouching down to the floor blowing out all of the air in her lungs. Jack follows her, running his hand up and down her back slowly, and he moves her hair so he can see her profile. When it’s passed she looks over at him, and her face holds nothing but a sense of calm.   
“Your doing good baby.” He says in a hushed tone.   
“Don’t be scared okay?” She tells him. He shakes his head not knowing what to say. “You can be nervous, but don’t be scared. I’m ready for this.” She whispers.  
“I know you are mama. I can see it in your eyes.”  
Neither of them move, both afraid of bursting the bubble they had created.   
She eventually makes her way to the bathroom and she watches as Jack puts on faded jeans and an olive green v neck. How does he look so delectable in a matter of three minutes?  
He brings her yoga pants and a hoodie, and she stands up to change. One step forward and she feels a big gush between her legs. She stops, staring down at the floor in shock. 

Jack grabs the clothes his wife tells him to grab for her and puts them on the edge of the bathtub. He is putting his wallet and keys in his pocket when he notices Ally is bent forward staring at the ground. She looks up at him, her mouth gaping open and eyes wide.   
“Jackson!” She says, half laughing, half on the verge of hysteria it appears.   
“What? What’s wrong?”   
“My water just broke!” She is still staring at him and hasn’t moved.   
He steps forward and asses the situation. Sure enough it looks like she had just had an accident, and it was down her legs and puddling on the floor. Her face is utterly adorable and he can’t help but laugh.   
“Oh my god, Ally.” He grabs a towel and puts it on the floor at her feet.   
He wants to throw her in his truck and get the hell out of here but he knows he needs to pace himself. He’s been told over and over again that labor isn’t short and he figures they have a while. Instead he starts helping her change, doing exactly what she tells him to do. Getting her bag, grabbing the car seat from the baby’s room, and snagging a couple of drinks for the road.  
He’s glad they won’t hit any traffic in the middle of the night, even though they have a bit of a drive. She’s told him it’s fine, that she will be in labor here, in the car, or at the hospital, that it’s all the same.   
“I do not want to be the guy delivering his baby on the side of the road Ally. We make the news for plenty of other shit.”  
He is getting Charlie out to the backyard when she finally tells him she wants to go.   
“Grab a towel to put on the seat before I get in. That sounds so weird, oh my god.”  
She looks so good, so completely herself, standing there, cool as can be pacing around the living room.   
“I can’t believe this is happening.” She looks over at him.   
“Hey,” He steps up to her and kisses her deeply, then pulls back and pecks her nose and forehead. He puts his hands on both sides of her face and looks into her eyes.  
“Let’s go have a baby.” He smiles.   
She just nods her head as her eyes fill with tears.


	9. Speechless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter ahead! It may be too wordy and too descriptive, but those are what I love! The baby has been built up, and so I really wanted to see that thorough. Hopefully it’s not too much. I love writing from Jacks POV because I feel like he loves Ally so damn much, and we just didn’t get to see or feel enough of it.

“I can’t do this anymore Jack.”  
Ally is leaning into his chest and he swears she’s going to rip his shirt right off with how much she’s pulling at him. She looks up into his face and adds, “I feel like I’m gunna die.”   
He believed that. They got to the hospital eight hours ago, and she had been having contractions for the last two days. She hadn’t been able to eat, had just come off of maybe three hours of sleep in the last twenty four hours and had now been in intense labor for almost half the fucking day. He doesn’t even know what to say to her anymore, although he doesn’t think she’s really listening anyway. She told him early on, that she needed him to touch her, to talk to her, that it helped, so that’s what he did.

Ally feels Jack grip the sides of her arms with both of his hands and senses his face next to hers.   
“You can do this, Ally. Your almost there I swear to god you are.”  
His presence grounds her, his hands and body give her something to hold onto, and she doesn’t even care what he is saying to her, she just focuses on his deep voice, and it gets her through. Every time she doesn’t think she can handle one more contraction she does.  
They got here around four in the morning and she just heard someone say it was almost noon. She tried to sleep when they got here, to no avail. They’ve walked the halls of labor and delivery over and over again, and Jack has literally held her up when she physically didn’t think she could stand anymore. Every time she opens her eyes, his are focused on her, he gives her a soft smile, and tells her ‘good fucking job.’ He’s so calm and collected, he’s everything she knew he would be. 

“I want to check you Ally. I think your close, and I’ve got to see what your your blood pressure is at.”  
Kate was Dr. Matthews head nurse, a young, level headed, and extremely respectful woman who Ally had been relieved when she had told them that she would be the one to call if she were to go into labor. Jack was grateful for the familiar face and her ability to take authority over Ally in an assertive yet peaceful way. 

Kate starts helping her to lay back down and is pulling up the sleeve of her gown when Ally gets frustrated and starts untying the back. “Can I just take this stupid thing off? It’s in the way of everything.”   
His wife was the most loving, most forgiving, most thoughtful person he had ever known. She was also the fiercest. Which he knew was what was getting her through. He’d seen her fight tooth and nail to get what she wanted. Not just for her, but for him. Watching her fight for their baby was hands down the most humbling experience he has ever been involved in.   
Jack reaches back and finishes untying the gowns multiple strings. She’s not wrong, it’s kinda a pain in the ass. How has the hospital gown not evolved?  
“God that’s better.” She says as she holds her arm out for the cuff she is suddenly okay with putting on.   
He stares down at her in amazement. God, he was going to miss her pregnant. Even laying there in nothing but a sports bra, sweating and swearing and begging him for mercy, like he could do something to take the pain away, she is the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on.  
“Deep breath, and relax.” Kate says softly.   
Ally’s eyes shut tight, like they do every time someone sticks a hand up her cervix.  
“Your at a nine Ally, I’m telling you it won’t be long.”  
“Did you hear that? Nine. Your at a nine.”  
Jack had no idea how labor worked until he read an entire birthing book in one afternoon, and he knew that being at a ten meant she could push.   
“Yes, Jackson! I heard her! Fuck!” She says annoyed.   
She realizes she’s snapped at him, because she opens her eyes and immediately utters out, “I’m sorry honey, that wasn’t directed at you.”  
“It’s okay. Don’t say sorry.” He smiles as he sits on the edge of the bed facing her.   
Her hold on him is vice like and she is breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth, loudly. She’s passed any type of coherency the last two hours with how intense these contractions are, and he can’t even watch the monitor anymore because they are just getting higher and higher.   
“Everything hurts. Every fucking thing hurts.” She moans out letting her head fall back.   
He looks down, unable to mask the effect her words have on him. He just kisses her knuckles and squeezes her hands back tightly.  
“Ally,” Kate says gently, “this is the transitioning we’ve talked about, this is what you’ve been mentally prepping for. Your doing it right now, and it’s horrible, but it’s going to get your baby here okay?”  
Transitioning. He had read about that too, it’s when contractions are the longest, strongest, and most intense.

Jack looks behind him and meets Bobby’s gaze. Ally had told him she wanted him in the delivery room, that he had never had this experience and she wanted him to see his grandchild/niece or nephew be born. He told them that it would mean the world to him to witness them become parents. Jack was grateful to have his quiet moral support, someone to look at when he felt like he was going to break. Jack had put on a tough guy mantra for the entire world his entire life. The whole world other than Ally. Bobby knew Jack was soft for Ally, hell, Bobby was soft for Ally, but after this he didn’t think they’d ever look at eachother the same again, and that was a good thing. He’s witnessing his hard ass little brother crumble because he can’t take his wife’s pain away. He’s hearing words come out of Jacks mouth that at one time he’d rather die than speak. They were both trying to be men their father never was. Bobby actually wasn’t like their father in the bad ways. That’s what Jack loved about him. That’s why Jack was thrilled that his brother wanted to take on the grandfather role. Jack knew Bobby loved him, but his love for Ally was different. It was a choice, and it ran deep. 

“Jack, help me up. My back is killing me.” She says as she pulls on his arms. He helps her sit up and she dangles her legs off the side of the bed leaning into Jacks arms.  
She is completely limp and he can feel her exhaustion, until contractions hit, and then she is tense, squeezing his sides. This goes on for another agonizing twenty minutes, and he wishes he could do more than just lay his face into the crook of her neck.   
She leans her head back slightly and he moves the stray hairs that had made there way out of her bun off of her face. When she opens her eyes he whispers, “I’m so proud of you.”  
She lifts a hand to her mouth and tells him, “I think I’m going to throw up.”  
Jack looks around for something, afraid to move too far away from her, when Kate is handing him some sort of plastic bin he’s sure is specifically used for barf. As soon as he gets it between their bodies she is gagging up the small amount of fluids she’s had that day. She retches a few times and then lays her head back down on him. 

“Do you feel a change? Any type of pressure? That nausea is your baby moving down quickly.” Kate is behind her pushing hard on her lower back.   
“I don’t think so.” Ally mumbles into Jacks chest.  
She is humming loudly into the side of his neck and beginning to slightly shake. He knew this wouldn’t be short, or easy, but he was starting to feel actual fear creep into him.   
Jack is mumbling into her ear, sounding every bit as hopeless as he felt.  
“Tell me what you need me to do, I’ll fuckin’ do anything, Ally. Anything.”   
She is beyond the point of verbal communication but reaches up and loops her arms around his neck tightly. He wraps his arms around her and finds himself running his hands up and down her smooth back, realizing he’s soothing himself, and she is, in the only way she can, trying to help him.   
“I don’t wanna scream, Jack. I don’t wanna lose control, but oh my god this is so bad.” She groans into his ear.   
“You do whatever you gotta do, whatever gets the job done, you hearing me darlin’?”  
She isn’t getting a break between contractions at this point. It’s just a constant stream of breathing or moaning, when finally there is a sudden shift. She pulls away from him, leans back onto her hands and very obviously bares down.  
Kate comes over with the ever insistent blood pressure cuff and explains quietly, “You just do whatever you feel like you should do, sweetie. I’m right here, Jacks right here.”  
She stops for a few seconds and does it again. The room is suddenly silent, and Jack breaks into a cold sweat. He has to mentally talk himself down, remembering that he wants to be in the moment with her, wants to experience what she is doing fully, not shy away when she needs him the most. That’s the very least she deserves.   
“Jesus Christ, Jackson.” She sighs out.   
“I’m right here. I’ve got you. Your doing so good, Al.”   
He watches as she changes positions and is now kneeling instead of sitting. Being a bystander, and seeing her just inherently know what to do is astonishing.  
Her demeanor is suddenly different, and when he looks into her face he sees it. The first inkling of anything remotely resembling the fact that she’s scared.   
“I don’t know what to do, I can’t fucking do this Jack!”   
“That’s not true, baby. I’m watching you know exactly what to do, right this second. Listen to your body.”  
The fact that she had begun to doubt herself had him reeling. She had flawless control this entire time and he was going to do all he could to retain it for her.   
“Your okay.” He reminds her, while she squeezes one of his hands. “Your doing amazing.”   
She pushes through a couple more contractions and to Jacks profound relief, Doctor Matthews walks in with a booming, “Ready to do this thing?”  
“She’s ready, and I don’t think it will take long.” Kate informs him, while she checks Ally’s IV’s.  
“Hey, Ally, are you going to hate me if I have you lie back a little? I want to see what’s going on, sound good?”   
They help her maneuver her way back into the bed. She’s propped up slightly, covering her face, moaning.  
“You sound like your ready to have a baby.” Doctor Matthews jokingly states the obvious. “I can feel your baby’s head right here. You want to keep pushing for me?” He sits down on the edge of the bed, looking as casual as could be.  
Jack notices the blood on his glove covered hand and it makes him feel light headed.  
Fuck, this is happening. He runs his fingers through his hair and sits down on the chair next to the bed.  
“You okay Jack?” Kate asks concerned. “If your feeling funny let me know.”   
Oh my god, he needs to pull himself together. Ally will be livid if he passes out.   
“I’m okay, don’t worry about me.”  
Jack sees that Kate takes Ally’s hand and places it on the outside of her leg.   
“Hold on here, curl into your baby and push.” She explains calmly.   
Ally’s takes her hand away from him and grabs onto herself, closing her eyes and pushing. He feels the loss of her touch and he just sits there, staring at her profile, watching her graceful struggle.  
This wasn’t anything like the movies, when the woman screams and yells and it looks like chaos. This felt peaceful, powerful. This felt momentous. He couldn’t believe how quiet it was. How quiet she was. He had reached his hand over, placing it behind her head, and leaned in closer. The only sound was the loud thumping of their baby’s heart through the monitor, that picked up pace slightly whenever Ally pushed and the occasional coaxing from the people in the room.  
“Push harder girl, come on, harder, harder.” Doctor Matthews instructs softly.  
For hells sakes, he thinks to himself, resting his other arm on the bed and kissing her shoulder. Could she push any harder? Ally blows out a big breath and lays her head back, breathing heavily. 

“Want to count for her Jack?” Kate had been counting for her as she pushed and he also noticed that Kate helped her hold her leg. Jack stands up, grateful she’s told him exactly what to do, without actually telling him what to do. He puts one hand under her knee and brings it back into his body. He lays his other hand on her upper arm and starts counting to ten.   
Her hand grabs onto his hip and she stops as soon as he’s finished.  
“Oh my god, I don’t think I can do this.” She whispers softly, opening her eyes for the first time in what feels like forever. 

“That’s your baby sweetie.” Kate tells her matter of fact. “I can see it right now, and that’s what your feeling. You need to just push through it, you are doing so good.”  
Jack crouches slightly, looking down.  
“Oh my god, Al. I can see the head, right there.” He trails off staring, stunned.   
She takes a deep breath and keeps going, and Jack sees more and more of a dark haired baby emerging from his wife.  
“Holy shit Jack.” She whimpers out.   
“Holy shit your doing it. Good fucking job.” He tells her shaking his head in disbelief.   
Two more nurses had come in that were there for the baby, and Jack bent down, kissing her face, trying to distract her from the sudden reality that this was fucking it.   
“Your such a badass, I can’t believe your doing this, honey.” He whispers in her ear.  
“I need to push, I really need to push.” She cries out, louder than he’d heard her say anything in the last ten hours.  
Doctor Matthews looks up at her, and tells her, “Take a break for me okay? Let me get some things ready. Just keep breathing. Your doing so well.”  
Jack looks down, regretting his choice immediately. He did not want to know what those scissors and needles were going to be used for. God, was it hot in here?  
The baby’s head is about half way out and it’s unfathomable to him how she is doing this. The amount of effort she is demonstrating is giving him a fucking headache. Just watching.  
She is gripping both sides of the bed so hard her knuckles are white, she hadn’t stopped shaking, and he could see tears sliding out of her closed eyelids.  
Her body has taken over and she lets out a loud moan he didn’t think her little body was capable of possessing. She opens her tear filled eyes to meet his own and he feels a large lump rise in his throat.  
“Come on mama, your almost there.” Jack tells her in a torn voice.  
He wishes she would just scream at him, let herself go. Tell him he was a piece of shit, but she was just so damn good at everything she did. Watching her give birth had him feeling like a complete and utter asshole, and he couldn’t even explain why. What the actual fuck.  
“Go ahead and push, Ally.” They tell her.   
It’s like she had suddenly changed her mind and she was shaking her head no. He could sense she was starting to panic.  
“Your so fuckin’ strong darlin’, come on, get this baby out. She’s right there.” Jack tells her encouragingly. She pushes once, not making a peep. Time has slowed as he watches an entire little head comes into view. Jacks vision is starting to blur, and his heart is starting to pound. That’s his baby. He wipes his eyes quickly, and looks at his wife.   
“That’s it, your almost done. Heads all the way out.” He tells her running his hand up and down her arm while the other has a hold on her leg.  
“Your baby has lots of dark hair, Sweetheart.” Doctor Matthews tells her.  
“Really?” She asks breathless, through thick tears.   
He can’t even answer her, he just nods his head yes.  
The doctor feels for a cord around the baby’s neck, and suctions out its mouth and nose.  
A nurse reaches over him and puts a small blanket on Ally’s belly, and he sees Bobby standing at the top of the bed.  
“Okay Miss Ally I’m going to hand you your baby, are you ready?” Doctor Mathews says without looking up. She pushes once more, and he plops the small, slimy baby right onto her stomach where it had laid inside just mere minutes ago.  
Ally lets out a loud groan of what he knew to be relief, and she reaches down without any hesitation, grabbing the tiny body.  
Kate is wiping the baby down, cleaning it off and exclaims, “Way to go mommy, good job! You did it!”  
He’s staring at his wife stare at their child, and he falls to pieces. His silent tears are streaming freely down his face. He feels Bobby’s hands grip his shoulders from behind and he swears it’s what is keeping him upright.  
Only when Ally looks up at him is he able to move. He leans over and kisses her tenderly.  
“Jackson...oh my god...” She cries brokenly into his lips.   
“Look what you did, honey...are you okay?...you did so damn good.” He cries softly.  
The baby is starting to make little skwaking noises and she looks down as she brings it higher up to her. Bobby is the one who slurs out, “Have you got a boy or a girl?”   
She lifts the baby up to see between its legs and she tearfully laughs out, “It’s a boy, Jack, oh my god, look at him.”  
She lays him back down on her and he does what she had said. A boy? His world is rocked. He’s finally able to rip his gaze away from his wife’s face and look down those few inches to see his son laying perfectly on her chest. The vision of a childhood he never got to have starts to dance in his head. A boy.   
He’s covered with the blanket, and he can just see his face, but the air from Jacks lungs is gone. His son has got a head full of dark brown hair, and perfectly round cheeks. He’s sucking on his hand and Jack can’t believe how fucking cute he was. He’s never thought of a newborn as beautiful, but he absolutely was. Maybe it was the whole picture displayed in front of him, because his wife, who he has always held on a pedestal suddenly raises the bar even more. She was fucking perfect. Ally’s arms are around him and she starts rubbing his back with her trembling hands.  
“That was hard work wasn’t it baby boy?” Ally murmurs to him with tears falling into her hair. Watching her comfort their baby has him falling in love with her for the hundredth time. Just like that, he watches as she becomes a completely new person. He sees a mamas boy in her arms, and even though he just arrived he feels a wholeness settle between the three of them. He leans in and kisses her forehead and then down, lifting the blanket slightly, he brushes his lips against an impossibly soft chubby cheek.   
“He’s so small. Jesus, your so gorgeous, Ally.” He whispers up to her, completely and unapologetically weeping.   
“Jack.” She pulls him down, kissing his lips languidly. “Thank you for helping me.” She says looking into his face smiling, seeing him clearly for the first time in hours. The pain she had been carrying with her for who knows how long is completely drained away and she looks tranquil to the point of falling asleep. He can’t even find the words to thank her. To voice those words felt empty, not enough. He falls into her side, breathing her in, kissing her neck.   
“I love you.” He states simply, but desperately.   
“I love you too, honey, god I love you.”

“We’re just going to check him out a little okay Ally?” One of the pediatric nurses says from the other side of the bed.   
She peels the blanket back and puts a thermometer under his little armpit to take his temperature, while she listens to his lungs and heart. He starts to cry quietly, and Ally asks, “Is he okay?”   
“He’s seems great, just want to get those lungs cleared out. Look at that little face you guys. Good job Mom and Dad.” She rolls him over slowly and listens to his chest. She rubs him down a little forcefully, and starts patting his bum.  
“Come on buddy, give us a good scream.” Suddenly Jack is worried. The way she was prodding at him, was making his heart race.   
“Should he be crying more than this?” Jack wonders aloud.   
“We want to get some good screams out of him, it helps clear any fluid that he may have swallowed. We want that airway nice and open. He’s just fine, but might need a little bit of help to get going.” She suctions out his mouth more, and it’s certainly pissing him off, but he isn’t making much noise.  
Ally is starting to look worried, and she begins patting his back and looking into his face. “Come on sweet thing, let’s hear your cry, huh?” She says kissing his fingers that had grasped onto hers.

“I think we want to take a closer look. We can get him weighed and bathed. That will wake him up enough to eat, how does that sound?”  
Ally nods her head and says a shaky okay. 

“Alright, Jack, you cutting the cord?” Doctor Matthews asks him.   
“Yes, sir.” He says wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Ally had told him she wanted him too, but he didn’t think much of it. Now that he was standing here, looking down at his wife and baby still connected he felt a sense of duty, felt honored to be able to participate. Doctor Matthews handed him a pair of scissors and showed him exactly what to do. As soon as the cord was cut the nurse wrapped him up loosely and told Ally to give him a kiss, that they wouldn’t be long. They both watched as they took him to the side and began to examine him.  
“How is she doin’? She okay?” He asks the doctor, who is still finishing up between her legs. He looks at him and then at Ally with a big smile on his face.  
“She’s perfect. Everything looks great. Ally?” He calls her name, getting her attention.   
“You did amazing, you had that baby exactly how you wanted. How are you feeling?” He asks.   
“Oh my god, I feel so much better.” She tells him laying her head back and closing her eyes. The doctor stands up, finished, and Kate starts taking her vitals.   
Jack turns around, facing Bobby. His brother approaches him with a smile on his face and opens his arms. Jack steps forward, into his embrace and lets his brother hold him longer than he ever had. He isn’t ashamed of the tears they both let fall, but just holds on tighter.  
“Good job buddy, I’ve never been so fuckin’ proud. Watching you take care of her. Your a good man, Jack.”  
Jack can’t say anything and his brother damn well knows it. He turns slightly and bends down to Ally hugging her, and kissing the top of her head.  
“You wanna stay and hold him?” She asks crying. His gaze lingers on the now, angry little boy to the side of them.   
“More than anything, but I’ll be back. you two need your time, and you need your rest.”  
“Love you sweetie. Jack, call me in a few hours.” He claps him on the shoulder and Jack pulls him in for another brief hug. 

Ally had asked Jack to help her to the bathroom, she was still shaky, but she wanted to change and had to pee like never before from all those IV fluids that had been pumped into her body. She was sitting on the toilet, and her husband was riffling through her bag, trying to find what she explained to him she wanted.   
“This one?” He asks lifting out exactly NOT what she had described.  
“Yes that’s great, honey.” She signals for him to hurry. He crouches down and begins helping her change. She can’t stand up because she is having the worst time trying to empty her bladder. She slides her arms into the thin soft fabric of the black robe, and Jack ties it at the side.  
“How do you look so good, after ten hours of labor?” He genuinely looks puzzled.  
“Well I don’t feel so good.” She says leaning into her husband, feeling faint.  
“You alright?” He asks.   
“Yes. Just don’t let go of me okay?”  
“Never could I ever.” He kisses her earlobe.   
“Could you ever have imagined me so glamorous?” Her voice is muffled into his shirt.  
“Like you haven’t drug my drunk ass, into the cold shower enough times, after I’ve pissed myself?” He teases back.  
The fact of the matter though, is that Ally has never felt more comfortable with this man than she does in this moment. He has taken care of her better than she could have ever hoped.  
The sudden sound of their baby’s scream starts to echo off of the walls, it was stronger and louder than it had been in the last half an hour or so since he was born and she breathes a sigh of relief.   
“There we go.” Jacks deep voice says into her ear. Right on cue she starts to pee.   
“Fuck that stings like you couldn’t believe.”

By the time she made it back to bed and became situated they were done with the baby. She was tired, had a headache, and her crotch hurt like hell, but laying there with her own fluffy pillows she couldn’t go anywhere without, and her thick minky blanket Jack had grabbed on the way out the door, made her feel sane, after hours of feeling out of control. They had bathed her tiny guy, had given him his shots, hence the screams, and had monitored his breathing and body temperature.  
He was currently wrapped up tightly, and laying in the bassinet at the foot of the bed.  
Now that he had been roused he was definitely making himself known. His little bursts of wails that he let out every now and then had Ally aching to get her hands on him. They hadn’t been separated for the last nine months, and the last half hour had her impatient. He was given a clean bill of health and they told Ally they would be back every couple hours to check in.  
The door clicked loudly as Kate stepped out, and they were alone. She was honestly so distracted by the sight of her husband looking down at their baby, with his giant hand covering his small body that she can admit she was only half listening.   
Taking in the moment she saw him fully become a father was paralyzing her, the vision burned into her brain. He had been solely focused on her, this entire time. Seeing his posture and face soften the second he leaned down and gave his direct attention to his son. This man and his love that he didn’t think he had inside of him continued to leave her speechless.  
“You ready for your baby?” He looks at her smiling. “Because he sounds like he’s more than ready for you.”  
She nods her head, not having words. Jack looks down, hesitating, he stalls for a few moments, and runs his thumb down the little boys dark fluffy hair. He had never held a baby before, and she knew he was nervous about handling his own, but sure enough he scooped him up, slowly but confidently, one hand under his head, and the other under his body.   
Seeing her husband with a six pound baby in his arms, her baby in his arms, brought on a fresh batch of warm tears.  
Jack ever so slowly walks towards her, without taking his eyes away from the small face. He sits gently down next to Ally and she leans into him. Jack brings the baby closer to him, kissing his cheek, and keeps his face close for a few seconds, until another angry cry has him looking over at her.  
“He smells so good.” He whispers out, barely audible.   
She smiled, watching her big bad rockstar, addict, damaged, husband hold his little boy. She hangs onto his arm and looks at his profile.  
“Your a daddy Jackson Maine.” She whispers in his ear, kissing his prickly jawline, and wiping the tears from his face.   
He settles in next to her, puts his legs up on the bed, and laid him in her arms.  
Ally rests him on her bent knees and starts unwrapping him. He is naked except a diaper and his little ID tag on his ankle. She looks at the tag and reads, “Maine, baby boy.”   
His little face is starting to scrunch, not appreciating the way he is being disturbed. Jack reaches in and lightly holds onto his small foot.  
“He looks just like you, Jackson.” She whispers.  
He kisses the side of her head and puts his arm around her.   
“That’s your chin, baby, and god I hope I’m seeing your nose like I think I am.” He says running his finger over the foot he’s holding. “Wake up buckaroo, it’s time to eat.”  
Jacks gravelly voice gets his sons attention and his little eyes start to slowly blink open. Ally’s heart melts with the term of endearment he’s just used, and the fact that, as crazy, and unlikely as it is, he seems to be responding to it.   
“You’ve heard that guy around haven’t you sweet thing?” Ally strokes his cheeks and continues, “That’s your daddy. He got me with his voice too.”   
Jack leans in and kisses his wife slowly, then lays his head down while they stare at their baby in content silence.  
Ally unties her robe and Jack watches in wonder as she brings the baby to her skin, kissing the top of his impossibly tiny head, breathing him in. He fits like a puzzle piece right there on top of her, nuzzled into her neck.  
He watches as she lays him down, shifting him to her side. The second his little head is even near her breast he starts rooting.  
“It’s coming it’s coming,” she laughs softly, trying to get his mouth in the right spot, moving him closer.  
“Mama doesn’t exactly know what she’s doing here.”   
Jack moves a pillow under the baby so she doesn’t have to hold him up as much. Almost immediately he latches on and begins sucking.   
“Don’t let her fool you, your mama knows exactly what she’s doing.”  
His eyes were wide open now and they could hear him gulping.  
Ally is thoroughly captivated, softly caressing his dark hair and face, trailing her fingers down the back of his little body, and up again.  
“I know you.” She whispers out brokenly.  
Jack rests his chin on Ally’s shoulder, gazing down at his baby, who is gazing right back up at his wife.  
“Your a fuckin’ rockstar darlin, in every sense of the word.”


	10. Million reasons

“How do you feel?” Her husband is right there, the second she opens her eyes, and she doubts he has slept at all, but instead is sitting on the only comfortable chair in the room. He had dragged it to the side of her bed and he is reclined with his feet up, their baby sleeping in the crook of his arm.   
“My head hurts, my crotch hurts.” She croaks out.  
“Well, fuck, my head and crotch hurt just from watching, so I can only imagine.”   
She laughs, running her hands down her face as he sits on the edge of the bed.   
“Well, congratulations,” She says sarcastically, “you survived childbirth. You survived, and you were amazing Jack.” She says seriously now. “I mean it, I couldn’t have done that without you.”   
He stares at her, his blue eyes slightly darkening.  
“I’m proud of you. For doing it your way, for seeing it through. For as scared as I was, it was the most powerful experience I’ve ever been a part of.” He pauses, looking down and up again. “From holding you in my arms this morning in the kitchen, to seeing you pull him up to your chest the second he was out. Felt spiritual or something like that.”  
She grabs the back of his neck and brings him down for a soft quick kiss. She then bends down and kisses her sons soft hair, lingering.  
“What’s his name?” Jack asks, and then continues, “I mean, I kinda want Lorenzo to be his middle name. Your Dad’s gunna freak when he sees him.” Jack says softly smiling.   
She is silent for a few moments. Laying her head on her husbands shoulder and twisting her fingers through his curls.  
“I would love that. My Dad was who sang me to sleep every night. Sinatra’s got nothin’ on him ya know.”   
Jack chuckles and Ally hums in contentment.  
“Who sang you to sleep every night, honey?” She was nervous, he didn’t like talking about his childhood, and this was one of the only happy memories he had ever shared with her.  
“That would be my good friend, Johnny Cash.” He whispers out.   
“You told me once, that you would fall asleep wishing he was your Dad, that his voice made you feel safe. He’s who started making you sing.”   
“Yeah...to all that.” Jack awkwardly acknowledges, kissing her temple to make up for his lack of words.  
“Those nights, after we got off the tour, you know, when you were gone, I played your old records, and Cash sang me to sleep for three nights in a row. He calmed me. Made me feel you.”   
Jack nodded looking down.   
“Jack, if you don’t like it, if it’s too much, it’s okay. The name stuck with me, like the man has stuck with you, but there are plenty of other choices.” She stammers out, worried he’s upset.   
“Hey.” He looks at her with tears in his eyes, and laughs shakily.   
“Are you kidding me? Cash? It’s perfect. Cash is so perfect.”  
“Yeah?” She asks happily.   
“Look at him, he looks like a little cowboy.” He says as he lays him on her chest. She unwraps him slowly, and lifts him to the inside of her robe, and once he’s settled she tugs Jacks sleeve, making him lay next to her.  
“Cash Maine.” He drawls out, laying his head down, closing his eyes.   
A few minutes pass, and Jack is sound asleep on her shoulder, and their tiny, dark haired son has his eyes opened into hers, while he intently nurses. She’s relieved he knows what to do, because she sure as hell didn’t.   
“Hey baby boy. Can I tell you a secret? You saved that daddy of yours.” 

Ally had never been so tired or in so much pain. Her head hurt from lack of sleep, her neck hurt from sitting wrong while nursing, her boobs hurt, her nipples hurt, she was cramping, and crying all the time, and she didn’t even know what day it was. Post birth was not glamorous.  
She’s in the shower, body completely soaped up, scrubbing her hair, when Jack knocks quietly on the door.  
“It’s open honey.”  
“I’m sorry,” Jack drawls out, “I tried to hold him off, he was fine for a while, but, it’s like he realizes a tit isn’t in his face and freaks the hell out.”   
She lets out a true belly laugh, and it feels so good.   
“It’s fine.” She says laughing as she rinses out her hair.  
The second she starts talking her baby stops. That right there, that’s the glamor.   
“Keep goin’ mama.” Jack murmurs from outside the shower curtain.

‘Tell me something boy,   
Aren’t you tired trying to fill that void...’  
She begins to sing out.

Jacks heart starts beating faster from hearing his wife’s laugh, hearing her sing. Cash was a week old today, and adjusting to a newborn was pretty intense. Seeing his wife in pain, and seeing her emotional as all get out, had him exhausted. It had been the best fucking week of his life, but shit he was tired.  
He had no room to complain because he had just watched his wife work so hard at making their baby for the last nine months, then witnessed the painstaking event of getting him here, and now the never ending loop of care she was giving him, while trying to heal physically and emotionally. She was so high above him it was ridiculous.  
Jack woke up the second he heard a sound from the baby. He wanted to be able to just hand him over whenever he woke up, and when Ally was done feeding him he would change his diaper, and get him back to sleep.  
He tried doing everything, because he knew he would be left alone with him at some point, as much as it terrified the hell out of him, he wanted to know how to take care of him like Ally would, because his wife was a natural. She’s known exactly what to do with him since he came out of her.  
The shower turns off and he hands Ally a towel. He walks around their bedroom aimlessly, because the second he stands still it’s pandemonium.   
He sits on the bed next to his wife and unwraps the baby, kissing his cheeks and passing him over. He is surprised that he is so comfortable with handling him. He’s small, even for a newborn, and Jack has no clue what he’s doing. He can’t believe he was able to just take a kid home, no questions asked.   
Ally’s face twist in pain and she slaps her hand on his thigh.  
“Son of a bitch, how does it hurt worse every time he latches?”  
“Relax Ally, your so tense, that’s why your neck hurts.” He tells her.   
“Jackson. You have no idea how to nurse a baby.” She pulls her hand away from his leg and resituates, making the baby let go and scream. She moves him to her shoulder, takes some deep breathes and tries again. He was so upset, his little face was turning red.   
“Shhhh, sweet thing it’s right here.” Ally is trying to get him to continue eating, switching sides and patiently letting him find his way, but he is crying too hard.   
“Oh my god, Jack.” She starts to cry right along with him. “My boobs hurt so fucking bad, I don’t know what to do.”   
Jack stands up and takes the baby, swinging him gently.  
“It’s okay, Al. Take a minute.”  
He looks at his wife and she has her hands covering her face, her shirt is off, her boobs are fucking huge, and she is crying. He’s never seen her so emotionally unguarded.  
“I’ll be right back, alright?”  
He leaves the room and makes his way to the kitchen, filling up her water and trying to give her some space. The baby has calmed down but is sucking on his hand, and he knows he needs to eat.   
“Listen buckaroo...” Jack talks as he walks back to the bedroom, “give your mama a break and let’s get this done, huh?”  
Apparently breastfeeding isn’t easy to get started. Who knew?  
When he walks in, Ally was slipping on a shirt, wiping her face.   
“You ready?” He asks looking at her softly.  
“Yes, I need some relief here, I feel like my boobs are about to explode.”  
Jack piles him on her and tries to busy himself. He doesn’t want to hover but he can’t help it.   
“Come on, baby. Come on, Cashy.”  
He hears her soft whispers.  
“It’s right here buddy. Please help me out.”  
She has gotten him settled and he’s starts to nurse, but immediately let’s go again, and starts coughing.   
“I’m drowning him, Jackson. With my breastmilk, how does that even happen? It’s just everywhere!”  
“Try again, Al. He’s ready now, he was just crying.”   
She lays him back down, and Jack pries his little fist out of his mouth, getting it out of the way.   
“There you go pal, right there.” Jacks soft voice rumbles out.   
“Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!” She squeezes her eyes shut and waits for a few seconds. Then she sits back and settles into the pillows.   
“You okay?” He asks her quietly, rubbing her shoulder.  
She looks up into his face and shakes her head no.   
“This is so hard.”  
He kisses her bent knee and nods his head.  
“I know, we’re all trying to find our way. Even him. He’s still figurin’ it all out.”   
She grabs his hand and brings it to her lips.  
“Thank you, for reminding me.” 

It was nearly the end of September, the weather was cooling down, and sitting on the front porch in the early evening was Allys new favorite thing.  
She’s loved all the alone time her and Jack have had the last month, to be with eachother, and their family and friends. Spending uninterrupted time with her baby. Seeing Jack become a father, and letting him take care of her the way he had been was something she never would have thought she could even do. She’s always been the one to take care of everyone else. To worry about everyone else. Jack had a way of doing things around the house, like laundry, making her meals, taking Charlie wherever the hell he went because he was being a needy little shit, he did it so effortlessly, like it was exactly what he wanted to be doing, and she had no doubt it was.  
The windows were open, and she could hear the scratching of the old record player turning on in the living room.  
The second it started, a grin split across her face. She heard the intro to Johnny Cash’s ‘Folsom prison blues’ and leaned her head back smiling into the sky. She couldn’t stay there long because she had to get closer to the sound making its way out of the house.   
She walks into the kitchen and Cash is laying on Jacks chest sound asleep, his big hand craddling his body while the other flips pancackes on the skillet. She stops in the entryway, leaning against a wooden beam, watching, and listening to his deep voice mingle with the music. 

‘When I was just a baby, my mama told me,   
Son always be a good boy, and never play with guns’

God how does he do that? He has the art of multitasking down, his calm demeanor is exactly what fatherhood should look like to her. He didn’t always know what to do, and he was sometimes hesitant, but he always tries, and he never even had to be asked.  
His voice is so similar to the one on the stereo, it holds the exact tune, his earlier years of mimicry held fast.  
He sees her watching and he smiles, boasting out the last verse as she walks in.

‘Far from Folsom prison, that’s where I want to stay, and I’d let that lonesome whistle blow my blues away.’ 

“For gods sake Jack, this is the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.”  
He laughs and plops the pancakes on the plate at the counter.   
“This was the only thing I could make one handed.”  
Ally walks up and wraps her arms around his waist from behind, and kisses her sons squished face peaking over his Daddy’s shoulder.   
“Pancackes are perfect.” She murmurs quietly. “Your perfect.”


	11. Look what I found

“Where the fuck did that diaper go?”  
Jack has Cash laid out on the bed, and Ally was hurriedly getting dressed, trying desperately to button the top of her jeans she was so close to fitting back into. She had completely forgotten she had a brunch this morning with producers.  
Jack had a meeting, and so she had asked him to hurry and get the baby ready so she could bring him with her.  
She watched as he tossed a couple pillows over and moved the comforter aside. He finally found it and kneeled down finishing up the job. Ally knew what was happening before Jack processed it, watching him freeze with the diaper still in one of his hands.  
“Are you serious Cash?” He looks down at his wet shirt and back up to the baby, laying there naked.  
“Whoa! Cashy baby! That was impressive, you almost got daddy in the face, nice work!”  
Ally is laughing, continuing to rifle through the giant pile of laundry on the floor.  
She had been peed on a dozen times, and Jack was always teasing her about it, saying he was obviously the better diaper changer.  
“We don’t have all day, honey. Times a tickin’.” She grins out at him.  
“You little traitor.” He says tickling his chin, then stands up and takes his shirt off.

Jack crawled into bed next to his passed out wife. He knew going back to work was going to take everything out of her. She didn’t take as long off as she hoped, but her album was pressing. Even he knew that, and he had to convince her of it.  
He puts his hands under the baby and slides him away from her warm body ever so slowly, doing everything in his power not to wake up a soul. Ally’s nightly routine was to lay in bed nursing and she fell asleep every single time without fail, and Charlie’s common place was laying across her legs. They now had a community bed it seemed, nobody wanted to be too far from her. She was everyone’s favorite.  
The only problem is that he had a death grip on Ally’s hair. He tries to pry his little hands out, but he just won’t let go.  
“Cash, let go of mama. Come on, buddy.”  
He finally gets him free and walks across the hall to his room, settling him in, and switching the monitor on as he closes the door.  
“So you’ll tuck him in, but leave me exposed?” Ally pokes his side as he gets under the covers.  
“Sorry, but if a boob is lookin’ me in face I’m not about to change that.”  
She slides next to him, kissing his neck and playing with the waistband of his boxer briefs. He hardens immediately. It’s been a long six weeks without sex. They have fooled around shamelessly, but no actual intercourse was taking a toll on both of them.  
“Guess what I did this afternoon?” She whispers into his ear, then sucks his earlobe.  
“Hmmmm, What did you do?” He grumbles out, sliding a hand down to meet hers.  
“I went and visited the doctor.”  
Jack opens his eyes, and sits up slightly.  
“I thought that wasn’t til next week?” He asks her excitedly.  
“Well it was, but the office called and said they had a cancellation, if I wanted it, and I did.”  
She grabs his neck and brings him down on top of her, kissing him and not letting him go.  
“So your good? Everything looks good?” He breathlessly asks.  
“Oh, I got the go ahead.” She smiles up at him.  
“Oh. My. God. Thank you.”  
Interesting, Ally thought to herself. That was a little awkward, she wasn’t going to lie. Why did it hurt so damn much? She mused. Her husband was soft and slow and everything she could possibly need him to be, but, Jesus, that just wasn’t good.  
He finished before she could even get going, and she doesn’t blame him, but she felt annoyed and restless.  
“I’m sorry, that was like not great sex. On your end I mean. I had no self control.” He puts his hand on her hip.  
She rolls over to face him, and she can tell he was embarrassed.  
“Well it wasn’t you. It just was kinda painful, and felt different. You were hesitant to touch me it seems.” She brushes the hair out of his face.  
“I know. I mean, I wanted too, I just was scared. I don’t want to hurt you, and I did, and your boobs are leaking with my sons nutrients, and god I want to put my hands and mouth on them but it’s like, they aren’t mine anymore and-and- god baby your so fucking hot I exploded.”  
“So you do want to touch me? I just-“ She starts explaining herself and before she can finish Jack is talking over her.  
“Of course I want to touch you, Ally.” He laughs. “So much, but I’m worried, and I’m in my head, and I want to make you feel good, but your right it’s different. Shit. I’m such a fuck up.”  
“What?” She sits up. “No your not. You do everything for me.”  
She suddenly is aware how true that statement is and she begins to cry.  
“Hey, it’s okay.” Jack sits up and pulls her into him.  
“You do, Jackson. Since the day I met you, you were always doing everything for me. Always putting me first, and even now your staying home with our baby so I can work, you, are not a fuck up. Your amazing, and I don’t deserve you.”  
“Oh come on, don’t make it sound like I’m not a piece of shit, and there’s no place I’d rather be then home with Cash. I write my music at home, I have meetings with the guys at home, my recording studio is behind the house for Christ’s sake. I’d be here anyway, and your here a lot too. We’re doing fine, baby. I am sorry the sex sucked though.”  
“I don’t care.” She cries into his neck. “We’ll figure it out.”  
Not for the first time, he lets out a laugh, the one where he is way over head, the one where he wonders how the hell he got here, and can’t even believe this is the life he is living.

Jack loved that Cash would finally take a bottle for him. He’d been hooked on Ally for the first two months like he didn’t think was possible. Once Ally had started being in the studio longer and Jack wasn’t able to bring him over as often for her to nurse him, they decided that they needed to try it, and the kid hated it.  
Jack insisted that he wouldn’t starve. He’d break down and eat, and that’s what he did. Picking his buzzing phone up off the couch cushion next to him, he was surprised to see his wife calling him so early in the afternoon, long before she would even take a break.  
“Hey sugar mama.” Jack answers, expecting a laugh or some sort of smart ass remark.  
“Jackson, I can’t do this.” She is crying into his ear.  
He sits forward, adjusting the baby so he can hold the bottle with one hand and the phone with the other.  
“Ally, calm down, what happened?”  
“I want to be home. I miss him, I’m leaving him too much and I can’t stand it. What are you guys doing?” She bawls out.  
Jack knew this was coming, he felt it every time she left the house. She was overly protective, which he loved, she smothered their son, and he didn’t ever see that stopping. Which again, he loved.  
“He’s just eating. Took his bottle great.”  
Well shit, that probably didn’t help.  
“See? He doesn’t even care anymore that I’m gone. You know how to do everything, and he doesn’t even need me.” A whole new level of hysteria is breaking through.  
“I didn’t mean that, baby. I just want you to be able to know we’re fine. Of course he needs you, don’t be crazy.”  
Fuck. He did not just say the c word.  
“I’m not crazy!” She shouts out.  
“I know! I didn’t mean that either!” He stands up, and continues to try to salvage whatever he can.  
“Ally. God I wish you could be home more, I do. I know you are struggling, but I got this, and you got this. We’re doing it together. Listen, how about we pick you up for lunch? Take a long one today?”  
“Okay. Yeah, come earlier, okay? I’m sorry, and I love you.”  
“I love you darlin’. I’ll see you soon. Now go get shit done alright?”  
“Alright.” 

Two hours later Jack was at the studio, watching Ally do her thing. Damn, she was so captivating to watch. He had plopped himself in a corner, and brought Cash in, asleep in his car seat. He put a blanket over the top so people wouldn’t think that he was free reign. It bugged him when people thought they could just touch him, poke at him. Shit, the kid was fucking cute, he knows, but he didn’t want him  
getting sick or anything.  
“Jack, how’s it going man?” Rez sits across from him smiling like the goon he was.  
“Good. She looks great.” He points to his wife who is at the piano, telling everyone around her what the hell to do. She didn’t need managing.  
“She’s doing well. Once we get some of these kinks worked out, it’ll be great, but she’s definitely getting better.”  
What an idiot. No positivity. Just constant criticism. He hates that Ally is around this.  
“Hey,” Jack says sharply, getting Rez’s attention. “I get this is your job, I get it, but she’s a fuckin’ human being, who just gave birth to another human being. You need to give it a little more time.”  
“We don’t have time, Jack.”  
Ally notices him and stands up, rushing over.  
“Hey!” He can see the relief in her face, just seeing him.  
“How long have you been here?” She bends down pecking his lips and looks into his face a little longer than usual. She can tell he’s worked up. He smiles and shakes his head. Ridding his mind of Rez and his immaturity.  
“A little while. You look so good, sound incredible.”  
She crouches down next to the car seat and pulls the blanket back slightly.  
A few of the women have gathered and are doing all the ohhhhs, ahhhhs and squeals they let out whenever a baby or a puppy is present. Ally gets him out when he starts to stir and settles in next to Jack on the small couch. Rez hasn’t left, he’s going over the weeks schedule and he just won’t fucking shut up.  
Ally pulls the neck of her shirt down, unclips the side of her bra and starts to nurse, right there, boob exposed, and he wants to cover her with something.  
Jack is fully aware he’s over reacting, the guy is her manager, he’s seen her at shows, topless and changing backstage, but he just can’t help it. He’d never say anything out loud, Ally would freak.  
‘I’m feeding my baby Jackson, nobody even notices a boob when a baby is on it.’  
He can hear her now.  
“Will you hand me his blanket?” She elbows him lightly.  
Ally pulls it over her shoulder bringing it up where it covers most of her chest. Well fuck him, it’s like she can read his mind.  
She is barely acknowledging Rez, looking down and stroking the baby’s head and face. The occasional “sounds good” or “that works” is all he’s getting from her, and Jack knows it’s driving him bonkers.  
When the baby is finished she brings him up to her face, kissing his cheeks repeatedly and holding him close.  
“Hi baby boy, I missed you, oh my god, Mama misses you.”  
Maybe he’s glad Rez was there after all. It’s clear as day where her priorities lie.  
“You ready to go?”  
“Yeah let me grab my stuff.” She stands up, her hold on Cash tightening as she walks away with a hollered, “Be back in a couple hours Rez.”

 

It had been three weeks since the night of awkward sex. Jack had decided that he was going to let Ally come to him in her own time. He was constantly communicating to her that she was attractive to him, the ass squeezing was out of control. Her booty had him weak, but he still had no clue how to treat those beautiful breasts of hers.  
He wasn’t deprived, she had her ways to be physical with him. Always had. She treated him to shower head just a couple days ago, shocking the hell out of him. Last week, he had snaked his arm around her waist from behind and she immediately grasped his hand, placing it exactly where she wanted it. She lasted all of two minutes, and had fallen apart hard against his hand, pushing her ass into his dick. Sure enough, a few thrust into her backside and he was seeing stars. He had never come in his pants. Ever.  
They had both laughed afterward. He loved it.  
It was ten o’clock on a Wednesday night and Jack had just sat down at the dining room table, spreading the sheet music out he had been working on when he heard the garage. Charlie’s head perked up and the second Ally was through the door he was running.  
“Hey Charlie.” She drops her purse, her makeup, her change of clothes, her giant ass water bottle she’s always packing around, and gives him her full attention. Letting him lick her face while she scratched him down.  
“I know, I know, your so starved for attention aren’t you buddy?”  
She plops herself down in the enteynway and let’s him lay on her. She is in her yoga pants, and a tank top, and she starts untying her Nike’s and toeing them off, making a big old mess with all the crap she’s brought in. He knows she’s too anxious to be home to even think about putting it away but Jack doesn’t give a fuck, he just feels bad she is so stretched thin.  
“How was mister Cash today? I know we had dinner together but that feels like a long time ago. He go down okay? How are you? I grabbed a shower in the gym, because all I wanted was to come home and crawl into bed with you.”  
He loves it when she rambles.  
“He’s as good as ever. He seems easy. I probably shouldn’t jinx it.”  
He walks towards her, stretching his hand out to help her up.  
“I’m sorry I’m so late, we’ve got this routine that I can’t get down, I’m out of shape, and the flows all off, and what’s the point of performing when it’s not perfect?” She goes on and on.  
“The point is people want to see you, and hear your songs.”  
She reaches up and puts her arms around his neck. He grabs hold of her waist and lifts her up, walking her into the living room. He settles them down on the old leather couch and sighs dramatically.  
He looks at his wife and the gleam in her eye makes his stomach flip flop. She casually sits on his lap, scratching her nails over his chest and kisses him like she was starved.  
She automatically goes for his shirt and breaths heavily into his open mouth when they part. When she’s done with his she stands up and takes off her own. Jack wants to help her with her clothes, and puts his hands on her hips, but he stops himself. He doesn’t want to rush her, doesn’t want to make an assumption that they were going to have sex, but he knew that look. God he’s missed that look.  
“Go ahead, honey.” She laughs, moving her hands behind her back to unclip her bra.  
He hooks his fingers under her waistband and forcefully shoves them down in one quick motion. He freezes, staring up at her.  
“You know I don’t wear underwear when I workout. Don’t look so scandalized.” She teases, grabbing his face in her hands.  
He leans forward and places his lips on her perfect stomach.  
“Touch me Jack. I want you to touch me.”  
She brings her hands into his hair when he begins placing open mouthed kisses on her stomach, over her hips and down further. His hands slide up to her breasts and he lets out a fucking whimper if he’d ever one.  
He leans back, staring at her chest, and starts unbuckling his belt. He can’t look away from her body, and Ally kneels down in front of him, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down his legs while she kisses his sides. God he loves it when she kisses him there, and she damn well knows it.  
He grabs her hands and pulls her on top of him, and she is immediately biting at his mouth while she grinds against him.  
This woman owns him, she absolutely owns him. He’d wait forever for her to be ready, because when she was ready, it took them both sky high.  
“Jackson, touch me.” She pants out when he finally lets her mouth go.  
He leans them forward and kisses his way down her throat, bringing both hands to exactly where they both need it.  
“Yes, God, yes.” She has her hands around his wrists, making sure she’s good and ready before he moves them. He lifts a nipple to his mouth and brushes over it lightly. It’s been so fucking long since he’s touched them, kissed them.  
“Is this okay, baby?” He grumbles out, loud enough for her to know that he’s asking.  
“Just do it and stop thinking.” She demands.  
Jack opens his mouth and covers her nipple. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. It’s the only thought he is capable of forming.  
She’s moaning into his ear, threading her fingers into the back of his hair, and he’s forgotten that it kinda hurts when she does that. Hurts in the best possible fuck me type of way. He loves how she is always pulling and grabbing at him, like she can’t get enough.  
He lets go and moves to the other side, but not before he tells her how fucking good she tastes.  
She sits up slightly and he reaches down, so she can position herself however she wants. She starts to move over him and he falls into the couch with his head resting on the back. His eyes are closed, because the sensations are overwhelming, but there is a nagging part in his brain, telling him to open his eyes, that it wants to watch, so he does.  
Jack lifts his head and sees his wife, moving over him slowly, with a worried look on her face. He was careful not to move. He didn’t want to hurt her.  
“Hey.” He rasps out. “How are you so pretty, huh?”  
Their heads fall together, and she is working her hips, trying to settle herself fully.  
“Don’t you dare orgasm before me, Jackson.” She looks at him sternly, but cracks a smile.  
He laughs slightly and closes his eyes again, focusing on what he can do to get her there.  
He would die of mortification if she had another bad sexual experience. Pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to live with it either.  
Ally is picking up the pace and cussing up a storm, which has always been a sure sign of build up.  
“Oh, come on.” She moans out frustrated. “Fucking come on.”  
He wants to encourage her, wants to throw her back on the coffee table and get the job done, but he refrains, because he can tell she has to find the way before he’ll be able find it again.  
“Fuck!” He breathes out, grasping her thighs tightly. He honestly doesn’t know how he’s lasted this long with her riding him this hard. It’s a damn miracle.  
“Jackson, I swear I’ve lost it, I can’t find it.” She cries out, looking ready to stop.  
“No way. No fuckin’ way. You keep goin’.” He begs her.  
He eventually decides to meet her thrusts slightly and that’s all it takes. She suddenly screams out, grabbing onto his shoulders. She is shouting out louder than she ever has, and he doesn’t even know what she’s saying, but hearing her pushes him over the edge, and he’s groaning loudly into her neck, squeezing her ass to him tighter. He can feel her orgasm lasting and he swears it’s going to make him black out.  
“Jesus Christ Ally...” He moans out harshly.  
She finally relaxes and pushes herself off of him sideways, laying on the couch. He looks down at her, the tensions drained away and he can feel the relief between them.  
His chest is heaving, and he takes a minute so he can speak without sounding like he’s going to die of an asthma attack. He reaches out, holding one of her hands until she opens her eyes. When she does he smiles, and says, “Thank fuck you found it.”


	12. Poker Face

Before Ally, Jack had deliberately not gone to bed at night, he would just drink til he passed out. He had always known the reason why he did this, and why he began so young, even if he hadn’t admitted it to anyone besides his therapist. He was scared of the night, scared to be alone in the dark, the dark brought quiet, and quiet brought memories, and he didn’t have the most pleasant of memories. Insomnia was a bitch.   
Going to bed sober with Ally was different. She had chased away his dreams that first time he wrapped his arms around her middle and laid his head on her shoulder, zonking out cold. No substances needed.   
From the beginning of their relationship sleeping soundly on the tour bus for the first time in his life, to palming her growing stomach during pregnancy in the fancy hotels he tried to spoil her with, and now here, in his own home pressed against her back, with his baby pressed against her front. It gave him a high that no pill, no drink, no needle, ever did.

Waking up sweaty, shaky and sick to his stomach was happening more and more. Having nightmares that he knew were realities creeping into his subconscious. Tonight he woke to one of his fathers drunken rampages, taking a ten year old Jack down in his wake. 

Staring down at his son soundly asleep on his wife brought him back down to earth, but along with it came the disturbance of knowing that this environment they were cultivating was so foreign to them both.  
It felt right, it felt natural, but he was reminded constantly that he never knew a gentle touch a day in his young life, and his wife, well, Lorenzo did an amazing job with her, but he saw what the void of not having a mother did to her confidence.

Creating a family wasn’t on his radar, but he had gotten a girlfriend who he really fucking loved, then out of nowhere she was his wife who he couldn’t fucking live without, and now here she is, the mother to his baby and he fucking worships her for it.  
Along the ride he’s picked up emotions that he doesn’t know how to handle, and this dad gig had him feeling all sorts of inadequate. He put on a show, like always, and he was in love with his life, but deep down, he was waiting to screw up so big it would all be taken from him. 

Jack got out of bed slowly and creeped down to the basement. He turned all the lights on, and turned his music down low, dropping to the ground to count push ups, trying to rid himself of his fathers harsh words and stale smell. Jack needed to get his shit together. He was so fucking tired of being the guy who cracked under pressure. All he wanted was to raise a kid or two that didn’t need to recover from their childhood. 

*****

Jack had bought her a fucking Land Rover, it had shown up that first week she had been home from the hospital, and Ally lost her mind. Arguing that Jack had two trucks, and a motorcycle, and asked him why she couldn’t just use his new truck when she needed to be out. He insisted she needed her own vehicle, the term he had used was ‘family car’ if she was remembering right, and that the safety ratings were incredible. She had looked at him like he had grown another head, replying, “Who are you?”  
She’ll admit now, that she absolutely loved it, and it really has made her life, especially with a baby, a lot easier. In the end she had relented and thanked him for not going with the Range Rover. She didn’t want to be that bitch. God, that man had her entire heart and soul. 

“Thanks for watching him so last minute, Bobby.” Ally smiles over her shoulder as she gets Cash settled into the backseat.

“Any day, anytime, you know that.” Bobby replies handing her, her bag. 

Ally shuts the door and she hollers out a quick thanks to Faye who had stayed on their front porch.

“So, do you love that woman as much as she fucking loves you?” 

“She’ll do.” He mumbles out, looking down. 

“She’ll do? God. Men. What’s it been, a year? She’s so beautiful. How old is she anyway? Can’t be fifty, you dog, and if she is then, wow.” She leans back against the window and folds her arms.

“I can’t even keep track of how many questions that was, sweetheart, but your gettin’ a little nosey anyway, so I’m not answering them.” 

Ally rolls her eyes laughing. She loved Faye, she loved that she loved Bobby, and Jack, and has helped her learn along the way with Cash. She had grown children, and a couple grandchildren, and having a woman around, a woman who genuinely cared for her, and loved her baby, had helped Ally’s heart heal in a way she didn’t know it needed to be healed.

“Well, my husband say’s you’d be a jackass to let that smoke show go, and I agree. Have you talked to Jackson lately?” She asks changing the subject.

“We have a lunch meeting tomorrow with some guys, I was thinkin’ of asking him to meet a little early, so we could catch up.” He responded. 

“Will you? He seems stressed. I wonder if I put too much on his plate. I hope that he would tell me if he was feeling that way.” She says softly, insecure with herself for no apparent reason. 

“I’ll call him, but I know he’d never feel weighed down by you. By that little boy. If he’s struggling it’s not your fault, Ally.” He points his finger at her, and she swats it away. 

“I know. We’ll see ya soon.” Deep down she didn’t know that it wasn’t her fault. She felt guilty, like this life they were living was too overwhelming.

*****

When Jack got home she was sprawled out on the living room floor with Cash, watching him gaze around while he sucked on his fist. He had started to fill out, and his head full of hair that was almost black when he was born has turned into a soft brown. He looked so much like her husband it made her laugh.

“We’re in here honey!” She calls out when she hears Jack walking around the kitchen.

Jack makes his way in and sits down in his chair, leaning over to give her a quick kiss.

“How was your day off? Looks like you spent it cleanin’, and smells like you spent it cookin’ damnit.” He teases.

“I wanted too. Ramon came over, it was fun. I just like being home, you know that. How was your day?” Before he can answer she tells him to look at the baby. He had cranked his little neck trying to look behind him. 

“You hear your daddy? Oh my god, I love it when he does that. Doesn’t that just make your entire day? Watching him look for you?” 

“Hey, buckaroo.” Jack kneels down and hovers over him, leaning down and kissing his head.   
“I missed you today, pal. How is he gettin’ so damn big?” Jacks wraps him up loosely and sits back laying him on his chest and patting his back. His little eyes start to close and before too long he is asleep. 

“I had lunch with Bobby and some guys who are working with a band, and they want me to write for them. Isn’t that weird?” Jack suddenly blurts out.

It takes her time to respond, taken aback by his words.

“Of course someone wants to collaborate with you, I’m not even a little bit surprised. How do you feel about it? That could be fun.”

“I don’t know. It’s like, one more thing to worry about.” He shrugs and Ally feels that nagging guilt. “It could be fun, but I don’t have the time.” 

“Make the time. I’ll help you.” She tells him.

“We’ve just got a lot going on, I can’t work more, and you can’t work less. Plus we leave next month.” He stands up and lays the baby down in his swing. “What’s for dinner? I’m starvin’.” He pats his belly, smiling, trying to chance the subject.

“Hey, Jack?” He looks over at her and she continues, “If this is something you want to pursue, please do it. I never want to be the reason you don’t do something. We would figure it out. I promise.”

She crawls over and sticks a pacifier in Cash’s searching mouth, holding it there for a few seconds and then covers him up, giving the swing a soft push. Maybe they would make it through a meal together. 

*****

“It’s just not going away, and I don’t know what to do.” 

Jack was confused as hell. He looks at his wife, standing there, naked, fresh out of the shower, and she’s critiquing her body apart. 

“What won’t go away?” His eyebrows draw together as he checks out every bit of her. 

“My stomach. I mean, I’ve lost all my weight, but it’s just not going back to normal no matter what I do.” She says putting both of her hands over her stomach. Her beautiful stomach that had held their son for nine months. He loved her stomach.

“You look amazing, you don’t need to worry about your body.” He kisses her shoulder and heads to the closet to get dressed.  
He was examining her from afar and swears she is as small as she was before she was pregnant, her body hadn’t even changed much, except for filling out beautifully in all the right places. Sure her six pack was gone, her stomach had stretched out to it’s max.

“Easy for you to say.” She says under her breath. 

“What does that mean?” He snaps at her. 

“It means you don’t have the kind of pressure that I do. My body has to be back. Rez is working my ass off, and I’ve got to be ready in less than a month.” She tosses her toothbrush in the drawer and shoves it closed.

“Don’t talk to me about that fucker and the way he talks about your body. Your gorgeous, and the fact that your lettin’ people into that pretty head of yours is boiling my blood.” He pulls his jeans on and grabs the first t shirt in his drawer.

“Forget it. You don’t understand, I shouldn’t have said anything.” She rolls her eyes as she walks passed him into the closet.

“No, Ally I won’t forget about it, and I think your the one who doesn’t understand.”  
He starts to leave the bathroom, but he turns around, choosing to not let this one go.

“You had a baby five months ago,” his voice is raised and he’s being relentless with his lecture, “a beautiful, amazing, sweet little boy. He’s perfect, just like his mom, and I love your body more now than I did before. God damnit Alison, give yourself a fuckin’ break.” He storms out, slamming the door behind him.   
Ally took a few minutes to feel like a complete ass. Jack was right to put her in her place. He grounds her every time she starts to get a little crazy.  
She slipped on a pair of tight black leggings and a zip up jacket over her bra. They had a photo shoot today, and she knew not to get dressed or touch her face or hair. She made her way out to the living room and saw Jack on the back patio, sitting on the steps with Cash while they watch Charlie run around the yard like a wild animal.  
She walks out the slider and Jack holds the fussy boy up in the air playfully. He’s working himself into a cry and has the most adorable frown on his face. Cash isn’t happy in the morning until he’s had her boobs in his mouth for a solid half hour.

“There’s your mama, I told you she was comin’, don’t freak out.”

He brings him down, blowing on his belly and holds him back up for her to take. Ally lifts him up, giving him all the morning kisses he could handle until he lets out an angry screech, so she lays down on the outside sectional to give him what he wants.

Jack spends the time getting Charlie nice and tired, and when he’s close enough to hear her she tries to break the ice.

“Thanks for the shower sex. I needed it.”  
She immediately decides to just go for the apology. “I’m sorry I’m acting like a mother fucking diva.”

He walks over, and kisses her cheek, then lower to Cash’s little hand fisted in her hair. 

“I’m sorry I lost my temper.” He says quietly.   
“It’s okay to want to be better, Al, at whatever your working on. Just do it for you. That’s all I’ve ever asked.” 

“Hey.” She waits til he looks at her.   
“I’m done with Rez after this tour. I had our lawyer look over everything. I’m out come summer, like it’s final, and done.”

She hadn’t told him she was doing it because he was so adamant about not making decisions for her. He nods his head thoughtfully, not saying anything about the man that has caused so much strife in their family life. 

“I want what’s best for you, for Cash.” He looks at her and she can read between the lines. What’s best for them is him, and Rez doesn’t agree. They sit in relaxed silence until the doorbell rings, then Jack stands up. “I’m going to go let Bobby in.” 

“There’s the man I’m looking for.” Bobby says as they make their way outside, reaching his arms out to the baby.   
Ally hands Cash over and he immediately lets out a gummy smile, getting excited. 

“We’ll call you on our way home, we can bring dinner, so plan on us coming down to your place. Sorry it’s a long day, and I’ll have my phone on the entire time, and Jack will too. Right, honey?” 

God it’s like she’s never left him every single time she leaves him, Jack smiles and reassures her that they’ll be available, giving Bobby a look over her shoulder.

“I know the drill, sweetheart.” Bobby tells her patting her arm. “He’s happy to come to grandpas house, aren’t you cowboy? Just go. Have a good time.”

“Let’s go, darlin’ rolling stone doesn’t wait for anyone. Not even you.” Jack picks her up and spins her around towards the door giving her a friendly smack on the ass.

*****

This was her biggest interview and photo shoot to date, they reached out, wanting to talk about her new album and tour, and begged for Jack to join her, dying to get details about home life and the new baby.

“I love that you’re doing this with me, honey.” She lightly scratches the back of his neck and he shivers. 

“Don’t do that while I’m drivin’ your gunna run us off the road.” He smiles over at her. 

“How many times have you done rolling stone, Jack?” She asks a question but he doesn’t answer, her questions are usually followed up with a statement, and her statements are usually followed up with a story, and shit he loved her stories.  
“I remember once, probably like, six years ago, seeing a cover at the grocery store. You didn’t have a shirt on, and I picked up the magazine, skimmed through it. Thought to myself, ‘damn that’s what a real man looks like’ and stuck it back on the shelf. Ramon was with me, and we both eye fucked you while we waited to pay. I even thought about buying it, but I was poor and didn’t want to waste any money.”

She looks over at him and he is staring at her in silence, he looks so good she thinks to herself, wearing his black aviators. His long hair and few days growth is utter perfection. 

“Shut up. That is not a fuckin’ true story, Ally.” He laughs out, swatting at her leg.

“It is too a true fucking story! We can call Ramon right now!” She slaps at him back. 

“You didn’t think anything of me before we met. You told me you were neither here nor there. Your words, not mine.” He points at her. 

“Well that’s true, but Jesus, Jackson Maine is pretty fucking hot shirtless holding a guitar, and look at me now, he’s my baby daddy.”

“Ally, oh my god.” His laughs are unrestrained and rolling out of him.

“What? What!” She is legitimately confused, not understanding why he finds her so damn cute. 

“Wait...are you going topless baby?” He asks curious. 

“That depends.” She gives him that grin he knows all too well. The, I’m up to no good grin. “Will you go topless with me?”


	13. Fashion of his love

Ally couldn’t believe how beautiful these images were. The editor at rolling stone had sent over everything for her to have, and Ally was beyond ecstatic to show her husband. It had been one of the best, if not the very best, interviews they had done, and these pictures were the sprinkles.

She was glad she had let Ramón convince her into changing her hair in time for the shoot. The night she walked in with with her hair darker than it had ever been, Jack had dropped the bottle he was making right there on the kitchen tile, spilling everywhere. It was a deep, rich, chocolate brown and when he could do something besides gape at her his words had left her tongue tied. 

“How do you look so damn natural and so damn glamorous all at the same time?” 

He was supportive of everything she tried. Hair, make up, clothes, and he would never admit it, but she knew this is what he preferred, and she loved it. It made her feel like herself from before, made her feel normal, and it was exactly what Rez didn’t want. 

They looked amazing together. She knew she looked good, and Jackson looked so damn good, it was making her choke up. She was so proud of him. He looked different in these pictures. It was still him, the man couldn’t be changed, not really, and she never wanted him to be, but he was genuinely happy, and those blue eyes, those ocean blue eyes were as clear as they had ever been.

Scrolling to the bottom, with the images of just her, half naked, and more comfortable than she had ever been in her own skin, had her laughing with the memory of Jack hollering out “work it mama” to everyone’s amusement on set. She had been nervous he would be uncomfortable with how bare she was, but he absolutely wasn’t, and she knew exactly what she wanted to do to engrain the moment into his brain.

*****

No answer. Again. Ally was starting to become agitated. Jack isn’t attached to his phone by any means, but he was always considerate when he was running late, they checked in with each other throughout their day, ever since she had Cash he had been over the top.

She knew Jack was struggling, knew he was having nightmares. She felt him toss and turn all night, and when she mentioned it, he immediately shut her down. She can sense his withdrawal from her and she can’t do anything for him.  
He goes to his therapist, sometimes twice a week, and Ally makes things as normal at home and between them as she always has. He is home with the baby most days and she never worries about that, he is working and his relationships with everyone else seem solid. She tries to sit back. She tries to let him work it out, because she has complete trust in him, and in all honesty she knows he is pushing her away. She has felt this before, but she could only stand so much.  
If a relapse was in his future, even though it sends her into sickening dread, she knows they would survive the downfall.

“Sorry I haven’t called, everyone and their manager is talking my fuckin’ ear off.”

She hears Jack from the front door just as she is about to try again. She knows being on the phone especially annoys the hell out of him, and bothers his hearing at that. 

“It’s okay.” She calls out, relief flooding her, relief she didn’t know she had pent up.

Jack walks through the kitchen and down to the basement to drop off his gutair. No look, no smile, no kiss.  
She’s sitting at the kitchen table finishing her dinner, Jack’s is still on the stove, and Cash was falling asleep nursing. She suddenly could do anything with a chubby five month old hanging onto her. When she was home he didn’t let her out of his sight, and she had a hard time even putting him down. Jack said he was spoiled, but deep down they both didn’t give a shit.  
Walking back into the kitchen, Jack quietly pulls out the chair next to her and slides it closer, leaning over and whispering into Cash’s little ear. His eyes slightly flutter open and he gives his daddy a sleepy smile.

“Is he getting too old to fall asleep on your tit like that?” Jack asks her as he stands up to make himself a plate.

The way he asked wasn’t nice, and she hates that he was making her feel self conscious. She wanted to tell him to fuck off. Ally feels a fire in her come to life, and she has to take a moment before she answers. 

“He’s only five months old. I’ll do it as long as it makes sense. He loves it, I love it. I don’t need to explain shit to anyone, including you.”

“Jesus, just wonderin’” He grumbles out quietly.

Ally didn’t raise her voice, wasn’t snappy, but she was getting sick of his shit, and getting so fucking sick of being his punching bag.

“How was your day? Busy?” She lifts Cash to her shoulder and stands up, taking her plate to the sink. 

“Yep.” He says through bites of food. 

She stands there staring at his back and can almost see the wall he’s put up. Fuck. It hasn’t felt like this for so damn long.

“I’m going to put him to down, want turn the record player on? I can rub your neck.” She kisses the side of his head from behind and he tenses.

“I dunno. I’m tired. I’ll just come to bed in a bit.” 

His body language is doing all the talking for him, and it hurts like hell. 

“Whatever, Jack. Your welcome for dinner.” She calls out as she walks down the hallway to the bedrooms.

She went about the night minding her own business, trying, and failing, to not take Jack’s mood personal. Maybe this was her. Maybe she was too much. Maybe she expected too much.

She couldn’t go to bed knowing he was in this state. She was contemplating how to approach him and when she left the bedroom she saw him out back with a cloud of smoke surrounding him. Perfect way to take the edge off, she could use a cigarette. She pulled the blanket from the couch around her shoulders and stepped outside. 

Walking up next to him she gently took the cigarette from his lips and began to take long deep pulls of the poisonous shit she had been hooked on in her younger years. She would smoke occasionally, socially, but she didn’t need it. Not like Jack. He looked up at her, motionless and staring, eventually pulling out another one and lighting it.

When he stands, she immediately wraps her arms around his middle and looks into his handsome face. He tries to turn away from her, but she squeezes tight, not allowing him to budge. 

“Sweetie. Look at me.” She pleads, her voice shaking.  
“What can I do for you?” It’s like he can’t even hear her talking.  
“Take me inside. Tell me you have plans for me.” She whispers up to him, full of innuendo. 

“Ally, stop.” He tells her, looking into her eyes for the first time, and that’s when she sees him. That man behind her man, who is about to break.

“What’s up with you huh? You seem off, and I’m trying to help you, stop being so fucking rude to me, I don’t know what I did.” 

“Not everything is about you, you know that?” He flicks the cigarette behind him and onto the cement patio. 

“I didn’t say it was.” She whispers out, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. 

“Don’t do that, Ally. Don’t start with the damn tears.”

His face hardens and he backs away from her, prying her arms away. She doesn’t let him go, doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of pushing her away, so she just hangs onto his waist tighter, burying her face in his chest. 

“Ally, don’t.” He tells her again, grabbing her by the arms to move her.

“Jack please!” She pleads loudly. “Please don’t do this. Talk to me. I need you to talk to me.”

He laughs, unamused, and shakes her off. She let’s him go, he’s too strong anyway. 

“God Ally, is this how little you think of me? I feel stressed, pissed off, and I’m gunna break?”

“Jack, no. I just get worried, I get scared.”

“Worried? Well fuck, baby. I get worried too, but guess what? Unlike you, when I’m worried, when I’m scared out of my mind, I can’t just sit and cry, I can’t just bitch to my husband.”

His word are harsh, and the look he gives her as he shoves the door open with a crash is breaking her heart. She’s scared shitless that he’s going to leave, so she follows him. He walks through the house, heading for the garage.

“Jackson.” She says with as much control as possible. 

“Jackson, stop.” She tries again. 

When he reaches for his jacket on the hook, a full fledged panic attack takes root. 

“No. No, your not going, Jack. I won’t let you go.”

She grabs his arm and he pulls it away. God if she knew what was good for her she would leave him alone. She could feel the waves of frustration coming off of him, but she couldn’t. Her gut was screaming at her to stop him.

“Leave me alone, Ally. I mean it, I’m feeling out of control and I don’t want to be out of control here.” He warns her. 

She grabs onto the back of his shirt, holding as tightly as she could, ready for a fight. Him disappearing, leaving, is her biggest trigger.

“I said no, Jack! Why don’t I get a say in this huh? Your not leaving. Last time I left you, but this time I’m putting up a fight. I won’t let you go.”

He is appearing to be resolute in doing exactly what she doesn’t want. The look in his eyes, the eyes he’s given their son, makes her head spin, makes her fall to her knees and wrap her arms around his leg.

“Please don’t leave.” She cries out. “I know you do so much, you do everything for us, and I’m sorry Jack. If you need a break, baby, just tell me. Our life is hard.”

She looks up and he has tears streaming down his face, which makes her panic even more.

“I’ll do anything for you to stay, honey. anything.” She isn’t above begging. Not for him. 

She can’t see him anymore, and she is absolute in how pathetic she is coming across, so she leans her face into his thigh and cries so he can’t watch her.

“Get up.” He whispers out, loud enough for her to hear.

She shakes her head furiously, refusing. 

“I’m not moving. Not until you promise to stay. You need to be here. If you need something, Jack, I don’t know tell me. Just tell me.”

She is frenzied with her words, and her hold on him tightens without conscious thought.

“I’ll do whatever you want, Jack. You need me? I’m here, my body is right here. You need something else? Tell me what to go buy, tell me who to call, what to ask for, because I’ll do anything for you.” She bawls out. 

He leans into the wall, and slides his body down slowly to the floor, laying his head in his hands.  
She tells herself she needs to calm down, and she loosens her hold on his legs, but doesn’t take her hands off of him. 

He is scrubbing his face up and down and he pulls his knees into his body. Ally sits herself down and scoots back to the wall opposite her husband. He needs space, and she needs to get herself together. The adrenaline pumping through her body has her hands and legs shaking. 

She sees his shoulders trembling before she hears his crying. Big, unrestrained, gut wrenching sobs that wrack his giant frame. 

“He fucked me up, Ally. He fucked me up and I hate him for it. The longer I’m sober, the more pissed off I get, pissed that he ruined me, and I can’t give you what you should have. It’s his fuckin’ fault but-but-I need to be stronger than this, I need to get the hell over it.” 

She can’t swallow the emotion down, it comes out instead, which she hates herself for.

“Your not fucked up.” She whispers, doubting he can hear her. 

“The things he told me. The things he showed me. Bobby’s right, I was his drinking buddy by the time I was thirteen. I’ve been having these weird memories, these flashbacks or somethin’ fucked up, I don’t know.”

He looks at her and a whole new wave of emotion comes over him. He is releasing, venting. To her, not a bottle. She takes a deep breath to steady herself, so he can fall apart without her falling with him. 

“The way he treated women, Ally. I’m sorry for being disrespectful, for treating you this way, for treating you insignificant, because you are absolutely significant, darlin’ your everything good. I can’t live without you-but-but I can’t-can’t-“ He wipes his eyes angrily and leans his head back on the wall.

“It’s okay, honey.” she reaches out, placing a hand on his shin. 

“Your right to freak out. I need something. I was going to go out and screw it all up.” He puts his hands in his hair and squeezes so tightly it looks painful. “I don’t know if I can fight this every few months, and this god damn ever insistent ringing in my ear is driving me fuckin’ insane.”

“Yes you can fight, Jack. You hang on, you don’t give up! Not on me, not on yourself, not on that baby boy blissfully sleeping across the house who holds nothing but joy and love and goodness for you!” She cries out vehemently. 

Time ticks by and they can only sit back and stare at one another, both of their tears freely flowing. 

“That night, in the garage. You were pregnant.”

He informs her like she hadn’t already drawn that conclusion. It was obvious. They just never had talked about it. 

“I was.” She whispers out brokenly. 

“What if I would have done it? The right way?” 

He stands up abruptly and walks into the kitchen, pacing.

“Jack, you didn’t do it, thank god.”

Her heart has never been so heavy. His demons were something she would never know. 

“I fucking wanted to do it. I tried to kill myself.” 

There it was. The words that had remained unspoken between them for over a year. Those words had her dumbstruck. 

“Do you ever think about how things would be if I did?” He asks her. 

“Every damn day, and it kills me Jackson. It fucking kills me. Thinking about having Cash? Without you here?” She can barely speak. “You know how much I’ve needed you, I couldn’t have gotten through pregnancy, survived childbirth, or done all this without you.”

She tells him honestly, knowing that those words would rip him apart even more, but they needed cleansing, they needed peace. The fact that he had left such a mark on her mentally. Scared her so badly, has affected her more than she’s ever let on.

Jack walks across the room, away from her, and she watches as he stares at the wall in between the back door and one of his old guitars hanging on display. He bangs the empty space with a fist and it leaves a dent. 

“Jack. Stop. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” 

He pulls his hand back and hits the wall harder, then goes back in for a final blow, his entire fist goes through the sheetrock, sending debris scattering. He pulls his hand back and walks to the kitchen sink. She’s finally able to take her hands away from her mouth and she rushes over to him. 

“Don’t give me any sympathy, Ally.” 

He’s running his hand under the cold water, blood running out of his knuckles. It’s not deep, and she knows he’s fine, hopefully nothing was broken. She knew she had to keep a level head. Her freaking out would only make it worse. She grabs his forearm and holds his hand under the freezing current. Jack had lost his steam and he is laying his head on the countertop. She dumps the ice from the freezer directly in the sink and wraps some in a towel sloppily, holding it on his hand. She leans into him and kisses his shoulder. 

“You deserved so much more, Jack. You deserve love. Cash is so lucky, and I’m so glad I’m in this with you, sweetie. I thank god everyday your here with me.” She cries into the side of his face. 

“I’m sorry, baby.” Jack turns his face into hers. “I’m so sorry this isn’t easier, that I’m not easier to love.” 

“Loving you Jack? Loving you is so fucking easy.”


	14. Bad Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previous chapters have mentioned Jack collaborating with an upcoming band. There’s a certain bands writing style that screams Jackson Maine, and I used imagine dragons ‘bad liar’ to incorporate that. Enjoy!

Hearing happy babbling instead of crying from the monitor has Ally closing her eyes and trying to fall back asleep for a few more minutes. Her eyes felt grainy and heavy from tears, her body empty. Depleted. Sensing Jack wasn’t in bed with her had her reaching her foot to his side, finding cold sheets, and her hand an empty pillow.   
Standing up, she throws on a sweatshirt. She’s cold, has been cold all night. Making her way across the hall she cracks open the nursery door and peeks inside. It’s still dark, Cash doesn’t usually wake up this early, but she can’t resist getting him out of bed. 

“Hi sweet thing.” She picks him up and breathes him in, holding him close for as long as he’ll let her. “You know I need your loves this morning don’t you? Let’s go find your daddy.” 

She found her husband in the front room, sitting on the couch, staring off into space, wearing the same clothes he had on the night before. He must have heard her because he looks down slightly and brings a hand up to his face, scratching his scruff. She decides to give him a minute, and goes directly to the kitchen. She makes an ice pack because she knows he hasn’t had a second thought about his fist, and even if he did, he’s too damn stubborn to take care of it. 

Stepping down into the cozy space they loved to hang out in, she gently places the ice pack onto his fist resting on his leg, slides a finger over his jaw softly, then sits across from him in the oversized chair. She pulls a blanket down over her legs, and when the baby starts making a fuss she pulls out the boob Jack had suddenly decided to be offended by.

“I’m sorry.” Jack says gruffly, looking at her, but not really looking at her. “I’m such a dumb ass, and if I have ever made you feel small, I’m fuckin’ sorry. Especially for sayin’ what I said about you nursin’ him. I love it, and I was being a prick.”

“Jackson, what your dealing with isn’t anything that needs to be forgiven. You can’t help what runs through your head, what your seeing, what you’ve been through.”

She doesn’t look at him either. Instead focuses on Cash and holds the little hand he’s reached up to her.

“No. I don’t mean that stuff. I’m tryin’ to figure all that shit out, and I’m talkin’ to Carl today. Maybe I’ll try the sleep medication, but other than that I feel great, I’m not like, in a bad place.” He looks down, like he’s ashamed or embarrassed, and Ally’s heart breaks for him all over again. 

“I know your not. You’ve been amazing Jack. We had a fight, things got outta hand. Thank you for considering the medication.” She says simply. 

“Hey, Al.” 

When she meets his eye he continues. 

“I meant I’m sorry for takin’ it out on you. I’ve just-just-been lookin’ to fight, and you were my target.”

“Its okay.” She starts, and wracks her brain to try to find the magic words, but they don’t come.

“It’s not. I’m fixing it, I swear. God, Ally. I fuckin’ love you. Do you forgive me?” He asks.

His face is so full of regret, his eyes giving away all his feelings. 

“Always.”

*****

“I wrote you a song, wanna hear it?” Jack casually asks later that evening. “I mean I’ve been writing a lot but this ones special. Finished it up this morning.” 

“Of course I want to hear it.” She says trying to contain her enthusiasm. 

“So I’ve got a bunch of great stuff written down and for the first time I’m excited about other people singing the songs I’ve wrote.”   
Jack is grabbing his acoustic gutair and sits on the edge of the coffee table. “You know, like I just want my lyrics out there, and these guys, Ally, Jesus they are gunna do them justice.”

She loved seeing him excited about his music. Excited he had made the jump to work solo again, to do something just for himself.

“They sounded amazing when they came to the house. Your gunna make them huge Jack. They are lucky your backing them.”

She genuinely likes the guys, they seemed over the top grateful to Jackson, and they were over the top talented. They were young and motivated. Definitely more of a rocker edge and she loved hearing them make Jacks new music take life. 

“This one though. I wanted to be the first you heard it from, and it’s all yours baby. Well let’s be real, they’re all yours.” He leans over and kisses her quickly and settles himself in, strumming the strings and finding the rhythm. 

“This is called bad liar.” 

She scoots herself all the way to the other end of the couch, wanting to see him from a distance. He hadn’t sang her a song for a long time. They like to have sessions together any chance they got. In the car, in the shower, even out back recording for fun, but this was different.

‘Oh hush my dear it’s been a difficult year and terrors don’t prey on innocent victims   
Trust me darlin’ trust me darlin’’

She could feel the depth of the words from the first two lines, and hearing his most affectionate name for her, in a song, had goosebumps rising on her arms.

‘I’m a man of three fears integrity faith and crocodile tears trust me darlin trust me darlin’’

His voice was soft, and the tempo was slow. Jackson Maine, writing love songs. She smiled at him as he got a little louder going into the chorus. 

‘So look me in the eyes, tell me what you see, perfect paradise tearin at the seams  
I wish I could escape it, I don’t wanna fake it   
Wish I could erase it, make your heart believe   
But I’m a bad liar, bad liar, now you know’

He looked at her, his smile growing and he slowed down the tempo again. 

‘Did all my dreams never mean one thing?   
Does happiness lie in a diamond ring?   
Oh I’ve been askin, Oh I’ve been askin for problems problems problems   
I wage my war on the world inside, I take my gun to the enemies side,  
Oh I’ve been askin, oh I’ve been askin for problems problems problems   
Oh I can’t breathe I can’t be I can’t be what you want me to be  
Oh please believe me this one time  
I’m a bad liar, now you know, your free to go please believe me, please believe me  
Trust me darlin’, trust me darlin’

He strums for a little while, playing with some chords, then looks at her shyly. Hoping to god she knew the song was everything good, and everything he needed to heal himself. Fuck. He could never hide from her. That was the point. It was all about falling apart and then back together again. 

“So whaddya think?” 

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

She cocks her head to the side and almost makes him laugh. She is looking at him like he did something awe inspiring or some shit. That’s the goal with music but still, he wasn’t used to it on such a personal level. 

“That was beautiful, Jackson.” 

“Thank you.” 

*****

Bathing and dressing a squirming, slippery, crying, baby was probably the hardest thing Jack had ever done, even though he did it multiple times a week, it made him sweat every single time. 

“For fucks sake, hold still mister.”

Cash had started rolling over and arching his back whenever they wanted him to just not move. Jack was currently wrestling a diaper onto him, and he knew he should stop cussing but it was a life of foul language. It was going to take time.   
After zipping up his pajamas Jack lays back on the floor pointing to his son and saying, 

“Ha! Got ya!” 

Cash let out a loud squeal and reached over for him. He looked just like his wife with that big grin he always had on his face, always finding something to be happy about, like Ally. Picking him up he bounced him on his lap til he was giggling up a storm. 

“Your so fuckin’ cute buddy. You know that? You smell good too, I think I’m gonna eat ya!” He kisses his neck and tickles his sides sending him into overdrive. 

“Hey it’s supposed to be sleep time not play time,” Ally says casually from the doorway, not actually caring that he wasn’t in bed yet, “and Jack, stop saying fuck.”

“Well you aren’t supposed to show your face at bedtime or else he’s just gunna want you, so scram.” Jack waves her out of the room, dramatically, making her roll her eyes at him. 

Cash tended to want him more throughout the day, but he was full on addicted to his mama at bedtime, and being on tour was going to break him real fast. Jack was slightly concerned with the transition into touring but he wouldn’t come out and tell his wife that. She was worried about enough.

Jack stands up, lays his little boy in his crib, covers him with his favorite silky blanket and gave him his pacifier. 

“You know what buckaroo? The day you decide to say fuck, I’m fuckin’ screwed. It’ll be all my fault, even though your mama says it just as much.” 

“I can hear you through the monitor honey!” His wife calls out loudly. 

“Well fuck me then.” Jack says under his breath as he kisses Cash’s forehead and shuts off the lights. 

“Such a dirty mouth.” Ally declares sarcastically as he walks into their bedroom, plopping himself on the bed.

“Oh you like it a little bit.”

He’s admiring her bare legs, watching her sort through all their shit, and all he wants is to enjoy their last night home together.

“How do you think he’ll do?” She asks changing the subject. “He won’t even remember this place when we come home. Do you think he’ll forget Charlie?”   
She asks sadly, as the thought suddenly occurs to her. 

“He’ll be great. He’s chill. I’m ready for a change in scenery that’s for damn sure.”

“I know, I just am nervous. Hey, I have a birthday present for you. Want it now?”

She forgets about her packing and strides over to him putting her hands on his face. 

“It’s not my birthday.” He smiles up at her. 

“Oh, it’s your birthday. It’s the week of your birthday, that counts, and I want to give you your present I can’t wait any longer.” 

“Yeah?” His finger grabs the front of her shirt pulling it down, and stealing a glance. He saw enough to know she didn’t have anything on under there.

“Behave yourself, and come with me.” She drags him out the door and through the house. 

“Where we goin’?” He asks confused as Ally drags him through the backyard and towards his studio.

When they reach the door she unlocks it and then covers Jackson’s eyes and leads him inside from behind. 

“Alison...” He grumbles out as she laughs, spinning him in circles and walking him around aimlessly just to drive him crazy. 

“Sit here honey.” She tells him as she pulls out one of the rolling chairs from the recording panels. “No peeking.” 

“You better be naked when I open my eyes Ally, I’m not even a little bit kidding.”

She loves Jacks office space. He had a corner with a big desk and shelves where he wrote, and a sitting area with the most comfortable furniture he could find. The chairs were a hideous green, and the sofa was the weirdest brown she’d ever seen, but it was so very Jack and the guys.

Everything in here screamed Jackson Maine without him even trying. A long row of his bands accomplishments backed the wall and he had framed the cover of the beat up Johnny Cash record he had fawned over as a child, along with Willie Nelson, Bob Dylan and Van Morrison vinyls.

His desk was always spotless. He never left his work out. The only thing near it was a single picture. A picture she didn’t know existed until she sat in his chair to watch him rehearse one afternoon. It took her breath away when she saw it, and the fact that it was just casually taped on the wall, yes taped, right next to where he worked made her heart skip a beat.

Bobby had taken it when Cash had been born. It was her, with their brand new baby on her chest, Jack staring down at them, and they both had tears running down their cheeks. It was beautiful, and when she asked him about it all he said was, “best fuckin’ moment of my life.” 

Jack hated presents, hated his birthday, so she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Hopefully this wasn’t too much. 

“Alright, I’m ready.”

“You had me close my eyes even though it was wrapped?”

He raises his eyebrows, laughing at her standing there Vanna White style, next to a rectangle, wrapped simply, and almost as tall as her. Still dressed, to his disappointment.

“You know I can’t pass up a chance to mess with you.” She informs him.

He just sits there and doesn’t move. He hates presents, they make him feel uncomfortable. 

“Well come open it.” She bites her lip, stifling a noise. 

He scoots the chair over a few feet and leans the gift into him. This is why presents suck, because he can’t fake liking it.

“Thank you.” He says looking up to her. 

“Don’t thank me yet, you might hate it.” She squeezes his arm. 

He starts to tear the paper gently, and when it’s completely off he is looking at a black surface.

“Turn it around.” She says obviously. 

When he does, every thought in his brain leaves him. He leans the frame back against the wall and pushes back on the chair. He needed to see it from a distance, and when he does he can’t form a coherent sentence.

When he looks up at her and says “holy shit” she laughs. It was the same exact response she got from him when she sang shallow in the parking lot, the same look and holy shit he gave her as she was giving birth to their son. She was flattered at the shock factor. 

Jack covers his mouth with one hand and blows out a small breath. His wife was staring back at him, from the rolling stone shoot she had done a few weeks earlier.  
Her dark hair a mess, her hazel eyes pulling a beautiful green, and those lips, the lips that weren’t smiling, but slightly parted. Shit, he could stare at her plump lips forever. They were his second favorite body part. Maybe third. Ass, nose, lips, breasts? No that wasn’t it. Ass, breasts, lips, nose? Had to be a tie. He couldn’t decide. Good thing he didn’t have too. 

Speaking of breasts, hers were unbelievable. The too tight, black leather jacket was unzipped all the way, and her boobs were all but spilling out, her skin exposed from neck to navel, and lower to her the underwear she was sporting. Her legs looked a mile long, even though she was as tiny as they come. He told her she was fun sized. Her feet were bare, and she was all skin and sex and he was so fucking proud of her.

Damnit all to hell this was his woman, and she’d made it. She’d fucking made it, doing things her way. 

He moves his hand from his mouth to cover his eyes. Why the fuck did he feel like he was going to cry? Ally had walked over and sat on his lap. She moved his hand from his face. 

“Too much? Is this like the most pretentious gift anyone could give?” She grimaces.

“Prentenciois my ass.” He mumbles. “You look drop dead gorgeous. That’s my baby mama right there. I’m so fuckin’ proud of you. Can I hang it in here?”

“Of course. I can’t wait to show you all of them. The ones of us together. Oh my god, Jackson.” 

“Yeah?” He pulls her down by the nape of her neck for a kiss. 

“Yeah.” She smiles into his mouth.

Jack stands up and pulls her behind him, turning her into his desk, he pushes her back lightly until she’s forced to sit.

“It’s a good thing your wearin’ what your wearin’. Makes this a lot easier.”

He kisses her lips and brings his hands into her hair. She hums into his mouth and reaches behind him, sticking her hands in his back pockets and squeezing. He has her shirt unbuttoned, which was actually his shirt, and slides it off her shoulders and down her arms. She finishes pulling it off and then lays down flat on his desk, wrapping her legs around his waist, her nipples staring him in the face. 

“Well its a good thing you keep your desk so tidy isn’t it? Makes this a lot easier too.” She teases him.

He makes quick work of his shirt and her underwear, all the while getting drunk off the sight of her.

“Hey, my eyes are up here.” She whispers. 

“It’s not your eyes I’m interested in darlin’ not in the slightest.” He whispers back as he lowers his head to her breasts, sucking and kissing, being utterly thorough, yet surprisingly swift.

Moving down her stomach he sets the perfect pace. She knew if she told him to hurry he would make it slower, and she knew if she begged he would torture her.  
When he’s within the vicinity, he spreads her legs apart and makes fast work of where he wants his mouth to be. Her hands clasp onto his hair, holding on for dear life, and her thighs clamp around his head. 

Jack always knows when his wife is about to come. Her breathing hitches, her hands hold onto whatever they can find, and her glorious legs squeeze the hell out of him. He had thoughts of prolonging it all, but he selfishly wanted to be inside her as quickly as possible.

Placing his palms on her hips he holds her still, while a deep, throaty, “fuuuuuuck” leaves her mouth. As soon as she loosens her hold on him he stands up, and unbuttons his jeans, not bothering with taking his pants off, but just taking himself out instead. He pulls her body down to the edge of the desk and she opens her eyes into his. 

“Such a dirty mouth.” He shakes his head at her. 

“I think you like it a little bit.” She replies lazily. 

“I think I like it a hell of a lot.”

Jack hasn’t touched her again, he’s waiting for her to fully resurface. She looks like she’s going to fall asleep right then and there, wearing nothing but that god damn smirk he loves. 

“Think you can do it again?” He asks, moving a stray strand of hair off of her face.

She is about to respond but he slides into her roughly, making her cry out, her body being shoved up, her head and shoulders falling over the edge slightly. 

“God, Jack.” She shouts out, half from feeling, half from the fact that he is quite literally fucking her off of the current surface. She tries sitting up, and grabs his biceps.

“Whaddya think your doin’?” He stops, smiles, and takes her hands, gently pushing her back down. 

“Jack!” She laughs out. “Oh my god, I’m gunna fall!”

She is grabbing at him, and he moves back, just far enough out of reach, but not leaving her body. That would be impossible.   
She knows what he’s doing, he can’t help but tease her, and as usual, if Ally is laughing, he is laughing along.

“Please Jackson. Let me up for God’s sake! I’m not joking, I’m gunna fall, and if that happens your never getting laid again!”

Every type of sex with his wife was fantastic, but this playful, laughing, happy sex? This was his favorite. It was everything he never knew he wanted with a woman.

“Oh yeah right!” He exclaims on a laugh, pushing into her harder. “You really think I’d let you fall? Come on, trust me darlin’.” He says, grabbing her wrists, and helping her up.

He doesn’t let go of her, and both of their hands are trapped between their bodies. She leans her forehead into his chin, and the mood changes. Deepens.

“Your body looks good, honey. You are so good looking. Do you know that?” She is running her hands over his chest and broad shoulders, taking in the moment of privacy they won’t get near enough of over the next while.

“Kiss me.” He demands.

So she does. Slow and sure and soft. Gradually he loosens his hold on her and moves lower, he leans his body weight into her, coaxing her back down, and eventually she is laying flat again. He breaks away from her lips, making his way over her face and neck, standing back up. 

“You okay?” He murmurs out, being serious. 

“Mmmm-hmmmm” She assures him, digging her heels into his lower back. 

“I got ya. Just find something to hang onto huh?” He says casually, gripping the outside of her thighs tightly.

She had nothing to hold onto, nothing for leverage, so she reaches down and clutches the edge of his desk as best she can. 

She knew this wouldn’t be prolonged. She could see it in her husbands face that he wasn’t about to maintain much self control. When he began to set a steady pace, she knew she wouldn’t last long anyway. She decided she didn’t want to play games anymore. 

“Harder, Jack. Just, god, please, harder. I’m ready, your ready, stop fucking around.” 

Her words were needy and desperate even to her own ears, but Jack took it to heart, and not long after he had come, hanging onto her ass so tightly she just may have bruises. She couldn’t have cared less about anything in the world, nothing else mattered except following him over that particular cliff. Which she did. 

Afterwards he had collapsed on top of her, their bodies heaving. Jack wipes his sweaty face all over her chest and she half heartedly pushes him away, all to just pull him back up to her mouth. That fucking beautiful, smart, determined mouth.

“Happy birthday baby.”


	15. Music to my eyes

How convenient that the first official tour day was Jackson’s birthday. When they had gotten the dates she had told him it must be a good omen, and her first show was in Phoenix at that. She had a soft spot for this place. It was the first place they sang shallow together, the first place they had been together, physically, and it was the place she found out she was pregnant. It was also the place where her husband had grown up. He had told her when they got in, that he had never liked coming home before her, but she’d shifted his entire way of thinking when it came to Arizona. 

“Before I go I need a favor!” Ally shouts to the crowd. 

She waves to Bobby to grab Jack. She had planned this the entire time and told him not to let him stray too far. 

“We sang shallow a few minutes ago, but I’m not quite done with that husband of mine yet.” 

The crowd goes insane and Ally has to wait a few minutes to speak again. 

“So,” She tries to continue, waiting for it to somewhat quiet down. “It’s one of my favorite days of the year, it’s Jackson birthday, and with this place being his home town and all, I thought you could help me out.”

The cheering continues and she joins in, chanting for Jack along with the thousands of people in the audience. She sees him on side stage and he’s got his hands on his hips, like she was in trouble or something. She walks over and grabs him by the hand. 

“Al, what you doin’?” 

She doesn’t answer him. Just walks out with him towing behind, smiling and waving. My how the tables have turned she thought.   
She dragged a stool to the front of her piano and forced him to sit down. He folded his arms across his chest and pulled his hat low over his face. The man who has no problem being stared at, screamed at, grabbed at, does have a small problem with any type of attention that doesn’t revolve around him musically. She gives his shoulders a squeeze from behind and hurries back off stage, grabbing Cash from Faye and slowly walking back out. He had his little head tucked in her shoulder, he was tired, and the noise level was more than he’d ever been around. On the outside at least. He was in the studio all the time, not a stranger to loud music or crowds. She knew he wasn’t scared. 

They weren’t putting Cash out in the public eye purposefully, and declined talking much about him when asked, only saying that he was perfect in every way. But she refused to let him miss his daddy’s birthday, and her first night on her own. Selfishly, she needed him close. 

She shushed the audience as she took her place at the piano and once she was settled Cash started to bang his chubby little hands on the keys. 

“He’s a natural.” She says quietly into her microphone, making everyone laugh.

She looked at her husband and smiled. He had never been taken care of, had never felt special on a personal level. Sure the world loved him, but that could all go to shit he’d told her, and Ally was hell bent on giving him all the feelings he had missed out on the first half of his life. 

“Jackson Maine, you are one hell of man you know that? Happy birthday, honey.” 

He shakes his head, looking down, while she lightly plays a extremely slowed down version of happy birthday. 

“I need your help alright?” She points to the crowd. “I need everyone singing at the top of their god damn lungs.”

She moves the microphone aside, and begins playing, while the entire stadium and crew proceeded to sing. It felt good to belt out a normal birthday song to her husband, blending in with everyone else for once. 

Ally had insisted on doing her backstage greeting before her show, and wanted to try to make most of them that way. She needed to be able to go back with Jack and Cash most nights. She knew that wouldn’t be the case every time, but she was going to try her hardest to not make things run into the early mornings. It just wasn’t conclusive with their lifestyle anymore.

Rez had other ideas, and she was trying hard to play his game the best way she could, not wanting to rock the boat, not wanting him to catch on to the fact that he was going to be dropped here shortly. He was already talking about next years European tour, the tour she hadn’t agreed to do, and didn’t have any intention of doing anytime soon. They were all playing nice, just like her husband had insisted she should. 

“I’m so happy.” Jack whispers into her cheek.

He’s laying almost all the way on top of her, and she was drifting off to sleep. She loved his body weight, loved the sensation of being completely wrapped up in him. 

“I’m glad, baby.” She runs her fingers through his curls and kisses his forehead. “What do you want this year? The last year in your thirties? Your my old man now.” She smiles out. 

He was quiet and thinking, grazing his fingers along her hip bone, over her stomach and back. 

“I just want you, the dog, the kid, and anybody else who happens to come our way.” 

She pauses, taken aback by his words, not knowing if she fully understands his statement, but by the way he is stroking her stomach she puts it together. 

“What do you mean anybody else who comes our way?” She pulls his head back by the hair to look into his face. 

His little boy grin has taken over and she can’t help but kiss it. 

“I just mean, I’m almost forty, darlin’, and we both know we want more than one.” 

“For fucks sake, Jackson, Cash is only six months old.”

“Almost seven.” He counters.

“Wait, are you serious right now?” She asks pulling away from him. 

“Look, Al. Don’t get huffy, I just feel like I want to enjoy my kids, not just have em’ and I don’t want to be an old dad.”

She knew he had a complex about that, with his own father being in his sixties when he was born, but holy shit he was only thirty nine. 

“Jack.” She laughs out. “We have plenty of time. I want one more. I’ve told you that. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, but I think we’ll be good with two don’t you?”

Jack looks down, and laughs lightly. 

“Jesus I never thought I’d be begging a woman to have my baby.” He jokes. “Yeah, two sounds good. Three sounds better.” He smiles. 

“Your not the one who has to get them here, Jackson. Just give me a few months. Let’s get through the tour okay?”

She can’t even believe this is a subject of conversation. Her mind is blown. Jack is an amazing father. He provides financially, physically, emotionally, and she knew he was all in. He absolutely lived for her and their son. She still worried about relapses, worried about him when things got stressful, worries sick when he pushes her away, but nobody was perfect. She sure as hell wasnt.

She laid back down and snuggled into his side, and after a few minutes of thinking things over she realized how much it probably took for him to even tell her he wanted another baby. From what she understood it’s usually the other way around in a relationship. 

“I’m just surprised, honey. I know we talked about having kids close together, but Cash is still a baby. I want another, but I can’t imagine loving anything else like I love him. God, Jack, I love him so damn much.”

“Hey, I didn’t mean right this second, and you did ask me what I wanted.” He reached down gripping her bare ass, continuing. “I want you knocked up before I turn forty. Jesus Christ, I love you bare foot and pregnant, you fuckin’ know that.”

*****

A few weeks had passed and everything had been running as smoothly as it could, in Ally’s opinion. Hectic, but doable. Concert days they had down to a science, and Jack was in full blown dad mode. She is constantly reminded of how natural of a father he was. On off days they holed up together and Jack would get his work calls taken care of, and they would typically meet everyone for dinner.

“How you holdin’ up sweetie?” Bobby had asked her one evening over their meal.

It was just her, Jack, and Bobby and Faye tonight and she loved it when it was a small affair. Cash was boycotting his high chair, so Ally was trying to keep him occupied by letting him sit on her lap. He was currently concentrating harder than they’d ever seen on getting a spoon into an empty glass. They thought everything he did was brilliant, he had so many adults wrapped around his finger. He loved being laughed at. Jack had said he was bound be an entertainer. She didn’t know how she felt about that one. 

“I’m doing great. I mean this is hard, knew it would be. Couldn’t do it without all of you here, so thank you, by the way.” She casually says as she sips her water. 

“Wouldn’t be anywhere else.” Bobby says back. “I’m proud of you both. Workin’ your asses off, with your careers and the boy, and he’s smothered by the both of you. Makin’ it look easy.” Bobby reaches his arms out and Cash goes willingly. 

“He’s such a good baby, and that’s because of his daddy and mama you know that right? You guys are doing an amazing job.” Faye grabs Ally’s hand and gives it a friendly squeeze. 

Ally meets her husbands eye and shakes off the sudden heaviness of the conversation. They didn’t have a fucking clue what they were doing, and to be praised for it, to be told good job, meant the world. 

“Thank you. Means a lot.” Jack reads her mind. “We’re lucky to have people helpin’ and lovin’ him, so thanks for that.”

“Have you thought about what your gonna do when your done?” Bobby asks them. 

“I need a break. A big, long, fucking break. So don’t get any ideas.” Ally says seriously.

*****

They had flown into New York City for an extended weekend, Ally had three appearances scheduled, and couldn’t believe she was landing such big slots. She knew she had Rez to thank for that. He did his job well even though he was a complete jack ass. 

Blinking her eyes open slowly, Ally registered three things. Jack wasn’t in bed, Cash ended up in their bed and she couldn’t even remember when, and he was also wide awake beside her, pulling at her hair and shirt.

She could hear Jacks low voice in the next room and it sounded like he was on the phone. Peeking one eye open she was immediately caught. Cash was staring right at her and he gave her one of his famous grins, which Jack always said was her to the T, grinning about one thing or the other. The kid was always happy, completely easy going, and never made much of a fuss about anything. She thought he was like Jack on that account. 

With the way his brown hair had began to curl around his ears and neck, and his ocean blue eyes always watching her, he was his daddy’s little clone.

She couldn’t even imagine her life without him. She had been terrified to have a child and didn’t know how they would make it work. It was hard, and demanding, and still terrifying, but being a mother, that was effortless. The simplest thing she’d ever done, was love her child.

She’d loved his round cheeks from the moment she saw him, and a day hasn’t gone by where she doesn’t kiss them a hundred times. She reaches over and rubs his belly, then reaches down and squeezes his chubby legs making him giggle. He wasn’t the tiny thing he was when he was born.

Sitting up she quickly strips his pajamas off, puts a clean diaper on him and lays back down getting him cozy in the covers next to her. He seems to be tired, so she lets him nurse, hoping she can fall back asleep again with him. There was a voice in her head telling her she should probably stop breastfeeding, but she always shoved it away. This time though, she let herself listen. He was almost eight months old, and Jack had mentioned wanting to have another baby. She needed him to be boob free to even think about getting pregnant, and the more she thought about being pregnant the more it felt like the right thing to do. Holy shit, her inner voice was beginning to sound psychotic she thought to herself. She tells it to shut up and to let her sleep in. 

“Your awake.” Jack says as he walks back in. 

Oh god, now she was really up.

“Kinda, not really.” She replies, closing her eyes and trying to fake it as much as she could.

Jack laid down on the bed behind her and rested his head on her shoulder, making Cash open his eyes wide. Damnit, the sleep thing is not happening.

“Who were you talking too? Everything okay?” She asked after a few minutes. 

Silence. Long silence. 

“Jackson?” She opens her eyes and looks behind her. 

He sits up and moves to the bottom of the bed. Which makes her get up, switching cash sides, and waiting for him to spill. 

“They want me in LA next week. For the demos, and a couple things to sign, and shit I just don’t know what to do.” 

“What do you mean you don’t know what to do?” She asked confused. 

“I don’t wanna go. Your booked next week, I checked your schedule.” 

“Jack. You have a job, and it’s important. Bobby is here, Faye is here, they know how to get him to bed, and Ramón will be thrilled about having him during the day when I’m busy. You know that. What are you worried about?” 

He reaches out and grabs onto her leg, slouching into the bed.

“I dunno, I just haven’t been away, alone for a while. I’ll miss him. Miss you.” 

“Jack.” She waits til he looks at her.   
“It won’t be the same without you, Cash will surely have withdrawals.” She smiles. “But are you struggling with knowing you’ll be alone? If your having those thoughts then maybe-“ 

“No it’s nothing like that. I mean it’s in the back of mind, always is, but no. I promise. It’s just that I wanna be with you, and him and I feel bad.” 

“You can’t feel bad for doing you. We got this. Just for a couple days right? It won’t even be-Jesus Christ Cash!” She suddenly exclaims loudly, pulling him away from her.

“Son of a bitch! That fucking hurt.” She lays him on the bed and covers her boob. The baby is starting to cry, so Jack pulls him over to gather him up in his arms.

“You okay buckaroo?” He pats his back watching his wife. “What the hell Ally?” 

“He bit me! He fucking bit me! Hard!” She looks at him shocked. 

Jacks taken aback and looks between his wife and son with a bemused expression. The two are staring eachother down and Jack doesn’t know who will win out. 

“Did you bite your mama?” He laughs at Cash who is frowning.

“His bottom teeth came through last week, but oh my god, I didn’t even think about it. Now I’m fucking scared.” 

“Yeah right. He’s gunna hear fuck from me?” Jack can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all, which makes Ally lighten up and laugh with him. 

“Cash Lorenzo Maine, I don’t even know what to do.” She pulls him back to her and lets him finish, but she knows she’ll be on high alert from now on. He looks up and smiles at her, and she senses mischief in his adorable face. If he’s too much like either of them god help them both.

“Don’t even think about it mister.” She tells him, trying with all her might not to smile back. 

“God, I’m so glad I’m not a chick.” Jack groans out.


	16. Video Phone

Jack had been gone four days. Four lousy days, and she needed him more than ever. Ally hated waking up in her bunk all alone, and falling asleep without his heavy arms to weigh her down. Not to mention the fact that this beautiful boy of theirs was getting a little harder to manage. Trying to give herself fully to Cash, to performing, and to anyone else she had to show her face for wasn’t possible anymore. Putting on a show for the world wasn’t something she had perfected like her husband had. 

It seemed that overnight Cash went from sitting in her lap contently while she had her hair and make up done, to squirming out of her arms every second he got, attempting to crawl and explore every nook and cranny. He was Jacks little sidekick, Jack was the one who followed him, who encouraged him to get moving. Ally wasn’t ready for a mobile little boy. Shifting slightly she laid Cash down in the bunk across from her, giving him his pacifier and putting pillows along the side so he wouldn’t roll out. 

“Love you baby boy.” She whispers out. 

She watches him sleep, brushing his whisps of hair back off of his forehead, until she heard her phone buzzing on the ground next to her. 

‘FaceTime?’ 

Ally let out a breath and replies a quick yes. She walks to the front of the bus and sits at the kitchen nook, opening her laptop. 

As soon as Jack sees his wife he feels better. The bitter edge of a ridiculous craving starts to ebb away and he focuses on nothing but her face. Her perfect face. He studies her nose and smiling lips, finally landing on her eyes before he even says hello. 

“You look tired, darlin’.” He tells her, leaning forward, resting his chin on his hand. 

“Well I must if that’s my greeting.”

She rubs her eyes and smiles softly. 

“Your right though. I’m fucking exhausted.” She tells him. 

“Your fuckin’ beautiful too. You okay?” 

She looked beat up. Jack knew the feeling. Tired beyond repair. He felt awful she had a baby, alone, on top of it all. Cash was starting to wake up in the night again and that’s the last thing Ally needed. 

“I’m fine. I just miss you.” She tears up. 

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t cry, because I’ll cry, and nobody needs to see that.”

He may sound kidding, but he wasn’t. This woman had a hold of his heart strings, and fully controlled his every emotion.

“I was goin’ to ask you to show me your knockers, but I’m guessin’ this is goin’ a different route.”

Ally’s laugh always makes him laugh. Without fail. He seems to have power over her moods just like she does his, and being able to turn her tears off made him feel accomplished. Strange, this husband deal. The smallest of things were victories. He was admittedly whipped, he lived for her happiness.

“Maybe if your real nice you can catch a glimpse. When are you going to be able to leave?” 

“I dunno. You know how this shit goes. Yesterday we were gunna be done but they wanna record two more tracks. A couple more days?”

“Are you having fun?” She asks. 

The question is honest, and he knows she sure as hell hopes he is having fun, even though she is obviously struggling. That’s one of the many reasons he adores her. She genuinely wants him happy. No matter what. 

“It’s been fun yeah. Feels good to be on the other side of things. How’s my man? I’m dyin’ without him.”

He missed his baby. He’d become like another appendage, and he felt a little lost without him on his arm. The fact that his cravings were taking full force, and his distractions were limited was making him scared.

“Honey, he’s almost crawling, he’s so anxious to get moving, he thinks he’s so big.”

“Don’t let him start without me, Jesus, I’ll die if I miss it.” 

They pause, and Jack moves to the hotel room bed, taking his shirt off and laying down. He wanted to just fall asleep talking to her. Or not even talking. He didn’t care, but he senses Ally is on the verge, and he doesn’t know how to help her. Seeing her upset kills him, but she’s tough as nails, he doesn’t even worry about her. He has full confidence she has everything under control.

He watches her face crumple, and he knows she’s trying to hold it all in. How is she so cute even when she’s trying not to cry?

“Baby, your okay.” He tells her softly.

“I know I’m going to be okay, I know, but honey I miss you, and I’m feeling so overwhelmed and exhausted, and my body hurts, my knee is really bothering me, and I just feel like I’m breaking down. Cash only wants me, and Rez is up my ass, I have my dad calling me every fucking day, I’m never alone. Ever. Everybody is always touching me and I just don’t have anything left to give anymore, and damnit I wanna see Charlie.”

There it was, the rant he knows she needs to get her out of her mood. He never tries to fix things for her, because he had no fucking clue how to fix her problems. He just listened and let her cry, and it seemed to work.

“I’m sorry, Al. I know how hard your workin’ and I know how your feelin’. Christ, your such a good mom. You know that right?” She doesn’t answer, just tries to stop her tears, lifting her shirt to wipe her face. “You know what you need?” He asks seriously. 

“What?” She responds hopeful. 

“You need a nice long orgasm. You’ll feel so much better, I swear to god. What you wearin’ anyway?” 

Jack could tell that she wasn’t expecting that, and he loves that he still catches her off guard. She sits back and runs her fingers through her hair.

“I’d love one, but I’m not doing it myself. I don’t have it in me.” 

“Oh come on, you do too. Try it, I’ll help ya from here.” 

He was probably being a creep, but he honestly felt like he could relax her. She takes a couple deep breathes and the fact that she didn’t shut him down immediately, made him think she might just want it. She pushed her computer back slightly and Jack could see more of her body. She was wearing a tank top she sleeps in, and he didn’t even have to guess if she had pants on. He couldn’t see, but the answer was a flat out no.

“What you want me to like, put on a show for you or something?” She asks him raising an eyebrow. 

“Fuck no. You don’t ever have to put on a show for me, I just want you to feel good. Just make yourself feel good, darlin’.”

“I’m disappointed in myself. Succumbing to, what is this? Cyber sex? Is that what they call it?”

“I don’t think that’s what it’s called anymore. You just showed your age.” 

“Shut up, you.” 

He can tell she’s game now. She stands up and walks over to the small couch, laying on her side. He can see one arm under head, and the other under her chin. He decided to keep talking. He wasn’t the talker, but she needed him to help her. 

“I miss you too by the way. So much. Hate missin’ your shows.” He murmurs out, getting himself settled into bed more.

He kicks his jeans off and he sees her eyes close. Holy fuck, is he gunna watch his wife take care of herself from across the country? He holds onto himself over his boxer briefs. There’s no way he’s going to be able to hold himself off. 

“You know I want in on this right?” 

“You better. I’m sure as hell not going to be the freak touching myself while her husband just watches.” 

Oh my god, that smile. That smile that took over her entire face, and just as fast as it came it left when her hand disappeared from view. He watched as she put her hand over her eyes, and bit her lip. He lets out puff of laughter, completely blown away by her, blown away by the trust that she has put into their relationship since day one, blown away that he was her safe place.

“Fuck Ally, is your hand in your panties right now? Because I know that’s all you’ve got on.” 

She doesn’t answer, just moves her hand away from her eyes and looks at him, letting out a content hum. He knew what she was doing and the thought had him rock hard.

He had gripped onto himself firmly, fully allowing himself to accept this as a reality, when suddenly she sits up on an elbow, looking startled. 

“You’ve gotta be shitting me.” She groans out. 

He hears a loud wail, then sees his wife put her head in both of her hands. 

“No, no, no, Al, ignore him.” He begs her.

She looks at him and shakes her head. They both sit there staring at each other, and the cries just get louder.

“I gotta go Jack. Your son is being awfully demanding.” 

“Ally, call me back!” He panics.

“Jack. I’m giving him a bottle, going out for a smoke, then going to bed. I love you. Feel free to continue without me.” She kisses the screen and carries the computer back and sets him on the table.

“It’s not fun at all without you.” He grumbles out. “I’ll just go take a cold shower. Damnit Cash!”

After she had settled the little ruiner back into bed she pulled on her jacket and went outside. She wasn’t lying about the cigarette. She sat on a crate and leaned her back against the bus, pulling the lighter out of her jacket pocket. 

“What you doing girl?”

Ramon’s voice is coming from a few feet away, and she can barely make him out in the dark.

“Shit Ramón don’t scare me like that.” She puts her hand to her chest and exhales her first puff. 

“Haven’t seen you smoke in years.” He comments as he sits across from her leaning against one of the other busses. 

“I’m just strung out. I needed something.”

“Everything okay? Jack okay?” He asks. 

She hates that. That question. What if he wasn’t? She feels like everyone is waiting for things to go wrong with him. 

“He’s great. I just miss him, and Cash isn’t sleeping well, he’s teething. I’m exhausted, and am just feeling stressed the fuck out.” She tells him honestly, rubbing her temples. 

“God Ally look at us!” He laughs out. “Who would have thought huh? Your a fucking rock star mama! Your on your own tour, your married to Jackson Main. You’ve got the cutest kid on earth, and I’m not just saying that, he’s literally the cutest baby I’ve ever seen, and he’s cool. Like so cool. You’re doing it bitch! Your living!” 

Ally wipes the tears that sprang to her eyes during his speech. She knows he didn’t mean to give her a pep talk, but he did, and it helped. 

“I’m so glad your doing this with me Ramón. I love you.” 

She closes the distance between them and sits on the hard asphalt with her best friend. She leans into his shoulder and he puts an arm around her, pulling her close.

“Thanks for letting me be your ride or die, baby.” He steals her cigarette and takes a few pulls, and in turn she snags his beer and finishes it. 

“Wanna know something funny?” She casually tosses out.

“Always.” 

“Just before I came out here, Jack and I were on FaceTime, and we were like, trying to ya know, what do people even call it now? It’s not phone sex. It’s not sexting. I don’t even know what it is?” 

“Oh my god, Ally I get the picture.”

“Anyway, we were just getting down to it, and I actually could have totally gotten off with him, but Cash woke up, starting screaming. Neither of us finished.” 

“Are you shitting me?” He says loudly.

“Hey! That’s exactly what I said.” She giggles out, laughing uncontrollably along side him in the pitch black, and quiet of the night.

“Hey! You two go to bed!” Bobby’s thick voice calls out loudly from across the parking lot, which didn’t help matters, throwing them into another fit of hysterics.


	17. Paparazzi

Jack remembers his last thoughts before he fell asleep, so he knew he was dreaming, but it didn’t make what he was seeing, hearing, feeling, any less real. Because it was exactly that. Real, and it would haunt them forever.

Pills. Belt. Charlie. Truck. Garage. Blood. Vomit. Black. Cold. Sirens. Shouting. Ally.

The second he heard her voice he started to fight again. His brain was calling out, trying to send a message, but he couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Her sickening sobs right in his ear were enough to make him throw up. She sounded like someone was dying right in front of her eyes, and soon he realizes that’s exactly what was happening. It was him. He was the one dying.

Ally was the only thing he could cling too, and her cries anchored him to that cold garage floor until help came. She switched between screaming,

‘don’t you dare leave me here, honey’ and ‘you fucking bastard I’ll never forgive you’

The only thing he could feel was her hands on his face. They weren’t gentle. They were angry and begging. Everything else was numb. He was fading out, in his wife’s arms, and it was his choice. He hated himself even more than he did before. God, he was such a selfish fuck. 

He hears Bobby. He senses different hands on him. Hands helping him. Something shoved down his throat. Hears his wife shouting to his brother to let her go, and telling Jack that he better fucking choose to stay. So he did. 

When he shakes himself awake, Jack sits straight up in bed and rips the covers off. He was covered in sweat and freezing.

He reaches blindly for his phone, knocking it off the desk, then fumbles around on the floor. He blinks harshly from the bright light and tries multiple times before he is able to bring her up in his contacts, his shaking fingers failing him.

“Come on, Al. Please pick up.” He wills her.

Why was Jack calling her in the middle of the night? Her eyes are blurry, her head fuzzy from sleep but the pit in her stomach has formed and won’t relent.

“Jack, sweetie, you okay?” She answers.

Her voice is thick with sleep and she clears her throat waiting for him to respond.

“Hey.” He whispers into the phone. 

He sounded like her. Tired, confused.

“You okay? What’s wrong?” She asks again. 

“I just-just needed to hear your voice. Had a nightmare. You good? Where’s Cash?” He rushes out.

She rolls herself to her side and slides out from under her baby, who had fallen asleep on top of her.

“Hang on.” She whispers. 

Ally creeps out of bed as quietly as she can and walks into the kitchen of the hotel suite. 

“Sorry.” She speaks clearly. “We’ve been asleep for hours. Cash is in bed. Everything’s fine here. Now tell me the same.” 

She hates that he is alone. His sleep medication has done wonders, but she can’t help but assume he hasn’t been taking it. Something she can’t ask him right now.

“Just woke up and felt horrible. Listen, I’m looking at flights. Miami right? That’s where I need to be? I just gotta get back.” He tells her. 

“Hey, Jackson, slow down. Tell me your okay, and if your not okay tell me that too.”

“I just can’t be alone. I’m fine, but I’m takin’ my medicine and it’s not workin’ and I need to be with you.”

He sounds frustrated, and he sounds desperate.

“Jack, talk to me.” She coaxes gently. 

He doesn’t answer right away, she can hear covers moving, and he finally shudders out a deep breath.

“You know when I dream, they ain’t really dreams. Ally, I feel so weak, like I can’t function on my own.” 

“Hey, it’s okay, that’s why I’m here, I’m right here. Just take some deep breaths huh? Plus,” She lightly jokes, “I don’t seem to be handling things without you very well. We’re quite the pair aren’t we?” Her tone is soft and she is trying her best to not sound scared out of her wits. His dreams terrify her.

“I dreamt about the night in the garage. I remember it all, darlin’, I hear you cryin’ and screamin’ at me. I’m so sorry Ally.”

His voice is cracking and he is sniffing into the phone and she wants to tell him to stop talking, because with every word, she is plummeted back to the worst moment of her life. She had held her dying husband in her arms and what she felt was so indescribable she hadn’t ever spoke of it, as unhealthy as she knows that is. All she ever told Jack was how scared she’d been.

“Darlin’, I was gone. Until I heard you yellin’ at me not to go. You told me I was a fuckin’ bastard and you’d never forgive me.” He chuckles at the end, and explains. “Which makes me laugh because your such a hard ass, and I’m so lucky you made me stay.”

Ally realizes that he knew she had gone insane that fateful night. He’d heard everything. Heard her epic meltdown that had made her own ears feel like they would bleed. She thought only Bobby and a handful of paramedics had witnessed it all. The older gentlemen who had stayed behind after they had taken Jack, offered to give her something to ‘relax’ her. She had flipped out. Bobby saved her, Bobby politely declined and told him she would be alright, but she would never be alright again. Jack has known all this and he never told her. They talked about everything, but for some unspoken reason they haven’t touched this yet.

“Jack.” She chokes out. 

“We haven’t talked much about it I know, but it was you, that pulled me back, and God, I never want to hear you fight for me like that again. You’ll never have too, you understand? I’ve apologized but I don’t think I’ve ever even said thank you.”

“Hey Jackson?” She says, trying desperately to hold her tears at bay.

“What baby?”

“Come to Miami. Come today. Please.”

*****

Two days has turned into four days and four days had turned into over a week, but they made it. Jack was flying into the Miami airport this afternoon. Ally was adamant about picking him up, and by picking him up, she meant she would have Phil drive her.

They pulled into short term parking and Phil miraculously gets a front row spot. The man has the stroller out of the back and was opening her door before she could even get her stuff together. Nothing had ever officially been said but she knew Jack had asked him to watch her when she went places without him. Ally refused actual security, and Phil made himself discreet enough. She loved the guy who had been following her around since the beginning. Ally gets Cash situated and Phil moves to take her bag. 

“Phil. I got my purse. I can carry my damn purse.” She laughs as she gets out, slinging her bag on her shoulder, and pushing the stroller towards the entrance. 

She felt nerves as she strode inside and checked what baggage claim he would be at. She didn’t have a show today, and she usually boycotted any type of actually clothing or makeup, when that was the case. Today she tried to look put together without looking put together. She had explained that one to her husband once and it was way over his head. 

She had her tight jeans on, and doc marten boots, a gray fitted T-shirt that cost over a hundred bucks. For a T-shirt. That’s actually something she found herself enjoying. Being able to spend whatever the hell she wants on herself, on her image. Once she figured out what she liked she rolled with it. It was simple, it felt a little rock and roll with a good dose of indie. She might suddenly have expensive taste, but it certainly didn’t look like it. Plus, Jackson was always begging her to spend money. 

Finding the right place to be, she settled everything into a corner. She unbuckles Cash and lifts him out of the stroller as she watches the escalators anxiously. The second she sees her husband appear at the top she calls out his name, scaring Cash and making him jump. 

“Jack!” She shouts out, covering Cash’s ear, and hitching him up higher on her hip.

“Jack!” She says again as he looks around.

He spots her and waves. Ally’s eyes start to gloss over, watching him step down the escalator instead of riding idle. He looks up every few seconds to meet her gaze, squeezing his way past people.

“Will you take him?” She walks a few feet over to Phil, blindly handing him Cash and thanking him. 

“Excuse me, sorry, excuse me.” She says on repeat, trying to get through the crowd as fast as possible.

Once she hits the clearing her legs are running without her even telling them to do so. Damn these escalators were farther than they looked. When Jack gets to the bottom he moves to the side, drops his duffle, and when he turned back around she was in his arms. He lifts her up off of her feet, and she wraps her arms around his neck tightly, while he walks them in a slow circle. Neither of them talk, they just burry their faces in each others necks.

She’s certain they’ve gained some onlookers, but this just couldn’t be helped.

“Oh my God.” He finally breathes into ear.

“Hi.” She pulls back looking into his face, examining his features.

He doesn’t put her down, his grip instead fastens around her waist, so she leans in and kisses his lips forcefully. When she tries to pull back he keeps her there. 

“I’m so glad your here.” She tells him. 

“What’s that?” He leans his head closer to her mouth.

“I said I’m so glad your here!” She says louder, smiling at him.

“Me too. Now where’s my baby?” 

She laughs and slides down his hard body. While he grabs his things, she leads him by the hand back to where she came from. 

There’s people taking pictures and the crowd has realized there is someone here worth talking about, but Phil has all their stuff ready to go. He hands Ally the baby and takes Jacks bag off his arm, leading the way.

“Daddy’s home Cashy, look!”

They immediately start following Phil, heading towards the exit. Their names are being called but Jack isn’t in the mood to appease anyone. He lifts Cash out of Ally’s arms, and kisses his face and head, breathing in his scent.

“Why you so heavy, pal? Jesus, Ally he looks bigger. Hey buddy, how are ya?”

He shifts his son onto one arm and wraps the other around his wife.

“Did you miss me?” He says down to his baby, who is staring into his face like he’d never seen him before, his little eyebrows furrowed. Cash gives him a half smile and lays his head on his shoulder. His innocence unravels him. Holy shit, this kid is his entire universe.

“Jackson! Ally! Will you stop and take a photo? Jackson where have you been? How is the tour going Ally? Stop and answer some questions?”

People have started approaching and they try to just nod and smile. Paparazzi have gathered outside. News travels fast. 

Ally holds onto Jacks arm and puts her sunglasses on. This many people and cameras in your face can be disorienting. She isn’t the best at weaving her way through them so she follows her husbands lead. When they are caught in a mass of people, wether it’s fans, reporters, or paps, they stay together, no matter what. 

They get across the parking garage and Jack goes to open Ally’s door. There are a few men who just don’t care how close they get and Jack has to ask them to move back on more than one account. Finally Ally is able to scoot into the backseat. She reaches over to grab Cash and then Jack slams the door.

There’s a moment of quiet until the back of the Yukon opens and Phil begins loading their things. She turns her head and sees that the crowd isn’t letting Jack through. She can hear Phil telling them to get out of the way, but she can tell her husband is sick of it, so he crawls through the back gate and climbs over the bench.

“Well hey, there’s a new way to do it.” Ally laughs at him. 

“Shit, they’re so damn annoying sometimes.” 

He slides down into his seat, his leather jacket rubbing against the leather seats mixed with his giant size, makes for a much needed comic release. Jack leans over and finishes buckling Cash’s car seat which is between them. Ally had quickly made his bottle and was feeding him, his eyes already starting to close. Totally unphased by the madness. 

“Did I already tell you I’m glad your here?” She leans over and catches his face, kissing his lips again and humming into his mouth. 

Jack reaches across their son to hold his wife’s hand as they start to drive.

“Good God, I’m the luckiest d-bag in the fuckin’ world.”

*****

It was late, and Ally had gone up to bed. Jack figured it was as good of time as any to talk to his brother. Bobby had wanted to know how business went in LA, and now that the easy conversation had come to a close he decided to breech another. 

They were sitting in the hotel lobby, on a set of chairs in the corner. Jackson looks around and sure enough they were absolutely alone. 

“So uh, I just wanna say, that I...” Jack stops, fumbling over words he has a hard time communicating. 

Bobby nudges his leg with his boot and says, “Spit it out boy.” 

“No, I mean, I just wanna say thanks. For takin’ Cash when I’m gone and bein’ there for Ally. I just couldn’t do this whole fuckin’ deal without you.”

He scratches his face and looks down. Jacks sure sign of discomfort. 

“I love that little boy like he was my own. Same with your girl. Shit, Jack, she came in and changed us both. She’s as good as gold, that one.” Bobby replies easily.

Jack nods and squeezes he eyes shut. 

“What the hells the matter with you huh?” Bobby asks him bluntly. 

“I mean, not just this week, I’ve been strugglin’ and I’ve been rememberin’ that night.” Jack takes a deep breath and looks his brother in the face. He recognizes that Bobby knows exactly what he’s talking about. 

“I can hear it all Bobby.” His voice begins to shake, he just can’t fucking help it. “I just, I hear her screamin’ and I know your there holding her, and I can’t shake it. I was dead Bobby, and she begged me to stay so I did.”

“Jack. How long you been holding this in?” 

“I dunno. I think I kinda pushed everything down with gettin’ sober. Actin’ like that was the bigger issue, and it has been, but lately, I’ve been havin’ these moments of I dunno. Just shit. I’ll get over it, but Bobby, thanks for just being there with her. That night, and every other night since.” Jack clears his throat and wipes his eyes. 

“You’ll never get over it. Neither will she. Neither will I. Fuck Jack, the paramedics wanted to sedate her. That night I was sure I was gunna lose the both of you.”

Jacks stomach turns and he feels sick. Bobby was trying to gain composer and finally says,

“We don’t have to get over it. We just gotta all cope with this. Your not that guy anymore, your so far removed from that place, and I think you and Ally are doing beautifully at handling some heavy shit. Jackson. You’ve been sober over a year. A fuckin’ whole year and more.” 

Bobby leans over and grabs the back of his brothers neck, squeezing.

“Your a broody artist. Always have been.” He teases. 

At that Jack laughs and stands up. They walk slowly to the elevators, both wiping at their eyes, up to the women who suddenly have them acting like real men. 

“I forgot to tell you who I saw earlier.” Bobby remembers as they start to part ways. 

“Who’s that?” Jack inquires. 

“Lilah.” Bobby smiles at him. 

“Lilah? Here?” 

“In this very hotel. She’s here with some modeling thing. Asked if you were around.” 

“Shit. Maybe I can avoid her.”

He honestly is a little afraid of that entire situation. His old girlfriend. Fling. Whatever she was. Hadn’t really given a shit about her when it came down to it. She was steady sex. That’s all. What sucks is he doesn’t even feel bad about it.

“Good luck with that pal.” Bobby laughs as he walks away.

*****

The next morning they have nowhere to be until sound check at five. They take full advantage, and even say yes when Faye offers to come take Cash for the morning.

Ally had been asleep when Jack had gotten back from chatting with his brother the night before, and so the second he shut the hotel door after he handed his baby off he went straight back to bed. Back to the bed he refused to let his wife out of the entire morning. He had crawled back under the covers from the bottom, tickling Ally’s feet while she kicked at him, and spread her legs apart with his shoulders. He settled himself in, kissing and touching her stomach and hips, groping and sucking her breasts and finally her neck, until she pulled his hair hard enough to make him stop. 

“No marks.” She tells him sweetly. 

“No marks on your neck you mean?” 

“Just love me.” She pulls his face to hers and wraps her legs around him. “Just love me, nice and soft and slow.” 

“Your the boss, lady.”

They had eventually fallen back asleep, and when Ally woke up, she laughed when she saw what time it was. 

“What you gigglin’ about?” Jack pulls at her arm and drags her back down under the covers. 

“It’s almost one in the afternoon.” She tells him, running her hands over his muscular arms, staring at his smiling face. “When’s the last time we’ve slept in and had sex all morning?”

“Way too fuckin’ long, darlin’, this is exactly what I needed.”

His voice was sleepy, his hair was sticking up, and his beard had grown in. With the mid day sun shining through the windows she felt like they were just Jack and Ally. Their mornings used to be long. Filled with sleep and sex and room service and laughter. She wouldn’t change the Mom and Dad thing, but this was nice. They didn’t need this all the time, just some of the time. 

“Hey, how ‘bout we go down to the pool? Cash will love it.” 

“Let’s do it.” He sighs out. 

As it turns out Cash didn’t love it. He wouldn’t get off his wife’s lap to even go in the water. He looked so adorable in his little swimming suit, his chubby belly hanging out, and sunscreen smeared all over him. Ally told him he had plenty on, but for some reason Jack couldn’t stop. 

“I’m sorry Cashy, daddy will be applying your sunscreen in front of your girlfriends I’m sure.” 

“Damn right.” Jack agrees, lifting him up, tossing him into the air and catching him again. 

“You sure are easy on the eyes, honey.” 

Jack wasn’t an idiot. He knew women stared at him, and not just because he was famous.

“Gotta keep up with my wife.”

He sits on the chair next to her, kissing her lips and running his free palm down her thigh, lingering longer than he ever normally would in a public place. She was perfect from head to toe.

“I like this. I feel normal. Like we’re doing normal right now.” She grabs onto his wandering hand.

“We are normal, darlin’.”

“You know what I mean.” She leans her head back and let’s the sun cover her face.

She’s wearing what barely qualifies as swim wear, and her hair was a mess. A mess from being fucked all morning and sleeping harder than she had all week. Why was he so damn proud of himself?

“I’m takin’ him in. I don’t care if he’s scared, he’ll be fine.” He says as he stands up and walks over to the pool. 

Ally watches as her husband strides slowly over with Cash, who is clinging to his neck. He has no interest in this water business.

It’s just so typical that Jack looks like a rockstar and a surfer boy all at once. His long hair and washboard abs take on both roles easily. He’s gained a few onlookers and she isn’t sure if it’s because of who he is or what he looks like or both, but he doesn’t pass for just another hot dad on vacation that’s for damn sure.

There’s a particular blonde that’s taken especially to watching him, and has been this entire time. From the second they walked in, she had locked eyes with Ally. Ally had smiled and continued to try to go about their business. Any time Jack touched her, kissed her, she would look away. She didn’t think Jack had noticed. He’s much more oblivious to it all than she is. 

Jack sits on the edge and dunks Cash’s legs in, he immediately let out a wail she had never heard before. It made Jack laugh, throwing his head back, then pulled him back out of the water. He looked over at her to see if she was watching and she shakes her head at him smiling. They sit there for a few minutes, and Jack tries to get their little boy eased in, but he was not having it.

Ally can’t help but notice the woman behind her husband getting closer and quite frankly making her uncomfortable. She’s leaned over to the women she was with multiple times, and they all seem to be finding whatever the hell she is saying fascinating.

“I think he’s done. Let’s go get food and take a nap, mama.” 

“We woke up two hours ago, honey.”

“Hey we deserve to be lazy. Let’s go be lazy.” 

She picks up her bag and towels and they walk hand in hand up the pathway, back to the hotel. Jack leans down and kisses Ally’s head, and Cash mimics him, reaching his face out to give her a big wet baby kiss right on her lips, making them both laugh. Cash is delighted with himself and starts clapping.

They had made it almost all the way inside when she hears her husband whisper under his breath. 

“Oh Christ.”

What the fuck? How did she get in front of them, Ally wonders to herself.

“Jackson Maine. How the hell are you?” The woman calls out. 

“Hey, Bobby mentioned he ran into you.” He casually tosses out as they get closer.

“Oh my God. Is this your baby?” She all but squeals, bending over slightly, her giant boobs on full display. 

“He is so adorable and looks just like you Jackson. I’m so happy for you.” 

Well that was the fakest statement she’d ever heard, but she can’t be too sure because her adorable as fuck English accent is clouding Ally’s judgement.

“Yeah this is Cash.” Jack says proudly.

She was watching his eyes and they hadn’t checked out her rack so he got points there. 

“How are you? You in town for work?” He asks her. 

“Yes, you know how it is, I go wherever they need me. I’ve been in LA more and more though.”

She says, not hiding her affections at all, and being rather suggestive in Ally’s opinion. A model. She was a fucking model, of course.

“That’s great. Glad your still doin’ your thing.” 

Seriously Jack? Hello? I’m here too. Remember your wife? The mother of your adorable son who looks just like you?

“Hi.” Ally reaches her hand out. “I’m Ally.”

“Oh. I’m Lilah. Nice to meet you.” 

“Jack?” Ally questions, getting his attention.

“Oh yeah, duh. Sorry. Um, yeah this is my wife, this is Ally. Uh, this is Lilah, we used to like, date.” 

Awkward pause. 

“Great!” Ally exclaims. “Well, honey, I’m going to go upstairs, and put him down for a nap. Feel free to stay and catch up, it’s totally fine.” 

She moves to take the baby but Jack shakes his head and holds onto Cash a little tighter.

“Oh no, I’m comin’, hey Lilah, good to see you. Thanks for sayin hi.”

The woman looked disappointed to hear Jack’s obvious want to get away.

“Yeah. Hey, we’ll see you later.” She leans in, kisses his cheek, and gives him a brief hug.

The longing in her eyes has all of Ally’s questions answered. Her husband broke this woman’s heart.

Jack tries to take Ally’s bag from her arm as they start to walk back to the hotel and she grasps onto it tighter. She is fuming. He can tell, even though she hasn’t said a word.

The second he saw Lilah walking towards them he felt so fucking uncomfortable. He’d never done the ex thing. He doesn’t even consider her an ex, but he had gotten tongue tied and had forgotten to introduce his own damn wife.

“I can carry it.” Jack says to her. 

“I can carry it too.” Ally growls out. 

Shit. She’s mad. Or annoyed. Hell, who knows. Getting in the elevator, she pushes the ninth floor about twenty times in a row. 

“That’s not gunna make it go any faster.” He teases her. 

“Don’t smile at me like that.” She continues pushing the button, it stops at floor five and an old man gets in. He has to be at least eighty.

“What a cute baby. He looks just like his dad.” He winks at Ally, like she should be so proud.

She smiles politely but rolls her eyes when he looks away. The man gets off at the next floor. Hopefully he isn’t lost, Jack muses.

“God I did all the work. All the fucking hard work. Nine months of barfing, of getting fat, of body aches, and hormones. Not to mention,” She points her finger at him like it was all his fault, “twelve fucking hours of natural labor, and pushing a six pound baby out of my vagina.” 

The elevator dings open and she is in their room and tossing their pool bag to the side.

“Speaking of hormones. You alright? And he totally has your chin, and nose. Maybe nobody else sees it but I do.” 

“Do NOT blame this on hormones. Sorry about the nose Cash. That’s totally my fault.” She pulls him from his arms and starts changing his clothes.

He doesn’t know what this is all about and he doesn’t know how to even ask her what’s bothering her, so he decides to just leave her alone, smacking her behind on his way to the shower.

“What the fuck Jack?” She yells at his back. 

He knows it makes him a total shit, but he loves watching her throw a tantrum. He turns around and cocks his head to the side watching her stand there with their baby on her hip, Cash is staring at him the same exact way his mama is, and it’s like he’s in on the secret. 

“Help me out here Ally, because I don’t know what the hell to say.” 

“Just like you didn’t know what to say while chatting it up with the drop dead gorgeous blonde you used to, uh, I don’t know, kinda sorta, um date?” She says it just like he had.

She’s totally making fun of him, she’s jealous. It smacks him in the face full force and he takes a minute to try to articulate any words. There just aren’t any. He can’t believe she’s jealous.

“Jackson. Come on! You didn’t even introduce me. I just stood there, watching you with that-that-model! She was all over you. Pushing her breasts into your face and talking about MY baby. The way she looked at you Jack.  
God what did you do to her? You broke her heart I know that!” She leaves the room and comes back without Cash, having put him in bed for his nap.

“She wanted your attention.” She rants as she comes back and stands in front of him. “She had been watching us at the pool. I noticed. Then when you obviously knew her I got pissed, and she touched you, Jackson, she hugged you, in her skimpy bikini, and I just wanted to rip her arms off.” She finishes. 

Jack tries not to laugh, instead squinting his eyes at her, really trying to figure out what to do.

“How is that my fault?” He asks. “Why am I in trouble?” 

“For fucks sake, Jack your not in trouble. You just didn’t even say anything to include me. I felt dumb.” 

Jack puts his hands on her shoulders and pulls her closer. He leans his forehead into hers and whispers, “Why you so jealous girl?”

“Jaaaaack.” She whines out looking up at him. 

“Look, baby, I’m an idiot. I’m so damn stupid sometimes. I’m sorry.” He laughs. “You asked what I did to her? God, I didn’t do anything. That was the problem. I didn’t give a fuck, just like every other woman before you.”

“She was different. I could tell.” Ally whispers out, knowing full well she was sounding insecure as hell.

“Maybe a little. Ally, your a big girl, you know what our relationship involved or else you wouldn’t be acting like this. We fucked. She followed me around for almost a year. Wanted me to give something back and I didn’t, so she left and I never even called her. She may have lasted longer than anyone else but she wasn’t special.” 

She pulls back and looks him in the eyes, he can’t stop smiling at her. She’s pouting and sad and he can’t believe that she feels this way. He’d never seen her jealous. He was the jealous one.

“A whole year? You had sex with that model for a whole year?” She moans out. “Your such a dick, I almost feel bad for her, and her adorable accent and big breasts. She was so tall, and blonde. God, I just hate her.”

“Bet she hates you more.” He raises his eyebrows, bending down and grabbing her by the waist. “You know I don’t like blondes, or fake tits, and holy shit, I couldn’t handle you in anything more than your five foot two frame.” He squats down and catches her legs, tossing her over his shoulder before she could get away. 

“Jack!” She slaps at his back.

“Shut it, sweetheart.” He grips her thighs tighter. “You’ve done your talkin’ I can’t take anymore of it.”

He carries her down the hall and into the giant shower, cranking it as hot as it would go and steps in. She actually listens to him for once in her life and doesn’t say another word. She just watches as his hands peel her top off, and his expert fingers slide into the front of her bottoms. 

“I never had anyone worth anythin’ before you. Tell me you fuckin’ know that, baby.” Jack whispers harshly into her mouth.

She tells him she does know.


	18. Sinners prayer

Ally couldn’t help it. She knew she was choosing this type of torture, and she had tried wholeheartedly to avoid exactly what she was currently doing, but in the end her morbid curiosity won. 

She was googling her husband. Jackson Maine associated with Lilah the model, whatever her last name was, to be more specific. She wasn’t well known, Jackson had put her in the lime light, but she quickly faded out after they stopped seeing each other. She had a successful career, and Ally was absolutely appalled by her own insecurities as she looked at some of these pictures.

She’d seen Jack with fans. Ally loves his fans. She loves when Jack gives his fans attention. She loves his female fans, and even loves when he is physical with them. She’s watched as he’s autographed cleavage and ass cheeks. He’s a rock star for Christ’s sake. Jack feels loved by them and that’s all she’s ever wanted for him. But this woman has her worked up in a way she’s utterly unfamiliar with.

The most recent picture of her husband was just from last night. Walking into the lobby of this very hotel. Ally brings up the link and the next image is of well endowed Lilah, smiling and laughing with another woman, and the kicker is she is photographed in the same spot her husband was. Just earlier that day. She glimpsed enough of the words in the story to know this was not ideal. Damn TMZ, always up to no good. 

‘Family man Jackson Maine-seen with ex girlfriend and model, Lilah Williams.’

Fuck. She hated how this looked. Hated that something got made of nothing. They hadn’t even been photographed together first of all, and of course they fail to mention Jack is here with his wife and son.

Ally wonders why Jack hadn’t he mentioned her. These pictures she’s seeing aren’t just fuck buddy outings. These were coffee runs, dinner dates, drinking in bars, her hanging all over him at what appears to be shows, and the man she is seeing is not hers. Maybe he was for a small amount of time, but that high, drunk, doesn’t give a fuck guy? That’s not her husband.

“Darlin’ last night was the best yet, don’t you think?”

Jack walks out onto the balcony, and she quickly pushes the home button on her cell to close the internet. Jack must have noticed her slight panic, because he looks at her funny and asks if she’s okay. 

“I’m fine. What’s up?” She tries to sound casual but its obviously strained. 

“Just sayin’ last night was, like, so damn good. So fun. I’ve missed watching you. Hey, even the dancers weren’t so bad.” He winks, and goes on. “I know I’ve hassled you ‘bout certain things but it all has come together so fuckin’ good, and they don’t take away from you like I was worried about. Anyway, you ready to go?” 

“Yeah I’m ready. You don’t have to come. Just sitting in a boring radio station for the afternoon.” She tosses out as she stands up and walks inside. 

“Of course I wanna come. You not want me too?” He asks self consciously. 

“I just didn’t know if you’d rather stay with Cash. You haven’t seen him for a week and I know you enjoy the down time.” 

“Well shit, now I feel guilty, like I’m a bad dad for leavin’ him.” 

“That’s not what I meant. Come on let’s go.” She smiles softly and slips on her shoes. 

“Hey. You okay?” He asks with genuine concern written across his face.

“I’m fine. Just tired.” She assures him.

*****

The next evening they are in Orlando, it’s twenty minutes before show time, Ally’s in the makeup chair, and her dressing room is in chaos. With wardrobe, Ramon, Jack and Cash, she can barely think straight. 

Rez chooses this time to approach her about business. It’s not uncommon for him to ask her important questions or give her information he doesn’t think she will necessarily like, with a lot of other people around, or when she’s obviously busy and overwhelmed. She knows it’s a tactic he uses to get what he wants, and that she’s more likely to agree to whatever the hell he’s saying just to shut him up.

“Ally it’s time. We’ve gotta nail down these European dates for next summer. It’s the next step. The logical, smartest step.” He repeats, standing right in front of her. 

“Rez, you know I’m not ready, and I can’t make that type of commitment right now. I just can’t.” 

She meets her husbands eyes in the mirror, he is watching her intently, and Rez notices. 

“Ally, this is huge. You’ve already put this off once. If you pass this up, you will regret it forever. Don’t you dare let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“Rez, we have eight weeks left. Eight weeks. I will discuss this with you no sooner.” She points at him, getting pissed. 

“We don’t have eight weeks to decide Ally!” He yells at her.

She watches Jack stand up and swing Cash into Ramon’s arms in one fluid motion. He strides over and stands on the opposite side that her manager is, leaning against the table causally, acting like he doesn’t want to punch him in the face. He rubs a hand over his beard and then folds his arms tightly. 

“You need to lay off, Rez. Ally has no obligations to you once this tour is over.”

“Like fuck she doesn’t.” He hisses out. 

“I don’t really like the way your treatin’ my wife, you know that? She’s makin’ you truck loads of money, man. Why don’t you just take what you can while you have it, huh?” 

“What’s that supposed to mean Ally?” Rez raises his eyebrows at her, like Jack isn’t capable of answering a question.

“It means I’m sick of you runnin’ our lives dip shit.” Jack huffs out.

Ally looks between the two of them and her decision is made. She was done with her manager, he would be contacted by her lawyer the day after her tour ends. Ally just hadn’t wanted to rock the boat, and Jack told her he wasn’t worth the drama.

“I’m not doing Europe, Rez. Not this year, and not with you. Don’t make plans for me after this. I’m serious.”

Ally holds his gaze, and notices the vein in her managers jaw tick like it was about to explode.

“This isn’t how it was supposed to be for you, Ally.” Rez shakes his head and walks out. “Not even close.” 

Jack knew what he was implying. Rez wanted him out of the picture, had since the beginning. Had tried, and succeeded, embarrassingly enough, in making Jack feel the same way. Ally knew the guy was a conceited, selfish asshole but to the extend she was unaware. Jack doesn’t think he will ever tell Ally what Rez Gamblin said to him the day he tried to take his own life. Ally had already fired him, so what was the point?

*****

Bobby brought to Jack’s attention the pictures she had already seen, so when her husband mentions them, she blows it off.

“I saw them, honey. It’s fine. I know they look for anything to stir the pot.” She tells him honestly. 

“Do you think I should say somethin’? I mean it’s obvious I’m on tour with you. It’s so fuckin’ dumb.”

“I think we just ignore it, Jackson. It will blow over.”

*****

Two weeks had passed and they were in Memphis. Ally knew Jack was excited to be in the same city with his best friend for a few days. Heaven forbid he ever admits that fact.

“Noodles and his family are coming to the show yeah? We made sure they have enough tickets?”

Ally is standing at the bottom of the bed, brushing her wet hair in her underwear and tank top and Jack doesn’t answer. His giant body is sprawled across the bed, and he’s ready to fall asleep, watching mindless tv.

“I wish I could hang out with you guys tomorrow, but let’s make sure it’s a late night, like old times, huh?” She smiles over at him. 

“Hey Al?”

“What, honey?” She shakes her hair with her towel and walks to the top of the bed, rubbing lotion up her arms and legs, and taking off all her rings. 

“Why did you do that?” He asks her quietly, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. 

“Do what?” She stands there looking down at him, confused. 

“Why did you do that?” He asks again, looking at her like she should know exactly what he’s talking about. 

“Do what? Jack whaddya mean?” 

“Why did you do that? Why’d you come around me with an ass like that?” 

“Oh my God!” She rolls her eyes and plops down into bed.

Jack is still as serious as ever and continues. 

“Could you please stop being so fine? When I stare at you I wish I were blind.”

“Okay that’s enough.” She can’t help but giggle, listening to him quote her song, speaking so monotone while doing it. “No more making fun of me.” She shoves his shoulder to get him to move over as she gets under the covers. 

“Oh you think I’m making fun?” He pulls her into his body and curls around her, sighing into her ear. 

“It’s only your least favorite song. Don’t get me wrong I don’t love it either. Kinda embarrassing actually.”

“That song helped win you a Grammy. Don’t be embarrassed.” Jack moves to lay on top of her and brings his hands down to grope the ass that he was talking about.

“Your making all my thoughts obscene, this is not, not like me.” She lightly sings into the dark, smiling. 

“Hmmmm, see? I like it when you sing it to me.” Jack pulls back and opens his mouth into hers. 

*****

The next morning Ally is up before the sun and can’t go back to sleep. She’s staring at the ceiling lost in thought when a phone dings. Getting up gently, she goes to put them on silent. She realizes hers is off, so she grabs Jacks phone and pauses. There on the home screen, blocking the the picture of Charlie’s sleeping fluffy face, is a text message.

Contact: Lilah Williams ‘We need to talk, and we need to talk soon.’

Ally’s stomach dropped. She was still in his cell. The guy probably doesn’t know how to delete a contact even if he wanted too, she tells herself. He hates his phone. Views it as a necessary evil. This wasn’t something to freak out over.

Ally knows she wasn’t going back to sleep. She goes into the front room and sees Cash huddled in the corner of his travel bed, still fast asleep, clutching his plush puppy. Padding back to the master suite, she crawls up to her husband and kisses his chin. 

“Hey baby?” She whispers. “Im gunna go for a run, I’ll be be back in a bit.” 

Jack barely stirs, but catches her lips and mumbles out, “Be careful.”

By the time she had quietly changed and made her way out the door Jack was already asleep again.

Ally swiftly jogged her two miles as the sun rose and her mind cleared. Jack lives and breathes for her. With every fiber of her being she is aware of that simple fact.

She decided then and there she wasn’t going to ask him about the text. He could deal with it however he wanted. Chances are he wouldn’t deal with it, would probably and most likely ignore Lilah, which she knew wasn’t the best choice, but she wasn’t about to mother him. He was a grown ass man.

Walking into the lobby, Ally slides her phone into the waist band of her leggings and takes her headphones off. 

“Al, over here!” 

She turns and sees Jackson sitting at a table with Ramón and Bobby. Cash is sitting on her best friends lap trying to pry his coffee out of his hands.

“Hey guys. Everyone’s up early it seems.” Ally remarks as she plops down beside Ramón and ruffles her sons curls. “Cashy, leave Ramon alone.” She laughs as she tries to distract him with an empty cup instead. 

Cash looks at the cup for all of two seconds before he throws it and is back to pestering for the real thing. 

“My man, this is hot.” Ramón animatedly tries to explain.

Ramón reaches over and places his mug on the table and Cash looks at him like he’s never been so betrayed.

“Oh come on amigo, don’t give me that look.” Ramón chuckles out as he lifts Cash up to give him a kiss. 

Ally watches as her perfect little boy arches his back and kicks his legs while he starts to scream. Ramón looks over at her, silently asking, ‘what the hell do I do?’ Ally reaches over to take him and when she does he immediately grabs onto her shirt and continues to scream. 

“Hey buddy, chill.” She looks into his face. “Your not drinking coffee.” She laughs.

“Yeah I don’t think he cares about the coffee anymore.” Jack remarks across from her. 

It was true. He went from being hyper focused on Ramon’s breakfast to hyper focused on getting the breakfast she had recently stopped serving. It broke her heart seeing his big fat tears slide down his cheeks, knowing what he wanted. 

“Sorry, baby boy.” She shakes her head at him. “There’s nothing in there anymore.” 

She had stopped breastfeeding almost a month ago, and there had been moments of hell for the both of them. Cash still had his pacifier, it was the perfect distraction. She had wondered if they take it away at the same time as the boob, but Jack had adamantly refused, saying there was no way he was dealing with that yet.

He’s squirmed his way out of her lap and he lays his head down on the tile floor with a hard thunk, causing another loud wail. She tries to pick him up but he rolls away from her. 

“What the hell?” 

She looks over to her husband and he looks just as confused as she does. 

“Cash!” He calls his name a little loudly. 

Cash covers his eyes with his little fists and continues to howl like he was being single handedly attacked.

“Come on, buckaroo.” Jack stands up and lifts him off the floor. “We ain’t doin’ this here.”

By the time they are back to their room they are both admittedly, and quite literally sweating. 

“What the fuck is wrong with him?” Jack looks bewildered as he lays him on the ground, having no other choice except to let him do his thing. 

“I guess this is a temper tantrum. I don’t even think he knows why he’s so pissed.” Ally answers as they both watch the meltdown rage on. 

Jack grabs his blanket, lays it on top of him, and immediately Cash pulls the blanket over his head. He had stopped screaming, his breath coming in little gasps. Ally crouches down next to him, gently moves the blanket so she could see his little face, and rubs his sweaty head. 

“Can Mama hold you now?” She whispers softly. 

He lifts his arms up and babbles out a form of ‘mama dada mama dada’ he never could decide who he wanted.

She brings him into her chest and goes to lay on the couch. He’s gazing intently up at her, his small lips in a pout, and Ally’s eyes fill with tears. 

“Hey, he’s okay. He’s just findin’ his voice, huh? Having boob withdrawals.” Jack jokes.

“I feel like he’s overwhelmed. I love doing this, but I’ll be ready to go home. I can’t do this every year Jackson. I want us to give them a normal life.” She tells her husband as she strokes Cash’s back and hair. 

“Yeah I know.” He agrees, and then belatedly asks. “Who’s them?” 

“Don’t get excited. I just mean them as in Cash and possibly, maybe, who knows when, a sibling.” 

Jack smiles and sits down on the table in front of the sofa.

“I love you.”

His deep gravely voice soothes her like nothing else can, and those words, of course they used them, but they weren’t the over the top ‘I love you’ couple. The ones who say it every time they leave the house, or get off the phone, or before they go to bed. Even if one of them said it, the other didn’t always say it back. They took it for what it was. Ally cherished it. When Jack said those words, every time, they sunk into the marrow of her bones, and gave her life. She didn’t want them to ever get old.

*****

Days pass. Days blur. Ally finds herself becoming increasingly anxious. She loves performing, but these giant venues, with faceless fans, and tickets so expensive people break their bank buying them? This wasn’t her. This wasn’t Jack, and this wasn’t how she wanted to raise her fan base, or her children. Rez all but knows she’s done with him. Their relationship has shifted to tolerance. He tells her what to do, not nicely, and she does it. He makes her feel like a circus animal.

*****

Fuck me. Jack thinks to himself every damn night as Ally performs. Her voice has only gotten more powerful the more she uses it, and she is all encompassing to watch.

He is usually backstage, or has a couple seats up close with some others. Occasionally he’ll have a box suite with Bobby and Faye when they have Cash up late, but here, right here standing side stage alone, leaning into whatever equipment he could find, this is the spot. The magical spot.

He grins as he watches his wife play the final note of ‘look what I found’ and crouch onto the piano bench, eventually making her way to stand right on top of the huge grand piano she’s obsessed with. She always does this cute little hip sway as she reaches down for the mic stand, and once she’s settled, looks around the stadium for a solid couple minutes taking it all in. Every show. She stands up on that piano, listens to her fans, and acts just as blown away by them as they are by her.

Rez has told her over and over that she needs to end with one of her popular pop songs, but as of late she’s had this ‘fuck Rez’ attitude that thrills him. She has been doing a new ballad every few shows and nobody really knows what to expect anymore. It was awesome. So fucking refreshing. 

“Thank you so fucking much Chicago.” Ally genuinely and graciously thanks the crowd. “This last song I’ve never performed anywhere else aside from my shower, and that’s not a lie.” 

The crowd goes wild and she laughs, looking back and finding his face, searching for approval. He smiles and nods his head encouragingly, knowing exactly where she was going with this.

Ally asks her guitarist if he’s ready for that thing they maybe talked about doing, and when he finds the chords she wanted she casually says, “this is sinners prayer”

Her voice holds the perfect amount of depth and raspiness and goosebumps rise on Jacks flesh. She is wearing ripped up jeans and a black leather jacket over a tight tank. Her hair is piled messily atop her head and she’s got her huge ass earrings on Cash is so mesmerized by. She has him floored. Every. Single. Day. 

For as miserable as her manager has made them, for as rough of a road they’ve been down, and for as hard as this tour has been, he wouldn’t change a damn thing, because this right here is who she’s figured out to be. His wife knows how and what she wants to do, and from now on that’s the way it’ll be, and he can’t fucking wait for them to take the control back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My goal isn’t to write a fairytale, and in my opinion fame would be so hard and the pressure is so consuming. Hopefully things aren’t boring, this felt like a filler chapter. I’m wrapping things up so let me know if there’s anything specific you’d like to see!


	19. Gypsy

“Jackson?” Ally calls over to her husband, who is sitting just a few feet away to her right. 

“Hey honey?” She tries again. 

Ally feels like the last few months she’s noticed his hearing taking a turn. 

“Jack!” She finally shouts out loudly. 

He turns and shuts his lap top he had been intently reading on and gives her his full attention. 

“Sorry. Were you tellin’ me somethin’?” He asks tilting his head towards her. “I’m sorry.” He repeats sheepishly. 

“It’s okay. Just seeing if you were almost done.” She smiles. “I’m tired. Want to come to bed?” 

Jack walks away from the tiny desk and gets into their spacious bed. It practically took up the entire back room of the bus. Ally’s sleeping accommodations weren’t something she settled on. 

“Hey honey can I ask you something?” She asks hesitantly. 

“What’s up?” 

“Do you think it’s getting worse?” 

Jack blows out a breath and stays sitting up, taking a minute to answer. He knew exactly what she was talking about.

“I dunno. Probably.” He touches his left ear subconsciously before taking his shirt off.

“I’m just saying, I can tell when it’s bothering you. It’s been bothering you, and your either not hearing me or tuning me out because I talk too damn much.” She lays her head in his lap and wraps her arms around his middle, kissing his stomach.

She knows talking about his hearing makes him feel uncomfortable, and so she decides to try to make the conversation as casual as possible. 

“It’s better than when I was drinkin’ but I also didn’t care about it as much when I was drinkin’ ya know? So maybe it’s the same.” 

She looks up as he talks so he knows she’s listening, but she doesn’t want to say much. She wants him to control the direction this goes.

“It’s just so embarrassing.” He leans back against the wall, looking at the ceiling so he doesn’t have to look at her. 

“Why are you embarrassed?” She asks gently. 

“Because Ally, I’m not even forty and I think I’m almost deaf in one ear, if you want total honesty. I feel old.”

She listens and tries to comprehend what he’s saying. She wants to make it better, she wants to change how he views it, but her husband is stubborn as a rock.

“You feel old because of your hearing loss? I thought you always have struggled, even as a kid.” She responds confused.

“Your right I have. I just could hide it better back then. I can’t fake it anymore.” 

“You don’t have to fake it. You don’t have to live like this baby.” She sits up and kisses his jaw. 

“I don’t want fuckin’ hearing aids, okay? There I said it, it’s done.” He says angrily, covering his eyes with one of his hands. 

Ally moves away from him and lays back down, settling the covers over her and decides to drop it. She grabs his hand and gives it a kiss, wanting him to know she isn’t angry, then rolls over to her side and turns her lamp off. A few minutes pass and he hasn’t moved, and in all reality she just wants to sleep. 

“Jack, let’s just go to bed. Will you turn off your light?” She asks quietly, sounding totally normal to her own ears. 

No answer. Glancing behind her, she sees her husband and stops short. 

“Hey.” She whispers up to him, watching silent tears stream down his face. He was staring straight ahead and hadn’t moved. 

“Sweetie, don’t cry.” She tells him softly, her heart hurting for him. 

He pulls himself out of his thoughts and lays down on his stomach, his face away from her. Sliding up behind him she kisses his back and folds her arm over his waist. Resting her chin on his shoulder she decides to get real honest. 

“Hey Jack? You know what would suck?”

“If I had to have hearing aids?” He answers without skipping a beat. 

Ally snorts out a laugh and smacks his behind over the thick duvet.

“No, that’s not what would suck. I think that you not hearing me play the piano from across the house, that would suck, and not hearing Charlie bark excitedly when you come through the front door, that would suck. Possibly not hearing Cash call for his daddy, or hearing our babies cry, or hear them laugh? That would suck. Not being able to hear me moan out your name after you’ve made me come so hard I can’t think straight? That would fucking suck.”

He rolls toward her arms and buries himself into her chest, sniffing and wiping his face and lowering her shirt to gain better access to her cleavage, obviously trying to lighten the mood. Ally pulls on his hair, and kisses his forehead. Such a man, she thinks to herself, all about the boobs. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers. “I’ve never had much to lose, and I need to start thinking about doin’ somethin’ different.” 

“I just think it could make you happier Jack. Make your life a little easier. You don’t have to do anything right away, but it’s okay to give yourself some options.” 

“Why you always have to make me fuckin’ cry about one thing or another. God damnit.” 

*****

The next morning after Ally is out of the shower and doing her morning routine she makes a decision that came easier than she imagined. While brushing her teeth she unzipped one of her small bags that held all of her vitamins, supplements and medicines, lined them up on the counter and brushed them into her hand. But before she popped them in her mouth she looked into her palm, removed the small blue pill that she had taken her entire adult life religiously, and tossed it in the trash.

She wasn’t planning on telling her husband, because it felt right to let it happen naturally. Ally wanted to continue having sex because they absolutely loved having sex, not because they wanted to become pregnant. They were lovers, and when pregnancy happens unexpectedly it was beautiful. That’s how it had been the first time around. She wanted that feeling again, and desperately wanted to give her husband that gift. It could take a while, she tells herself. Being laid back about it was the right thing to do. No reason to add any pressure.

*****

Jack was lying in the hallway of their bus, happily letting Cash crawl all over him while Ally sat on the sofa playing with his guitar. They’d been on the road for eight hours, watching the mid west scenery fly by, and it wasn’t often Ally picked up any instrument besides the piano. He loved watching her focus so intently on where she put her fingers, never wanting to make a mistake. The piano was second nature, it was like an extension of herself, and witnessing her actually have to try at something was intriguing. 

“Hey honey, you know what song I just love that we didn’t do much with?” 

“What song? Hey get back here mister.” He responds as he grabs onto Cash’s foot, pulling him back when he starts to try to get away. 

He hears the soft strumming and glances up to watch her fumble slightly, eventually finding the exact riff he would. When she does, she looks down at them smiling. Ally has gained their full attention and when she starts singing Cash crawls toward the couch and pulls himself up to watch, hanging onto her bare leg.

Jack grabs his phone and discreetly records his wife and little boy as she sings to him, keeping her eyes on his throughout the entire melody. 

“Somethin’ we can still get over, oh I still beleive in love.

Time goes by, I’ll keep winnin’ keep loosin’ til I die, rain falls down, and I’ll catch every drop this time around.”

When she finishes she bends over and gives Cash’s lips a smacking kiss, making him reach up for her. She sets the guitar softly to the side and picks him up. These moments that were seemingly small, took his breath away. He loved her so much it physically hurt, she gave him life.

“I like it better when you sing it.” She looks at him pointedly.

“Really? Because I was just thinkin’ how perfect it sounded just like that.” He argues. 

“Nope. It needs you.”

“Lets do it. Finish it. It’s beautiful. It’ll be our next one alright?” 

“Alright.”

*****

Jack walks into the large hotel bathroom with his hands on his head. Ally is sitting on the edge of the tub painting her toenails and she watches as her husband nervously sits on the closed toilet. It was late and she had been waiting for him to come to bed. 

“You okay?” She prods. 

“No.” He runs his hand down his face.

There was a time she would have been on high alert when he came in like this. Waiting for Jack to break down, or search for a way to relapse, and even though he still struggles, still gets grumpy as hell when he can’t explain why, she knows he’s found healthy outlets, he’s found coping mechanisms that actually fucking work for him. It’s true that time heals.

“What can I do?” She absentmindedly continues, concentrating on her toes.

“Lilah’s been tryin’ to get a hold of me, and I’ve been ignoring her. Today though, she sent me this cryptic text about how I better call her because she has information I need.”

The mere mention of the name has her bristling, and the fact that he’s upset has alarm bells sounding.

“She’s threatening you?” She twists the lid back on the dark purple polish and gives him her full attention.

“I finally called her.” He says flatly. 

“And?” She prompts him. 

“She says that-that she has...” Jack falters, casts his eyes down, and pinches the brim of his nose.

Ally’s mind starts racing. She had wondered why Lilah suddenly popped up, but now, seeing her husband look nothing short of distraught was putting puzzle pieces together. How they formed this quickly in her brain was beyond her.

“Jackson your scaring me.” She whispers. 

He looks up, back into her flawless face and clears his throat. 

“I’m just fuckin’ pissed off.”

His face hardens and she can sense she is losing him. He is pulling away, he’s angry. She knows what he is trying tell her, what these texts have been about. This sudden contact she’s been trying to make. No. Please, God no.

“The way she was looking at you, Jackson, the way she was watching us. I think I know. She has a child doesn’t she? She has your child?” 

Jack looks taken aback, his face visibly pales. 

“What?” He chokes out.

He runs his hands through his disheveled hair and shakes his head, as if trying to clear it. 

“No. Ally. Oh my God, absolutely not baby.” 

He leans over and grabs her hands, squeezing them like his life depended on it. He watches his wife swallow a few times and realizes how fragile she actually is, how close she is to shattering, and it would be all his doing. 

Nodding her head she tries to hold back her tears but fails, wether they are out of relief she doesn’t know.

“I just had this picture in my head. Lilah was a big part of your life, and she disappeared on you, and the way your acting and the way she’s been trying to reach out, I’m just fucking scared.” She blubbers out. 

“Hey, that fucking scared me, don’t say shit like that huh?” He kneels in front of her on the bathroom floor. “I promise I don’t have any illegitimate children out there. Alright? Trust me I’d know, they’d be takin’ me for everything I was worth.”

Jack leans back on the tile and Ally slides down to sit in front of him, grabbing his hands. 

“Stop making me guess the worst.” She urges him to talk. 

“Ally, you’ve gotta not freak the fuck out.” He eyes her seriously. “When I called her back, before I could say much she was apologizing about bothering me, and said she had to tell me something or else she’d never forgive herself.” 

“Okay...” Ally says slowly. 

“Sweetheart, she told me that she had come to Miami because someone hired her. Someone hired her to come and get my attention. Try to sway me, or soemthin’ crazy. The plan was to get me alone with her, and she would slip me somethin’ get me fucked up. Anything to get me away from you, to cause a big scandal. At least that’s what she was told needed to happen.” 

“What?” She whispers out, completely confused by multiple things. 

“I know. It sounds bad, and Lilah said she agreed because she was upset how things ended between us, but when she saw us at the pool she knew she couldn’t do it. Then there’s the obvious fact I showed zero interest. She went home that night, but she wanted me to know who hired her, who set the whole thing up.” 

“First of all I’m shocked. Give me a minute to get a grip on this.” She closes her eyes and rubs her temples with her fingertips. “Secondly, I still don’t like her, but I appreciate that she is trying to make up for such a stupid, fucking messed up choice.” 

“I know. I told her I’m glad she hounded me because we needed to know, and I hope she’s well, but to just cut ties completely.” He grabs onto her hands tighter and links their fingers together. 

“Okay.” She nods her head still looking distracted. “Now, who was it? Tell me it’s not who I’m guessing it is. Tell me he wouldn’t do this to me.” 

Ally is looking at him with eyes that are pleading. Pleading for him to not hurt her. Jack hates the man even more than he did before for making him watch his wife’s hopeful expression fade to complete misery when he tells her. 

“It was Rez, Ally.” 

She didn’t freak the fuck out. She just cried in his arms on the bathroom floor. She wasn’t angry. She was completely heartbroken.

*****

Ally was pacing back and forth inside the small conference room of the hotel they were staying at in Seattle. She was biting her nails and making Jack feel as nervous as she looked.

“Hey, come here. Come sit. Paul will be here any second.” Jack tugs at her hand when she is near enough and she obliges, sitting in the swivel chair next to him and blowing the hair out of her face, making Jack laugh. 

They had contacted their lawyer the morning after the phone call from Lilah, and had set up a time for him to fly out so they could all meet with Rez together. He had advised them both strongly not to approach him with the information that had been presented to them, and to act as if nothing had happened until he could get there. 

Once he arrives they go through Ally’s contract that had been signed, Paul showing them the loop hole blown wide open by Rez’s transgressions, and confirming that Lilah was a willing witness if needs be. Which she was. Jack had also reached out to Lilah on Ally’s insistence, telling her that their lawyer would be available to her if she needed to take any legal action against Rez. Ally had also strongly encouraged her to keep her distance. That’s just the kind of woman his wife is, Jack had thought to himself astonished. Going out of her way to help the person who had been involved in planning to try to come between their family.

When Rez walks in, he immediately has eyes for Ally. His glare is not contained, and he’s fully aware of the situation just by Paul introducing himself. It was going to take all the patience Jack has to not get involved verbally or physically during this meeting, and he’s praying Rez doesn’t do anything stupid. Because if Rez’s stupidity shines through, Jack’s going to snap. Ally had begged him to keep his mouth shut. So he would. 

“So this is how it’s going to be Ally? After everything I’ve done for you?” Rez snorts, after being told he was fired immediately, and to leave the tour, with zero contact on his end. 

“Rez,” She replies as calmly as ever, “I can’t even stand to look at you for one more second. You tried to break my family apart, to ruin my husband, take my sons father away, and I doubt this was the first time. After everything I’ve done for YOU. Now get the fuck out.” She whispers at the end. 

He sits for another few heartbeats, then reaches over and signs the offered paper and leaves, slamming the door behind him. Ally puts her hands in her head and leans on the table. Jack stands up and rubs her shoulders, placing a kiss on her head. 

“Good job, baby.” He tells her softly in her ear. 

“That’s it guys.” Paul stand up and starts collecting all the documents. “He has no legal rights and absolutely no reason to make contact. If he does, ignore it, send correspondence straight to me. Got that? Now, let’s go get lunch! Tell me who the hell is going to manage you now.”

*****

They had a month left on the road and Bobby was taking over everything. He had completely flipped when he found out about Rez. He wasn’t surprised, but he was angrier than Ally had ever seen. He had told her he needed to sue his ass and take him for everything he was worth. Jack laughed and told him to calm down, that they were getting off when it could have been worse. Because that was the truth.

He was truly Jack’s father figure, and with that came the protectiveness over Ally that he had always practiced. He gave her unfiltered advise about her career from the get go. They all thought it made perfect sense for him to take over for the rest of the tour, and she was silently hoping he would agree to it afterwards as well.

*****

It had rained all day in Seattle. Not a drizzle, but pouring rain. Ally thought it fit the mood. Somewhat gloomy, but overall cleansing. 

They hadn’t left their hotel room since their meeting this morning, letting Cash have free reign to crawl and play. He seemed thrilled to have his parents all to himself, and being holed up alone, just the three of them was exactly what they wanted.

While Jack put Cash to bed she quickly fixed them a light dinner. When he came into the kitchen he stopped and watched Ally pour herself a giant glass of wine, and before she corked it, took a swig out of the bottle. 

“Need somethin’ a little stronger sweetheart?” Jack laughs, making her jump.

“You scared me.” She huffs out as she picks up as much as she can carry to the coffee table in the next room.

They sit Indian style on the carpet and Ally turns the television on, choosing a channel at random. When they are done eating Jack drags his wife to the couch and when he lays down she settles herself right on top of him.

Seeing his wife make up free, hair messily pulled back, and wearing a T-shirt turned him on just as much as the lingerie she likes to wear. Not to undervalue the lingerie in the slightest, but this does it more. Especially after that glass of wine she just downed. The way her entire body molded to his, like she wanted to fall into him, that’s what the wine did. She was the perfect amount of intoxicated, and he loves that he is one hundred percent sober to experience her.

He grazes his fingers down her spine and lifts her shirt slightly to play with that amazing spot where her back ends and ass begins. He eventually skims his hands into her underwear, holding onto her from behind. Her legs were bare, and he wants to give them the attention they deserve, so he tangles them with his own. Jack’s not even trying to get laid, although the firmness pressing into her stomach probably told her otherwise. Neither of them had spoke for some time, and Jack assumed she’d slipped off to sleep, so when he lays his head back to close his own eyes he was surprised to hear her voice.

“I feel better. I feel free.” Ally murmurs into his chest.

“Me too.” He responds, reaching up to play with her hair. “You can do whatever you want from now on. Your not stuck.” 

“You know what I wanna do?” 

He makes a noise in the back of his throat, encouraging her to continue. 

“I just wanna go home and be a Mom. I feel like Cash’s first year kinda got ripped away from me.”

“Oh darlin’ you’ve been there so much, you’ve done it all. I think back to when you were pregnant, when you had him. Oh my God, that was the best thing we’ve done together don’t you think? Gettin’ him here? You’ve put that boy first every single day. He’s so attached to you. It kills me that you feel that way.”

Ally lifts her head up so she can look into her husbands face. He says the sweetest things out of the blue, and still leaves her spellbound. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I know how lucky I am. Hands down the best day of my life was bringing him into the world with you helping me.” She kisses his lips softly and lays her head back down. “I wanna work Jackson, I just would have done it a little differently if I could have, that’s all. The benefit is that he’s got a pretty kick ass Dad that picks up my slack.”

“There’s no slack.” Jack turns on his side, rolling her with him, and traces her face. He floats a finger down her nose a few times and when he touches her lips she kisses it. 

“What do you see in the future Ally?” 

She doesn’t take long, and she smiles when she tells him. 

“I see you and me making music forever and ever. I want you to do your thing with the guys, and I want to just go small ya know? I want us to play together. I want to play festivals and charity events, bars. Try to stay local. Not sure I can be a gypsy my whole life.” She teases him. 

“It’s perfect. It’s you, but don’t give me that shit, you’ve got a gypsy soul and you know it.”

Damn he’s so fucking proud of who she is.

“I just want to be a family. I want him to have what we didn’t have.” She tears up. 

“Me too.” He strongly agrees. 

“What do you want Jack? What does the future look like?”

She’s looking up to him, her face shining so bright he can’t be anything but honest, no matter how dumb it sounds. 

“Thats easy.” He replies gruffly. “All I see is music and babies.” 

Ally laughs and touches his face.

“You got stars in your eyes boy?” 

“I guess, but that’s all I want. I’m really good at makin’ both.” He grins out, looking cocky as hell.

“You really are.” She enthusiastically agrees, fastening her hands around his neck and tugging his face into hers. “Should we start practicing right now?”

Jack pulls back slightly, moves the hair from her face and goes back in for more. 

“Darlin’ we don’t need practice. Let’s just make a baby.”


	20. She is love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is a song by parachute, she is love. One of my favorites of all time. The words are all Jack and Ally. Give it a listen if you haven’t. As always, thanks and hope you enjoy!

When the lights go down after Ally’s encore of Shallow, that she has turned into a full blown rock ballad as of late, which Jackson was downright thrilled by, she completely falls apart. The emotions of the last four months, of finishing her first solo tour, of closing a chapter, it is all consuming, and standing in front of the crowd, she can’t do anything but cry.

She waves for her dancers and band to come out, and motions to Jack and the rest of the the crew as well, wanting all of their faces to be seen. Ally quickly asks the audience to thank them for all of their hard work, that she couldn’t have done any of this without them and applauds along with her screaming fans.

Ally makes it a point to walk to each and every corner of the stage, touching and thanking as many of these people personally that she can. Taking pictures and signing autographs. A woman, a very beautiful, very eager woman, she had told her husband later on, begged her to sign her chest, and to Jack’s amusement it completely delighted his wife. She had called him over shouting that she just signed her first set of boobs.

Her last show, being in Los Angeles, was the longest of the leg. Everyone involved seemed hesitant to end, and they all celebrated into the early hours of the morning, savoring it as long as they possibly could.

*****

“Hey, baby.” Jack smacks his wife’s butt as he passes her in the kitchen. “I called your dad, asked if he wanted to come up and watch Cash for a couple hours. That okay?”

Jack had just walked in the door and the statement took Ally by surprise. He had been putting in ridiculously long hours the last few weeks, way over his head with work. The couples sudden role reversal was giving the entire family emotional whiplash, but in the best way possible.

It was the first time in almost a year that Ally didn’t have any work obligations, and Jack, he was suddenly busier than he had been since they met. He was writing and helping to produce a new album. It wasn’t his, but seeing how much he loved working with other musicians didn’t just make her happy, but his overall talent, his knowledge about the industry continued to surprise her.

His band seemed to be getting antsy as well, and told him they were anxious to play again. Her favorite night of the week was easily when all the guys came over for their late night sessions.

Leaving the house seemed like the last thing Jack would want to do, seeing as how he complained non stop about missing Cash.

“Wait, when is my dad coming?” She asks confused.

“He should be here any minute. I’m sorry, I just had this inkling to get out on my bike with my girl.”

“Oh, okay.” Ally replies, beginning to rush around. “Yeah, I’ve got dinner on, let me just finish and then I can change. Cash needs a bath, he’s been crawling around the yard with Charlie all afternoon.”

She was looking frazzled and that’s the last thing Jack intended.

“I can take care of it.” He tells her. “I’ll feed him, your dad can get him ready for bed. I wanna leave soon, don’t want it gettin’ dark on us.”

Ally stops and looks at him, smiling warmly, already walking backward to the bedrooms.

“Thank you, honey. I’m excited.”

Lorenzo arrived and Ally gave him “the speech” as Jack likes to call it. She does this spill every time they leave the house and it’s stuff that anyone who’s been with the kid already knows.

Her dad had eventually pushed them out the door, with Cash waving to them happily, telling her he hadn’t spent any time with his grandson in the last four months and he was still trying to forgive them for taking him away so long. He was kidding of course, but Jack knew he was hurting for time with his family. Ally was his entire universe. That was the reason he had called Lorenzo instead of Bobby and Faye who only live a few miles away.

“Where we headed?” Ally asks him, not even trying to hide her eagerness while she squeezed her arms around his waist as they idled down the driveway.

Jack starts the motorcycle and waits, revving the engine and letting it take a few minutes to rumble to life. He puts his hand on his wife’s thigh and shouts over the noise.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

It was May in Northern California, and the weather was perfect. Ally couldn’t imagine doing anything besides exactly this. Riding behind her husband through winding mountain roads, the wind in her face and his hand clasped tightly onto hers around his chest, bringing her fingers up to his lips every few moments. Their time together, alone, was scarce. She could feel the current coming off of him. He was happiest, just like this.

After a few short miles Jack slows down and takes a side street, then suddenly makes an abrupt left turn onto a dirt road. When they come to then end of a tree lined path he pulls into a big clearing and cuts the engine.

They settle in the sudden silence and Ally looks around. They are surrounded by pines and green growth, giant piles of recently unearthed dirt, a few tractors all shut down, and a completely erected, all be but only framed house right in the center.

“Walk with me.” Jack says quietly, standing.

“Jackson.”

She says it like a statement, but they both know she’s questioning what he’s doing.

“Just be quiet and take it in alright.” He looks at her as they walk through the dirt and rocks, trying to read her expression, noticing her old jeans and beat up converse made him smile. She looked so young at a glance, so innocent. He still couldn’t believe all the shit he’s put her through.

Jack felt nervous. This was a big deal and he’s worried she’ll be upset. This was something he’d been thinking about since Cash had been born, and every time he mentioned the subject she shot him down. Saying it wasn’t the right time, but this is him trying to continue to make up for his old ways. Build them a new way.

Ally’s staring up at the framed house, and squeezes his hand. It wasn’t huge, but it was more than he ever thought he would want or need. Ally still struggled with having things. With buying things.

“A few months ago when I was on a ride I saw a sign for property. Drove in, saw this big empty field with a fuckin’ amazing view.” He begins, as he takes his sunglasses off and walks up the front steps. “Wasn’t off lookin’ for it, just stumbled in. I sat in this same spot for an hour and couldn’t move.”

“Jack. This is a big deal. When we’re you going to tell me?” She asks softly.

“I’m tellin’ you now.” He reaches his hand down and she takes it, following him up the make shift porch that looked like it wrapped all the way around the house. “With us leaving for the tour then being gone I never felt like it was the right time, but please hear me out.”

She nods her head and they walk into the open house. No doors, no windows, just wood. He explains what rooms are what and it’s actually pretty simple. There’s a master bedroom in the back with a giant bathroom, room for a shower and separate jacuzzi tub. Two large closets off to the side. They walked through a couple more bedrooms across the house, a spacious kitchen with an island and living room with the beginning of an amazing fireplace separating them.

He had her sucked in and even though she was silent he could tell her wheels were turning. When Jack led her up a small set of stairs behind the kitchen he knew he had her baited. He made her go first and grabbed onto her back pockets as they climbed. It was an open A-frame room that was added over the garage, with a big window towards the front.

“I thought this would be a fun place for kids to play. Keep all the toys and shit up here, I dunno.”

Jack tries to come off casual, but his wife sees right through him.

“Jackson, I really didn’t want to like it.” She complains.

“Look Ally, I know it’s a lot to think about, but it’s been on my mind a long time. I can’t live where we live much longer. There’s too many shitty memories for me. It feels dark sometimes. I need a change, Al.”

He had reached above him and grabbed onto a beam making his shirt lift, a sliver of his stomach showing. Ally walked over and put her hands under his faded black shirt, playing with the thin trail of hair that led down his pants.

“I just have never been able to see us anywhere else.” She kisses his chin and walks back towards the window. “We are so damn busy right now. We have a full plate. When is this place going to be done? I mean, what does it involve time wise?”

“Ally. When have we ever not been busy? It’s a lifestyle darlin’ and it’s not changin’ anytime soon. It should be done by the end of the year. We don’t do shit. Fuck Ally, we can hire out everything, design, furnishing it, everything. Don’t even think about it.”

“I feel like a spoiled bitch.” She shakes her head and kicks a stray pebble across the floor. “I feel like this shouldn’t be what I get for some reason and I know what your going to say so save it.” She points at him and he pretends to zip his lips. “I love the house, I love it all. Let’s fucking do it honey.”

“Sounds good.” Jack grins out, knocking his knuckles on the wood he had been holding onto. “I already bought it anyway.”

*****

By the time Jack pulled into the garage it was almost two in the morning. He needed more hours in the day, he thought to himself for the hundredth time.

Charlie greeted him happily and Jack shushed him before sneaking into his sons room. He has been leaving before Cash woke up in the mornings and as he leaned over his crib he wanted nothing more than to wake him up, but his wife would have his head. Instead he kisses his curls and pulls a blanket back over his small body, hand lingering on his round stomach, feeling his deep breathing and watching his mouth move, sucking his pacifier. He shut the door slowly behind him and started to strip off his clothes.

While brushing his teeth Jack was hit forcefully with the reality of having a gorgeous woman in his bed waiting for him and he suddenly couldn’t get to her fast enough.

Looking at Ally sleep he felt just as exhilarated to slip under the covers with her as he was at the onset of their relationship. Molding his body to her back quietly, he kisses her shoulder feather light and makes his way up the back of her neck, lingering and sucking softly while his fingers graze her hip. He nuzzles into the back of her head, his mouth resting on the soft spot behind her ear. He was completely satisfied to fall asleep just like this, but when she leans her head back into him, not fully awake, but fully enjoying his attention Jack takes full advantage of her semi conscious state.

His hand has a mind of it’s own and slowly glides up Ally’s stomach, underneath her tank top, coming in contact with her bare breasts. He gropes onto one gently as she rolls onto her back, arching into his touch. Her eyes are still closed but her body’s quick response has Jacks ready to go instantly.

Jack leans down and places his own face beside hers while he rubs his palm over her nipple, mesmerized that his touch made her react so strongly. He begins to kiss her face, never coming in contact with her lips, while his hand moved to toy with the waistband of her underwear. Her skimpy, sexy as fuck underwear, that drives him wild every damn night.

Ally’s arms slowly wrap around his neck and her hands find their very favorite spot, fisted into his hair and she brings his mouth down to meet hers. They immediately open for eachother, no introduction or preamble, instead all tongue and teeth, when Jack’s struck with the simplicity of his situation. How simple, to be laying in bed, in the middle of the night after a long day at work, how simple to just be making out with his wife. Sometimes life felt too complicated and this, this is what it was all about. She was what it was all about.

He had barely seen her all week, hadn’t had sex with her since Sunday afternoon, which was a quick bang against their bedroom door before family came for dinner.

Jack nonchalantly slips his hand into her panties and they both let out matching sighs of pent up desire. They weren’t a couple to leave eachother needy, but they were both coming across desperate as fuck.

Ally kept his lips sealed to hers while she pushed against his fingers, making Jack move in the way that got her off fastest. He wasn’t positive, but with the small groan escaping her he was pretty sure he’d done his job. Sitting up, he kneels between her legs and she lifts herself for him to slide her bottoms off.

Jack lays down on his elbows, pushing her tank top to further expose her breasts. They were beyond perfect, even though she had complained about how much they had changed after pregnancy and nursing. Jack bluntly disagreed, saying they were just enough to hang onto and when he takes them in his mouth, she drags his hand back down to land between her legs.

He continues paying avid attention to where his lips and tongue are trailing and his mind fogs over like a horny teenage boy, nothing existing except this warm, beautiful body he’d give anything to obtain pleasure from. He finally takes the fabric up and over her head, throwing it to the floor and brings his hands into her messy hair.

He can’t keep his mouth off of her skin. She tastes so fucking good, and that spot where her throat and collarbone meet, smells like heaven. He’s absolutely high, and can’t help but push inside of her, ripping the air from her lungs.

Ally’s hands roam his back and she turns her face into his neck, breathing him in deeply, the same way he is her. It’s incomprehensible that she could feel remotely close to what he feels for her, and it’s indescribable, knowing that she absolutely does.

“I miss you.” Ally whispers into his ear, her voice thick with hours of sleep, her breath sending shivers down his spine.

“Oh my God I’ve missed you.” He groans into her throat as he continues to thrust ever so slowly, letting their confessions seep into the space between their bodies, where nothing but truth is allowed to live.

“Tell me you love me, Jack.” She begs him with that intoxicating raspy voice.

Her words are quiet and calm, but the need is raw and makes him shift back to look at her face.

Placing his hands on her cheeks he examines her features, running his thumbs across her prominent cheekbones and kissing her nose. He needs to be better about saying the words she was obviously craving. He is good at showing her, but he decides then and there she’ll hear it more.

“I love you, darlin’ you have no idea just how much I fucking love you.” He rasps into her mouth, making her catch the expression and swallow it whole.

Pushing himself up onto his hands he keeps his eyes on hers, of what he can see in the darkness anyway. Her hands begin to tighten onto his forearms, and he notices the outline of her body start to stiffen. Jack feels before he sees her head turned to the side, her mouth biting onto the outside of his wrist. It was the precise amount of pressure and it sent fire into the pit of his stomach.

It wasn’t a sudden burst of euphoria, that would usually have them both hitting the ceiling fast and furious, not being able to control themselves, which was their typical release.

They more often than not kept up a quick, playful, and to be frank, hard, pace. Their sex was lighthearted, talkative. Shit, this woman loved to chat during sex, and the orgasims were flat out explosive.

Every once in a while though, right when they both seemed to need it, it was a slow burn, a steady climb, a silent sweet build up that had them peaking leisurely, causing them to tumble back down in a perfectly composed manner, riding the lasting wave with nothing but throaty breaths and content hums.

Jack laid down on top of his wife, knowing full well she loved him pressing his weight into her. He kissed her chin and jaw lazily, taking his time pulling out of her. Turning onto his side with one arm under her head, the other pulling her into his chest as he ran his fingertips between her sleek shoulder blades. He had every intention of getting a towel to clean them up, but her heavy exhale against his skin and limp body made him change his mind.

She began snoring softly into the hollow part of his neck, and the memory of their first time together flashed in front of him. It had been just like this. Dark and sleepy, slow and deliberate, mostly quiet, and in the end just like now, he had tucked her into his body instead of rolling away.

As sleep creeped over him he reveled in the all too complex fact, that by some miracle he was the man who got to come home to Ally.

*****

“Sounds different.” Ally murmurs out from the doorway, catching her husband off guard.

He was sitting on the back steps, letting Charlie and Cash get the last of their wiggles out before bed, and had brought his old guitar with him, having been encompassed with inspiration due to the middle of the night activities he and his wife had taken part in less than twenty four hours earlier.

“Different huh?” He slaps his palm on the strings gently, quieting the instrument.

Ally slides the glass door behind her and continues past him, tugging softly on his hair as she walks down the steps.

“Different, yeah.” She glances at him while she makes herself comfortable on the lawn, Charlie immediately stealing her attention.

Jack watches as his suntanned wife baby talks to their furry first born, and then is eventually consumed by her little boy pining for her affection, thus completing the picture and finishing the lyrics for him right there on the spot.

He stares as she kisses Cash’s neck and blows on his belly making him laugh and hold onto her hair. When she frees herself from his grasp, she throws a nearby ball for the dog and sits Cash on her lap, opening a popsicle and letting him figure out how to eat it. It was a hot July day, he was running around in his diaper, playing in the hose, and they both laughed when he kept grimacing from the frozen treat he refused to put down.

“Don’t stop on my account.” She tosses out, acting as if she isn’t morbidly curious about what he’s working on.

Jack continues, strumming a chorus over a few times, when he adds words. His voice deep and even slower than normal.

“I’ve been beaten down, I’ve been kicked around, but she takes it all for me.

I lost my faith, in my darkest days, but she makes me want to believe.

They call her love love love love love.  
She is love, and she is all I need.

Well I had my ways, they were all in vein, and she waited patiently.

It was all the same, all my pride and shame, but she put me on my feet.

They call her love love love love love.  
She is love she is all I need, she is love, and she is all I need.”

Jack doesn’t stop, but plays again without words. It was a short song, directly to the point, and exactly what she was to him.

“Is that me?” She finally asks.

He glances over at her, delaying his answer and setting his guitar down.

“That’s you.” He says as he picks Cash up and takes a bite from his dripping popsicle. “She’s love, isn’t she buckaroo? Jesus, your sticky.”

Ally shakes her head and laughs, but her insides are melting along with everything else in this heat. She lurches forward and kisses his freshly shaven cheek.

“I love you.” He says happily, catching her mouth in a quick kiss.

“I love you too, honey.”

*****

Jack was leaning over the railing of their deck watching his one year old toddle around with his little friends. They didn’t really play, Jack had observed, they mostly just poked at eachother, and stole whatever the hell they wanted out of one another’s hands.

The current hot item was a ball bigger than most of their bodies, provided by Ramón who found hilarity in tossing it just a little too hard, in turn making the toddlers topple over.  
Ally had told him he better stop before someone got hurt, but he didn’t and Jack couldn’t help but laugh out loud every time he saw his son sprawled out in the green grass after being softly pummeled, getting right back up to do it again.

“How the hell has it been a year?” Bobby asks coming up to stand by him.

They had invited everyone over for dinner to celebrate Cash’s first birthday. The band, their families and friends. Watching his kid receive so much love made Jack proud. Proud of what he was able to give him.

“Who the fuck knows, man.” He answers chuckling.

“So you gonna have another?” Bobby inquires.

“Only been begging the woman in charge.” He replies immediately. “Why? You like the grandpa gig?”

They both glance down to Cash who has Charlie hovering at his side, licking frosting from his face and hands. Cash is giggling and trying to get away, his brown curly hair a complete mess, blowing in the evening breeze.

“The grandpa gig is the best gig I’ve ever had,” Bobby slaps Jack on the shoulder as he walks down the steps to rescue his grandson from the likes of Ramón. “and Jack, I’ve had a helluva lota gigs.”

When everyone filtered out and Cash was in bed, Ally went out back to see her husband walking around the yard cleaning up trash and putting things away. She momentarily stops to take him in. He was wearing a fitted pair of jeans, and his common place plain T-shirt. Today’s choice was a light gray v neck, and to Ally’s surprise he had recently started wearing hats. Not HIS hat. Not THE hat. Just normal baseball hats. He ALWAYS had them on backwards, and his curls hanging over his ears and neck did the strangest thing to her insides. He shaved at least every couples weeks, and only sported light growth these days.

Seeing him become this person, living this life with him, blew her away. Sometimes she felt like he wasn’t even the man she sang to in a parking lot, but at the end of every day, wrapped in his arms she finds him. Without fail.

“That was fun.” Jack grins over at her. “Cash had a good birthday, right?” He asks her concerned, following her inside the house.

“Of course he did. He played all day with his mom and dad and dog and grandpas and friends. He got everything he wanted.” She assures him.

“Yeah but we didn’t buy him anything.” He says as he sits up on the countertop.

“He doesn’t want a damn thing, honey. He blew out his candle and ate his cupcake. That’s why we asked people not to bring presents. I don’t want him to be spoiled. He’s happy, and grateful, let’s just keep it simple.”

“Your right. Just sayin’ I wanna give him everything.” He tells her, preoccupied with a leftover cupcake that he shoves into his mouth in one giant bite.

“Impressive.” She raises her eyebrows at him while he looks over at her and deliberately picks up another one doing the exact same thing, her expression never changing as she waits for him to finish.

“Hey guess what?” Ally says as he gulps milk right out of the carton. Yeah, her Jack is still in there.

“What?” He answers her, tossing his hat beside him on the counter sounding like he didn’t really give a shit.

“You gotta guess.” She says approaching him to stand between his legs, poking his rock hard abdomen.

“You like my dad bod?” He teases, bending over and running his prickly face into her neck.

“What dad bod? Your in the best shape of your life and you know it.”

“Give me a hint.” He sits up straight, looking down into her face, and then lower, his fingers moving her shirt aside and trying to reach down the front.

“Fine. I’ll just tell you.” She grabs onto his rushing hand and firmly stills it in hers.

But she doesn’t tell him. She just stands there silent, smiling at him.

“Ally, what?” He laughs at her, intrigued.

She presses her face into his chest and takes a deep breath. When she looks up into his blue eyes she can’t hold it in any longer.

“I think I’m pregnant.” She says softly.

She watches as his features turn from confusion, to surprise, to hope, and then he squints his eyes at her accusingly.

“You do not.” He says flatly.

“I do.” She laughs out, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. “I feel nauseous, and my boobs are so sore and I’m late. Like almost two fucking weeks late. I wanted to tell you before the party but you had run to grab the cake and when you got back people were already here.” She is letting her feelings out now, relieved he’s in this with her.

Jack puts his hands on both sides of her face, not allowing her to break eye contact.

“When?” He wonders aloud, smiling. “I mean, I thought you were on the pill.”

“I was, but one morning I just stopped taking it and never thought about it again. I didn’t think it would happen this fast.”

“Oh my god, Ally.” He leans his forehead into hers and try’s like hell to hold it all together, closing his eyes. “You’ve been different lately.”

“You mean bitchy?” She laughs tearfully.

“No.” He responds immediately, brushing the hair out of her face. “Not bitchy. Never bitchy.”

“So your happy?” She asks, clutching the back of his neck.

“Yeah.” He hoarsely whispers, nodding his head against her vigorously. “Are you happy?”

“So happy Jackson, but I should take a test to make sure. I waited because I did it alone last time.” She pecks his lips and pulls him off the counter. “I want you with me.”

They had finished picking up the house, gotten completely ready for bed, and Ally took twice as long with her nightly routine. She had pulled out a box she bought last time she went to the grocery store and Jack carefully picked it up, reading and re-reading the directions over and over. He finally told her to stop stalling and just do it.

“Turn around. I can’t pee while you watch.”

Jack’s eyebrows knit together and he puts his hands on his hips, confused by the statement.

“Whadya mean? You pee in front of me all the time. I’ve watched you throw up. A lot. Hell, you’ve thrown up ON me, I watched you give birth Ally. I’ve seen breast milk shoot out of your nipples. I mean let’s get real, you’ve shot breast milk into my mouth OUT of your nipples. I’ve seen you in every state imaginable. Just pee.”

Ally rolls her eyes, telling him that didn’t help one bit, and before sitting on the toilet she twirls her fingers around signaling for him to just do what she says.

“Want me to plug my ears too?” He teases, spinning around slowly.

She doesn’t answer but he hears her finally just go, and when she’s finished he claps.

“Jackson stop!” She laughs as she flushes the toilet and walks to the vanity.

She lays the pregnancy test on the countertop and quickly washes her hands. Jack bends down, squinting his eyes, examining the white stick.

“So it’s supposed to be a plus sign?” He looks at her questioningly.

She just nods her head and folds her arms.

“Stop staring at it, it takes a few minutes.” She pulls at his bare arm.

“Come here.” He takes her by the hand and walks from their bathroom right into their bedroom.

They sit on the edge of their bed in silence, Jack stroking his thumb along her knuckles. He was dead tired, getting just a few hours of sleep a night with work being so busy, and he was beyond ready to crash, but watching his wife stare at her lap, her lips in a thoughtful pucker awoke his mind to their soon to be reality.

“Hey.” He murmurs out, waiting for her to look at him. “You good?”

“I just feel like Cash needs me more than ever, and it’s going to be weird having another. How will I have a toddler and be pregnant? How can I do a newborn with a toddler? How will I take care of two tiny humans? Oh my god, Jack how could I love anyone else as much as I love him?” She tears up and looks at him, silently screaming that she was scared out of her wits.

“Jesus Christ woman that’s a lota thoughts.” He squeezes her hand tightly and then let’s go, turning his body to face her. “Ally you are powerful. Your powerful all the time, but pregnant your just a force to be reckoned with. You’ve got like super powers or some shit, I fuckin’ love it. I know your scared but as always I’m sittin’ right next to ya, knowin’ you can do it all. You blow my damn mind.”

“Jackson.” She wipes her eyes and sniffs loudly, fully aware of how unattractive of a noise she was making. “Your so fucking sweet to me, and yeah I can do it. I know I can do it, because your with me. I swear to god honey, I couldn’t do any of this without you.”

He kisses the crown of her head and rubs the back of her neck.

“Okay Jack, let’s stop being saps. God, we are NOT that cheesy couple.” She pushes him up.

“Alright alright.” He stands and walks into the bathroom and when he comes out he is holding the test so close to his face she laughs.

“Sweetie I peed on that, don’t examine it that close.”

He doesn’t listen, continues to stare, then eventually lowers it and looks at her. His face is sullen, he looks dazed. Ally feels her stomach drop. Maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe the symptoms weren’t as apparent as she thought. Why did she feel disappointed, there was no reason to feel defeated.

“Jackson it’s okay, it’s probably my hormones adjusting from not being on birth control. Don’t be bummed this stuff usually takes time. I shouldn’t have said anything, I’m sorry. I really felt like-“

“Ally.” He whispers out, placing a hand over his heart and smiling at her softly. “Your havin’ a baby, baby.”

She puts her face in her hands and bursts into tears. The bed beside her dips and she feels her husbands strong arms wrap around her entire body. She had been nervous thinking about another pregnancy, but now knowing there was another baby actually living inside of her, she felt perfectly at peace. Instant love, an automatic click.

“Good tears?” Jack pulls her hands away from her face to ask.

His eyes are mellow but glistening with emotion and his face is soft with affection. Ally runs a hand over her stomach and kisses his warm mouth.

“Happy tears.” She assures him.


	21. Just another day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My updates have been spread apart so enjoy a nice long chapter! I can’t decide if a long chapter spread out, or a short chapters sweet and to the point are the way to go!

Ally was appearing on the biggest radio station in LA, that streamed across the country with a live video feed as well. It wasn’t the first time, but as she was sitting down she realized that it WAS the first time doing an interview without feeling a single ounce of nerves, instead just chatting with the DJ’s until air time.

She felt so at ease, having done an entire tour on her own and two album releases behind her. She didn’t have anything to prove to anyone. This was her, and this was exactly what her husband had been describing to her all along. Not to give a fuck and do what she wanted to do.

A producer came in and told everyone they had three minutes until they were live. They sound checked the equipment and Bobby took a seat in the back corner after quickly informing them what wasn’t on the table to talk about, which wasn’t a lot. Ally didn’t want to be a diva, but the media, no matter how nice or how well you know them, or even if you have a friendship, likes to push their limits. 

“So Ally first of all, congratulations on your tour I mean wow, what an accomplishment.” 

“It was incredible,” Ally gushes, “and I’m so grateful, just so blown away by the love and support, and thank you so much for having me this morning!” 

“We’re honored to have you, and appreciate you stopping by. So, you’ve released your second album, in what two years? You’ve done two tours, one of which was your husbands right? I mean let’s get real you sorta high jacked that one.” 

That made them all laugh, especially Ally who didn’t answer right away so he continued.

“Go ahead and tell everyone who it is your married too if some of our listeners have been living under a rock.” 

Ally went on to answer questions about her and Jack, trying like hell to keep it focused on their careers. 

“So tell me if I’m wrong,” the DJ asked, “but you and your manager, Rez Gavron, who is huge in the pop music world, parted ways during your tour?”

“We actually did, yeah.” Ally says shortly.

“What can you tell us about that?”

“Not a lot.” Ally shrugs. “Rez helped me grow as an artist, but the direction of my music wasn’t what I wanted. The direction of my career, I needed to be in control of that. It’s pretty simple.” 

“So what’s the direction? Your huge right now, I can’t imagine you straying too far, and may I add that your so dynamic, I mean musically you can do it all, and it looks like you do it all in your personal life as well. You toured pregnant, right? Then made another album and went on tour again, all with a baby. From what I’ve been told you don’t have a nanny or any help. That’s insane, and might I add rare in this industry.” 

“Well thank you first of all, I mean yeah I don’t want to put myself in a box when it comes to my career. That’s a big fear of mine, and that’s something that Jackson, my husband has been trying to burn into my brain.” They all laugh while she continues. “I never want to limit myself, and I actually do have help with my son, not any hired help but Jacks brother travels with us, you guys know Bobby, he’s actually with me today, we have so many good friends, and Jack he honestly can single handedly do it all. Cash and his daddy are two peas in a pod. I’m so extremely lucky.”

“So tell us. What’s next for Ally Maine? New record? When? We’re already dying for more.” 

“For now I’m just really enjoying my free time and being a mom. Just focusing on our family, our dog, we’re moving soon. Just normal things. Boring actually.” 

“One more thing before we go. You say your enjoying the normal things. Please don’t tell me your going off the radar.”

“I’m not going far and I never stop writing, trust me. I may be focusing on other things but I’ll be around. We’ve got summerfest soon which I’m excited about, so come!”

“I can’t wait to see what you do, it’s my favorite festival of the year. Perfect way to say goodbye to summer. Ally Maine, thank you for chatting, I wish you and Jackson nothing but the best, truly.”

After getting out of the studio and meeting with a small group of fans, Ally sees Phil get out of the Yukon and meet her before she can open the front doors. He quickly asks her if she’s walking straight to the car or stopping to greet. There was a massive crowd of people and she honestly wanted to dash to the secured safety of the dark vehicle but she knew better. That’s something else her husband has taught her. These fans, they’re it, they’re the reason. 

After another twenty minutes of pictures, yelling, signing autographs, and a plastered smile on her face she was done. It’s not that she had to pretend, but she was actually worried about literally throwing up on someone soon. Phil sensed her downward spiral and grabbed onto her bicep, gently urging her forward. 

Once she was settled and Phil had pulled away from the curb she took her jacket off and began fanning herself with a magazine she pulled out of her bag. 

“You alright, Ally?” Phil looks at her in the rear view mirror. “There’s some snacks on the seat, Jack asked me to have them waiting for you.” 

Ally looks down, noticing a sleeve of crackers and a bottle of ginger ale. Smiling at the thoughtfulness of her husband she uncaps the drink and takes a sip, glad that it’s cold, the bubbles somewhat settling her.

“Thank you Phil. Hey, I don’t mean to be a pain but we might have to stop here in a minute. Maybe a gas station I don’t know.” 

Ally lays down on the bench, knowing she should buckle her seatbelt but can’t focus on anything except pushing down a nagging gag reflex, trying to gain some sort of self control. After a few minutes she gives up. 

“I’m going to puke.” Ally sits up, ridiculously casual about it all. “I’m sorry do you have anything? Or just pull over I don’t care. Whatever works.” 

Phil reaches over to the passenger side and fumbles with a few things, then hands her the cardboard box that the crackers came in. Ally found it funny she was violating the very thing trying to prevent what was currently happening, but didn’t laugh, instead feeling her abdomen muscles clench painfully, her throat burn, and skin immediately go clammy as she noisily lost all her stomachs contents. 

When she was finished she laid her head against the window and opened her eyes to see Phil glancing back at her with a worried expression. 

“Sorry, that was so gross. I guess my secrets out huh?” She smiles slightly.

“I’ve had a pregnant wife, Ally. Nothing gross about it.” He tells her sweetly as he pulls into a grocery store parking lot. 

Ally tried to get out to throw away her own vomit but Phil wouldn’t allow it, practically shoving her back into the car while cleaning everything up.

Ally looked down at her phone to see a message from Jack telling her she did awesome and sounded so natural. She decided to text him a quick update. 

‘I just hurled in a cracker box on the way home. Loudly. Not my best moment. Phil cleaned it up being the saint he is.’

A loud bing. 

‘Well shit. Look at you living the glamorous pop star life.’

Then another bing 

‘I’m kidding baby. I’m sorry, wish I could have been there this morning. Your the real saint.’

*****

“I don’t get it, I think it would be perfect.” Ally continues to talk over Bobby, who is shutting her down left and right.

“Bobby, God damnit just give it a second thought! Jesus Christ your as stubborn as your little brother.” She shouts over at him.

As soon as she raises her voice he actually pauses, looking at her, really looking at her. 

“Ally, I’m outta the game. This isn’t my life anymore.” He tells her quietly with apologetic eyes.

Ally stops and places both hands on the countertop she was currently chopping vegetables at, and blows out a breath. They had met for dinner at Bobby and Faye’s house and had been catching up casually until the mention of finding a new manager floats into the conversation. 

Ally had stated that she thought Bobby was ideal when the room went silent. Jack and Faye timid as church mice, refusing to get involved.

“Bobby, if you don’t WANT to do it, then just say so, but work isn’t my main focus right now anyway. With Cash and now another baby, I want a couple years down time. Of course I wanna perform and I’ll play the game as I need too, but it needs to be mild. You know the business, you know what I want, and you know me. Your always hovering over my shoulder, telling me what to do anyways.”

“Sweetie, I want you in the best hands, and I’m gonna make sure that happens. It’s not that I don’t want too, okay? I just don’t know if I can do you justice, Ally. Give you what you deserve.”

They stare at each other calmly, not knowing what else to say. Ally loves this man like a brother. Like the sibling she never had. He was their mentor and the one person who continued to drop everything for her and Jack. Ally walks around the kitchen counter and wraps her arms around his neck. 

“Just think about it, like really think about it.” She whispers out. “Please? I won’t be mad if you say no.”

So he agreed to think about it.

*****

“I have an appointment with a specialist tomorrow for my ear.” Jack tosses out as they are bathing Cash. 

Ally was sitting on the edge, soaking her feet while the little boy splashed around and begged for more and more bubbles, his daddy obliging him each and every time. 

“You do?” Ally asks shocked beyond belief. 

“Yep.” Jack confirms as he dumps water over Cash’s head, rinsing the shampoo from his hair. 

“That’s great sweetie.” Ally tells him, standing and stepping out of the tub. 

“I made it a couple months ago. Kinda forgot, anyway you wanna come?” 

She watches as he leans in and pulls the drain to the tub, telling Cash the bubbles were all gone. They weren’t. She also knows he didn’t forget about his appointment, in fact if she had to gamble he has thought about it every day since he made it, deciding to wait til the very last second before telling her in case he chickened out.

“Do you want me to go Jack?”

He gets to his feet, grabbing a towel and then stops and looks at her, giving his head a slight nod before he wraps their wailing little boy up tightly. 

“Then of course I wanna come.” She smiles and kisses Cash’s cheeks before drying her legs off.

*****

Jack takes Charlie’s leash from the hook by the garage and holds Cash’s hand as they make their way out of the house. He tried to pick him up, to hurry things along somewhat but his son adamantly refuses any type of coddling lately. 

“Al, you comin’?” He shouts into the house before the door swings closed. 

Jack whistles for Charlie who had decided to get a head start, and clips the leash on, knowing if he doesn’t Cash will lose his damn mind, insisting the ‘gog’ be right by his side. Charlie, being the most loyal thing to roam the earth happily complies.

“Let’s go boys.” Ally swoops Cash up playfully and plops him down into his stroller. 

Cash was not about to be contained, squirming down before she could even get him buckled. 

“He’s fine.” Jack tells her. “I’ll carry him in a bit.” 

They proceed on their short route, not even having to communicate that the long way they both would prefer won’t be possible with a straggling toddler.

After a few minutes and some distance Ally discreetly unclips Charlie as Jack lifts Cash onto his shoulders. The trail behind their house was wooded and off the map, they rarely saw another soul, so letting the dog roam wasn’t an issue.

“Your free Charlie boy, run!” Ally pats his back as he looks up at her for permission. “Go!” She urges him. 

He takes off running, and Ally slinks up next to her husband. 

“Jesus, kid.” Jack gives his head a shake. “Your just like your mama, always pulling my hair. Maybe I should cut it, this is gettin’ painful.” 

“Oh very funny, you wouldn’t dare. Plus you know you like it.” She breathes out. 

“Well, when your yankin’ my hair your usually ridin’ my dick so fuck I’m sure as hell ain’t gunna tell you to stop.” He laughs. 

“Jackson!” She smacks his chest. “Your so crude. Filter. Speaking of haircuts though, should I do his?” She asks him. 

“What? Why? No.” Jack immediately and passionately responds. 

“Because it’s getting kinda crazy. He’s got this mane of gorgeous curls, and a lady at the grocery store the other day told me she was beautiful. SHE Jack.” 

“What?” He laughs again. “Who gives a fuck. He IS beautiful by the way, and he’s all boy. Look at him. We’re not cuttin’ his hair.” He looks at her with his eyebrows raised, waiting for her to agree.

She glances up and sees Cash looking down at her, his hair in his eyes and the biggest grin on his chubby face while he hangs onto Jack’s neck. He’s in cut off shorts with a Mickey Mouse baindaid on his knee, sporting the cutest pair of Chuck Taylor’s Jack had insisted on, and a soft gray tank. That’s another thing her husband had told her, his daddy and mama were rockstars, he wasn’t gunna dress like a baby.

At the time it made Ally laugh, but looking at her beautiful boy, he definitely looked the part. He was the picture of wild innocence.

“Holy shit, he’s adorable.” She sighs out. 

*****

Ally regrets not locking the door behind her when she hears the knob turn. She was face first in the toilet, having no control of the gagging her body refused to let relent. When her husband kneels behind her she can’t even tell him to go away, because for Christ’s sake there is absolutely nothing he can do. 

“The kid givin’ you hell?” Jack murmurs groggily, having just woke up.

He stands behind her and gathers her hair into his hands, moving it out of the way. This was like clockwork. Every morning at seven she woke suddenly and basically laid on the bathroom tile for an hour until Cash woke up. Jack left most mornings before now, and she was glad he wasn’t home to see how sick she actually was, but today was Sunday, which meant he was here to witness it all. 

“Fuck darlin’ I’m so sorry.” He says quietly, the tone in his voice making her want to break down and and cry like a little girl.

She can’t respond, can only lay her head on her arms, sobbing out of frustration. She doesn’t want to cry, she doesn’t want to look weak and pitiful, but it all comes tumbling out of her.

There’s a few more minutes of tears, snot, and throw up and in the meantime Jack had half hazardously wrapped her hair in one of the stretchy things he found in her drawer, bless his heart.

“Jack, I’m fine. Just go out.” She begs when she can come up for air.

She can tell he doesn’t know what to do, and hesitates to get up, which makes her annoyed all the more, for some reason.

“Ally-“ He begins, but before he can finish she cuts him off. 

“I said I’m fine. Just please leave.” She demands harshly, tears still streaming down her face.

With that he scoots back and stands in the doorway for a few moments before he shuts the door behind him.

Jack left the bathroom that his wife had all but kicked him out of and decides to start coffee and tea in the kitchen, wanting to give her choices. He doesn’t even know what she drinks in the morning with this pregnancy. He feels so out of touch, feels like he can’t do anything right for her, and he knows he needs to get his ass home earlier. To be home more in general. He’s lost in thought, staring at the ground when he hears her soft voice. 

“I’m sorry honey.”

“What the fuck for?” He smiles, trying to lighten the mood as he readies the coffee maker.

Jack lets himself examine his wife, taking a solid mental note. She was pale, her eyes had lost the shine he lives for, and god damnit she had lost weight. She looked worse than she ever had with Cash. 

“Ally, I know you say your fine and I believe you, but I’ve seen you pregnant and sick before.”

“So? What’s your point?” She says defensively. 

“Sweetheart.” Jack laughs out, shaking his head. “I’m concerned. Sue me. I hate seein’ you so sick. You’ve lost weight and you say it’s not like this all day but I just don’t think your bein’ honest with me.” 

“I don’t like being sick all fucking day Jackson, believe me.” She tells him, deciding to go for blunt honesty while she sits down at the kitchen table.

“I never feel good, I’m always tired, I feel like crying constantly, and then I feel guilty for it all, because I have a little boy counting on me to make his life happy and good, and I’m just not right now. I feel miserable.”

Jack drags another chair out from the table and sits across from her brushing his fingers across her forearm with one of his hands. When she looks at him he continues.

“Ally, I feel like your hidin’ things from me, with you not tellin’ me how bad it’s really been.”

He watches his wife lift her hands to her face and run them back through her dirty hair. He wonders when she’s showered last. Not that he fucking cares, but he knows she normally would. 

“I don’t want to worry you Jackson. You’ve got a lot going on right now.” She says simply, not meeting his eyes. 

“I always worry. Not because I don’t think you can’t handle your shit, but because I love you so damn much. That’s it. Hey, wanna take a bath? I’ll get it started and leave you alone alright? What can I make you? Tea? What do you eat in the morning?”

Ally nods her head and says a quiet thank you. What she doesn’t tell him is that she never eats breakfast.

“I go to the doctor Friday. I’ll talk to him about everything. I know your busy but will you come with me?” 

“Of course. You know that’s where I wanna be right? With you?” He says gruffly, lifting her chin up with his finger.

“I know.” 

*****

Jack was relieved after going to Ally’s appointment later on that week. She was twelve weeks along, finished with the first trimester and doctor Matthews hoped her symptoms would let up soon. He had also given her a prescription for nausea medication that works wonders during pregnancy. Jack was thrilled, he had no idea stuff like that existed. 

It was dark out and they were sitting on the back porch chatting about the new house, the newfound independence Cash had been insisting on, like walking Charlie for example, thinking he needed to be the one holding his leash with no help from his parents, and Jack was asking what songs she was thinking of doing for summerfest.

Jack had dragged his chair in front of Ally’s and pulled her feet onto his lap.

“Even your feet are cute do you realize that?” Jack leans down and kisses the top of a single foot. “Seriously your perfect, you should be embarrassed.”

“Oh my God, you poor man. You’ve been brainwashed.” She giggles out and leans her head back enjoying the spontaneous massage. 

Jack watches almost in a trance like state as his wife’s face relaxes and her eyes close. She was sick, sad, exhausted, and breathtakingly beautiful. 

“I loved hearing that heartbeat.” He whispers, after a few minutes of silence, reflecting on their morning together. “I know we’ve done it before, but it almost makes it more fun.”

“Or more scary.” Ally counters. 

“Are you scared darlin?” 

“Honestly? Yeah.” She talks upwards, into the star soaked sky. “I know what to expect now. I love being pregnant, and hopefully this medicine will take the edge off the sickness. Adding another child will come naturally I know, but fuck me I’m scared of labor Jack, like so scared to do that again.”

“Hmmmm” Jack grunts out, moving his hands up her shins and thighs.

“You’ve got a while til then.” Jack squeezes her legs and then sits back, choosing his next sentence wisely.

“Ally you can do it however you want. You can get the fuckin’ epidural, do somethin’ for the pain because woman it kinda rips me up inside knowin’ I can’t do shit for you.”

“You know what scares me more than labor? A five inch needle going into my spine and numbing my entire body.” She cringes.

“Besides we’re in it together, right?” She asks, lifting her head and nudging his crotch with her bare foot.

“You bet your ass we’re in this together.”

Jack stands up and catches her lips with his mouth.

“God, your so fuckin’ pretty.” 

*****

The next morning as Jack is leaving he’s surprised to find his brother walking up his driveway. 

“Hey buddy.” Bobby drawls out, making his way up the front steps. 

“What you doin’ here so early? Everything okay?” Jack asks. 

“I had a couple things to do today, wanted to stop by and chat with Ally first thing.”

Jack opens the front door and waves him in, telling Bobby he better kick his boots off if he doesn’t want to get yelled at. 

Jack heads back to their bedroom and tells his wife about her uninvited visitor, grabbing Cash from his crib, and on the way back out he hears their conversation.

“Did you come for breakfast? Jesus, Bobby it’s early.” Ally teased him. 

“Hey kiddo.”

“Want some coffee?” 

“Sure. Listen Ally I’m being assaulted with so many emails and phone calls, we gotta get your events all sorted, I’ve got so many people contacting me and I don’t really have a fucking clue what you wanna do, and we’ve gotta get your summerfest set list turned in, it’s two weeks out.” 

Jack watches as his wife spins on her heel and gives his brother a curious look. Jack decides to sit on the couch, suddenly not giving a shit if he’s late for his morning meeting. Cash was still waking up, laying on his shoulder but when he hears Bobby’s voice he peeks up and over to the side. 

“What are you playing at?” Ally asks him pointedly. 

He doesn’t answer instead gives Cash a look that has him climbing out of his daddy’s arms and across the sofa to his grandpa. 

“Hey cowboy. We all know your the reason I’m here don’t we?” He says as he pulls Cash onto his lap. 

“Bobby are you telling me what I think your telling me?” Ally sets her mug down a little forcefully and gives him a glare. 

“Well shit sweetheart, that is if you still want me.” He looks at her exasperated.

“Bobby.” Ally walks into the living room and sits on the coffee table in front of him. “Are you sure?” 

“Two years sweetie. I’ve got two years in me and I’m done. I can’t manage you after this hiatus your wanting to take. I can manage you while your at the crossroads, you understand?” Bobbys deep voice speaks softly, his hand reaching out to take hers. 

Jack watches as she nods her head and eyes mist over, gripping Bobby’s hand back. Jack knows she needs this, and in this moment he’s overwhelmed with appreciation. 

“I understand.” She tells him. “I’ll make your job easy, I promise!” 

“Oh Ally, don’t make me promises we all know you can’t keep.” Bobby says shaking his head at her, causing Jack to laugh out loud. “Don’t go crying on me. You really thought I’d say no? Good God, sweetheart.”


	22. Fashion

Summerfest music festival was held the first weekend in October in the middle of the Death Valley desert. Bobby and Ramón had arrived the day before handling the business side of things and Ally’s team was getting in the day of.

When Jack and Ally arrived at the hotel, they deliberately went straight to their room knowing this was the only down time they would be able to have. These events were packed with press and fans, and Jack was determined to keep his wife to himself for at least one evening, a matter of just a few hours in all reality.

While Jack ordered room service Ally started the shower, stripped down entirely and examined herself in the mirror, thinking she looked pretty damn good if she had to say so. Her color had returned, being able to maintain nutrients will do that to a person and thank God she wasn’t puking her guts out anymore. Her hair was freshly dyed and the rich darkness made her green eyes look even larger than they already were. Her stomach hadn’t grown much, only a small swell that laid low between her hips, barely rounding. Which was something she had no problem hiding and her breasts had filled out slightly, in Ally’s opinion making them the perfect size.

Spotting the luxurious products on the edge of the large tub had her quickly changing her mind, turning the shower off in exchange for a bath. When she stepped into the hallway she spotted her husband leaning on the table, inthralled with the menu. 

“Jack?” 

Nothing. 

“Oh my God, you’re Jackson Maine aren’t you?” She taunts him, repeating what the bell boy asked only twenty minutes earlier. 

“Yo?” He calls without looking up. 

“So your pretty into the food which I can appreciate, get me something good, but I think you should hurry.”

Jack tosses the plastic card on the flat surface, takes off his jacket and halfway glances in her direction. When he notices her standing there, leaning against the doorway, completely and deliciously nude his head whips up again while a grin splits across his face. He stares at her body, those blue eyes zoning in on her chest and he makes a strangled noise in the back of this throat. 

Jack takes his shirt off quickly, tossing it to the floor and starts unbuckling his belt.

“You wanna fuck?” He asks excitedly, as if he just can’t believe his luck. 

A deep throaty chuckle escapes her lips, the one she uses when she finds him ridiculous, and it makes him smile even bigger. He knew how desperate he came across, and that laugh, that laugh that does nothing but turn him on just settled the fact that he doesn’t care how he appears.

“Get over here.” He demands. 

She raises an eyebrow at him.

“I’m getting in the bathtub. With you. Oh, and that food better be here when we’re done.” Her voice echoes from inside the bathroom as she turns her back on him.

Ally slowly turns over in her husbands arms, her chin resting on his chest while his big hands roam under the water across her slippery skin. 

“This is it right here. You naked and wet layin’ right on top of me. Heaven.” He kisses her head and grabs her backside pressing her into his obvious firmness. 

Ally sits up and straddles his lap, smiling down at him checking her out. Jack can’t take his eyes off of her body, admiring her sleek neck and watching water drip down her shoulders and slide over her breasts.

“I love that you’ll soak in a bubble bath that smells like orange blossoms.” Ally informs him, moving the white fluff that’s attached to his chin. 

“Like I said,” he leans forward and catches a water droplet with his mouth following its trail, “wet n’ naked.” 

Jack wraps his arms around her waist tightly while he licks her skin and lightly bites at a nipple, making her grip the back of his head. He pulls back out of reflex, knowing her body is hyper sensitive. She’s either begging him for more or pushing him away and it was slightly confusing, but the signal of her being ready for him was painstakingly clear.

“Fucking fuck your so beautiful.” He murmurs while he holds onto her hip bones and pushes himself up inside of her. 

Ally’s face lowers to the side of his neck and Jack selfishly can’t hold back any longer letting his hands drift up and squeeze, harder than he intended, but when she moans into his shoulder, stifling the noises of the buildup he can already feel coming he knows this is exactly how she wants it. 

Afterward Jack wraps a towel around his waist as he mops up the soaked tile, both of them laughing at the mess. 

“Who’s idea was that anyway?” He jokes. 

“Hey my idea was a bath.” She tells him seriously, running her fingers through her wet hair. 

“Okay fine. It was all my fault.” He grumbles.

Lucky for Jack the food was there by the time his wife made her way out to join him and actually still hot to boot. 

“Mmmmm what did you get me?” She kisses his warm shoulder blade and wraps her arms around his waist from behind.

“Hope pizza is gunna work.” 

“You know I never turn down pizza.” 

That was true, and that’s why he chose it. When his wife insists she doesn’t care what they eat, he has learned the hard way she absolutely does. Jack hands her a slice and watches as she immediately picks it up off of the plate and begins eating, licking some sauce from her finger.

She was in one of those short hotel robes, her dark hair wet and shining from just washing it and she was so naturally sexy it had him stunned. She crawled into the king size bed and got under the covers, giving him a peep show as she bent over, then patting the space beside her she told him to get in. 

Jack didn’t have to be beckoned twice he grabbed the tray and set it at the foot of the mattress. By the time he situated himself Ally was devouring her second helping and had tucked herself in, laying back on the pillows.

“Well shit you know exactly what you want tonight don’t you?” He asks rhetorically, watching her close her eyes and make all the noises he had just heard come out of her during sex. 

“This is the most unlady like thing I’ve ever done.” Ally tells him, moaning through a mouthful of food. “Sweet Jesus this is fan fucking tastic. I mean really, what more is there than orgasims and Italian food?”

Jack laughs slightly, shaking his head while he twists the cap back on the bottled water and tosses it across the covers towards her. 

“You laughing at me?”

“I think your offending me with how your makin’ love to that pizza, and I can definitely think of some unlady like things that top this but I won’t say em‘.”

Ally playfully punches his muscular arm and he catches her wrist, giving her fist a kiss then starts in on his own dinner. 

“I’m still mad at you for not performing with me. You know you could still change your mind, right?” 

“No I couldn’t. The acts are set in stone.” Jack says shoving his own mouth full. “Plus this is your last big thing for a while and I want you to be the focus. Nobody asked me anyway and everyone’s here for you, you know that right? Everyone’s talkin’.”

“Oh is that right?” She asks him sarcastically. 

“Since when do you hear all the talk?” 

Jack shrugs while he continues to finish his food, looking just as surprised as she would be that he was listening in on gossip. He eventually moves the plates to the floor and turns the lamp off. As soon as he lays down Ally rolls into his side. He puts one arm under her head and the other meets the small of her back. Minutes of blissful silence pass and Ally has shoved her cold feet in between his legs. 

“We are totally gross.” Ally sleepily whispers into his shoulder. “We didn’t even brush our teeth, and I think I’m laying on crust right now.”

Jack let’s out a small of huff of laughter and tangles his hand in her hair tighter, not allowing her room to budge.

*****

Ally lets her vision float around her bustling dressing room. She was on in twenty minutes and the familiar hurry of the girls finishing her make up and hair settles her. It’s in those last few minutes, with the flurry around her that she is able to quickly run down in her head her performance, a final rehearsal so to speak. 

When she moves across the room to wardrobe Jack slips in and sits down by the door giving her a wink. He always told her he felt like he was in the way when people were trying to get her ready, which was ridiculous, but always ended up coming in towards the end.

“Oh fuck me.” Ally groans out. “They’re too tight.” 

“You look hot as hell mama!” Ramón claps in her direction, smiling. 

She was wearing black leather pants and the fitting last week was perfect, but as Carlos pulls on the waist and Liz finishes up with the tight top, she wants to throw a hissy fit. 

“They look great, Ally!” Carlos reassures her. “They fit the exact same. Nothing looks different. Your stomach looks amazing, and don’t get me started on your ass. Are you uncomfortable? Because if you are we can figure something out.” 

“No it’s fine, it’s way too late for that.” She whines, squatting a few times to loosen the material.

“I just don’t want this to be the place rumors start to fly.” She puts both hands on her lower abdomen and turns to the side, examining her body in the full length mirror. 

“Your secret is staying secret, I promise. How you manage to hide these babies for so long is beyond me. I was showing the second I peed on a stick.” Liz tells her honestly.

Ally takes a deep breath still unsure, and looks at her husband. 

“Jack? Are these pants too tight? What do you think? Is it too much?” 

Jack examines her appearance from head to toe. Her pants fit like a glove, and the fact that she has never worn leather pants until now was pissing him right off.

Her top surprised him, and made him scoff at her rebellion towards him. She had begged for him to make an appearance with her, and he adamantly refused. The tight ripped up tank was obviously made custom fit to her body, because he knew the original t shirt. It was gray with bold black lettering and had the words ‘Jackson Maine on the rocks’. It was his first album, what a fucking stupid name he internally kicks himself. He remembers when people started wearing those shirts almost twenty years ago now, and he was completely weirded out. Her arms, shoulders and a slice of stomach were bare, her pants riding right beneath her navel. 

They had made her eye make up dark but the rest of her face had a bright shine to it. Her long dark hair loose, in thick messy waves and the deep blood red lipstick matched her fingers and toes, those cute feet currently bare.

She looked like a fucking rock star if he’d ever seen one, and he knew tonight she was going to sound like it, having put a spin on her ballads, making them edgier, harder. 

He sits back in his chair and folds his arms, not really knowing how to tell her how incredible she looked. 

“You wearin’ any shoes baby?” 

Ally stares at him, confused by the question and looks down at her feet, then back at his face with a glare.

“That’s all you have to say?” She asks him angrily. 

Jack chuckles and rubs his hands down his face while he stands up, crossing the room to approach her. She has a pout on her lips and he puts his hands under her hair grabbing her behind the neck with both of his hands. 

“Darlin’ all the things I wanna say? I can’t in a room full of people alright?”

Everyone had gone about their business and Jack glances around before he bends down.

“I can’t believe I’m the guy who gets to bang your brains out.” He whispers, giddy as a little boy. 

“Jackson Maine.” Ally half heartedly reprimands him, standing on tip toes to kiss his chin, leaving a lipstick mark behind. 

Jack puts his fingers on her stomach, playing with the edge of her top.

“You can’t tell, Ally.”

She nods, fully accepting his words. She knows he would never tell her what she wanted to hear just for the sake of it. 

“Will you sign my shirt?” She asks, pulling a sharpie out of her back pocket. 

Jack laughs loudly looking at the ceiling then back down into her beautiful, nowhere near joking face. 

“Oh my God your serious?” He swipes the marker out of her hand and spins her around.

“Ramon!” Ally shouts over to him. “Get a picture of this will you?” 

“Stupid fuckin’ shirt. Looks sexy on you though.” He grumbles out deeply, autographing his own shirt for his own wife.

A five song set was easy, and when Ally finishes she feels herself buzzing with adrenaline. When she gets back stage Bobby greets her with a smile and she pulls him in for a hug.

“Didn’t miss a beat.” He tells her proudly. 

“That should make my manager look pretty good then.” She says smiling and removing her in ears.

Ally hade done all her ‘promotional shit’ as Jack calls it, during the day so she has the rest of the night to actually enjoy the next two acts, one of which was the band Jack had been working so hard with and she couldn’t wait to hear them sing her husbands lyrics.

Jack saw his wife scan the crowd and he starts moving towards her. She had told him she wanted him to watch with the guys and all of their friends, and he had to admit it was unreal, being in the thick of the atmosphere she had created while performing.

There was a blocked off section that allowed them to enjoy the show without being approached every five seconds and for that Jack was grateful. He was also happy to see that Ally wasn’t messing around with security and had one of their guys escorting her until she found him.

When she spots him she smiles, and he gives her a nod from afar as if to say hi. Within seconds it seems she had closed the distance and had jumped up onto him, her legs wrapping around his waist, Jack’s arms easily holding her up with his hands hanging onto the outside of her thighs.

“You shittin’ me, Ally?” He kisses her lips and then bends her forward in a dip, making her shreik.

“That was absolutely incredible and your so damn hot. Why didn’t you tell me you were singin’ ‘The Cure’ huh?” 

“I wanted it to be a surprise.” She shouts over the noise, pushing the hair out of his face and leans into his good ear. “I fucking love you.” 

*****

Ally heard Jack’s truck pull up a few minutes ago, and Cash and Charlie were going crazy at the back door, knowing their daddy was home. Jack was usually quick to come in, even when he was staying outside, he always popped in and said hi first.

Ally was taping up boxes in the front room, hell bent on finishing her task at hand. This moving business was no joke, not for the faint of heart, and she was glad the movers were finishing everything up tomorrow.

Just as she was about to go see what was taking so long she hears the door open and Charlie start barking even louder than before. This wasn’t his typical bark and it had her walking swiftly to the back of the house. When she turned the corner she stopped dead in her tracks and dropped her roll of tape, her hands flying up to cover her gaping mouth. 

Standing in front of her was her husband. He had picked Cash up, who also seemed taken back by his appearance. Charlie still hadn’t stopped barking and Jack didn’t look even slightly amused. 

“Shut up Charlie!” Jack reaches down and taps his nose softly, silencing him.

When he stands back up he looks straight at her, while she remains frozen on the spot. 

“Come on it can’t be that bad.” He drawls out, furrowing his eyebrows. 

“No you didn’t Jackson!” She whisper yells from across the room, finally taking her hands away from her mouth. 

His beard was shaved, just some barely there stubble, and his hair, his beautiful long hair, was gone. 

“You fucking didn’t!” She repeats herself walking towards him cautiously. “Did you cut your hair?” Ally lamely asks the obvious. 

“I didn’t cut my hair, someone else did. Do you hate it?” He scratches his face and then runs his fingers over the top.

His sides and back were shorter than he’d ever had them she is absolutely sure of that. Definitely not as short as most men’s haircuts, but for Jackson Maine it was a transformation of sorts. It was a traditional haircut, on a very untraditional man. He looked hot as hell, and she liked it. Liked it a lot. 

“I don’t hate it.” She says softly, circling his body from a distance. “I’m surprised, I mean what am I supposed to grab onto now? Your curls Jack!” She runs her fingers over the back of his neck. “They’re...gone.” 

“They’ll grow back.” He states as if she didn’t understand that’s how it workwd. “I just thought what the hell ya know?” 

“Uh huh.”

Was the only noise she could manage, which makes him laugh, and then Cash starts laughing along.

“Well look at that. Ally Maine, not havin’ a thing to say.”

He pecks his wife’s lips and moves into the kitchen. She watches him from afar for a few minutes while he opens the fridge and gets some juice, throwing the dog a leftover piece of dinner. He glances back at her self consciously and grumbles. 

“Stop starin’ at me woman.”

*****

The house had turned out better than they expected. The exterior looked like a white farmhouse, with a wrap around porch and the yard was immaculate. The interior was wide open with natural sunlight, white cabinets and natural wood flooring. Everything was so clean and new they were hesitant to move in and bring a dog and one year old along. The feeling didn’t last long however, because the second Ally had those keys in her hands she was making phone calls left and right, getting everything in and done. 

They didn’t take much from the old house. They honestly didn’t own much, the only things of any sentimental value was their well loved leather couch, Jack’s old upright piano that Ally taken over the day she started staying with him, and their giant kitchen table she had bought after they got married because she was sick of eating in the living room. Everything else was delivered new, and Jack was amused to see the small apologetic grimace on his wife’s face while she rushed to the door everytime the bell rang. Like he even gave a fuck. This was the point, starting something of their own, not existing together in something that was his. 

“This feels like home.” Ally tells Jack as they are settling in the first night, turning off lights and locking doors. 

They have their mattress on the floor, boxes galore and had ordered Chinese for dinner not having a stitch of food around. 

“I think so too.” Jack says, spreading their blankets out and then fiddling with the TV he had just mounted on the wall.

She had been irritated that had been his priority, because who needs a washer and dryer hooked up or a bed put together anyway? Ally lowers herself onto the ground letting out a gust of air as she sits.

“You alright sleepin’ on the ground? You need to take it easy Al, no movin’ heavy shit and just try to chill alright?” He tells her glancing at her with a concerned expression.

“Honey it’s fine there are no rules against this stuff, I feel great and we’re sleeping in our bed. You might have to roll me out when I need to pee in a couple hours though.” 

“That I can do.” He crawls over her slowly and bends to kiss her neck.

“Your half way done cookin’.” Jack says, sitting up and rubbing her small but very round stomach. 

“What’s it gunna be this time mama?”

“It’s a boy Jack.” She whispers to him softly, not ever having voiced her opinion until now. “I think the world might need another set of Maine brothers.” 

Jack slides down and kisses her stomach, pulling her shirt up. “Well I think it’s a girl. Yep, it’s a girl, that’s my baby girl. You can’t always be right you know.” 

He says it like it’s a done deal, no arguments allowed, and she laughs lying her hands on his shoulders and massaging them. 

“Whatever daddy. Now let me go to sleep.” She sighs. 

Jack gives her another pillow, pulling the covers back over her body and scratches her back lightly when she rolls to her side.

“Hey, you know what name I love?” He asks hesitantly. 

Ally’s curiosity is peeked, because he’s not one for making suggestions, only turning down hers.

“Hmmm?” She turns her head slightly to hear him better. 

“Stevie.” 

The name rolls out of him smoothly and Ally’s stomach fills with butterflies. 

“For a girl?” She turns over, and lays her head on his chest. 

“Yeah for a girl. You know, like Stevie Nicks.” 

“God that’s so adorable Jack, but we won’t be using it because it’s a boy.”

“Let’s make a deal. If it’s a boy, you choose the name. If it’s a girl I choose.” 

She sits up slightly and looks into his face. The fact that he had thought of a name he really loved meant the world to her. 

“That’s a deal I can shake on.” She says into his lips. 

*****

Ally felt her phone buzz under her pillow and sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she looked at the screen seeing a text message from Ramón two hours ago. 

Seeing the time she notices it’s eleven o’clock. She was such a mom, falling asleep before the local news. Glancing to her left she sees Jack isn’t in bed, so she calls his cell to no answer. Late nights are few and far between lately so she’s surprised she hasn’t heard from him. Standing up she stretches her aching back and goes to the bathroom.

Maybe he was around the house somewhere, not ready to go to sleep just yet. When Ally steps into the kitchen she can tell nobody has been home. It’s pitch black and silent.

Leaning her hip on the kitchen counter she fills a glass and quickly gulps the faucet water before she can taste it. Heading down the hallway to the bedrooms she realizes she has a follower and stops to give Charlie’s ears a friendly scratch. Peeking her head into Cash’s room she sees him curled up on his side laying on his stuffed puppy. He’s become an extremely light sleeper, making Ally shut the door slower than she’s ever done anything in her entire life, cringing when the knob clicks.

On a whim Ally checks the garage. Sure enough, opening the door she immediately sees his big black truck. It’s dark, all of his windows are rolled up, but when she squints just the right way she can see a faint orange flicker on the drivers side. Walking down the steps carefully, she squeezes her body to the far side, where he parks and approaches his window. 

“The hell?” Ally murmurs to herself, confused at seeing Jack inside. 

Two years ago she would be guessing he was overdosed and she would pissed off and worried sick, but this was so out of character she couldn’t do anything but wonder what was going on, because surely he wasn’t passed out. Was he? 

Ally opens the door slowly as not to scare him, and steps up sitting on the edge of the seat. The inside light turns on and she sees he was slightly relined, the truck filled with smoke, causing her to cough and push the door open wider, trying to get some air in. 

“Jackson? Honey?” She softly calls out to him, removing the still lit cigarette from between his fingers. 

“Jack, wake up.” She calls louder patting his chest lightly. 

“Oh my God.” Ally tosses the smoke to the ground, making sure it was out before turning back to her husband. “This isn’t happening.”

She didn’t know what she was feeling emotionally. She could only feel the softness of his beard on her fingertips that had recently shifted from rough stubble, and notice his hair that had barely started to grow over his ears.

This was the man who she trusted implicitly, and even now seeing the state he was in, she still did. He made her world go round. Nothing could happen to him. Nothing. 

“Jackson you need to fucking wake the hell up, do you hear me baby?” She shouts lifting his head and shaking him slightly.

He wasn’t just sleeping, but checking his pulse calmed her down noticing it wasn’t erratic. She took a minute, thinking of ways to get him inside. She was six months pregnant for Christ’s sake, she couldn’t drag his ass in.

She had determined that letting him stay in the truck was the only way, unless she called Bobby, and she really didn’t want too. Ally glanced in the backseat of the truck and opened the middle console, looking for any type of clue as to what was going on. 

Just when she was verging on tears and coming to terms with the fact that she might have to sleep out here with her unresponsive husband he started to come around, calling her name. 

“I’m right here, Jack. Open your eyes.” She begs him, her hands on his neck.

“Ally?” He looks at her, trying to sit up. “Hey are you okay?” 

She notices his speech is completely clear and his eyes totally focused, though the confusion is evident. Something was off, but not as bad as she had originally predicted it to be. 

“What’s going on huh?” She asks him, trying to sound calm.

“I’ve been trying to wake you up, and your sitting in here with a lit cigarette. Jesus, what if you had left your truck running in the closed garage Jackson? What if that smoke fell and caught on fire? Why couldn’t you wake up?” 

She is starting to get upset so she steps down from him, her feet cold on the cement, one hand gripping onto the door frame the other running over her protruding stomach.

“Al listen, I’m tired just real beat, that’s all.” He tries to convince her as his hands run through his short hair.

“Don’t you dare lie to me, I’m not fucking stupid.” She whispers vehemently, fisting the collar of his tshirt tightly and yanking him closer.

“I’m going back to bed, get your ass in the house so I don’t have to worry all god damn night.”

With that she shuts his door and walks back into the house. Jack had been right on her heels his coordination obviously fine but there was no denying a certain tone to his behavior. 

Ally rolled herself in the covers and listed to Jack in the bathroom. She heard some shuffling around and then gagging. He had thrown up. She assumes he tried to make himself sick if he had something in his system, and it made her even more angry that he turned the water on full blast, like she wouldn’t know.

Shortly afterwards he came to bed where they laid in charged silence, her back to him until they both fell asleep.


	23. Perfect illusion

Waking up was a slow process, a process Jack had tried to achieve two hours ago unsuccessfully. Opening his eyes currently he notices it was sunny outside, but had to be somewhat early still and looking to his right he saw Ally’s side of the comforter turned back, exposing now empty sheets.

Jack presses the palms of his hands into his eyes and cursed himself. He felt wet warmth running down his skin and drip into his ears making him sit up abruptly and slam his fists into the plush mattress. 

“God damnit!” He seethes, his temper ready to boil over.

He’d do anything to turn these ridiculous tears off and if it had to be anger so be it. He most assuredly wasn’t going to sit here and wallow about what a fuck up he was.

The assumption of his wife not being home was distinguished with the sound of small bare feet running around the kitchen with a playful bark from Charlie that followed. The noise that came afterward had his heart thrumming and new tears brimming.

“You better run Cashy! He’s gunna get ya!” 

His wife’s voice, high pitched and playful, the voice that has soothed him from the moment they met, soothed their sons cries like nothing else could and quite frankly has soothed millions of souls. Her voice was his healing, her voice was his hope and hearing it now had him feeling nothing but ashamed.

Jack was feeling equal parts desire to plead for her forgiveness and jump out the nearest window simultaneously.

“Fuck.” He breathes out standing up and tugging at his hair.

In the bathroom he refuses to look in the mirror, scared of the man he will see staring back at him, takes a cold shower, not allowing himself to feel anything resembling comfort. Not only was he a self medicating bastard but apparently a sucker for self punishment.

Opening the drawer he pulls on a pair of boxer briefs then quickly digs out the joggers he hadn’t worn for months because down time no longer existed for him.

Before he leaves the bedroom he leans his head on the door and closes his eyes, letting himself focus on the loud ringing in his ear for just a moment, giving himself over to it fully before he begins another day of trying to find a way through the noise. Another day of having to concentrate so completely on what he is actually supposed to be hearing, pushing the extra nonsense aside, or fake his way through when he didn’t know what the hell was going on.

When he walks through the living room Cash spots him from a distance and starts calling out for his daddy. He watches as his son leaves his favorite place by the window sill and runs into his arms still in his pajamas.

“Hey!” Jack greets him throwing him up into the air. “How’s my man huh?” 

After laying him down on the ground and tickling him senseless he tosses a tennis ball across the kitchen floor for Charlie sending the both of them scampering.

Jack finally lets himself search for his wife and finds her standing at the stovetop. She was wearing her black pajama shorts, the ones that almost showed her ass cheeks, the ones that he shamelessly tried to sneak his hands underneath, and a top that was riding up her beautiful rounded belly. His hands twitched with the need to touch her, but he refrained. Her dark hair was recklessly pulled up on the top of her head in a bun, strands lying on her neck and when she turned her head and met his gaze she gave him a soft smile. 

“You hungry?” She asks, looking down to the pan she was beating eggs in. 

Jack leans back and sits on the edge of the living room table, appreciating her from behind.

“Listen Al, I wanna talk.” 

She didn’t acknowledge the fact that he had spoken and the silence was becoming uncomfortable. He had no idea if she wanted him to shut up or continue, and just as he was about to speak again she turned around. He saw that she was trying hard to keep her face passive, trying to mask her emotions. However, it did the opposite. Softening her features into an open book and what he was reading broke his heart.

“Jackson you scared me last night. Are you okay?” She whispers out.

He takes her words in and wants to be honest so he searches for the right thing to say back. Cash had become impatient and was hanging on Ally’s legs, causing the perfect distraction. Jack strides over and picks him up, putting him in his high chair while Ally places a plate of eggs and a cut up pancake in front of him. Cash immediately proceeds to start feeding it to the dog. 

“Charlie, no!” Jack calls over to him. 

Charlie stays put beside the tiny human who is his main food source these days, so Jack takes him by the collar and walks him to the back door.

“Sorry buddy.” He says and he pats his head, scooting him outside.

“Ally. I don’t know that I’m okay, but I have a plan.”

When she listens to his words he notices her eyes darken, and can see her begin suit up for the worst. He knows her well enough to see that her guard has been put into place. It was what he had expected, what he had counted on. 

“This is exactly when it happened last time.” She begins, catching him off guard. 

Because sure enough, thinking back to when he previously relapsed she had been just shy of having Cash, and looking at her now he realizes he’s put her in the same position.

“Your hardly ever home Jack. I thought I knew where your head was at but I probably have no clue and you don’t see us that much and when you do get home it’s just in time for you to crawl into bed and have sex with me then your gone before I wake up a lot of the mornings. I don’t know what your doing all day and-“

Jack recognizes that she is ranting out of fear and he doesn’t blame her but she is so far off topic it’s making his head spin. 

“Hey!” Jack says loudly making her stop. “I’m out there workin’ my ass off so damn busy I can’t even think straight, and sorry Ally I didn’t know our sex life was such a bother to you.”

He had snapped with more fervency than he intended and immediately regrets his tone.

“You know what?” She responds, snapping right back. “I know your busy, I’m busy too. I’m home working MY ass off,” she says throwing her arms out in utter exhaustion, “and to top it off I’m still trying to make sure my career doesn’t flatline. I gotta give the small tiny part of myself that I don’t give to you, or to Cash or to Charlie the worlds fucking neediest dog, or to this baby that is growing INSIDE of me Jack. I gotta go out and give it to the public. So give me a break I know what it feels like to be depleted.”

Jack closes his eyes briefly and then looks at his wife, taking in her rigid posture.

“Jesus, Ally can we stop? You don’t have to throw more guilt on me. Let’s take a breather and just focus on one thing at a time.” He groans out frustrated. 

“You are completely freaked out arent you?” She laughs quietly, although she is totally unamused. 

Jack stares at her confused then asks what she means.

“This domestic crap is all way too much for you to handle isn’t it? The house, the jobs, the dog and kids, a wife that’s barefoot and pregnant no less. A little too normal for Jackson Maine. Well fuck me honey you’ve done a fabulous job at building the perfect illusion.”

“What the hell?” Jack says angrily, glancing at Cash and knowing he needs to control the level of his voice.

“Ally I can’t even believe some of the shit you just said. Can’t even fathom where it’s coming from. You really feel that way?” He asks her hurt, genuinely wanting an answer. 

He watches her face fall and lose the fight she was trying like hell to present, trying like hell to hurt herself before he could hurt her. Ally was terrified of being rejected by anyone, but especially by him and the conclusions it had her jumping too were surprising him. Jack was all in when it came to their life, and to hear her think otherwise left him hollow. 

“Honey.” She whispers out defeated. “I’m sorry. I’m not playing fair and no, it’s not how I really feel.” She tells him timidly. 

She crosses the space between them and when she’s close enough to touch he pulls her in, making her stomach press into his, her arms resting on his shoulders. He glances down while his fingertips softly run over her belly, watching it slightly shift from his touch. 

“I just want to be enough for you.” She tells him tearfully.

Jack can’t stand that she thinks that, can’t stand seeing the doubt in her face when he lifts his eyed up to her own. 

“Oh my God, baby you are enough.” He breathes out, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Ally you know that the drugs have never been about you. They’ve never been about us. I need you to know that you could NEVER be the reason.” 

Jack glances over at his son who is covered in scrambled eggs and regrets letting the dog out who would be happily cleaning up after him right now. 

“It’s MY problem darlin’ its about ME, and I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” Ally wholeheartedly tells him. “I was surprised last night and I’m so hormonal. Jesus Jack, we just can’t have anything happen to you.”

“I get it.” Jack agrees as he holds her face.  
“Your scared and I don’t blame you. Listen Ally I’m gunna give it to ya straight alright?”

Ally nods her head and squeezes the top of his shoulders, urging him to continue. 

“When we went to that specialist about my ear and then I backed out?”

Ally nods her head, knowing she didn’t need to say anything. He had known how disappointed, how frustrated she was with him in that moment. After telling the doctor he was on board with it all, he had changed his mind the very next day and when he told his wife, she had literally chucked the blow dryer she had been using at the time, ripping it out of the wall outlet and hitting him square in the chest from across the bathroom calling him an idiot.

Thinking back on the memory now made him chuckle and he saw her slight smile.

“I wasn’t ready and I’ve realized I never will be, but my ear is so damn bad. Has been for months. It’s constant noise and I can’t do it anymore.” 

Jack clears his throat and takes a few seconds before he goes on.

“The last few weeks I’ve uh, been poppin’ a few Xanax here and there. It takes the fuckin’ ringin’ away, let’s me hear. But shit, last night it just-just was way more then I ever shoulda taken. I’m sorry. It’s dangerous and I could lose everything I’ve worked for, you and Cash are just...everything.” 

He stops and puts his hands on her hips trying to gather composure. In typical Ally fashion she steps in knowing exactly what to say.

“It’s okay baby.” She kisses his forehead.

“And here you are,” he chokes out, smoothing both of his large hands over her stomach where they still cover the majority of the surface, “about to bring another life into this world and you gotta worry about my dumb ass.”

He stops and sniffs back his tears as she wipes his eyes with the pads of her thumbs, shushing him and bringing him into her chest. 

“Shhhh don’t say that.” She comforts him, whispering into his ear. “Just tell me what I can do, tell me what we do.” 

“I gotta get me that fuckin’ hearing aide.”

*****

Jack snags a drink from one of the large metal bins full of ice and takes the back steps two at a time. A fucking bottled club soda he laughs to himself tossing the lid to the side of the stairs. When he walks into the yard his eyes automatically find Ally. It was her loud shout of ‘no freaking way’ that caught his attention, making his eyes roll. She’d been trying to replace fuck, and whenever they argued she would use that word, freak. He just couldn’t take her serious to save his own damn life.

Walking up behind her he curls his arm around her neck and gently pulls her into his front, kissing her earlobe and quietly asking her how she was feeling. Ally’s head presses into his chest, her hands coming up to hold onto his forearm and she tells him that she’s great. They slip into a natural stance and Jack joins in on his bass players exaggerated story about getting left behind in Iowa after a show.

“They left me on purpose Ally!” Mike exclaims, still filled with rage from ten years ago. “At a truck stop in the middle of nowhere. I had to catch a flight to the next venue.” 

“Oh come on, Mike.” Jack shouts loudly from  
across the circle. “You had it comin’ and you know it. Just apologize already.”

Everyone laughs and when Ally moves slightly to look at him he takes a gulp from his bottle and winks down at her. 

“Apologize my ass.” The man mutters leaving the others behind to laugh at expense.

Ally looks around and joins in on the laughter, leaning up and kissing her husbands cheek. She wonders if she’ll ever hear of all his crazy antics before she came along. Of course she’s witnessed plenty, especially touring, men never truly left their adolescence behind and she finds it endearing to no end. Although she’d never tell them that because on more than one occasion she’d been the brunt of their jokes and told them all to grow the fuck up. 

Towards the end of the night Jack found himself alone with Bobby after everyone abandoned the fire pit, with Charlie heavily sleeping on his foot. 

“Well its about damn time Jack.” Bobby pokes at the fire and acts like he should know exactly what he was implying.

“Time for what?” He asks gruffly leaning back in his char.

“This.” Bobby waves towards the house, and then looks him in the face. “All of it. The wife, the kids, the house, the pool, giving yourself things. This is the life you deserve.”

“I dunno if I’ll ever deserve what I got.” He mutters shaking his head. “Plus I do it for her. You know that man.” 

“I’m just sayin’ your happy and finally spending all that fuckin’ money you got.” He laughs. “I know how much you’ve made over the years. Shit, I have more money than I’ll ever spend, can’t imagine your bank account, and that’s not even the point. The point is you’ve made a choice on how to live your life, and I think it’s a good one.”

Jack slightly groans and stifles a smile. These talks, these feelings, the fact that they were getting easier and the fact that Jack actually enjoyed them had him claiming up. Not in an uncomfortable sense, but because of the recognition of it all. 

Jack had been watching his wife from a distance for the last few moments try to make her way over to them, and suddenly he’s distracted. It was sunset, the air had turned chilly and she was putting her arms through a thick cream sweater she must have gone inside for. Her jeans had holes down the thighs, and her tan skin just underneath was torture to his senses. Her hair was blowing slightly, her top stretched tight over her stomach, showing off their baby and her hands seemed to always automatically cradle the bottom, almost as if she needed to carry it around.

He loved having a pregnant wife. Part of it was a type of insane male pride he was fully aware of, but the other part he can’t adequately describe even to himself. Ally kicks her sandals off and steps down the few rock steps into the sand, settling herself on his lap.

“Am I intruding?” She asks, looping her arms around his neck. “Because if I am sorry, but I’m not leaving.”

Bobby chuckles deeply and Jack grabs her legs swinging them over his own and let his fingers play with the fray of her pants, lightly pulling at the strings.

“I’m ready to go anyway. Hey Jack one more thing, get over yourself for one fuckin’ second and shoot me straight, how’s the ear?”

Jack feels Ally run her hands through the back of his hair and he looks up and smiles at his brother. He’s had his hearing aide for over a month now and he was embarrassed to admit how long it took him to actually fully commit. It was barely there, a thin almost invisible tube and he knew If you weren’t looking you wouldn’t notice it. He still didn’t understand why he cared so much because he’s never given a shit what people thought of him. 

“It’s pretty fuckin’ good Bobby. I haven’t heard like this in years. Ringin’ is almost gone but still there sometimes.”

Bobby crosses the fire and bends down to kiss Ally on the top of the head and then claps his younger brother on the back and says,

“Like I was sayin’ bud, all good choices.”

As Bobby was leaving Ally looks between the two men and moans out, 

“For shits sake I WAS interrupting wasn’t I?” 

“It’s okay darlin’,” Jack smiles running his free hand down her arm and then up and over her stomach, “we’re used to it.”


	24. Diamond heart

Ally shoves Jack’s hand away from her chest and tightens her arms around her middle. That really just happened, she thinks to herself. She just told her husband she was too tired for sex, and not only too tired but that she had a headache to boot. That right there was the stuff of unhappy housewives.

She feels the space between them dip as he sits up and gently pushes the covers aside. When she looks over her shoulder he catches her eye and smiles down at her. Fucking smiles at her, like she isn’t a total bitch.

“Don’t be nice to me.” She snaps at him in warning.

Jesus she was all over the place. 

Jack gives her leg a soft squeeze while he moves some pillows around and gets Charlie off the bottom of the bed. 

“It’s fine. Get some rest alright?”

Jack lays down, getting comfortable quickly, making Ally feel all the more angry at how much effort it took for her to sleep soundly. He doesn’t make a move to touch her again and she knows the poor man is scared to even breath in her direction. 

“It’s nine thirty on a Friday night for crying out loud.” Ally begins frustrated.

“I just told my husband I wasn’t in the mood for sex. What the hell’s wrong with me?” 

“Hey.” Jack says gruffly, laying up on his forearms and looking at her.

“Knock it off. Your not feelin’ the best and it’s not even a big deal.”

“Yeah, but I could feel that you were, ya know, ready. If you need me to help you I can Jack. Just because-“ 

“Jesus Ally, stop. I said it wasn’t a big deal. Go to bed. I’m thirty nine years old and I think I can control my fuckin’ erections. Okay?” Jack lectures her, putting another pillow behind her and pulling the sheet up over her shoulders.

As soon as he is finished talking Ally clamps a hand over her mouth, trying to stifle a giggle, failing terribly thus throwing them both into a fit of laughter. Jack eventually lifts his face from her neck and shakes his head at her, then moves to turn off the lamp.

After she can compose herself and the laughter dies down she lays on her back and stares at her husbands profile in the dark, careful not to disturb the peace with more of her senseless rambling. Her mind is drifting, eyes starting to close and her body feeling heavy when she becomes aware of her husbands large hand slowly laying on top of her very round stomach, moving softly over the surface.

“I love this.” Jack whispers into her ear, sounding as asleep as she almost was. 

“I’m sad your almost done. You’ve been tellin’ me this is the last one and knowin’ it’s only gunna last for a bit longer breaks my heart just a little.”

Ally turns her face into his body, not saying anything because his words bring a weird gnawing to her insides. She instead let’s her lips linger on his strong shoulder and grazes her nose along his smooth skin. 

Ally wakes in the morning with an urgent need to pee, but she seems to become immobile. Glancing down she sees that she’s trapped underneath a giant of a man and she doesn’t mind one bit.

Jack has burrowed into her side, he’s shirtless, he’s pant less, his snug fitting boxers hugged his barely there ass, and all the covers have been kicked to the bottom of their bed, hanging carelessly towards the floor.

His face is pressed against the side of her bare stomach, he must have lifted her shirt up, and a heavy arm was draped over her legs. Ally couldn’t restrain her fingers from leisurely exploring his messy hair, brushing it away from his handsome face and playing with the ends. God she loves his hair, and was so glad to see it grow out again.

As she watched her husband start to wake, his lips made contact with her skin, kissing and breathing her in, his hand finding hers atop his head and their fingers tangled together.

Out of nowhere Ally was intensely overcome with dread. The type of dread she hadn’t felt in so long, and the type of dread she saved to feel while she was all alone. It happened in small moments of love, the small moments of ‘oh my god how did I get so lucky? How have things turned out so well?’

She almost didn’t have this life, almost missed everything she lives for currently. Jack had once tried to bail on her. On them. On their family. What would she have done? How would she have made it on her own? It was simple. She just wouldn’t have survived.

The all consuming fear sneaks up on her and takes root for extended periods of time giving her crippling anxiety. She must have made some sort of strangled noise without knowing, because Jacks head tilts back and he squeezes the fingers he was holding onto. 

“What’s wrong?” Jack’s deep voice was raspy with sleep and he looks up at her with his eyebrows raised.

“Ally? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?” He asks alarmed.

“I’m okay.” She breathes out shakily, tears falling onto her cheeks.

“I’m fine, honey. I’m just so fucking glad your here with me.” She chokes out. 

Jack lifts himself up and crawls to her side, slipping an arm under her head and pulling her close.

“I’m sorry I was such a selfish fucker.” Jack says as he kisses her forehead and runs his hand over her back. 

“No. Don’t talk about it.” She cries angrily. 

“That’s not what this is about okay? You saying sorry for the millionth time. Just don’t. It’s not about what you did, it’s about how I feel!”

She starts to pull away, working herself up even more when Jack grabs onto her wrists. 

“Okay. Shhhh.” Jack responds softly, scared that she’s scared. 

“Darlin’ I get it. Just come here and let me hold you.” 

Nodding, Ally lays on his chest and let’s out the unexpected and hated heaviness inside of her. Inhaling deeply and trying to still her racing heart. Focusing on the man that was very real and very much here calms her and she is able to relax. 

“I’m not goin’ anywhere.” Jack murmurs out.

“I’m right here baby, and I’m so in love with you. I’m so in love with our life.”

*****

For once Ally was ready before her husband and watching him look at himself in the mirror trying to make sense of his unruly hair and fight with the tie he seemed to be at war with, amused her way more than it probably should have. 

When Jack turned his glare her way she decided to make herself useful so they wouldn’t be late. Ally squeezes between the bathroom sink and her husbands front, brushing his hands away and making quick work of looping the silk fabric, pushing it up and under the top, tightening it at his collar.

“Alright. Don’t choke me out lady.” He says smiling, but with a definite hint of annoyance.

“How are you better at that than any man I’ve ever seen, and why the hell did Faye make Bobby’s birthday party at some fancy big wig place in Hollywood? Makin’ a trip clear down here and gettin’ a hotel? It’s such a pain in the ass and it ain’t him.” 

“Jack that’s exactly the point.” Ally says exasperated, straightening his shirt and fastening the buttons on the sleeves.

“It’s different. Jesus, just act your age. It’s not going to kill you to dress up, accompany your wife to dinner and oh my God! Guess what? You can even have fun!”

Ally looks at him like the thought had never even occurred in his brain and it makes him chuckle.

“Don’t touch your hair. It’s perfect.” She pushes against his chest and starts walking out of the bathroom. 

“Hey.” He says quietly before she can disappear behind the corner.

Ally stops and cocks her head to the side, surely expecting more complaints. Her hair was pulled up in a thick messy braid that offset her sleek outfit and perfect makeup. She was wearing a tight red dress with long sleeves but cut above her knee and showed just the right amount of cleavage. Jack didn’t understand how anything could fit her body like that, only grateful it did. 

“You look so God damn sexy I can’t decide if I wanna fuck you in or outta that dress tonight.”

“Good thing you have a nice long dinner until you have to decide.” She winks at him and then belatedly adds something else.

“Speaking of fucking, I’ve been reading about ways to induce labor and your semen could do the trick.” 

Jack turns to face his wife and intently listens. The fact that she had mentioned semen and labor in the same sentence was confusing him but her long winded explanation brought it all into focus.

“So I’m going to get me some spicy food tonight, which apparently can trigger labor as well, so don’t even think about telling me I’ll have heartburn because at this point I just don’t give a shit. Then we’re going to have sex. Long, orgasmic sex to really get things going. Then I’m going to get a full nights sleep and wake up and have a baby tomorrow. Sound good?” She asks without waiting for an answer, spinning around and grabbing her heels on the way out of the bedroom.

Jack gave no thought to the idea of his wife unapologetically using his body to get their baby out of her. His only thought being that he abso-fucking-lutely was up for the challenge.

Sitting up in bed hours later Ally was kicking herself for ordering the spicy carnitas salad at dinner. When she had asked for extra jalapeño Jack had given her an all knowing look, which only made her want to finish the entire thing to prove a point, so that’s what she did. Fuck, she hated it when he was right. 

“You in labor yet?” Jack mutters into his pillow when he feels her moving around.

“Oh, shut up.” She whines, knowing he knows full well the situation at hand.

“I told you not to get the jalapeños, let alone extra.” He laughs.

“Don’t laugh at me, and you know what? Maybe the jalapeño is doing it’s job. Maybe it’s the sex that isn’t working, ever think of that?”

“Don’t kid yourself sweetheart. That was the best sex you’ve had in months.”

Jack rolls to his side and smiles smugly.

“Fine! Your right.” Ally says loudly. “I’ve got the worst fucking heartburn and the sex was so fucking good. Happy?”

“Kinda.” 

*****

It had become an unspoken tradition of sorts, to go into the small local grocery store on a Saturday evening, buy what used to be a case of beer or bottle of wine, eventually graduating into the ice cream sandwiches they were currently sharing.

They would park at the lake, spread out a blanket and watch the sun go down, letting Charlie and now Cash run around and play, with a shrill whistle from Jack every once in a while when they wandered too far for comfort.

“This could be the last time it’s just the three of us here, ya know?” 

Jack had voiced it, Ally had thought it.

“That’s what you said last Saturday.” She says smiling.

“Well shit. One of these Saturdays I gotta be right.”

They both laugh lightly and Jack gently grasps onto her arm and makes her lower herself onto him.

Ally was sitting between Jacks bent legs and when she laid back he leaned forward, resting his chin on her head. His strong hands smoothed the knotted muscles in her neck and shoulders making her moan, and she found herself thinking how surprised she was, almost reaching her due date. Having had Cash three weeks early set them up for unrealistic expectations and she was disappointed to be showing not one fucking sign of labor. 

“Hey Jack?” 

“Hmmmm?” 

“Why won’t this baby come out of me?”

Jack looks into his wife’s tired face, traces her nose and moves his hands down over her stomach. Ally was wearing a light weight flowing dress that she tied in a knot at the side, not being able to stand anything remotely snug. She looked so beautiful, her make up free skin gorgeous and giant green eyes watching him carefully. 

He smiled as he took her in, noticing her stomach looked different than even the day before. It was huge if he was being honest, especially on her small frame. It had grown to a size he hadn’t thought possible, her breasts generously and exquisitely filled out, her entire body slightly swollen, hands and feet especially. She hadn’t worn her wedding ring the last few days because she said it had gotten stuck.

The term ‘ready to pop’ come to Jack’s mind, but holy shit he’d never say it aloud, no doubt it would make her cry, but honestly pregnancy only enhanced the body he was obsessed with. 

She was stunning, and he knew he wasn’t just being biased. He could see how everyone flocked to her, how everyone was attracted to her. She was a magnet. 

“Al, of course this baby doesn’t wanna come outta you.” Jack murmurs running his hands over her bump, up her thighs then back down again. “Why would it huh? It’s safe and happy. Your the best home.”

“Honey.” She whispers up to him. “Your so sweet to me.”

“Well it ain’t nothin’ but the God honest truth sweetheart.”


	25. Maybe it’s time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jacks new songs Inspired by Dierks Bentley. Definitely a similar sound and the lyrics alone will have you all tied up with Jack and Ally love. Do yourself a favor and listen to the playlist in the chapter! They are ALL so relatable.

Ally steps into the front room fully expecting Jackson to be there and when it turns up empty she’s surprised. It was where he lived when he wasn’t in the studio. It wasn’t your typical front room, it was a fully functioning music room with the piano and his guitars, a desk and materials everywhere. To Ally it was a sight of beautiful creative chaos. 

Hearing her husband day in and out invent his music, constantly rearranging melodies with his voice and his guitar and witnessing him perfect his new album was incredible. The walls of their home more often than not, saturated with laughter from the guys and the deep rugged drawl that sent shivers down her spine at the oddest of hours, because really, who gets turned on while making their toddler macaroni and cheese at noon in a house of full of people with a dog whining at the back door? Just her.

Ally runs her fingers over the riveted penned words inside the simple spiral notebook Jack had left lying open. Thumbing through the pages she sees it’s chucked full of content, sheets covered front and back in black, blue, even red pen. His scrawl messy yet unique and it blew her mind that most of his material would never see the light of day.

She notices numbers in some of the corners and realizes they’re dates, with one in particular standing out, having been the day after they were married.

God, she knew she shouldn’t be snooping. These words, these lyrics, they were private. Damn her and her curiosity.

Ally looks around self consciously then leans closer reading through the short paragraphs. 

‘The moon outside is too bright, those blinds let’s just keep them closed. You know my hands they know where to go, to find your fingertips, and trace them to your lips.

Make my world go black, hit me like a heart attack, knock me flat on my back, just keep doing that, that thing your doing there, brush me with your hair, I swear I don’t know how long that I can last, make my world go black.’

“Good God, Jack.” Ally whispers to herself reading through the words again.

“What you doin’?” Jacks voice calls loudly from behind.

Ally jumps slightly and turns around looking guilty.

“Don’t do that! Don’t scare me.” Ally reprimands, biting her lip and looking for any sign of him being upset.

“Ally, I’m kidding. I don’t care.” He laughs.

“I just know that stuff can be personal. That song, Jack. Black? I want you to sing me that song. Sounds sexy.” She tells him raising a single eyebrow in his direction. 

“Oh baby.” Jack looks at her while he strides  
into the room and starts to sing, spreading his arms wide, obviously having finished it.

“You make my world go black, hit me like a heart attack, knock me flat on my back...”

When he stops in front of her he pecks her lips and swipes the notebook from her hand.

“That’s goin’ on the album, darlin’. Hey I think I decided to make ‘Riser’ my single.”

It was perfect for his debut, so fucking fitting. His comeback was going to be so honest. So powerful. He was a riser. 

“I thinks that’s a perfect choice honey.”

“Check this one out.” Jack smirks over to her pointing at a section.

When she takes the notebook he grabs his oldest guitar, the one he likes to ‘dick around with’ he’s told her, and notices it’s on the very first page, the words making her laugh a little. 

“How do you hear it?” She asks perplexed, examining it like a puzzle. 

“Oh shit, I’d have think about it.” Jack replies as he sits on the piano bench and closes his eyes in thought. 

Ally leans over the top of the grand piano herself and props her fists on her chin, loving this playful, happy side of her husband.

“Alright, I think I got it. I wrote this the day after I came and got you from your dads.” He explains.

“Remember that hotel we stopped at on the way down to Arizona? Remember?” Jack raises his eyebrows expecting an answer.

She nods her head enthusiastically, indeed recalling the night he was questioning but didn’t want to interrupt the story.

“Sweet Jesus, when you stood up outta bed naked that night? After the best fucking sex of my life and slipped my T-shirt on? I was a goner. Like so far gone, Ally.”

Ally smiles at him, the memories of the night flashing through her mind and remembering how good it had been between them physically. It definitely wasn’t something she had expected to experience. 

“Play it for me.” She states simply. 

Jack fishes a pick out of his back pocket and starts playing a fast paced catchy as hell piece and belted out loudly. 

“Next thing I knew you were wearin’ my T-shirt, right there, hair messed up like a guns n’ roses video, oh oh, so hot. 

Still got it up here in my head, you were movin’ around in the tv light, I ain’t ever seen anythin’ like your clothes on my floor, and the way you wore my T-shirt.”

Ally grins, being able to imagine it all. 

“I never did stop wearing your T-shirt’s now did I?”

“Thank fuck.” He says, smiling up at her. 

*****

Five years without anything new from Jackson Maine’s mouth, and here was the finished product. New music was huge because there was a time he didn’t think he’d get here again. 

The last three years however, he was suddenly flooded with more inspiration then he knew what to do with. Two notebooks full of words that he heard in his head as lyrics, and when they finished with Ally’s tour he buckled down and did it, having a hell of a time digging deep and only focusing on a certain amount of songs. His band was amazing, being overwhelmed with work, ecstatic to be back at it, fully. 

Sitting at his laptop in his office he scrolls through the set list and sends his final okay for the album cover. They’d been waiting on him for two weeks to pull the trigger. The release date for his single a week away.

Leaning back in his chair he looks at the ceiling and exhales running his hands over his shaven face feeling such emotional relief and to be honest full fledged fear. Almost immediately an alert from Gail comes through, telling him congratulations.

Reading through the titles of the songs settled his nerves. This was different than anything he’d done. The sound was all him, but the words were all new. He wanted this to be loved like he loves it, wanted people to care as much he cared.

I hold on   
Black  
Burning man  
Come a little closer  
Riser  
Breathe you in  
Damn these dreams  
Living  
Feel that fire   
Why do I feel  
Sweet and wild ft. Ally Maine  
Woman, amen

“What you doing boy?” 

He hears Ally softly call out to him through the half closed door and he spins around. Jesus, he knows she’s isn’t meaning to come across as seductive and in all honesty looks pretty damn tired, even wincing when Cash tries to get out of her arms, but her voice and those legs. Damn.

“Somebody won’t lay down without his Daddy.” 

Jack thought he was asleep already but lately he had been rebelling against the whole routine. 

“Hey pal, lets go back to bed okay?” Jack stands up and opens the door wide taking him from Ally. 

“Give your pretty mama a kiss.” Jack whispers to his son, making him giggle and do exactly what his daddy tells him. 

Cash was fresh out of the bath, curls still wet, cuddled into his soft blanket and while they walk back to the bedroom he lays his head down on Jacks shoulder, his breathing already heavy and deep.

“Love you Cashy. Close those eyes and have good dreams, yeah?” 

Jack tucks him in and then turns his light off, hoping like hell the kid will stay put because he has plans for his wife. 

Walking into their room, said plans burst into flames seeing the all too familiar grimace on Ally’s face. Jack sits down next to where she was laying and puts his hand on her hip, rubbing that spot in her lower back that has been giving her grief. They’re eyes lock and her face communicates everything he needs to know.

“This it?” Jack asks her gently. 

Ally doesn’t respond but nods her head and let’s out a long exhale.

“What is with these kids? Comin’ in the dead of night?” He says teasing, suddenly feeling anxious.

“Fuck if I know, Jack.” Ally replies unamused, gripping her pillow.

He notices how she makes herself breathe through the pain. These contractions had come on fast and hard because she’s appeared fine all day.

“How long this been goin’ on?” He asks looking at his watch. 

“I don’t know, an hour? Not very long. It hit me out of fucking nowhere.” Another deep breath before she continues.

“Call Bobby okay? Have him come down to stay the night here. We don’t have time to take Cash to the house. I just wanna go.”

“On it.” Jack says standing up.

“What else you need?” He asks, holding her hand. 

Ally suddenly has a death grip on him and moans out a series of colorful curse words that surprised even him. 

“Alright sweetheart, we gotta go.” 

Jack had forgotten what seeing Ally in labor felt like, and by the time they got to the hospital, had gotten admitted, hooked Ally up to the monitors and given her an IV, Jack was slightly begging her to get an epidural. He had no doubt in his mind she could do it, but he absolutely knows he can’t handle watching her struggle for hours on end again.

The intense pain was so sudden that it didn’t give her any time whatsoever to work into it, and his wife’s calm demeanor quickly dissolved into anger. She was still calm as fuck, just angry as fuck.

The glares alone she had thrown his way as they drove to the hospital were almost enough to make him cower, except for the hold she never released on him explained she didn’t mean any of it.

“I’m so mad at you right now Jackson fucking Maine, this hurts so fucking bad. Your at the top of my shit list.” She whispers out casually, like it was the most common of knowledge as she’s pacing around the small room, trying and failing to find comfort.

“I’m sorry baby.” Jack replies, desperately unaware of how to respond to her.

“Oh, don’t even say sorry.” She snaps at him, groaning softly into his body supporting her weight. “That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Doubtful, Jack thinks to himself.

“Alison,” The nurse asks, “what do you want to do for pain management? I need to get it sent in before it’s too late.”

“Nothing.” Ally immediately responds, zero hesitation on her end.

“Al, are you sure? Maybe think about it for a minute.” Jack begs her.

“I’m dilated to an eight Jack.” She says softly while shaking her head. “I’m not getting anything and I need you to stop asking me. Do you understand?” 

Ally was looking at him pleadingly and he shook himself out of his own worries to focus on her. Knowing she needed him to just step up and shut up. He puts pressure on her back like she had asked and kissed her, causing her to whimper out a sincere thank you.

Eventually Ally had laid down, closed her eyes and shut out the world, barely flinching, seemingly unaware to everything going on around her. Breathing away the pain, the pain very obviously written across her face, but the sheer control she had over her body was enough to will herself into a quiet trance like state. The only time she stirred was when he let go of her to shift the way he was sitting, making her look up at him in a panic asking where he was going.

“Hey.” He grabs back onto her hands and speaks directly into her ear, making her relax back into the pillows.

“I’m right here darlin’ and your doin’ it girl, your gettin’ it done.” 

For what felt like an eternity Jack sits on the edge of the bed while she switches between squeezing the hell out of his forearm to clenching her hands in his shirt. He does nothing except softly stroke her skin, occasionally kissing her face or knuckles and talks to her in a low voice, making sure she knows what a fucking amazing job she is doing. Every once in awhile she would kiss him back briefly or fleetingly open her eyes into his and he took comfort in knowing she knew he was there.

Jack notices the monitors beeping switch in rhythm and Ally changes, looking as if she’s ready to burst into tears making Jack struggle to keep his own emotions in check while feeling utterly helpless. 

“Ally baby, come on sweetheart.” Jack sits on the chair next to the bed and pulls himself close, resting his head on his arm so he is level with her face.

“Can you look at me? Can you open your eyes?” He asks while he holds her hand and strokes her damp hair back.

“Let’s see what’s going on here.” A nurse beeezes in, looking a little out of sorts.

The woman checks all the machines and pushes a button on the bed, asking to send the doctor in when someone had asked through the speaker what they needed.

“Is the baby okay?” Jack asks, trying to come across more in control than he felt.

“Baby is great.” She replies immediately but with her pause she places a pit in Jacks stomach. “Ally’s blood pressure is just a little low.”

Before he can ask any more questions she was putting some oxygen on Ally and telling her take some deep breaths, her doctor arriving shortly after.

Jack knows he can’t let her see that he’s nervous, knows he needs to solely focus on nothing except helping her through this, but knowing her blood pressure was lowering and oxygen levels decrease scared him like he’s never been scared.

“Breathe. Keep breathing. Your doin’ great.” He tells her, hating the sound of his voice shaking.

“Fuck. I wanna push.” She moans, sounding muffled by the oxygen, sitting up slightly and looking nothing short of strung out. 

“Lets do it.” Her Doctor encourages in a hushed tone. “Start pushing okay? Hey Ally? Look at me.”

Doctor Matthews is beyond peaceful in the way he speaks to her, but Jack can see the slight rush in getting everything ready and when Ally meets his eye he gives her a reassuring nod, making even Jack chill the fuck out while he explains. 

“We need to get baby out okay? I can help you if you need it Ally, but you can do this. Hey Dad? You know what to do.”

Jack is sure as all get out that ain’t the truth of the matter but he will try like hell to figure it out. Standing up he watches Ally, taking cues on where she needs him to hold her and at what point she needs him to say something. 

When contractions come she pushes like a fucking warrior, making progress faster than he could have imagined. Taking all of ten minutes, the longest ten minutes of Jacks life, for her to deliver their baby fearlessly and he could only guess as composed as childbirth could possibly be.

Towards the end the nurse had gotten a little too much for Ally to handle, Jack could see her annoyance when she wouldn’t stop telling her to push harder. There was nothing wrong with the lady, she was as sweet as could be and certainly did her job well but Jack secretly found it hilarious when she snapped, and took note to laugh about it with her later.

“I’m pushing as hard as I fucking can!”

Ally had shouted, making Jack squeeze the leg he was holding to get her attention. When she looked up at him, he winked and nodded his head, telling her what she really needed to hear.

“Yeah you are, mama. Your doin’ everything right.”

And just like that it was done. This woman had superhuman strength, and once again, he was humbled to tears watching her fight to do what she absolutely had to do. 

The sight of his wife with another gorgeous dark haired baby screaming it’s head off right in her ear was enough to make him literally weak in knees. Jack makes himself sit down on the chair, leaning his forehead into the side of her face and when she feels his touch Ally turns her head and puts her lips onto his.

“Darlin’ good job.” He whispers tearfully, feeling everything inside of him shatter. 

“How’d you just do that, huh?”

Ally knows hours have passed, because the bundle on her chest was slightly squirming, letting out soft puffs of air, a clear signal of hunger she was now familiar with. Turning her face to the side she breathes in the distinct scent that was all newborn and brushed her lips over of a soft cheek, relishing in the feel of her baby’s warm body pressed against her own bare skin. 

It took time to open her eyes, feeling groggy and dizzy, but it quickly faded and the adrenaline of having something needing her took over. That amazed her. The fact that you can be dead on your feet and still function.

Ally has the baby nursing before the real crying can begin. She can feel Jacks body in the small hospital bed with her, having abandoned the uncomfortable chairs in favor of sleeping together, and she wanted to keep it that way.

Listening to his deep breathing while staring at this new little person had her wide awake, mind racing. She recalls focusing on Jack the second their baby was laid on top of her, and the way he was watching them made her fall apart. Ally would gladly walk through hell and back just to see that look on her husbands face.

Ally had loved Jack with her entire heart early on in their relationship, him becoming her absolute everything at the the speed of light it had felt, and as funny as it sounded Charlie stole a piece soon after. She gets he’s a dog, but that dog had given her something when nobody else did, and he still lived his days hovering along side her, loving her unconditionally.

It was a complex thing motherhood in general, something you never could comprehend until it happens. Becoming pregnant with Cash was the biggest shock of her life and that little boy held her heart in his sticky little hands.

Ally had never voiced it, but knew she couldn’t possibly love anything as much as him, but oh my God, Ally thinks to herself as tears tumble, this feeling for this tiny thing wrapped in her arms was so unbelievably huge and she had never been happier to be proven wrong.

She realizes then and there that she doesn’t have to keep breaking her own heart into pieces, handing them out for everyone to share. Her heart doesn’t have to contain these souls that had been battling for room within it’s walls. Her heart, in all actuality wasn’t even hers to give away anymore. It was Jacks and the kids, and she’d never get it back at this point. It has left her body and would follow them wherever they decided to roam.

Ally feels Jacks lips kiss the side of her arm pulling her from her stooper. She sniffs lightly as he sits up, not wanting him to worry about the reason she’s emotional.

“Hi you.” She smiles softly at him admiring his adorably sleepy, slightly confused face.

Jack rubs his eyes then slides a finger over her nose. He looks down to see their baby content as can be and listens to the small swallowing noises, Jack bending closer to kiss the soft dark hair that was identical to Cash’s when he was born. Sitting straight again he casually runs his lips over her neck and down to Ally’s shoulder and when he looks at her face he catches a stray tear with his thumb.

“Your beautiful.” His voice rasps out into the quiet.

She just shakes her head and looks back down but it’s true. He’s never seen anything more lovely. Lovely, he internally laughs at himself, was a word he had never fucking used before. 

It was dark but Jack could see everything. He could see Ally’s flawless bare skin covered with nothing but a light sheet, skin so soft he never could comprehend how she managed to get it that way. 

He could see her dark hair pulled up on top of her head, messy from labor and sleeping, strands falling away carelessly. He could see her delicate hand holding onto the tiniest of fingers that laid over her breast.

He could see the drip of medicine make it’s way down the IV and into her blue vein, a stark contrast to her paleness, and he could see her face. Weary, spent and tearstained.

Catching the light in her eyes looking down at the person she had been terrified to meet was his favorite thing to witness and when the gleam turned back towards him it took his breath away. Yep. Fucking lovely would be the accurate reference.

“I’m telling you Jack,” she lightly laughs, her voice a hoarse whisper, “I’m never doing that again, but are you disappointed?”

Jack looks at his wife like she is absolutely insane.

“Disappointed, Ally? How?” He asks genuinely. 

“Honey. I know you wanted a girl.” She says softly, stroking their sons head when his mouth let’s go of her nipple, his lips forming the most adorable pout.

“I wanted a girl because I wanted YOU to have a girl, Ally.” He admits as he and gently takes the baby from her arms, resting him against his chest while Ally lays on his shoulder.

“This feels perfect. I feel like everything is perfect.” He assures her.

“Now I never have to share you with another woman.” She murmurs up to him, wrapping her arm over his stomach possessively. 

“Well ain’t that the damn truth.” He grumbles  
into her mouth, stealing a kiss.

“I’ve been wonderin’,” Jack muses aloud, “how the fuck did a almost nine pound baby come outta you? I mean I was there, I saw it happen, but holy shit, Al. Your my mother fuckin’ hero.”

Jack stares over at her as she explains, wrapped up in her, the look on her face alone telling a beautiful story. She shakes her head and glides a pinky over the small dimple in the baby’s chin, causing him to sigh deeply.

“All I know is that the pain is absolutely out of this world, but in the moment of not another fucking thing mattering in the entire universe other than getting your baby here? That feeling is just...incomparable. Indescribable.”

“Like I said.” Jack whispers. “Hero status.”

Ally yawns and burrows herself deeper into his side and Jack shifts the baby forward so he’s holding his small body in hands. Soaking in his wife’s words he gazes into his sleeping face and notices a dribble of milk on his chin, wiping it off with the blanket tucked over his small fisted hands.

“Look at him, he’s milk drunk.” Jack jokes, making Ally laugh. 

“Your lucky mister, your mama is a milk machine.” Jack begins talking softly into the small space between the two of them.

“Oh little boy, your big brother is gunna love you. He’s gunna show you everythin’ good and fun and wild and messy. Ya know that?” 

“Maine brothers take two.” Ally murmurs sleepily into his shoulder.

Gunner Jackson Maine weighed in at eight pounds ten ounces. He was big, he was strong, he was loud, and Jack had a feeling this child was going to give him a run for his money, already reminding him so much of his mama.


	26. Is that alright

Ally was frantically trying to get Cash to bed before eight o’clock. It was a long shot, but damnit she wanted to watch Jack’s interview in peace. When the doorbell rings she lets out a whine, and before she can stop him the little boy bolts from his bedroom towards the front of the house, eager to see who has come over. 

“Cash Lorenzo Maine! You better freeze. You know you can’t answer the door.” Ally calls after him, settling Gunner into the baby swing in the living room. 

As soon as she walks away the infant starts fussing, but stopping Cash before he opens the door in his diaper and letting whoever was on the other side see her in a state of half dress was just the bigger priority.

Ally beats him by an inch and grabs onto his small hand while she looks through the peep hole. Letting out a sigh of relief she swiftly unbolts the lock and lets her anxious little boy turn the knob.

“Thank God your here.” Ally looks at her best friend with a silent plea for help.

Cash had started jumping up and down holding out his arms for his favorite uncle, and Ramon was all too happy to indulge him, lifting him up and bringing him in for a hug. The entire time he kept his eyes glued on hers, examining her frazzled temperament. Something that was rare for Ally. Even when she didn’t have her shit together she was pretty fantastic at faking it. He’s always been able to see right through her though. 

Ramon steps inside and follows her into the house while she goes to pick up the crying baby.

“I just thought I’d come over and watch with you. Hope that’s okay, I was going to call but I thought you’d tell me no and I wanted to help with the boys tonight.”

“Your a savior.” She calls out dramatically over her shoulder.

Ramon thankfully knows Cash’s routine and goes about getting him settled down for the night, Ally having the chance to sit down and finally give Gunner the attention he’s needed for the last half an hour. 

Ramon walks in sooner than expected and Ally stares at him shocked.

“Is he in bed?” She blurts surprised. 

“What like it’s hard?” Ramon replies making Ally roll her eyes. 

“I’m kidding, Ally. He crashed pretty fast. Hey you okay?” He asks. 

“I’m fine.” She wipes at her eyes and looks at down, avoiding Ramon’s intense gaze.

“Mama you can tell me if your not.”

“I just miss him and he hasn’t even been gone long. I don’t want to complain because he has been home every second of every day since Gunner was born. It’s these stupid fucking hormones.” She cries, finally glancing up.

“Your not complaining.” Ramon says as he lays his hand on her leg. 

“Hey Ramon? Will you not tell Jack about this? He was already so worried about leaving for a couple nights and I don’t want to make it worse. Wait. Did he ask you to come over and check in on me?” She eyes him closely. 

“What? God, when did you get paranoid? Fuck no.” He defends himself.

“Now turn the damn TV on while I order us some food.”

Ally’s phone starts buzzing and she picks it up and shows her friend who’s calling.

“Speak of the devil.” She says before swiping the screen.

“Hey there stranger.” Ally answers.

“Jesus I miss you.” Jack groans out loudly. 

“You do not.” She laughs into the phone. 

“Wait I take it back. I totally miss you too.” She murmurs lowly, watching Ramon shake his head from the kitchen.

“So? How was it?” She urges.

“It went real well, I had fun. He’s a great guy.” He tells her, not giving a single detail away in true Jackson fashion.

“Just call me after you watch or before you go to bed yeah?” He asks quietly.

“Are you sure? You sound tired and your a couple hours ahead.” 

“I’m sure.”

Jack was in New York, having been asked to do a sixty minute interview with Anderson Cooper. Jack knew the man, he actually really liked him, which surprised Ally because Jack put up a tall wall in regards to the media. They had been interviewed by him before with the band while on tour, but this was different. 

When his agent had called he hung up the phone confused and asked Ally what the hell he would talk about for an hour without the other guys. Ally had sat back, not saying anything until finally she laughed at her husbands honest bemusement. She explained to him that he could fill much more time than that with his story.

It blew Jacks mind people cared, but he knew he was now able to give something back that he couldn’t before and she was so proud of him for it. Gail later asked what was off limits for discussion and Jack told her nothing, which made Ally nervous.

“Shit Papo!” Ramon exclaims as it shows Jack for the first time and the introductions start.

“He looks so damn good. Look at him.” 

Ally slaps Ramons arm and shushes him, appreciating him drooling over her husband but also just wanting him to shut up so she can take it all in.

She shifts forward, sitting on the edge of the cushion and puts her elbows on her knees, staring intently at Jack who is gorgeous in his typical tight black jeans and boots with a white V-neck and gray long sleeved shirt unbuttoned. His hair was out of his face, and his eyes were so damn blue she found herself fan girling over the man she actually got to screw.

Ally spots the silver chain around his neck, the one he almost always wore, but always placed under his clothing. He never talked about it, but once when they were dating Ally had inquired over it. It was a small cross that had been his mothers. Bobby had given it to him as a child, trying to do his best for a struggling little brother. It was the only thing he had of her, the only thing he even knew of her. Which in her opinion, was probably a good thing.

She watches as the interview begins and Jack crosses his leg over his knee and rubs his hand over his light scruff. It was his nervous tick so to speak, but nothing short of a casual mannerism to an onlooker.

After the first twenty minutes of talking about his career Anderson Cooper decided to be a little risky, and boldly asked Jack to tell him about his family. Not something they loved discussing, but he had said nothing was off limits.

Watching Jack clear his throat and spin his wedding band with his thumb made her smile to herself. She felt Ramon’s hand on her shoulder and reached up to hold it.

“Well that’s a broad subject. How ‘bout you narrow it down for me?” Jack jokes.

“I can do that.” He smiles. “How’s your wife? She just had your second child is that right?”

“That she did. Ally is great, doin’ well and beautiful as ever. She’s like, just this natural mother, oh my God it’s amazing to witness.”

“I’m not just saying this, but Ally Maine is one of the kindest people, and has to be as genuine as they come. I met her on your last tour and was just captivated by her talent, by her as a person.”

“She is exactly what she seems and more, but make no mistake she’s got a bite to her. Protective and opinionated. In a good way mind you. Strong as hell.” Jack states proudly. 

“How old are your boys?”

“Cash is almost two and Gunner is two weeks old yesterday actually.” Jack grins without skipping a beat.

The way he drawls their sons names fills her stomach with butterflies. 

“Cash and Gunner. Those are some pretty bad ass names if I don’t say so myself.”

“Well I think we’re goin’ to have our hands full with the two of em’ that’s for sure. I mean, paybacks a bitch right?” Jack says making them both laugh. 

“Did you ever picture yourself here Jackson? With a wife, kids, speaking out about your fight with addiction? The importance of mental well being? Doing more than music?” 

“No.” Was Jacks immediate and serious response.

“The only sure thing in my life for as long as I can remember has been my guitar, and booze. Then later, I mean a lot earlier than it shoulda been, but later came drugs.”

“What kind of drugs?” He was asked.

“Everything.” Jack says it like it’s the most simple thing and it breaks Ally’s heart in two.

“How old were you when the drugs came into play?”

Jack swallows and taps his leg in thought.

“Early teens. The drinking was at home, my Dad was an alcoholic, I had that at my disposal. Never met my mother, she died when I was born and then, he uh, died when I was thirteen. The drugs were in those years that followed.”

“Thirteen. Drinking. Losing your only parent. I can see why you chose that path or rather how that path chose you. Were you close with your father?” He asks leaning forward slightly, gauging Jacks response.

He was being thoughtful and stepping lightly but Ally felt the sudden urge to turn the television off and call her husband herself to see if he was okay. He had never talked about his father. His history. Ever. He could barely get the stories out to her. He had only ever been music to the world. A troubled mysterious musician. Nobody truly saw Jackson Maine and that killed her everyday. 

“Fuuuuuck.” Ally whispers out laying back into the safety of her furniture, feeling Ramon grasp her fingers tighter.

“I mean, I was attached like any kid to their parent would be, no matter how messed up the situation was.” Jack nods, then continues.

“I wouldn’t say close. He was a father, but not like a real dad or anythin’ not like caring or-or uh paternal ya know? He wasn’t the nicest. Pushed me around, didn’t really encourage me to be a good kid. That was all Bobby, my older brother, tryin’ to rescue me. Still does that. Thank God.”

Jack looks at his lap and slides a palm down his thigh, brushing some sort of imagined substance from his pants.

“Oh my God, baby.” Ally says squeezing her eyes shut briefly.

Their was a brief pause and then Anderson Cooper spoke again in a quieter tone, seeming to understand the severity of it all.

“How does that affect how you father your children? I mean, I’ve seen you with your family. With your wife. You seem extremely caring. I remember hanging out with you guys, Ally was pregnant and you hovered like I’d never seen a rockstar hover. Your band mate referred to you as whipped.” He laughs, lightening the mood making Jack chuckle.

“He’d be absolutely right.” Jack agrees while he gathers his words.

“Honestly, it’s all her man. She makes it easy, makes it easy to be a family and loving those boys is just...effortless.” He sighs and clears his throat, not being able to speak.

“You seem to get emotional talking about it and I’ve never seen that in you before. I’ve known you a long time too.”

“Oh you have no idea.” Jack shakes his head and swipes a thumb under one eye. “That woman can bring me to tears in a blink of an eye. I cried harder than both our babies when they were born. It’s absolutely ridiculous. I burst into tears on the regular. I mean I’m grateful. Just grateful that a guy like me has a chance.”

Anderson smiles and doesn’t say anything, hoping he’ll elaborate.

“Look, I’m not that great of a guy.” Jack says seriously.

“I’ve done dumb things, said things to the people closest to me that will haunt me til the day I die. Hurt the ones I love the most. When your that big of a screw up, and suddenly this girl comes along, literally singin’ her way into your life, speakin’ your language...I can say with certainty I knew within minutes of seeing Ally she was it for me. When that happens you just start tryin’ like hell to be better, so she’ll like you back, so you have something to offer.”

“Sounds so stupid.” Jack adds in a mumble, knitting his eyebrows together. 

Ally can see how he is putting himself down, how insecure he truly is. Something that drives her bat shit crazy. He never could see all the things he had given her right from the start.

“That doesn’t sound stupid, that sounds powerful.” He tells him.

“Powerful. That’s a good word to use.” Jack smiles and sniffs slightly.

How long have you been sober?” He changes the subject.

“So, I’ve been clean for almost three years. Not quite, and it’s been bumpy, but damn that feels good to say.”

“What was your breaking point? Three years ago?”

“It wasn’t one thing. It was Ally, it was the infamous Grammys, it was my dog, it was finding out I was gunna be a daddy. I mean ultimately I knew I could get clean, sober up, or just die and honestly dying sounded a helluva lot easier.” 

Ally stopped breathing. Jacks suicide attempt was not publicized. Maybe there was speculation, but it never surfaced, his rehab stents were all drug and alcohol related. This was one more thing he didn’t need to deal with. One more thing that could potentially set him back. She couldn’t believe he had opened that door. Maybe it was unintentional, but he looked nothing but calm. Just maybe he was ready then. 

“Did you want to die Jackson?” He asks bluntly.

“I wanted things to be easier.” Jack begins.

“I wanted things to be better for the woman who dedicated her life and time, sacrificing her career, all to get me healthy.” Jacks voice slightly cracks and he covers his mouth with his hand, shifting in his chair and shaking his head before he continues on, voice unwavering.

“I wanted my brother to be able to stop worryin’ about me all time, wanted my band to breathe easier. So I mean, yeah I wanted to die. I didn’t think there was another way and I thought it would be better for everyone. I really did. In that moment there was no convincing me otherwise, so I decided to do just that.” 

Jacks delivery was strong and he sounded so sure of what he was saying, it tore her apart. Ally stood up and soon realized her legs didn’t want to hold her. She ended up handing Ramon the baby and sat on her knees in the center of the room leaning her upper body on the large wooden coffee table.

“I’m sorry if I’m jumping to a wrong conclusion, but are you saying you tried to take your own life?” He asks, folding his arms and sitting back once he gets the question out.

“I’m trying to be transparent in my past struggles because I want to help people, but this isn’t something that I’ve talked about publicly, and it’s not something I want to focus on, because it really puts me in a bad place but yes. I did. I attempted to take my own life, and it’s caused lots of damage to lots of people. It was the most selfish hurtful decision I ever made.” 

“Thank the lord you failed.” Anderson replied heatedly and immediately looking Jack in the eyes.

There wasn’t any pity in his voice or face and she could tell her husband was relieved by that. Appreciated that.

“I would use a stronger expression to agree with you but it wouldn’t be aired so I’ll refrain.” Jack smiles and reaches out, extending his hand at the same time Anderson does.

The two held a firm grip for a few seconds, both living in the heaviness of the mood, Jack letting him comprehend what he’d been told knowing he’d need to refocus.

“I’ve never cried in an interview, Jackson.” His voice slightly wavers and he took a sip of his water.

“Well don’t you start Anderson because nobody wants to watch us both bawl alright?” Jack teases, sipping his own mug of what she knew to be coffee.

“Was this album healing? It’s beautiful. Unexpectedly vulnerable and very inspiring. I can’t get ‘Burning Man’ out of my head and it’s just hitting me now, the meaning. I mean these lyrics.” 

‘Half your life you struggle half your life you fly, half your life making trouble, half your life making it right.’

Jack intertwines his hands on his lap, looking more comfortable as the conversation shifts to music. 

“Everything is just so personal.” Jack explains. 

“It was extremely healing and at the same time very excruciating to put into words. It’s a different level of feeling, a different connection than ever before, and honestly if I had to go through all this in my life, to get it all out there, to help even one person from making the same mistakes I’ve made then it’s all worth it. I just can’t stand knowin’ there’s people feelin’ hopeless or lost. Because I’ve been lower than low man. If I can get out anyone can.”

“Jack...” Ally shakily whispers while wiping the tears from her face and neck, the tears she didn’t even realize were falling. 

“Your one of a kind, Jackson. Your talent is out of this world and the worlds glad your here. We’re lucky your still making music. Thank you for being here, for being so open. I want to meet those boys and chat with your wife again.”

“Hey, I appreciate it and come on over anytime. Ally would love it.”

“I’m taking you up on it.” 

“Please do.” Jack opens his arms, implying he’s serious about the matter.

After a few minutes Ramon turns the tv off and Ally stands up, taking the baby from him while she stares at her friend.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Ally asks him. 

“What? You told me to be quiet.” He holds his hands up in surrender.

“It’s over.” She deadpans. 

“I mean, I don’t really know what to say. Sounds like Anderson Cooper is coming for a visit.” Ramon finally says and then adds seriously.

“I’m proud of him. I mean damn.” 

“Me too.” Ally sighs out, kissing Gunners face. 

“Stay here tonight?” 

“That’s what I planned on mama.” Ramon says, stretching as he gets off the couch and then wraps his arms around her and the wrapped bundle on her chest.

“Wake me up if you need a break. I mean it.”

Once Ally is settled in bed and knows she won’t break down the second she hears Jackson’s voice she picks her phone up, deciding to face time. The lamp is still on and Gunner is relaxed into her side eyes slowly blinking up at her. He would want to eat again soon so falling asleep was pointless, plus she never could turn the lights out when he was wide awake, even in the middle of the night.

Propping the phone on the pillow next to her she waits, adjusting the screen so if he actually answers he’ll be able to see her. After the fifth or so ring she was about to hang up. It was two in the morning in New York after all, but crackling on the other end stops her thumb mid way.

“You did call.” Jack answers, barely audible.

“Of course I called.” Ally murmurs, being able to make out a vague outline of his face, but it was basically pitch black on his end.

“You keepin’ your mama up Gunner?” He croons softly as the baby starts fussing.

“You feel alright darlin’? Your takin’ it easy right?” 

“I feel tired.” She answers while she yawns, pulling her shirt down and pressing the small body closer to her own. 

Jack laughs as he listens to his baby get upset when Ally isn’t fast enough getting him fed. 

“It’s like he’s fuckin’ starved every damn time.” He observes.

Ally laughs, laying her head on her elbow and closing her eyes. She couldn’t see him anyway and she didn’t think she’d be able to keep her eyes open much longer no matter what. 

“You don’t look like your starving mister man.” She speaks softly, kissing the top of his dark head. 

“Jesus Christ your so beautiful.” Jack breathes out, sounding like he didn’t even mean to say it aloud.

Ally opens her eyes and they automatically mist over, suddenly remembering how vulnerable he always is with her.

“Honey, your incredible you know that right? Your the bravest person I know. My mother fucking hero.” She whispers, smiling while recalling what he had recently told her.

Jack hums in contentment, the sound suddenly making her chest constrict tightly with wanting him here in person. Wanting to feel his breath on her shoulder while he falls asleep, and desperately needing the feel of his hand on her hip where he plays with the hem of her shirts, skimming her skin. 

“Thank you baby.” He rasps out sleepily.

*****

Jack couldn’t believe how seamlessly Ally had adjusted to two kids, couldn’t believe how patient and how relaxed she was. He notices even now at nine o’clock in the fucking evening, long after the babies were normally in bed, that every living thing in this household was demanding her attention.

As he comes in through the garage and drops his keys he watches as she simultaneously nurses they’re baby while she loads the dishwasher. How does she even do that? The water is on full blast and Cash is racing hot wheels across the dining room table. There’s no way any of them even heard him come in.

Ally is asking Cash to put his toys away and Jack shakes his head at Charlie who is laying his shaggy body across his wife’s feet. Ally refers to him as the worlds neediest fucking dog and it was absolutely true, but he would always counter with the fact that she babies the hell outta him. Which she never would admit but it was the god honest truth.

Ally turns the sink off and lifts Gunner to her shoulder, the sight making Jacks heart beat faster. His baby boy was snuggled into his wife’s shoulder sucking on his fist obviously still hungry. Ally was doing the half bounce half sway that only she had perfected and it was magic in getting their babies to stop fussing.

“Cash you need to put your toys away right now or you don’t get them tomorrow. I have to finish feeding your brother. Hey, remember daddy is coming home when you wake up?” Ally prods him along gently but firmly.

“Daddy!” Cash calls out pointing in his direction with a big grin on his face.

“You heard your mama! Let’s pick your cars up and I’ll put you in bed. We can play all day tomorrow alright buckaroo?” Jack strides over to him and hugs his small frame from behind, scratching Cash’s neck with his scruff making him giggle.

When Jack looks up at his wife she has a sly smile playing at her lips but quickly throws him a glare as he makes his way around the table slowly. 

“You mother fucker.” Ally whispers when he’s close enough to touch.

“I fucking hate that you’ve made a habit of catching me off guard.”

“Do you really though?” Jack grins, trapping her against the counter by placing both hands on the surface at her sides.

Ally pulls him down to her forcefully and bites at his mouth making Jack open up to her immediately. When she stops and looks at him he smiles softly then dives back into her, gently sucking and easing his way in for more.

“You can do better than that cowboy.” She coaxes quietly, squeezing his neck with her free hand and then running it down his side.

Ally glides her fingers underneath his shirt and When she reaches his abs her nails trace the outline of his muscles and down to the the waistband of his jeans.

Gripping her waist he stifles a moan and pulls his face away. He keeps the physical contact by sliding his palms down to her backside and squeezing, wanting her close so she would feel how turned on he was by her.

He stares as she bites her own bottom lip and runs her thumb over his, then leans in and gently gives his chin a chaste peck.

“You seeking revenge by giving me a hard on?” He teases, letting himself grind against her lightly.

“I didn’t mean too.” She whispers. “I just wanted to make out for a minute.”

Jack rests his forehead into hers and kisses her nose, then the top of Gunners head who was now sleeping between the two of them.

“You know we can’t have sex yet.” Ally raises her eyebrow at him and he raises his eyebrow right back waiting for the rest of her words he knew were coming.

Sure enough they didn’t disappoint.

“Let me finish with this one, you finish with that one, and maybe, just maybe, we can figure out a way to help you with that. Is that alright?”


	27. Marry The Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last official chapter to the story but there WILL be an epilogue. Not sure when or what but it’ll come. Whoever is out there and has taken the time to read my first ever story, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Ally rests back against the headboard and catches herself dozing off a time or two, when she was suddenly startled by a loud snore that came from her husband. Watching him sleep filled her with an enormous amount of envy, an envy she couldn’t recall having felt before.

The noises he’s emitting in what appears to be the deepest sleep of his life has her irrationally outraged and before she is able to think it through clearly Ally had hit him as hard as she possibly could with a pillow. She couldn’t have stopped herself, and even after the fact held no remorse for her actions. The very opposite in fact, being rather impressed. They’re newborn not even disrupted in the slightest, and the amount of force used was not to be underestimated.

Jack slowly moves the fluffy pillow off of his face and blinks his eyes open, squinting in the dim light. 

“Jesus woman.” He grumbles, running a hand through his thick hair.

“There better be a fire to deserve that kinda wake up call.”

“Your snoring so fucking loud Jackson! I haven’t even hit a rem cycle yet.” She hisses over to him, fully aware of the terrifying pitch of her voice.

Jack sits up on his elbows and stares at her, then down to the baby peaceful as ever eating, as if his mother wasn’t crazy as hell.

“So you hit me?” He questions, more confused then ever.

“While your nursin’ because your mad at me for sleepin’?” 

Jack was apparently very set on getting his facts straight and it makes her even more furious he needs to ask.

“Yes, that’s exactly why. God, I kinda hate you right now.” She mumbles under her breath. 

“Holy shit, Ally.” Jack says in disbelief.

“What you want me to do? Sorry I don’t fuckin’ lactate.” He huffs back in a tired slurred voice, rolling away.

In the back of her mind she knew she wanted to laugh, because damnit that was really funny, but her sense of humor just wasn’t awake at this ungodly hour. This was just sleep deprivation at its finest. 

Opening the door slowly Jack peeks through the crack and was happy to see his wife laying on her back still sleeping soundly. He had to get in and out quickly, knowing Cash would be barging in any second, but when he looks at her he stops and stares. She had one arm hanging off of the side of the bed and the other drapped above her head. Her hair was a beautiful mess, and holy shit she had no top on whatsoever. He doesn’t blame her, this kid seems to always be eating. She must have given up in the night and ditched clothing altogether. Good God she was gorgeous. Round in all the right places, her nipples staring him right in the face, what he would give to just...

Shaking his head clear Jack allows himself a nice long look before he gently scoops up his newborn who’s snuggled comfortably into his mamas side. He has no idea when he needs to eat again, he only knows Ally needs to sleep for as long as possible. God help them all. 

As Jack leaves he slides his phone from his pocket and snaps a picture from a distance. It didn’t show anything classified as inappropriate, and the cluttered bedroom with the bare form of his small hurricane of a wife, half covered in the white sheets and sprawled on their giant bed was a moment he wanted burned into his memory forever. The fact that he knew she would kill him for it was a bonus. Payback for the pillow to the face he justifies.

Eight months later 

“Will you play one for me tonight?”

Jack looks up and gives Ally a half smile, suddenly realizing she had been watching him silently for the last ten minutes.

“You got a request? Gettin’ a little high maintenance don’t ya think?”

Jack lifts the guitar he was tuning up over his shoulder and shifts the cigarette he’d been smoking into her waiting hand.

“When you sing Alibi sing it to me.” Ally sighs and closes her eyes while she takes a deep pull, then blows smoke into his face.

When she holds out the cigarette in his direction he looks at the tip and groans quietly, noticing her lipstick stain. 

“Darlin’ you did that on purpose didn’t you?” Jack whispers before he bends down and carefully places it back in between her dark red lips.

“Finish it. You make it so damn sexy.”

Without hesitation she does exactly what he tells her, allowing herself to fully enjoy the moment of nicotine entering her system full force and loving every second of it. She refused to feel even the slightest bit of guilt, focusing solely on the delicious deep inhales. 

“Wanna do your song with me?” Jack questions, eventually bringing her out of a self absorbed smoky bubble.

“Nope. It’s not ready.” She answers adamantly. 

“Jack!”

They both turn their heads in the general direction across the room and see Lukas waving them over. Jack reaches out his hand and Ally links her fingers through his holding on loosely while they walk.

Instead of stopping for any type of pre show chatter, Jack side steps a few bodies pulling Ally behind, calling out a ‘let’s do it’ making everyone take their usual places.

The band goes on and the small crowd starts cheering as they set up their instruments and begin playing. Jack takes a sip of water and grabs his hat following suit and the noise level rises. He was so aloof about it all, always had been, and seeing Jack in his element was making her feel all sorts of nostalgic, tonight of all nights. 

“Hey!” Lukas’s wife grabs her elbow making Ally spin around and smile.

“Come with us to the bar. It’s a smaller place and we’re all here, how rare is that?” She pulls her along with pleading eyes. 

Ally hesitates for a moment, but looking around at the women who had become in all sense of the word her family had her happily agreeing and bolting out the side door with the rest of them.

As they wind and weave through groups of people hand in hand, Ally sees Phil lingering just out of sight and smiles over to him. They snag a few spots on the side of the bar and all watch the stage, the familiar sight of her husband sizing up the crowd looked so different from a distance and she loved it. 

Ally notices a male server zoning in on the group with a big smile and heading over. 

“Jesus he’s hot. He can’t even be twenty one.” Sophie utters not so discreetly making them all size him up and down at the same time.

They were many things, this misfit gang brought together by their insane love for their nomad men, but subtle wasn’t a quality any of them possessed.

“Ladies, what are we having tonight?” He shouts out over the loud lyrics of ‘black eyes’ and takes in the four of them individually, but continues to land firmly back on Ally. 

“Whatever you want I’m your man alright?”

He was clearly flirting but Ally was no stranger to gawking men.

She knew she was attractive, and the three women surrounding her were bomb shells. All well into their thirties, flirty, fun as fuck, knew exactly what they wanted, and loved landing themselves in this type of situation exactly.

Glancing back at Phil he gave her a curt nod, as if to tell her he wasn’t going anywhere, and then she stood up straight straining to see Jack on stage. He was chatting animatedly with his bass player as they lined up the next song. She felt safe. She felt carefree and God damnit she needed this.

Grinning Ally plopped herself back down, reached across the bar and asked the blonde haired, beefed up young man in front of her his name.

“Chase? Nice to meet you Chase.” Ally held out her hand and he grasped hers a little longer than what was necessary.

“I’m Ally. Those are our boys up there.” She points and he smiles while he looks over his shoulder and confirms what he already assumed.

“I’m gunna need four fireball whiskeys and don’t leave us with an empty glass for too long yeah?”

The women around her clapped and squealed while Sophie reached over and clasped her arms around Allys neck with a loud, “Fuck yes!”

“Let’s get drunk ladies.” Ally says, lifting her shot and they all clink them together carelessly.

The place was packed and they enjoyed every second of mingling with the people brave enough to approach, genuinely enjoying the normal conversations she’s found herself in. Including Chase the bartender, who is attentive as ever but not in a bad way, more in an adorable, over eager, anxious to please and try to impress a group of hot women way outta his league kind of way. He also told a couple lurkers to get lost, making Ally feel like he had an eye out. 

“Chase how old are you anyways handsome?” Sophie, who has no filter and loves to hear everyone’s life sorry asks him, holding up her empty beer bottle.

“Take a guess.” He challenges folding his arms across his broad chest. 

“I think you turned twenty one yesterday.” She responds making him shake his head.

“I’m cutting you off for that one!” He points over at her with a smile.

Ally pipes up and tells him he probably should cut her off, making her friend smack her on the arm and call her a traitor. When Ally stops laughing she notices Chase staring her down. She raises her eyebrows signaling he was totally caught and instead of looking away he winks at her. Fucking winks, like he doesn’t know exactly who she is and more importantly who she’s here with.

“You want another one Ally?” He nods in her direction and leans his forearms on the table.

“What do recommend mister twenty one year old bartender?” She mocks him, thinking she’s pretty damn funny.

Her words didn’t come out as clear as they did in her head and Chase looks around, both of them noticing nobody else is even remotely paying attention to the two of them. 

This is weird, Ally thinks in her foggy intoxicated brain. A man hasn’t come onto her in a non creepy or overly pushy way in like, forever. Not that she is remotely interested, the thought alone makes her sputter some of the drink she had in her mouth out while thinking of her husband and all the ways he has never left her wanting. This kid probably had no idea how to properly please a woman.

What was nice however, was the normalcy of it all. She wasn’t used to people, especially men, treating her like a regular human being. 

“You know I’m not twenty one, right?” He asks seriously.

“You know I don’t give a shit how old you are, right?” Ally replies by sliding her empty drink towards him, her wedding ring on clear display, reminding the blond boy exactly what he was to her.

He looks at her hand thoughtfully then stands up straight once again. 

“You want a drink? Get your ass back here and make yourself a drink then.” He stalks to the end of the row and opens the half door with a smirk. 

Damn he was good. He took her slap in the face and raised it. Well he just had no idea that she would never be the one to back down from banter. Without a second thought she is shrugging out of her jacket and telling the girls to save her spot.

She walks back like she own the place, asking her friends what they want. When they give her an order she grabs random bottles and pretends to know what the hell she is doing, making them all laugh hysterically. Eventually the real bartender intervenes and when he places his hand over hers on the beer spicket and brushes his body against hers slightly she decides to put him in his place.

“Listen little boy, you got no idea what your toying with here.” She tosses up at him and he smiles at the way she has her hands on her hips.

“I’m thirty four years old. I have a successful career. I’m deliriously happy in my marriage. My husband, who will probably be here any second by the way, satisfies me in a way you never could, even if you tried your hardest because to be frank I’m a lot to handle, and you know those boobs you can’t stop looking at? Yep those ones.” She pushes at him slightly when his eyes wander down.

“My boobs look amazing because they are full of breast milk. Nursing does that to a woman, it’s pretty fucking awesome actually. Your a cute guy Chase, but be careful playing with things that don’t belong to you.”

Ally couldn’t believe the speech she just delivered. She should have been an actress.

“Oh my...” Chase says stunned. “I officially just fell in love with you.”

Ally scoffs and downs another shot in the precise moment the man of the hour leaned across the bar and had her melting.

After the show Jack and the guys all make their way over to the bar and when they spot their significant others he stays back, watching his wife from a distance. She’s somehow managed to get herself behind the counter, one of the kids working it all too happy to show her the ropes it seems. He was a little too close, a little too fucking smiley if you asked him.

Jack couldn’t blame the guy, she was hotter than fuck, and by the looks of it drinking, which made her extra hot, extra funny and extra nice. She did appear however to be setting this joker straight just like he knew she would if the situation arose. 

“You causin’ trouble darlin’?” He drawls out when he approaches, grabbing onto her wrist and rubbing his thumb along the soft skin of her palm.

“Hey there cowboy.” Ally immediately grins and reaches over to take his hat from his head, placing it on her own.

“This is Chase. He’s teaching me how to mix drinks.” 

“Is he now?” Jack laughs, hearing the slight slur in her words then glances to who she introduced. 

Before he can even say hello to her new friend Ally leans forward and grabs him by the back of his neck, pulling his hair forcefully. Jack meets her in the middle and she has her way with his mouth. Her lips were so damn soft and mother of god she tasted like his favorite whiskey. He missed that smell, that flavor. He had no desire to sip from a glass, but desperately wanted to suck it out of her.

Letting him go with a final tug of his hair she pats his cheek a little roughy making him wince, then turns and shouts over to the rest of the group.

“Here ya go boys!” Ally calls as she grabs a full bottle of gin.

She uncaps it and tosses the lid behind her and begins to fill multiple shot glasses while dribbling the alcohol everywhere. Once she slams it back down she looks around, grabs a lime and a small, but extremely sharp knife. 

“No way, you ain’t slicin’ limes baby.” Jack reaches out and takes the knife, offering it to the young kid who is cleaning up the mess his wife has made.

“Why the fuck not? I’m making gin and tonics. Your not the fuckin’ bartender.” She shouts at him with a bewildered look on her face.

Oh Ally. Drunk, angry, sexy, loud Ally, he thinks to himself.

“Because your fuckin’ drunk.” Jack tells her amused, not even trying to beat around the bush.

Ally rolls her eyes, hands out the drinks to the guys who are completely entertained by the state of all their wives, and then sits up on the bar and swings her legs around to get back over to her tall chair.

“Hi.” Jack smiles, sliding his hand up her inner thigh as soon as she’s settled and sipping at a tall light pink drink.

“I’m not that drunk.” She defends herself, nibbling the tip of the straw, damn he wanted to be that straw. 

He gazes into her brilliant green eyes and admires her toned bare arms, her shirt showing off her cleavage and the small of her back. He tells her how sexy she looks in his hat and then puts his face in his hand when Ally loudly comes back with a smart ass remark about riding him like a cowgirl later.

“Baby, oh my...Shhhhh....” Jack chuckles deeply looking around and noticing a few eyes on them while his wife’s hands roam his lap.

She wasn’t a sloppy drinker, she could hold her liquor better than most men, and the sexuality she sent out in waves always had Jack highly aware of her every move. Tonight was no different and seeing her laugh and shout and dance and drink and grab at him all night long made him damn giddy.

They were the last to leave, closing the place down and he can’t even recall the last time they’d all been like this. Jack notices Ally is barefoot and finds her black heels under a table. The girls were oblivious, standing in a huddle, all of them talking over eachother. The noise level almost too much for Jack, which was saying a fucking lot. 

“Shit you guys!” Dave exclaims while they are picking up, “how are we the responsible ones in this situation? Soph lost her damn purse. Every last one of them are drunk off their asses.”

Jack agrees and claps him on the back, then lifts Ally by the waist and throws her over his shoulder making her let out a shrill shriek. Before he makes his way to the back exit to meet Phil he finds the young kid who had managed to keep the girls somewhat wrangled all night.

“Hey buddy, thanks for keepin’ an eye out tonight. Sorry we all kept ya late.” Jack places a wad of cash in his hand and turns to go. 

The kid looks down, slightly shocked by the amount of hundreds in his hand and calls after them. 

“Thank you, Mr. Maine. You were great tonight. Really enjoyed it.” 

“Oh don’t call me that.” Jack spins back around and decides to call him on his bullshit, but he can’t even say it with a straight face.

“I know you had your eyes glued on my wife all fuckin’ night. Listen. Your good at your job, but take it easy huh?” 

Ally starts giggling uncontrollably and smacks Jack’s butt. 

“Bye mister twenty one year old bar tender!” Ally yells out waving as best she can upside down.

“Goodbye Ally Maine!” He laughs. “Come back and see me ya hear?”

Jack rolls his eyes and holds onto his wife’s legs tighter. No shame. Poor kid. 

Jack hums into Ally’s open mouth as he pushes her against the hotel room door. They aren’t used to the whole delayed gratification as of late, because when they had a window to have sex, they did just that before the interruptions could even begin and being outrageously turned on for a solid two hours had them both gunning for the lead. 

Jack begins sucking Ally’s earlobe, pushing his erection into her without even realizing it and he reaches his fingers down to unzip her tight black jeans. 

When she rakes her nails down his shoulder blades he freezes, hissing in his next breath and half heartedly tugs at her bottoms. Ally takes over undressing herself, shimmying them down her flawless legs and then swiftly pulls the shirt up over her head. 

He was so busy admiring her that he only got as far as ridding himself of his boots and Ally’s impatience got the best of her. Walking towards the bedroom she unbuckles his belt clumsily and when he reaches down to help, her small hands shove his away.

Jack unbuttons his shirt instead and tosses it behind them, and Ally yanks his own pants down. When he kicks them to the side she reaches into his boxer briefs and smiles up at him, knowing exactly what she was doing.

“Fine sweetheart, I give up. Your in control. Happy now?” He moves some hair from her eyes while she nods at him. 

The second he’s free Ally is on her knees taking him in her mouth unexpectedly. This wasn’t something she did often, and that was fine by him, but he won’t deny fucking loving it when it happened. 

Every thought escapes his very sober brain, and he can’t do anything except put his hands in her hair and push her head down to take him in farther. He knew it was a dick move, not at all the way you treat your wife, so he tells himself to stop, and moves his shaky hands to hold the sides of her face. 

“I’m gonna cum if you don’t stop.” He chokes out in warning. 

Instead of stopping Ally doubles the effort by grabbing onto where her mouth can’t reach with her fist. Looking down he watches transfixed, letting himself do nothing but feel.

His knees weaken and his teeth clamp together while his chest rumbles with a loud sound through closed lips. Well shit. That was quick. Ally grabs onto Jacks sides and before she stands up, bites his hip bone seemingly unphased by by the exchange.

Ally moves on, unaware of the spell she’s put him under and he watches her hands go back to unclasp her bra. Getting into bed she lays on a pillow and looks ready to fall asleep. Her eyes slowly blinking, naked besides her black lace thong. 

Jack follows her like a fucking lost puppy and wraps his arm around her waist, lifting her lower body to his own. 

“You tired? You look fuckin’ beat.”

“You think your off the hook big guy? Oh my God, you can’t go again can you?” She cries out in a obnoxious laugh that has him giving her a dirty look.

“Ally.” He cocks his head to the side like she’s being utterly ridiculous. “I’m rock hard over here even after you sucked me off.”

Ally grabs the top of his head and arches her back, making herself perfectly clear prompting Jack to grab both of her knees and spread her legs apart.

“Jackson fucking Maine that feels so good. I need it hard like this. Don’t be soft with me.” She begs while he kisses her neck, greedily sucking at her nipples.

Her breasts were completely full, having left the kids home and she needed to pump. He could taste breast milk on his tongue and he found it erotic as hell. But he knew by the time they got around to waking up she was going to have a raging hangover and tits so hard it will hurt. She will hate herself come morning. He felt bad. Maybe he should remind her?

The distraction of her painted nails reaching beneath her own underwear however has him almost hyperventilating. 

“Oh baby, fuck yes.” He breathes heavily, mesmerized and sitting up to get a better view. 

Ally continues to move her fingers slowly, lazily, staring innocently up at him like it’s not the absolute sexiest thing she’s ever done and when he crawls back on top of her Jack rests his weight on his arms, dumbfounded by the sight before him. He actually shakes his head in astonishment and Ally asks hims what’s wrong.

“Nothin’ is wrong. I’m just starin’ down at you and fuck me, you look like-shit no I can’t say it. Your beautiful, that’s all.” He leans down to kiss her but she turns her head to the side. 

“What can’t you say?” She crinkles her forehead up and he can tell she’s overthinking it all. 

“Hey stop thinkin’ just feel, huh?” He moves down but she pushes roughly at his chest obviously upset. 

“Jackson my body looks different, trust me I see it.” She all but shouts at him.

He knows she isn’t meaning to yell, but her volume control goes out the window when she’s wasted. 

“God I get it, my boobs are giant, my stomach has marks on it, my thighs are just bigger now. I don’t think they’ll go back, I’m sorry if that-“ 

He covers her ranting mouth with his hand and talks over her. Half amused and half pissed that she can go from confident sex goddess to a state of insecurity so quickly. On top of that he has no clue what she’s talking about. 

“Hey hey hey, you got it all wrong woman. Don’t you dare imply that I don’t find you anything but stunning. You take my breath away Ally.”

His voice is louder so she’ll pay attention and his eyes truthful. Taking his palm away she gazes at him, surprised by the passionate response.

“These thighs?” He questions, kneeling between her legs while he squeezes right below her ass.

“Every time I look at your legs all I can think about is the way they wrap around my waist when I’m inside you, or how they squeeze my head when I’m makin’ you cum with my mouth.”

Jack leans downs and trails open mouthed kisses over her flat stomach until he’s made his way across the entire surface and bites at the top of her underwear, then takes them off completely. 

“This beautiful stomach that I couldn’t keep my eyes off since day one when you wore that barely there shirt? I was distracted by this stomach the moment you punched that shit head in the face. That’s why I was too slow to grab you. I couldn’t stop checkin’ you out. Dreamin’ about touching you here.” He laughed thinking back on the memory then continued in a serious, deeper tone. 

“God, I haven’t been able to look away from it. To watch it grow while you carried our boys?”

This isn’t normal for Jack. He sings how he feels, but looking into her face he can tell she is completely sobered up, listening intently to every word he’s speaking.

“Feeling your belly as they moved around inside you? Ally this part of your body holds my best memories. You fuckin’ KNOW that.”

He leans down and kisses her nose while her hands slide over his shoulders. Slowly, he brings both hands up and grasps onto her breasts firmly.

“These boobs? Not only are they my favorite things to look at, but Jesus darlin’ you’ve kept two of my babies fed, and healthy, and alive, with these giant boobs. That in itself is just...overwhelming.”

She closes her eyes and runs her hands over his scruffy jaw, letting a few tears fall down her cheeks as she pulls him down by the chin for a kiss. 

“Holy shit Ally, your body leaves me speechless.” He whispers into her face.

“Wanna know the truth?” He raises his eyebrows in question. 

“Yeah I wanna know the truth. What couldn’t you say?” She whispers back. 

“The truth is I was lookin’ down at your gorgeous naked body and you look so fuckin’ hot I had this fleeting thought that my wife could be in playboy magazine for Christ sake.”

He lets out a low chuckle when he notices her body shaking with silent laughter. 

“Jack.” Ally blinks away her tears, wraps her arms around his neck and brings her legs to hitch over his hips. 

“I think you might be a song writer.” She laughs quietly in his ear, making his head fall onto her shoulder from the feeling of her warm breath tickling his skin and is glad when she doesn’t stop talking.

“How’s it been four years huh?” Ally grins then nibbles at his neck as he sits up with her straddling his lap.

Jack pulls her back by the hair and looks into her face, examining every single feature on her unique face.

“What?” She asks under his intense blue eyes.

“I just wanted to take another look at you.” He says in a trance. “Happy fuckin’ anniversary sweetheart.”

He had to throw the fuck in there because saying it normal made them both want to barf. They had no problem expressing their feelings but some traditions Jack just couldn’t handle. 

Running his lips over her skin and sucking at the weak spot near her collarbone softens her entire body. Allys limbs lose their firm hold on his shoulders and torso and he senses her head falling back. Shifting slightly he flips her onto her stomach, lifts her up onto her knees and pushes himself into her from behind. 

The fact that he had never felt remotely bored by her, had never felt tied down, made him draw the same conclusion every time he thought about it. Plain and simple, she was his home.

Ally crying out sharply with each and every thrust has Jack doubting his ability to know when she was climaxing. That is until he notices her squeeze the bedpost, and then scream out his name harshly, almost as if she was angry, her orgasim finally running it’s due course after being pent up. Jack himself hadn’t felt a release rip through him like this in so damn long, and he has no faith whatsoever that these four walls were at all soundproof. 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ Ally...” He groans out, trying like hell to contain the noise but gives up entirely, moaning from the relief of finishing and also the surprise of Ally continuing.

The noises they made were flat out excessive. Fuck could they make any more of a fan fare of themselves tonight? 

His heart was pounding and his body slowly collapsed on top of her, and when she squirms out from under him he rolls to his back.

“Did I knock you unconscious?” He murmurs lightly, not wanting to wake her if she was already asleep. 

“Hmmm?” She grunts in response.

Jack turns his head to see her still flat on her stomach, laying on her hands with her eyes closed. He clears his throat and smiles into the dark, knowing she was so far gone but loving the conclusion he’d finally reached, finally able to pin point why sex with her was so mind blowing. 

“Darlin’ I love that I getta rail you like there’s no tomorrow and still wanna hold you in my arms while you sleep. I love that when we’re rough you can still feel deep in your soul just how much I fuckin’ worship you.” 

Ally rolls to her side after his words fade away and grazes her fingertips down the light hair below his navel, her lips traveling against his pec feather light and he knows she just gets it. Gets him. Gets exactly what he’s telling her.

“Jackson.” Ally rasps out, her leg tangling with his own. “Your fucking everything to me, honey. Every. Single. Thing.”


	28. Epilogue

Ally’s head was lying in the center of Jacks lap, her body slightly angled to the right so she could smell him while she closed her eyes and let the sun bake her skin. Listening to the faint sounds of the kids repeated splashing into the pool while they lounged on the deck above was music to her ears, and she knew music. They’d just gotten back from Hawaii with the entire family. Had taken Ramon and his longtime boyfriend, who had two kids that always fit in amazingly well with their own, Bobby and Faye, and convinced Lorenzo he was coming wether he liked it or not. The pair wasn’t ready for it to end before their schedules pulled them in different directions in the next few months. 

“Ten years baby. Ten years and I still see this on your finger every damn day.” Jack twirls the guitar string ring on his wife’s right hand and she blinks up at him. 

“Favorite thing you’ve ever given me.” Ally reminds her husband, reaching up and lightly scratching her nails across his barely there scruff that was definitely more gray than brown these days.

Jack pulls her hand to his mouth and kisses her palm, lingering, making the simplest of gestures sensual. Ally squeezes her legs together without realization and he gives her a knowing look. Forty six years old and the man was sexy as hell. People magazine agreed just last fall. 

“I never wanted kids until it happened, but can you imagine how boring our life would be without those little shits?” Jack muses quietly while he watches them all scream and splash from afar, wether it’s from playing or arguing she can’t tell. 

“Jack!” Ally laughs in disapproval, pinching his side. “They are smart, kind, funny, amazing kids, shits none the less but we can’t actually call them that.”

“Sure we can. Just not to their face.” He grins.

“Remember the gum fiasco?” Jack asks laughing, a true belly laugh that has Ally smiling and sitting up while reaching for her wine glass on the arm of the lounger. 

“You told me I’d laugh about it one day and I guess you were right.” She stares at his strong profile in the blasting orange evening sun, his hair softly blowing and she can’t help but reach her hand over and grip the back of his neck, twirling her fingers through his curls. 

“Fuckin’ gum. That was hell gettin’ outta the truck.” Jack states, letting his mind drift years earlier.

__________

“Mama?” Gunner had yelled from the backseat. 

“What Bubba?” Ally asked as she cranked her neck to see him, bolting upright and grabbing Jacks bicep, her nails digging into his skin. 

“Ouch, Ally! what?”

“Look. At. Your. Son.”

Jack could see steam coming out of her ears and when he glanced back he had to do a double take before he realized what was all over the place.

“Who gave you gum?” Ally asks as she is leaning into the backseat. 

“It’s everywhere! Gunner it’s in your hair, gum doesn’t come out of hair buddy. It’s all over his car seat, Jackson. Oh my god, it’s melted on the door! Who gave you gum?” She asks him again, trying not to get upset.

“It was papa!” Cash had admitted, pulling his own gum out of his mouth as Ally grabbed it and threw it out the window while driving down the freeway. 

“Grandpa gave you gum? What did Bobby do Jack? Slip them bubble gum as we were leaving? If someone offers you gum just say no!” She had reprimanded, attempting to clean off toddler hands and faces. 

“Just say no?” Jack had asked appalled. 

“Did you really use the just say no technique? That doesn’t work on the Maine boys. We’re usually the ones offering the gum if you know what I’m talkin’ about.” 

“Yes, I know exactly what your talking about.” Ally’s eyes had rolled to the back of her head he swore to God. 

Jack looked in his review mirror and laughed at the sight. Cash, the innocent bigger brother worried that his mom was upset, and then there’s Gunner, clapping his sticky hands together and still wiping it all over the window, showing no signs of regret.

“Gunner stop it! You’ve been caught.” He told the then three year old. 

“Fuck!” Ally cursed as she turned herself back into the front and tried to straighten her seatbelt.

“Fuck!” A tiny voice repeated behind them.

Jack had stared at his wife with giant eyes and brows raised to the ceiling, Ally pulling her hair by the roots and cringing. 

“Well, we got the first fuck outta the way now didn’t we darlin’?”

—————

Ally blames Bobby til this day and whenever it comes up she feigns innocence. 

They talk about Cash’s first day of kindergarten, how Ally cried in the parking lot for a solid hour. The baby tooth Gunner knocked out that wasn’t even remotely wiggly when Jack taught him to ride a bike, Ally getting caught red handed playing tooth fairy the very same night. The time they couldn’t find the boys after they threatened to runaway, becoming worried after an extensive search. Eventually they had noticed Charlie sitting under the treehouse in the backyard, leading Jack to climb up and find his son’s huddled together in a corner with a fucking IPad.

The things that blew them away, Jack’s latest album going platinum and Ally having almost forty million followers on social media, along with so much more. 

Jack softly brushes the hair from Ally’s eyes and mentions the year of the broken condom, which is exactly what it sounds like. 

Ally had been on an anti biotic for strep throat and had been told it could interfere with birth control. When that latex broke in their fancy Paris hotel room on Ally’s European tour she lost her shit.

Jack had talked her down, the chances were minuscule he had assured her, but six weeks later a tantrum involving a broken lamp and rage he didn’t think his wife held inside of her had him frozen on the spot.

—————

“This is all your fault Jackson. God damnit I don’t want another baby!” She had yelled, pounding her fists on the bathroom countertop then throwing the pregnancy test in the trash, hitting the wall instead.

“All my fault? Like I broke that condom on purpose?” Jack had replied surprised, sitting on the bed while he watched her fly from room to room throwing out insults and damaging hotel property.

“Who the fuck knows what you do with that thing.” She had gestured to his crotch.

“All I know is I’m screwed. This is a big deal Jack and I didn’t sign up for it. I said two! I can’t do it all again. I just can’t!” 

“Jesus Christ.” He stated frustrated, standing up and grabbing a shirt. “Calm the fuck down. I’ll take the third don’t even worry about it. You won’t have to lift a pretty little finger how does that sound? Better yet I’ll take em’ all, just get out of your way drama queen.” 

“Oh you motherfucker. Don’t you dare threaten me. You couldn’t handle any of this alone. You just have no idea what this entails professionally for me jackass.” 

“No idea? Like I’m not here for you and the kids every fuckin’ day? All I know is I’ve never seen you act like such a bitch Ally, and it’s over our baby. God forbid something doesn’t go your way. Fuck!”

—————

He had left with his shirt half on, shoes in hand, not coming back until her show was long over and she was sound asleep. The next morning was awkward as hell when she walked out to him sleeping on the couch. Both ashamed of the words they had said and hurt brewing between them. Not a moment either of them we’re proud to own.

—————

“Come on Al, open your eyes. Look at her.”

Ally began to bawl after hearing a weak cry fill the room and finally allowed herself to meet her husbands gaze. The reality of what he kept saying sinking in. 

“It’s a girl? We made a girl? Are you sure?” 

“I triple checked. She’s beautiful, Jesus she looks like you sweetheart.” 

She was the most petite thing they’d ever seen, with large dark eyes that left the both of them nothing short of star struck.

“Hi Stevie.” Ally had whispered once they were all alone, making Jacks heart physically clench in his chest.

—————

Six months later Jack happily agreed to a vasectomy, and while sitting on the couch that week, with an ice pack in his lap he wondered how the fuck his wife gave birth naturally three separate times.

—————

“The guilt of not loving her right away still consumes me.” Ally whispers, biting at a nail.

“You loved her. Plus you’ve made up for it. God, she’s four years old and I swear you haven’t put her down. I’m surprised she knows how to walk.” Jack rolls his eyes but they both know he is the one who gives into his daughters every whim. 

“You can’t outdo me and my mistakes anyhow darlin’, I always win.” Jack jokes, making light of their struggles.

—————

Ally jumps from the sound of her seven year olds screams and spins to see the mop of Cash’s sandy colored hair crash into her chest. He’s talking rapidly and not making sense, so Ally grabs him by the arms making him look into her face.

“Cash, slow down. What’s wrong?” She places her hands on his cheeks and she can tell he’s barely thinking straight. 

He had trails of tears across his face, his eyes wide with surprise causing Ally’s stomach to drop to the floor. 

“Mama, hurry you’ve gotta help him.” He sputters, pulling at her hand.

Ally begins to follow while asking again what had happened, who needs help. 

“Daddy’s hurt he won’t wake up. He always takes me to school and he can’t get up.”

Before he can finish his sentence Ally is sprinting across the house and rushing into their bedroom. She immediately saw her husband laying in the door way leading to their bathroom and the sight made her fall to her knees and crawl over to him.

“Jackson!” She yells loudly while she touches his face and looks over his body with shaking hands. 

His eyes flutter slightly and she knows he’s overdosed. Jack had knee surgery six months prior, his system once again acclimated to Percocet and Vicodin and Ally had been finding them, and who knows what else in their bathroom, their nightstands, the closet. It’s like he hadn’t even tried to hide them from her. He didn’t want to hide it from her. 

“Honey. What did you take? Can you tell me?” She begins to pull his body up but his dead weight is so heavy she ends up rolling him to the side in case he got sick.

“Jack, come on don’t do this to me.” She begins to panic, her voice wavering, “You gotta help me. Please just wake up.”

Jack groans lightly making Ally acutely aware of the audience standing behind her. Looking to her left she sees five year old Gunner taking in the situation with two year old Stevie holding onto his hand.

“Gunner, listen to me okay?” Ally speaks quietly, hoping like hell she can get these kids to manage without chaos.

“Daddy’s sick and I need you to take your sister out back to play on the swings okay? Stay outside.”

Gunner nods hesitantly but leads his sister away who is just eager to play. Cash is standing on the tile floor looking down at his daddy with tears streaming down his face. Not only is he naturally more aware and mature, but Jack is Cash’s world, and when he finally looks at Ally she cant keep her own tears at bay any longer. The little boy standing in front of her is her husbands twin. Curls hanging in his bright blue eyes, his tanned summer skin glowing and when he tearfully drawls out his next words she breaks down farther.

“Mama is he gunna to be okay?” 

“He’s okay, I’m okay...we’re all okay.” She frantically tries to make it what she claims it to be.

“Cashy. Baby. Go get my phone and call grandpa Bobby.”

Ally didn’t follow the doctor when they took Jack, instead sitting herself on a empty chair in the hallway. A nurse knelt next to her and asked if she would like to go to a private room and she was grateful for the help when she wasn’t able to think clearly.

After the doctor assured her that Jack was in stable condition she asked what they found in his system. The list was longer than she expected. She didn’t stay at the hospital and she didn’t wait for him to wake up.

Five days later she finds herself driving an hour away to a rehab center Jack had insisted on checking himself into. She hadn’t even called him or tried to see him until now. Bobby had done it all. She had no idea how he was physically or more importantly mentally. She was the worst type of person. 

Jack is sitting on a large sofa with his arms folded, leg bouncing nervously. He knew she was coming, his brother had warned him. He had been given plenty of opportunities to call, but he never did. Their marriage was hard as of late. Not bad, just fucking hard. When the door opens slowly and she steps inside the small visitors space his eyes drop to his lap. He sees her bag drop to the floor and hears the scrapping of a chair being dragged. Their knees touch and she reaches over, her small soft hands gripping his own. 

“I’m sorry.” He immediately tells her.

“I know, Jack.” She responds, her eyebrows knitting together. “I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner, I just wasn’t ready.” 

“It’s okay. You needed a minute. Are the kids okay?” 

Ally shakes her head and swallows, her eyes already telling him what he needed to know.

“I told them you were sick. That they could come with me to see you soon. Cash found you honey, he was so scared.”

He feels her fists clench inside of his own, her next words painful to a point of no return. 

“He barely speaks on the drive to school. He’s withdrawn at home, but in true Cash fashion he’s taking care of his brother and sister. Just like you would.” She cries out brokenly, and that’s when Jack loses it, laying his head on her thighs and crying like a little boy while her hands desperately grasp his hair.

—————

With Jack away it had been the longest, most tear filled, sleepless eight weeks of their little families entire lives.

—————

“Ally you seem angry.” Carl, Jack’s long time therapist picks up on the obvious energy between the couple.

“Yeah I’m angry. Sorry.” 

“You don’t have apologize. The last few months have been intense. I think both of you here together is a good thing.” He encouraged her while Jack slips his hand into her own.

Ally let’s him hold her at first but pulls away when she begins to cry.

“I’m so angry.” Ally says, her voice void of emotion.

“I’ve never been anything but understanding and supportive. I’ve given Jack unconditional love. I’ve been so damn accommodating to him. To the kids. To everyone. Fame alone is just a mind fuck. My life is hard too ya know? The last year I’ve been drowning. This isn’t just about the relapse or rehab. It’s more. I feel lonely, I feel like Jack has disappeared on me.” She looks up and both men are watching her intently.

“I just wanted to be picked up this time. I wanted to be able to break down, but I couldn’t because...” 

“Just say it.” Jack whispers. “Please.” 

“I’m the one who cleans everything up. God, for once I wanted to be the one who made the mess, who didn’t have to fight anymore because I’m so fucking sick and tired of fighting for the both of us and I can’t fight it for you anymore Jackson.” She breaths out shakily, closing her eyes, refusing to see the hurt on his face.

“Ally,” Carl tells her, “we’ve talked about this before, you’re both well aware. This is an extremely codependent relationship, on both ends. Jack?” He gestures when her husband leans forward.

“Ally’s right. I have checked out. She shouldn’t have to worry about me, and honestly I don’t feel like she needs too.” He begins and Ally quickly cuts him off.

“Don’t need too? You just landed yourself back in rehab and left me to fend for myself and three heartbroken kids who are still reeling.”

Jack can’t be upset over the outburst because the guilt is eating him alive. The anger, however is new to the both of them. It’s usually Ally crying, begging, promising him they would get through it all. Her trying to take his problems away, and she just said it herself, she was done. 

“I know darlin’, and for the hundredth time I’m so fucking sorry.” He sits back defeated.

“Jack finish.” Carl instructs.

“I’m just sayin’ that I don’t even have an inkling for a drink. The pills, they got into my system, and I’ll never forgive myself for it but it’s not who I am. I take care of her. I’m a good dad, I’m a good husband.” Jacks voice cracks and he sniffs the emotion away so he can say what he needs.

“Whenever I let myself get to a place where I know what I have...is what I deserve, I just mentally can’t take it. I mean why would she stay? Why would these kids...” He stops and clears his throat, not wanting to break down. 

“Fuck, my kids aren’t gunna trust me when they find out about the shit I’ve done. How I’ve treated their mother.”

Ally reaches over to put her hand on Jacks knee, while the therapist explains Jackson’s self sabotaging tendencies, the two of them still looking at the floor. 

“They are going to see how you treated me that’s for damn sure.” Ally begins.

“Hear all the songs you sing me, witness the near make out sessions we have at the coffee maker while they eat breakfast every morning. See the piles of laundry you fold and try like hell to get put away before I come home because you know it’s my least favorite thing to do? They’re going to remember how thoughtful and loving you are. I’m pissed, and I need to sit in it for a while. I’ll figure it out. We always figure it out.” 

Carl clears his throat and sets his glasses on the table between them, waiting for the both of them to look up.

“These cycles are vicious. Let’s fix it.”

—————

Ally thinks back to the day after Jack got home from rehab. A day they both have talked about for different reasons.

—————

Ally watches from the entryway as Jack Sits Indian style on the floor, shirtless, his black guitar on his lap. He was looking up at his son who mirrored his image, gripping his favorite dark green electric guitar. Cash had always watched Jack like a hawk during performances and had eyes so big for every move his daddy made. 

“Good job, bud.” Jack drawled with a small nod. “Wait, why you holdin’ it like that?”

“Like what?” Cash asked confused.

“I forgot your left handed.” He smacked his palm to his forehead making his son chuckle.

Ally watched as Cash played a perfect set of chords, his small fingers stretching to reach the right spots. Jack turned his head, feeling her presence and smiled bigger than she’d seen in ages.

“I remember what he inherited from you. How the fu-crap am I gunna teach a lefty?”

He looked anything but mad about it, even as he said the words he was already lining Cashs fingers up again.

“Your one of the greatest guitarists alive I think you’ll figure it out.” Ally teases as she walked by.

“Way to go baby.” She brushed her hand over Cash’s cheek then asked what they wanted for breakfast as Gunner wandered into the kitchen rubbing his eyes, Stevie trailing behind with her thumb in her mouth.

Later that night, the house was dark and Jack hears a melancholy tune from the piano while Gunner pretends to read Jack his favorite book about a damn pigeon. He tried listening he really did, but the aching sound of his wife’s voice had him sitting up on high alert.

‘Your giving me a million reasons to let you go, your giving me a million reasons to quit the show  
If I had a highway I would run for the hills...’

He was catching bits and pieces that made him stare at his little boy intently while he focused on the lyrics.

“You like mamas new song?” Gunner whispered.

Jack nodded his head as Gunner laid on his lap and fell asleep.

‘When I bow down to pray I try to make the worst seem better  
lord show me the way to cut through all his worn out leather  
I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away, but baby I just need one good one to stay’ 

Jack wipes his cheek and runs his large hand down his sons small back as Ally’s rich voice echos throughout the house.

‘Baby I’m bleeding bleeding  
Can’t you give me what I’m needing needing  
Every heartbreak makes it hard to keep the faith, but baby I just need one good one to stay’

After Jack had carried the kids to bed he climbed in their own, next to Ally who was surprisingly already there.

“Well I found the fuckin’ silver lining sweetheart.”

He kissed her shoulder, sliding back toward his side when she rolled into him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Shocked by the physical contact she was putting forth he pulled her chin up with his pointer finger and smiled sadly. 

“Us trying to get back to each other again, ripping us both to shreds doin’ it and you write a number one song.” He had whispered as she intentionally gravitated towards his lips, finding right where they needed to be. 

—————

“We’re doin’ good Al.” Jack says quietly as he rubs Charlie’s face between his hands and kisses the dogs head.

“I think so too, honey.” She agrees, knowing full well just how good they were.

“Thanks for stickin’ with me.” 

“Like I ever had a choice? Like I ever could have done anything besides live my life loving you?” She questions him.

“Of course you had a choice, coulda left me when I made your life hell early on. I never made it easy. Probably never will.” He tells her, almost apologetically.

“What you’d describe me as easy? I’m such a pain in the ass.” She raises an eyebrow, trying to prove a point.

“I love it.” He answers honestly. 

“Exactly, Jackson. I’m telling you,” she pulls his sleeve, making him look her in the eye and when he’s closer bends in and kisses his lips softly.

“I never had a fucking choice.” 

She licks his bottom lip and then gently pulls it open with her teeth while Jacks mouth meets her moves with his own. She feels his large hand slide up her knee and land on her thigh at the exact moment she pulls the back of his neck, wanting him closer and deepening the kiss. His fingers were toying with the bottom of her shorts, and then slowly withdraw when a visitor makes themselves known. 

“Go play.” Jack nods towards Gunner in an attempt to have a few more minutes alone. 

They’ve noticed he’s the child who is constantly interrupting them. Especially anytime Jack gets his hands on his wife, and the kid has probably seen a little much for comfort with his barging in like a bat out of hell tendencies. All they could do was appreciate his head strong personality and remind the kid to knock, god help them all. Meanwhile Jack was constantly aware of how much like Ally he was attitude aside, with his dark hair, green eyes and splash of freckles across his nose.

“You heard me. Scram. I’m busy kissin’ your mama.” He teases him, making a grab for the little boy, loving that it gets a rise from him.

“Let me go!” He giggled when Jack caught him around the waist and started wrestling him into submission.

When he relents and looks into his face he notices the spaghetti sauce from dinner leftover on his chin. Ally pulls a whining Stevie onto her lap while Cash bounds up the wooden steps loudly.

“Have I told you about the time your mama punched a guy?” Jack asks once everyone is within ear shot, the reminiscing making him want to share.

“Jack stop!” Ally begs but laughs just as the boys let out noises of surprise while Stevie crawls closer into her lap, laying her head on her shoulder. 

“It’s true!” Jack goes on nodding his head.

“Why’d you do it?” Gunner asks, looking up at her like she hung the moon.

Ally puts her hand over her eyes and groans, hiding herself in their daughters soft blonde hair. 

Ally thinks about going on a spill about how violence is never the answer and so on, but decides that the cat is already out of the bag. Plus her and Jack would be the biggest hypocrites to even suggest such a thing so screw that. 

“You know how sometimes people ask to take pictures of me and daddy?” She asks the kids, all of them nodding.

They had a vague outline of stardom, only really understanding that people knew who were they were because of music.

“Well,” Ally continued, “one night there was a man who just wouldn’t leave daddy alone. I lost my temper because your daddy is always so nice and people aren’t always nice back. I popped him.” Ally tells them like it’s the most natural thing in the world. 

“Your mama punched him in the nose, made it bleed. I dragged her away, the both of us laughing and we went to the grocery store. Bought some frozen peas to put on her hurt hand.” Jack stops and looks at her with shining eyes, the rest of them following suit and she can’t help but giggle, the memory being so ridiculous.

“Then she sang me shallow.” He says softly.

“My favorite.” Stevie smiles up at her mama.

“Tell me something girl...” Ally playfully sings down to the toddler while she sticks a thumb in her mouth, Ally slowly removing it and holding her hand.

“Oh my God!” Cash exclaims belatedly, breaking the spell completely.

“My mama is a bad ass!”

“Language!” Ally scolds while Jackson chuckles towards his oldest son and gives him a look saying exactly what Ally had voiced. 

Ally stands up and brings Cash into her side swooping the hair from his eyes and kissing his forehead. The way his head lined up right under Ally’s chin was astonishing. He was nine years old and growing non stop. Jack could foresee the day coming Cash would surpass her in height and the thought made him wish to turn back time like nothing else had before. 

“Go get ready for bed. All of you!” Ally talks over all three of them while they decide to argue.

“You have school tomorrow and me and daddy have work. Go!” She points to the doors and sets Stevie on her small feet giving them all a kiss to the cheek. 

Jack ruffles Gunners hair and stands up prodding him along, then grabs Cash by the shoulders and bends to give him a quick kiss to the head, with Stevie waiting behind her biggest brother like some sort of assembly line.

They all made it inside grumbling and groaning like they were being scented to death and when the door closes behind them Ally exhales and leans into him heavily, the both of them laughing for a few minutes when Jack mumbles under his breath.

“Wait til they find out the guy was a cop and their daddy had to pay him to keep quiet.”

Ally was taken back and stared into his face for a few moments trying to find truth in his words.

“Wait, are you serious? Did you have to pay that bastard?” 

“Shit, calm down.” He laughed.

“Did you?” She laughed along shocked.

“Maybe I did, maybe I said fuck off.” Jack shrugged.

“Alright cowboy, we will address this another time because I’m confused as hell, but I actually have something I’m stuck on and I want your opinin.”

Ally begins to walk away and their hands slide down eachothers arms until just their fingertips are touching.

“Meet me at the piano in thirty minutes.” Ally calls over from the doorway, clad in cut off shorts and a white tank, hair over one shoulder and her face looking as young as ever with no make up.

“If you help me get rid of this writers block you can do anything you want with me.”

“Promise?” He drawls, feeling his pants tighten with just the way she talks to him.

“Piano.” She points at him seductively before she makes her way inside.

Jack watches as she half hazardously stacks dishes in the sink and puts dinner in the fridge. He could sense she was anxious to get back to work, being in the trenches of her album recording, the deadline quickly approaching. Ally was a world away until she turns and picks up some muddy shoes from beside the back door, and when she notices him looking blows him a kiss through the glass. 

Jack leans against the railing and lights a cigarette, smoking contently with his eyes closed. For some reason he couldn’t stop thinking about the night he met her. It played like a movie in front of him, and he replayed her every move as he inhaled and exhaled deeply. Nostalgia coursing through his veins.

He recalls the look on Allys face when he peeled that ridiculous taped eyebrow off. The look she had when he’d told her he’d wait for her to get a drink, like nobody had ever waited on her before. Stupid fucking men that came before him. If he made them seem bad there was really something wrong with male species as a whole.

The woman was transparent to a flaw, wore her emotions like clothing and he knows that was what made him fall the first night in. He’d never in his life had someone look at him like she did and then actually understand what she saw.

More time has passed than he originally thought because when he opens his eyes he realizes his smoke is almost gone and all the lights have been turned off inside the house. 

The moment he steps over the threshold a harmony from the front of the house can be heard. Charlie soon ditches him, heading down the hall, no doubt finding his way into bed with one of the kids, and as Jack gets closer he can hear his wife’s voice. She’s singing something about sitting at a bar with high heels on and making love.

He turns his phone on audio record, so they can go back to review, sets it on the top of the piano and the lyrics make him grin.

‘You taste like whiskey when you kiss me oh, I’d give anything again to be your baby doll this time I’m not leaving without you’

‘There’s something, something about this place  
There’s something about the lonely nights and the lipstick on your face  
something about my Arizona boy, yeah something about baby you and I’

“The words are fucking phenomenal it’s the tempo. Needs a lower pitch, deeper sound. Fuck your voice sounds amazing. Raspier the better.”

“You think so?” She asks surprised. 

“Hell yeah. It’s sexy, edgy. Go on do it again from the beginning and when you move to the chorus make it real low. Low but loud.”

So she did, and she doesn’t know why that song flew out of the both of them so effortlessly while others take years to form. The one thing she does know is that no matter what happens between the two of them, no matter how much time passes, she’ll always remember them this way, fitting together seamlessly.

“Alright darlin’ take it off.” Jack slouches into the leather across from where she’s sitting and takes his gray t shirt off, looking expectant. 

“When your done with that...” Jack pats his thighs and then unbuckles his belt while he continues to watch her, his piercing eyes impossible to shy away from.

“Don’t treat me like a stripper.” Ally flips him off as she does exactly what he tells her. 

When she casually sits on his lap facing him, bare naked and running her hands over his hard stomach the man yawns, an actual yawn, lasting longer than she thought possible. Ally pulls away slightly and gives him a baffled look making him laugh and rub his eyes.

“Shut up, I’m tired.” He murmurs, grazing his fingers up her spine and looking down at her chest. 

“My old man is too tired for sex?” She quirks an eyebrow at him but he isn’t looking at her face when he responds.

“Fuck no darlin’. Your old man is just plain tired. My God your fuckin’ beautiful.” His gruff voice makes her stomach fill with butterflies and he leans in to taste her skin.

She moves to undo his pants, his head slowly tipping back to rest on the couch, and when she slides her hand inside she watches as a lazy smile spreads across his relaxed face.

“You know what I love about you not having a full beard?” She whispers into his ear. 

He groans softly, nipping at her shoulder while his palms tightly squeeze her backside.

“Your dimples. Jesus, who the fuck knew Jackson Maine had dimples?” She bites his chin and waits for him to open his eyes.

“Fuck me, I thought you were gunna imply somethin’ else entirely.” He says suggestively while she chews her bottom lip.

“Well...Jackson Maine is pretty good at that. Beard or not.” She says between quick kisses.

“Jackson Maine....” he shakes his head and holds the sides of her face.

“It’s just Jack.” He whispers, grinning as he expertly kisses up her neck and catches her throaty moan with his mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> Keep watch for lots of one chapter fluffs. Can’t get enough of this fandom! Please comment! Haven’t been here in years, so I’m rusty but been anxious to get back, also the formatting is super rough!


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